My aunt, who had a stroke about 3 years ago was recently admitted to the hospital twice because she fell twice. The stroke has left her limited use of her right side and her eyesight is all but gone. While in the hospital the last time, the decision was made that my aunt should stay in a nursing home temporarily. My aunt has family to visit her and do things for her, but there is no one who lives with her.
When my aunt was told that she was going to the nursing home by her doctor, my aunt leaned toward the doctor (she probably couldn't even see her), shook her finger at the woman, and yelled "I'm not going to the nursing home, and you can't make me." She probably said some more stuff, but she never cursed and she certainly didn't put her hands on anyone. (By the way, it was my mom who told me about this story, I live 200 miles away from my family).
My mother, who is my aunt's younger sister, was able to convince my aunt that this would be in her best interest and that she should go. Going to a nursing home temporarily would be must better than continuing to fall around her home. When my mom went to go get the doctor, she refused to talk to my aunt. The doctor was so upset that my aunt had raised her voice and shook her finger that she refused to talk to her anymore. Well, I have read many of you all's stories on this site, and you all have dealt with A LOT more than that, and still did your job. I am not saying that my aunt was right for shaking her finger and raising her voice, but I can understand why she was upset. I think the doctor should have understood too. My aunt is:
1) Being told that she can't live in the home that she has lived in for the last 60 years or more. She went to the hospital and is told she can't go home (even if it is temporary).
2) She is losing even more of her independence than what she already lost.
3) If she goes to a nursing home she is losing more of her privacy.
4) With losing numbers 2 and 3 you also lose at least part of your dignity.
5) Nursing homes are under more laws to be good nursing homes, but nobody still really wants to be there. Things still happen in nursing homes.
6) She has spent the last 50 years being a grown woman and now she has people telling her what she can and cannot do and she can't do anything about it.
I know the nursing home is certainly for her own good, but I understand why she was upset. I just think the doctor was a little thin-skinned. What do you think? Was the doctor right for being so upset that she didn't want to talk to my aunt? Are the doctors you all work with like that?
Thank you for reading and responding. I know this was long.
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
The doctor told my mom she was upset:down:
I slightly misunderstood........ I am not defending the MD but everybody has a bad day.
There are some days as a nurse that it seems no matter what you do to help........it just gets worse and you can't please ANYBODY.....that you can't do anything right.
Then there are days you think "If xyz happends one more time I'm going to scream".
and then there are the days you are just tired of beating your head against a brick wall...
And there is that moment that you know you MUST walk away or you are going to say something you regret :smackingf.
We feel badly when we know we are going to give unpleasant news, you have to have feelig to feel bad. I'll bet the MD made note of it with the nurses that this news was NOT going to go over very well with your Aunt and that maybe she (the MD) really wished she didn't have to have this conversation with your Aunt. KNOWING your Aunt was going to be P.O'd (rightfully so)at the idea of not going home.
If the MD didn't care about your Aunt.....it wouldn't have bothered the MD when your Aunt was upset and yelled. I think maybe the MD felt really bad about talking with your Aunt.......and wanted to wait for both of them to"cool off" before going forward.
MDs don't have time to go in and out and in and out of patient's rooms to discuss things over and over and over again. They've got too many patients to do that. If you get seen more than once a day by the attending service, consider yourself WAY WAY WAY sicker than others in the hospital or lucky. Your aunt was rude. How rude? We don't know, we weren't there. YOU weren't there.
Surprise! Even healthcare professionals aren't going to go out of their way to do more for people treating them badly. And an extra visit to see a patient that the vital information had already been conveyed to? That's extra. If your aunt wanted extra, she shouldn't have been rude.
The doctor was professional and did what needed to be done, and here you are whining that she didn't do extra for your aunt that was rude to the doctor.I applaud this doctor for not rewarding your aunt's behavior with extra visits to the bedside. If more of our fellow healthcare workers would stop oiling the squeaky wheels, maybe patients would figure out that they need to start giving the respect they expect to get back.
"What do you think? Was the doctor right for being so upset that she didn't want to talk to my aunt? Are the doctors you all work with like that?" You asked and I answered yes, and no respectively. Why are you so upset?
I am not upset, but it seems some of you are...but thank you for your comments. And I am not whining, I just asked a question, heaven forbid! I did not condone my aunt's behavior.
i've delayed posting a response, since i didn't want to do so impulsively.
but seriously patient, i find it incredulous that a dr...any dr...would share such personal info w/a pt or family member.
in my yrs of nsg, i have never heard of a dr. expressing discontent to a non-colleague.
and so, i really (really, really!) question the above statement.
When my aunt was told that she was going to the nursing home by her doctor, my aunt leaned toward the doctor (she probably couldn't even see her), shook her finger at the woman, and yelled "I'm not going to the nursing home, and you can't make me." She probably said some more stuff, but she never cursed and she certainly didn't put her hands on anyone. (By the way, it was my mom who told me about this story, I live 200 miles away).
(bolding added)
you stated that your mom sided with the dr.
do you think there's a (huge) possibility that your mom was projecting her feelings onto the dr., and stated the dr. said it...when in actuality, she never said anything of the sort?
again, this is consistent with the above response...that i cannot believe a dr. would say this to pt/family.
how many people do we know, that state, " _____________ said this, and s/he agrees with me" just to get validation?
my instincts are telling me this is a highly biased vent...
and would advise you for next time, to try and be as objective as possible...w/no embellishments.
besides, i am so not understanding why it's important for you to know if the dr. was wrong or not.
not getting it at all...
hoping your aunt adjusts and finds relative happiness.
Ok. :shrug: Post 35 sounds a little hysterical to me given the circumstances, but as there is no way to interpret tone or inflection, much less body language, on the internet, Ill take your word for it.
Specializes in Mental Health, Medical Research, Periop.
i've delayed posting a response, since i didn't want to do so impulsively.
but seriously patient, i find it incredulous that a dr...any dr...would share such personal info w/a pt or family member.
in my yrs of nsg, i have never heard of a dr. expressing discontent to a non-colleague.
and so, i really (really, really!) question the above statement.
(bolding added)
you stated that your mom sided with the dr.
do you think there's a (huge) possibility that your mom was projecting her feelings onto the dr., and stated the dr. said it...when in actuality, she never said anything of the sort?
again, this is consistent with the above response...that i cannot believe a dr. would say this to pt/family.
how many people do we know, that state, " _____________ said this, and s/he agrees with me" just to get validation?
my instincts are telling me this is a highly biased vent...
and would advise you for next time, to try and be as objective as possible...w/no embellishments.
besides, i am so not understanding why it's important for you to know if the dr. was wrong or not.
not getting it at all...
hoping your aunt adjusts and finds relative happiness.
leslie
Yes, that is why I didnt respond after I got validation of what the OP was asking. This is one of those, "You had to be there." posts, the story has probably changed 5 times since we heard it, because technically its all heresay. People view occurrances differently. It may have happened this way with a few tweeks. So I dont see how the OP can get an answer for this question. We are missing aunt's side and doctors side and Im sure all sides are going to be different.
This was an unfortunate set of circumstances that resulted in a surplus of emotion and a shortage of effective communication.
Health care workers don't have to take abuse. But neither do they have to take offense when a vulnerable patient gets upset over distressing news.
The doc may have bowed out of speaking to the patient any further for any number of reasons, one of them being that she didn't want to make things worse.
The bottom line here is that we don't know all that did or didn't take place. The aunt is now in a nursing home, hopefully getting well enough to go home.
I would like to reassure the OP that most of us nurses really do try to connect with our patients, even when they are upset, and the docs I know do the same. That this doesn't always happen (for a variety of reasons) is a sad reality, but not what I would consider the norm.
I think we can all agree on hoping your aunt has the best possible outcome and can recover her strength and peace of mind.
Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN
20,908 Posts
I slightly misunderstood........
I am not defending the MD but everybody has a bad day.
There are some days as a nurse that it seems no matter what you do to help........it just gets worse and you can't please ANYBODY.....that you can't do anything right.
Then there are days you think "If xyz happends one more time I'm going to scream".
and then there are the days you are just tired of beating your head against a brick wall...
And there is that moment that you know you MUST walk away or you are going to say something you regret :smackingf.
We feel badly when we know we are going to give unpleasant news, you have to have feelig to feel bad. I'll bet the MD made note of it with the nurses that this news was NOT going to go over very well with your Aunt and that maybe she (the MD) really wished she didn't have to have this conversation with your Aunt.
KNOWING your Aunt was going to be P.O'd 
(rightfully so)at the idea of not going home.
If the MD didn't care about your Aunt.....it wouldn't have bothered the MD when your Aunt was upset and yelled. I think maybe the MD felt really bad about talking with your Aunt.......and wanted to wait for both of them to"cool off" before going forward.
Just another point of view.....
:twocents: