I had very lax parents myself. I can remember being spanked once in my entire life. I got grounded a few times once I reached high school and for good reasons, but other than that I didn't really receive discipline much from my parents. My husbands family on the other hand is in favor of spanking; at one point I though I was too but am now against it...but still have to stifle laughs when I hear a parent say, "use your words" to a kid throwing a tantrum; maybe because I am yet to see this work.
I am in Community Nursing this semester. The placement I am at has a brochure on why you should not spank. The brochure was very informative on why you should not spank but it lacked any information on alternative ways to correct behavior/discipline. I chose not to had this out because I felt the information was not complete. Not being a parent yet myself, I did not feel equip to give alternatives if asked once the brochure was read and the client found that no alternatives were included.
My husband is a college professor and we frequently have students as dinner guests. Some, on subsequent visits, enjoy helping prepare the meal and one night a boy was pouring vegetables into a serving dish and spilled some onto the counter and floor. He reacted as though he were four or five instead of nineteen. When I said it was no big deal and handed him some wet paper towels to clean it up, he burst into tears -- that 6'4" tall skinny kid who was normally a very self-assured together dean's list premed student -- completely fell apart. I hugged him like the needy child he still was inside. When he was calm again, he told us that he had always been spanked (and still was) for every infraction both big and small. Not beaten -- spanked with both belt and hand. He ate with us frequently and when he left,
knew that there were other ways. Today, he's a second year resident in cardiology, married with a three year old who does not get spanked no matter what she does or does not do.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
spanking debates are always heated......hard and tough subject and so personal for some of us.
As for me, I am anti-spanking, for a very simple reason. It's easy to get out of control, even when intentions are good. Easier than you might think. I grew up in a household where spanking grew to hitting, grew to beating with belts and then tossing down stairs and worse. I do not believe, at the outset, my parents had as their goal, beating their children to submission. But when simple spanking was ineffective, they just "upped the ante" again and again, not realizing how far they would go til it was too late. And the physical punishments were meted to me far into my teen years. Another line you should not cross in my book.
While no one here would intend to do that, it CAN happen, even in "nice" Homes like where I grew up.
I have been there; beyond angry enough to hit my kids, so much so, I saw red literally...... I learned to refrain, separate them and myself physically, if need be, and deal when I was calmer. If a small child needs removal from a hazardous situation, I do it, not just hit them.
I used to spank my teen son when he was little, thinking I was doing right. When he flinched at me as he did wrong, or as my hands passed over his head (and I never hit him there)----- I realized who was really wrong. ME. I stopped that practice then and there, when he was very little. I dont' spank my daughter and I don't like hitting. It only IMO conveys brute authority, not any real reasonable means of asserting it. And I felt hypocritical asking them never to hit others, when I was willing to do it myself. Made no sense to me. It's not nice to hit others, but ok for me to do to you? What????
I grew up like that young man mentioned earlier. When I made a mistake I over-reacted so much people wondered what was wrong with me. I am still always saying "I'm sorry" at the slightest provocation or notion I may be wrong. I had nightmares about my physical punishments that persisted long into adulthood. Years in therapy learning how to deal with anger in a constructive way as I simply had no clue how! The line between good intent and outright abuse is way too thin and far too easy to cross over.
Like I said, I am very simplistic. I really take time to cool off now when angry. Now, if that means deferring punishment even by a day or two, so be it. I am much more effective when calm and collected and not a physical threat to them. And most of all, I do not want my children to FEAR me, but RESPECT me. HUGE difference IMO.
My husband is a college professor and we frequently have students as dinner guests. Some, on subsequent visits, enjoy helping prepare the meal and one night a boy was pouring vegetables into a serving dish and spilled some onto the counter and floor. He reacted as though he were four or five instead of nineteen. When I said it was no big deal and handed him some wet paper towels to clean it up, he burst into tears -- that 6'4" tall skinny kid who was normally a very self-assured together dean's list premed student -- completely fell apart. I hugged him like the needy child he still was inside. When he was calm again, he told us that he had always been spanked (and still was) for every infraction both big and small. Not beaten -- spanked with both belt and hand. He ate with us frequently and when he left,
knew that there were other ways. Today, he's a second year resident in cardiology, married with a three year old who does not get spanked no matter what she does or does not do.
sharpeimom
Deliberately throwing food on the floor is a punishable offense (IMHO), although a beating certainly isn't justified. Accidentally spilling something is not.
I was spanked routinely up until the age of 10 or so, sometimes with objects (wooden spoons, rice paddles, once a plastic clothes hanger). I turned out fine, no residual trauma, psychologically mostly intact.
So I always figured I'd spank my kids. Turns out I couldn't do it (though my wife has no problem with it).
What I have found works really well, probably better than spanking, is exercise. Since the age of 6 or 7, when my daughter screws up, she has to exercise. Small things earn a few pushups and situps. Bigger things get her a run with me.
What I've got right now is an intelligent, respectful 9yo daughter who can run 3 miles. It's great.
What I have found works really well, probably better than spanking, is exercise. Since the age of 6 or 7, when my daughter screws up, she has to exercise. Small things earn a few pushups and situps. Bigger things get her a run with me.
What I've got right now is an intelligent, respectful 9yo daughter who can run 3 miles. It's great.
Physical discipline is not unlawful if reasonable and moderate and inflicted by parent /teacher/guardian for restraint or correction. Presumed unreasonable if the following are used to correct/ restrain: -- Throwing, kicking, burning, cutting, striking with a closed fist, shaking a child under 3, interfering with breathing, threatening with a deadly weapon, any other act likely to cause and which does cause bodily harm greater than transient pain or minor temporary marks. [statute says this list is illustrative and not exclusive]. Age, size,condition of child, and location of injury are all factors in determining "reasonable" and "moderate." 9A.16.100. [Criminal Code]
Here is an article from London, England regarding the underreporting of child abuse. It seems that it may be possible that perpetrators of the abuse were abused and ashamed of it, then went on to do the same thing, and cover it up due to guilt. (my opinion based on many years of study and nursing experience dealing with abused children and adults.
Here is an article from the England, captured by the NIH here, that sites 1:10 people have been abused as children:
"Child maltreatment is common, and for many it is a chronic condition, with repeated and ongoing maltreatment merging into adverse outcomes throughout childhood and into adulthood," Ruth Gilbert of the Institute of Child Health at University College London and Cathy Spatz Widom of City University of New York wrote.
"The burden on the children themselves and on society is substantial."
The definition of abuse was wide-ranging and included punching, hitting, beating, burning, rape, exposure to Mediaography as well as neglect and emotional abuse such as making a child feel worthless or unwanted.
Parents account for most types of maltreatment except for sexual abuse, which is usually committed by other family members or an acquaintance, researchers said.
"How frequently this abuse occurs is underestimated by official reports because recording of more than one type of maltreatment is often discouraged by child-protection agencies and official reports often do not capture the chronology of exposure over time
"Child maltreatment is common, and for many it is a chronic condition, with repeated and ongoing maltreatment merging into adverse outcomes throughout childhood and into adulthood," Ruth Gilbert of the Institute of Child Health at University College London and Cathy Spatz Widom of City University of New York wrote.
"The burden on the children themselves and on society is substantial."
The definition of abuse was wide-ranging and included punching, hitting, beating, burning, rape, exposure to Mediaography as well as neglect and emotional abuse such as making a child feel worthless or unwanted.
Parents account for most types of maltreatment except for sexual abuse, which is usually committed by other family members or an acquaintance, researchers said.
"How frequently this abuse occurs is underestimated by official reports because recording of more than one type of maltreatment is often discouraged by child-protection agencies and official reports often do not capture the chronology of exposure over time
Your post is the good news and the bad news. The resilience of humans is huge, although adaptation to aberrant behavior creates gltches in our health, all the time. Look at the amazing increases in autoimmune diseases, known to have arisen from stressors....... asthma, diabetes, lupus, multiple sclerosis, to name just a few. :argue:
Your post is the good news and the bad news. The resilience of humans is huge, although adaptation to aberrant behavior creates gltches in our health, all the time. Look at the amazing increases in autoimmune diseases, known to have arisen from stressors....... asthma, diabetes, lupus, multiple sclerosis, to name just a few. :argue:
If you mean well by your thread, then look up autoimmune diseases. If you doubt that spanking raises stress levels, just look at childrens' reactions to that abuse.
It would be interesting to see a study done on the incidence of autoimmune diseases among spanked/abused adults, and those who were not physically disciplined as children.
If you mean well by your thread, then look up autoimmune diseases. If you doubt that spanking raises stress levels, just look at childrens' reactions to that abuse.
It would be interesting to see a study done on the incidence of autoimmune diseases among spanked/abused adults, and those who were not physically disciplined as children.
Please, school raises stress levels. So do bullies and tests.
sharpeimom
2,452 Posts
My husband is a college professor and we frequently have students as dinner guests. Some, on subsequent visits, enjoy helping prepare the meal and one night a boy was pouring vegetables into a serving dish and spilled some onto the counter and floor. He reacted as though he were four or five instead of nineteen. When I said it was no big deal and handed him some wet paper towels to clean it up, he burst into tears -- that 6'4" tall skinny kid who was normally a very self-assured together dean's list premed student -- completely fell apart. I hugged him like the needy child he still was inside. When he was calm again, he told us that he had always been spanked (and still was) for every infraction both big and small. Not beaten -- spanked with both belt and hand. He ate with us frequently and when he left,
knew that there were other ways. Today, he's a second year resident in cardiology, married with a three year old who does not get spanked no matter what she does or does not do.
sharpeimom