I had very lax parents myself. I can remember being spanked once in my entire life. I got grounded a few times once I reached high school and for good reasons, but other than that I didn't really receive discipline much from my parents. My husbands family on the other hand is in favor of spanking; at one point I though I was too but am now against it...but still have to stifle laughs when I hear a parent say, "use your words" to a kid throwing a tantrum; maybe because I am yet to see this work.
I am in Community Nursing this semester. The placement I am at has a brochure on why you should not spank. The brochure was very informative on why you should not spank but it lacked any information on alternative ways to correct behavior/discipline. I chose not to had this out because I felt the information was not complete. Not being a parent yet myself, I did not feel equip to give alternatives if asked once the brochure was read and the client found that no alternatives were included.
My niece's attitude has totally changed since she moved in with us...she's lived here about a year and a half, and has gone from failing school to A/B Honor Roll, being VERY good in volleyball, taking violin lessons, and raising a rabbit for 4-H. As I said earlier, I am more apt to send her to her room to think about what she did and then discuss it with her, depending on the crime...taking away her things works for us much better than spanking ever could, IMO...if she were a different child, or under different circumstances, spanking would be part of our repetoire, but we don't feel it's needed or warranted with her (plus she's 13, and really once they are 6 or 7 you can reason with them and don't need to do that).
Her mother was brutal with her. Her idea of spanking her was to make her lie face down on a bed with her hands and feet tucked in, and then she would take a belt and beat her from her back to her ankles. She was also locked in her room for hours to try to do homework she didn't understand, and if she tried to come out to ask for help, she was punished. She also witnessed many a drunken party and brawl.
She's a great kid, and hopefully she'll continue on the path she's going now...only time will tell...but I don't think that spanking is appropriate for her. I personally don't have a problem with spanking (NOT beating, but a swat on the butt every once in awhile for a YOUNG child), but punishment is as individual as your kid.
Her mother was brutal with her. Her idea of spanking her was to make her lie face down on a bed with her hands and feet tucked in, and then she would take a belt and beat her from her back to her ankles. She was also locked in her room for hours to try to do homework she didn't understand, and if she tried to come out to ask for help, she was punished. She also witnessed many a drunken party and brawl.
My mother, grandmother, aunts and I have discussed this very issue at length. Being that I am not a mother, I am cannot say that I have any personal experience, but here's what the women in my family have said on the subject:
Apparently, I was a MONSTER child, a very rebellious toddler, and spankings sometimes proved to be the only way to get the message across that my actions/behavior was unacceptable.
Time outs, having rules and sticking by them (parents that don't follow through on consequences often end up powerless), and the occasional spanking are all ways my family has dealt with children.
My family tends to hold the position that today's youth/children are so wild, mouthy, disrespectful, etc because of the lack of consequences and discipline in the home. The current trend is that the adults are allowing their children to be the authority in the home.
My grandma who day homed for 20+ years used the following methods (with infants, toddlers, etc)
1) Use of "quiet time" and naps in the afternoon
2) Being put in isolation (ex. a play pen down the hall, not with the door locked but away from immediate action) for a few minutes. She said that many children seem to respond to this, because they think they are missing out on something.
3) Time out (in a corner, or high chair)
4) Swatting on the bum if the child becomes very beliggerant or aggressive
i have to say, i have spanked my kids (now 16 & 18) maybe 1 or 2 times! they didnt respond to that! they laughed!
i tried more extreme methods-
#1- we called it amish living, we turned off the breaker in their rooms- no electric no tv no video no computer.......... depending on their behavior is how long we left it off, we bought them clocks w/ batteries for the wake up, they had to go to their rooms after homework / chores/ showers/dinners etc.. so when it got dark out , they couldnt do anything but go to sleep! let me tell you , we only had about 5 days total in 6 yrs of amish living! it works!!! but you have to be strong!!!
#2- take things that they hold dear- like if they slam the door, take the door off the hinges!! if they ignore you when they are playing video games- take the video game machine- if they are doing poorly in school, set rules to make them do 1-2 hrs of homework after school & no extra activites until homework is checked by you!
#3- no extra activities- no mall, no sports, no friends over, no sleeping over...
i couldnt raise a child now a days!!!!
jmho....but kids these days are overindulged. my children do not and will never have a television or a computer in their room.
also, i just took the door off the hinges 2 weeks ago---my 4 year old slammed it once, i gave a warning, he slammed it again, and upstairs i came with drill in hand. he didn't care too much for that--even at age 4. it works!!!!
Everyone is different with rules and different with discipline.
In response to the parents who feel kids can run in the house.
Great for you. I do not allow it. We wrestle and do other things. We do not run for reasons of our own. They can run outside and we have a big backyard for that.
SOmetimes my kids get away with it and sometimes when asked to stop and they do not then punishment begins. It all depends on how it goes down.
My 21 month old just broke his nose last Friday--he was running and dove head first into a chair. He also has quite a fat lip. With 2 boys age 4 and under, no running in the house is an impossible rule for us. I believe in pick your battles, and if I tried to stop their running, they would be in trouble for most of the day. They are allowed to run and jump and dance WITHIN reason--no objects in hands, not on tile, etc.---I am always within arm's reach, but even so, I can't always prevent accidents.
I think like others have said, it all depends on your household, and yours and your children's personalities. My youngest (the one who broke his nose) is a very rambunctious, active child. It's part of his personality--VERY different from my 4 year old. I just do my best to remove obstacles, make the environment as safe as possible (for example, I had to raise the light over our kitchen table b/c he was literally standing on the table swinging from it, I have bolted all dressers, bookcases to the walls, etc.) I am a little stricter than some parents, but I know at this age (toddler-hood), I just have to keep redirecting, redirecting, redirecting. He smiles if I try to spank him. So different from my older son, with whom I can reason!
that isn't scripture; it's samuel taylor coleridge.
in regards to the post i made re: "spare the rod, spoil the child"
i knew the bible said something about the "rod." never heard of samuel taylor, but i found the exact scripture i was thinking of. thank you for the correction though.
"he who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (proverbs 13:24)
in regards to the post i made re: "spare the rod, spoil the child"
i knew the bible said something about the "rod." never heard of samuel taylor, but i found the exact scripture i was thinking of. thank you for the correction though.
"he who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (proverbs 13:24)
years ago i read a book by phillip keller called "a shepherd looks at psalm 23". granted, it isn't about this particular passage, but i remember him describing a shepherd's rod as an instrument to drive away enemies. it was occasionally thrown at a sheep that may be wandering away into a dangerous area, and was also used to count and inspect sheep (as in "passing under the rod"). keller believes the rod to be figurative for the written word of god, basically, the bible itself.
the rod was a symbol of a shepherd's authority and protection over the sheep. this is part of why it is said, "thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me". the word comfort is an interesting choice, indicating fear and pain aren't really a part of the picture.
even if you are going to use this passage as an illustration of discipline, most people still acknowledge it as figurative. it certainly isn't a literal description of our modern idea of spanking. few people actually try to explore the original meaning of the word.
It really does work LOL...I mentioned earlier in another post about when my niece stomped off and slammed her door...I merely threatened to do it if she slammed the door again...no door slamming has occurred since...but she's 13...I'm just giving it time (and my drill is ready! LOL)
Poor baby.
EarthChild1130
576 Posts
My niece's attitude has totally changed since she moved in with us...she's lived here about a year and a half, and has gone from failing school to A/B Honor Roll, being VERY good in volleyball, taking violin lessons, and raising a rabbit for 4-H. As I said earlier, I am more apt to send her to her room to think about what she did and then discuss it with her, depending on the crime...taking away her things works for us much better than spanking ever could, IMO...if she were a different child, or under different circumstances, spanking would be part of our repetoire, but we don't feel it's needed or warranted with her (plus she's 13, and really once they are 6 or 7 you can reason with them and don't need to do that).
Her mother was brutal with her. Her idea of spanking her was to make her lie face down on a bed with her hands and feet tucked in, and then she would take a belt and beat her from her back to her ankles. She was also locked in her room for hours to try to do homework she didn't understand, and if she tried to come out to ask for help, she was punished. She also witnessed many a drunken party and brawl.
She's a great kid, and hopefully she'll continue on the path she's going now...only time will tell...but I don't think that spanking is appropriate for her. I personally don't have a problem with spanking (NOT beating, but a swat on the butt every once in awhile for a YOUNG child), but punishment is as individual as your kid.