Advice anyone...PLEASE?

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I am starting school for nursing this year. Sounds normal right? Well I'm a little different from the traditional right out of high school college student. I dropped out of school when I was 16 (beginning of 10th grade). I am the 18 year old mother of a beautiful healthy 2 year old daughter named Atira (born at 24 weeks gestational age - why I want to be a nurse). I made the decision to go college mostly to better life for my daughter - provide her with the things that I never had. It's something that I've dreamed about since the day she was born but now that I've finally taken the steps necessary to enter college (which by the way would've been way easier if I stayed in school - stupid me! but you do what you gotta do I guess) I'm scared. My schedule as it stands is 10 hour days, 3 days a week (school) and 12 hour days, 3 more days a week (work). That leaves me with one day with her and to myself. Not a single hour of a single day can be sacraficed. I need to work to support myself and my daughter and I need to go to school to be the best provider I can be. I certainly don't want the next couple of years to compromise my relationship with my daughter but I feel I need to do this for her and myself. I refuse to be a "typical teenage parent" stuck in the rut of welfare and living off other people. I want to prove I can do it to all those who said I couldn't, to myself, and I want to give a special HA HA! to all those rude people who stared, whispered, and made rude remarks about the "baby having a baby." Any advice anyone? I feel as though I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place!

Specializes in OB L&D Mother/Baby.

Hey there... I want you to know that what you are doing can and will happen for you. It will be hard work and maybe not fun but you can do it.

I got pregnant my freshman year of college. I delivered my baby the first week of my sophomore year of college. That summer I decided to go to the local community college. I got an apartment, some student loans and did the best that I could to work about 20 hrs a week. My baby's father was a loser and went to prison shortly after his birth so he was no help financially or in any other way... My mother helped me with babysitting that first year. After that I had to put him in daycare which was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I hated it but knew that it was only for two short years and then I could be self sufficient. I hated that I didn't have a job that could really support us, that I had no insurance etc... I was determined to get myself out of the place that I was. I graduated on time from college although so many people told me to take off a year or two and just work til I got on my feet.

I met my husband in a clinical rotation at the local hospital. We dated for two years and then were married. I worked full time until we had our second baby when my oldest was 4:) Now I am budgeted for one twelve hour shift (I no longer need the benefits as I get them thru my husband) a week and LOVE to be able to provide for my family as well as be there for them. I love that my kids are raised by their parents. I love that I am a nurse, that I can care for people and get paid well to do it. My point is that I have done it, many of the women that I know have done it. Do the best you can, if you want it to work it will.

One more note here... I find it really hard to believe that any man cannot work at least part time. That is a BIG red flag for me. You have to make you and baby number one...

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Specializes in Rodeo Nursing (Neuro).

IMHO, the key to nursing school is marshalling your resources. Resources are time, money, sleep, health--anything you have to have to accomplish your goal. You'll be spending a lot of all of these, so try not to waste any of them. Keep in mind, though, that conserving your health may mean choosing sleep over more studying, or taking an hour to just sit on the couch with your loved ones and stare at the tv. Bear in mind, though, to make the most of your downtime, because you won't have much.

In much the same spirit, don't be shy about accepting any help you can get. If your family or your child's father can watch the kid for you, let them. If friends or family offer you money, take it. Don't forget to look into student loans. I'm paying back 175 bucks a month, and I don't even miss it, but having some money in the bank when my car broke down was a lifesaver.

Prepare yourself, and others, that you won't have as much time for your loved ones, including your daughter, as you would like. It's hard, but it's temporary. I don't think you mentioned whether you're starting an ASN or BSN program. I happen to think an ASN is ideal for someone in your position, but others have completed 4-yr programs with the same hurdles.

Find yourself a study group, with people as serious as you are. It's a great help with studying, and they'll be an important source of emotional support when you feel like quitting. You will feel like quitting.

Encourage your study buddies when they feel like quitting. Don't be afraid to go to your instructors if you're having trouble.

I was talking to a more experienced nurse, the other night, and she was telling me about a new nurse she was orienting who wasn't really the sharpest tool in the shed and didn't have the most dazzling skills, but she showed up on time every day and worked like a dog the whole shift, and what the experienced nurse said was, "I can teach everything but work ethic. If they don't have a strong work ethic, they'll never be a good nurse, but if they have a strong work ethic, the rest will come with practice." That attitude, it appears to me, is pretty typical of nurses who've been doing this awhile, and it will apply in school as well. Nurses have all the same frailties as everyone else, but successful nurses are the ones who can take a deep breath, pitch in and do what needs to be done.

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Specializes in Psych, Med/Surg, Home Health, Oncology.

I just wanted to wish you all the best!!

You can do it--I know you can. Anyone who wants this bad enough can get it.

I have worked with so many people over the years with similar stories to yours and they have made it.

I think what it takes to make it, is to want it bad enough!!

It sounds like you do!!

I hope that through your journey, you'll let us know how you're doing.

I have found that the folks on this board can also be a lot of support when you need us, so let us know & we'll be there for you!!

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Specializes in ED.

Anyone with the drive and motivation no matter what the situation can make it through nursing school. When I started I had three babies (the oldest was 1 1/2, the twins were 5 months old). I was told by many people that it couldn't be done but here I am just the same. There are a lot of people who will tell you that you can't just because they are afraid to do things like you are attempting to do, so they try to bring you down.

Just think of when your child is a teenager, you can tell her from very personal experience of just how much she can accomplish.

As far as the not spending time with your child, you will have time outside of school to do that. There will probably be hours in between classes that you can do your studying that will leave you time afterwards to spend with her. Its the quality of the time you share together, not the quantity.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

You will be such an inspiration to your daughter. She will stand tall that she can do for herself and doesn't have to depend on a man. Yes, it is going to be very tough. However, you can do it. Just keep your eye on the end goal. Your parents must be so very proud of you!

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Specializes in cardiac/critical care/ informatics.

I think you are doing the right thing! Just do it, it can be done. Good Luck!

I did the same thing well not quite. I was also a high school drop out. but i didn't go back to school until i was 25, i went to school full time and worked 2-3 part-time jobs. Some days I would be at school all day then work. I was married and we communicated with a note book on the kitchen table. I didn't have a little one and that would make it harder, but if you have a support system it would be a bit easier. Good Luck.

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Specializes in Emergency.

It sounds like you have the motivation to succeed. There's a lot of good advice above about resource management. Bookmark this thread and any time you might be feeling down, just bring it back up to remind yourself that there's an entire community on your side. Go git 'em.

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Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

Don't be afraid to accept whatever offers of help come your way, be it from your family, friends or your girl's father. You've already got a lot to deal with being a young mother, and you'll have a lot more ahead to deal with in nursing school, so take whatever help you're offered with a smile and a thank you". Now is not the time to be so proud that you refuse all assistance :)

Best of luck to you and your family--if you really want to do this, you will find a way!

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Specializes in Med-Surg/Tele, ER.

Jessica - I wish you all the best in your endeavor. If you are determined, you can accomplish anything. Really.

For what it's worth - I quit high school at 16 as well, got my GED the same month/year I was supposed to graduate, meandered around the college system for years before I found nursing. I was 23 when I started my pre-req year (I did a year of just pre-reqs prior to nursing school), and I graduated in May at 26. My family was always the driving force while I was in school, I had to succeed for them and for me. I also worked through nursing school, and man was it tough! But, it is doable, especially if you are determined.

I think the key thing is to have a support network - be it family or friends or both. People that will help you with childcare, people you can vent to, etc. I would not have made it through nursing school if not for my Mom and my sister. Find other people in your class with kids and trade childcare so both parties have an opportunity to study. Be creative, and you can make it work. :)

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Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.

jessicamarie. . .i think you said it the best yourself, "you do what you gotta do". welcome to the world of adulthood and responsibility. my father sometimes worked three jobs to make sure there was food and money. we never got to see him much and my mother was always telling us not to make noise when we were playing because he was sleeping during the day in order to work the night shift at the steel mill. but, we had cats, dogs, ponies, books to read, a tv to watch, we were all chubby little kids because we were fed good and had a good life. the best thing you can do for your daughter is to let her see you making a better life for you and her. children of parents who are students usually become good, if not superior, students themselves, especially if you involve them with some of the simple tasks of your studying. don't confuse quantity of time with quality time. the two are very different. spending a lot of time with someone doesn't mean a lot if there isn't much quality going on during the time together.

just about everyone i've ever talked to about nursing was scared to start the road to nursing school. it is because of the fear of the unknown. you are not alone in this feeling. the question is, do you have the strength to face your fears?

i invite you to check out the pre-nursing student forum on allnurses. you can link into it by clicking on the "students" tab at the top of this page. you will find thread after thread where people talk about this same worry and fear. some will have dropped out of school like you and decided to go back. some, you will find, were much older than you when they finally got onto the nursing career track. i, myself, didn't go to nursing school until i was 24. my mother went to lvn school when she was 51! so, by a lot of standards, you're a real youngster.

just wanted to add something personal that i've come to learn over a long lifetime. you have to let the resentment toward people who stared, whispered, and made rude remarks about the "baby having a baby." go. that kind of thinking only keeps the resentment alive in you and that is not healthy. let it drop and move on with your life. you will have a very unique perspective on this kind of situation. one day you will possibly find yourself face to face with another young lady in the same position. you, however, will interact with this young lady much differently, won't you? how fortunate for that young lady. and, that, dear heart, is the positive way you should want your experience to affect you. it was just a little detour on your road of life. like all of us, you are learning to cope with what life throws at you. i am a big believer that everything happens for a reason. there is a reason you were chosen to be atira's mother. today's problems become lessons that we carry with us to help ourselves and others live better lives in the future. nurses are in a unique position in that we have many more opportunities to share the wisdom that we have learned with our patients. so, hold your head high and move forward and don't give the rude people a second thought. they have their own life journey to worry about. as you can see, i have a very spiritualist view of life and the profession of nursing.

good luck with your endeavors. hope to see you on the student forums. you will find lots of support and help with your class work on the student forums. all of us nurses have been through the nursing school experience that you are just starting so we know what you are getting in to. check out the sticky threads of each forum.

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It won't. I am married, however, my husband is gone Sunday evenings through Friday evenings...so I have my 3-year-old twins in daycare while I attend school. My husband's schedule is necessary for us to sustain enough income so I can focus on school and not work. Once I graduate and start working, he can work hours to be home.

Until then, I'm mostly on-my-own. Our money is incredibly tight...we lost my income and then added daycare. Our agreement is if he worked that crazy schedule, he wants to come home and focus on family...that menas I have to make sure the yard is done, the bills are paid, groceries are in and the house is clean. We only eat-out on Tuesday's because Pizza Hut has buy one-get one free and Subway has the same on foot-longs.

I ran this by a few friends and here is what they had to say: Your child will need you MORE as they get older.

At this young age, my kids could care less who they are with...as long as Spongebob is nearby, and there is something fun to do. We have a close friend that they ADORE, and when she is around...I can't get the kids to come anywhere near me. She is all about fun. Same thing with daycare...they both cry a river if we have to skip a day for some reason.

At night is when I make it up. After dinner, we have our bathtime, and I make a really big deal of it with bubbles, soap crayons, etc. We get all lotioned up, put on our nightclothes, and then we watch the Good-night show on Sprout with fruit and milk and then they both cuddle with me in bed while I either read a story or tell them one, and then we talk about the story. It's my FAVORITE time of the day.

When I pick them up...I KNOW it's working, because they run across the playground screaming, "Mommy!" and they jump up and give me the biggest hug! The workers say they are the only kids that seem that enthusiastic about seeing Mom.

As long as you are ALWAYS there for her when you have time, your relationship will be fine.

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I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack! Haha!

Thanks everyone ... here's my 3 year update.

Because of my dropping out of high school things are taking a little longer than expected. I started school in the fall of 07 but didn't bother applying to the nursing program because the nursing faculty had nothing to look at other than I was a high school drop out. In the fall of 08 I applied to the nursing program and was accepted but this still meant that I couldn't start the nursing program until fall 09 (current school year). The first two years I worked about 30 hours a week and slowly cut back but now the company I was working for closed so I'm not working at all. I have recieved scholarships based on academic achievement and state and federal grants which cover all but $15 of my tuition (crazy right? guess hard work pays off). I finished my first semester of nursing courses with an A- and a B+. I just had my first OB exam and got a 98%. I took an NCLEX style exam last semester and scored in the 94th percentile nationally. My daughter is doing well and has adjusted well to daycare. She is starting kindergarten in the fall and is very excited. She'll be graduating kindergarten at the same time I'm graduating college! I've also had time to work on my prereqs for my BSN and can finish that the year after I graduate with my ASN. I love what I'm learning and hope to get into graduate school at some point and perhaps get into nursing education!

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