Advice anyone...PLEASE?

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I am starting school for nursing this year. Sounds normal right? Well I'm a little different from the traditional right out of high school college student. I dropped out of school when I was 16 (beginning of 10th grade). I am the 18 year old mother of a beautiful healthy 2 year old daughter named Atira (born at 24 weeks gestational age - why I want to be a nurse). I made the decision to go college mostly to better life for my daughter - provide her with the things that I never had. It's something that I've dreamed about since the day she was born but now that I've finally taken the steps necessary to enter college (which by the way would've been way easier if I stayed in school - stupid me! but you do what you gotta do I guess) I'm scared. My schedule as it stands is 10 hour days, 3 days a week (school) and 12 hour days, 3 more days a week (work). That leaves me with one day with her and to myself. Not a single hour of a single day can be sacraficed. I need to work to support myself and my daughter and I need to go to school to be the best provider I can be. I certainly don't want the next couple of years to compromise my relationship with my daughter but I feel I need to do this for her and myself. I refuse to be a "typical teenage parent" stuck in the rut of welfare and living off other people. I want to prove I can do it to all those who said I couldn't, to myself, and I want to give a special HA HA! to all those rude people who stared, whispered, and made rude remarks about the "baby having a baby." Any advice anyone? I feel as though I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place!

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

I have no advice, as I have never been in your situation.

However, I simply wanted to wish you the very best of luck! :)

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If you can dream it, you can do it. Eliminate the negative from your life, and focus on what you have control over. I would say good luck, but I honestly believe that luck will have little to do with your imminent success! You go, girl!!

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You may have done things differently than others did, but that shouldn't stop you from achieving your goals. I know from your post that you won't become one of "those teen parents." Life may be hard because of the choices you've made, but that doesn't mean that you and your daughter don't deserve a good future. I was a single mother at the age of 19 and I know that it is hard. I however didn't go back to school until I was 25. I had no idea what help was out there for me and the help that I did know about I didn't accept because I was too proud. You will qualify for a ton of help for school such as the Pell grant. Try not to be too proud and accept some of the help that's out there. You are only accepting help so that you can better yourself for your daughter and that DOESN'T make you one of "those teen parents" because you are doing something to better your life. Sometimes that requires accepting help when we really would rather not. If you need to talk about things you can send me an email. I know that if I could do it, YOU can too! Have faith and trust in the Lord!

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Specializes in CVICU-ICU.

I also have no real advice other than to say you are right when you say you do what you have to do. I am very sure you will have some trying times ahead of you however if you keep the attitude you have now I am sure you will get thru it...just remember sarafice for the next few years will seem worth it when you have provided a stable environment for your daughter in the long run.

I do have to say I commend you and your attitude for being able to know what you want and go after it instead of giving into the people that have said you couldnt do it. There are alot of people in this world that believe the "system" owes them and they accept no responsibility to do what they can and lack the desire and motivation to better themselves because it is difficult to do.

I wish you the best of luck but somehow I have a feeling just from reading the little bit you wrote that you are going to do wonderfully.

You didnt mention if the father was in the picture however if he is then I'd attempt to rely on him to help out. If he's not active or interested in helping raise the child I would at least make him be fiancinally responsible for his part of the child's needs.

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Specializes in Ortho, Neuro, Detox, Tele.

Keep the end goal in sight, but celebrate every milestone you accomplish (that goes for your Daughter too!)

Just keep the positive energy up, and you can always find support here! Good luck girlfriend!

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Thank you guys so much for the positive feedback. My daughter's father is in her life, physically and emotionally a good father. Don't get me wrong he has strayed and I have had some tough times on my own but without him I have strived to keep a steady job, start my education, and move out of my mom's house when I was 17. He's currently here now and doing good but I wish he was a little more help financially. I have basically supported him and my daughter for a combined total of probably one year. It's not easy and sometimes I wonder if we're only together because of our daughter - we both have mentioned it - but you have to take life as it comes. Whatever happens happens - I plan to be thankful for the good and try to better the worse. Through the support of my family I've been able to accomplish alot so far and will continue to do so - I BELIEVE I WILL AMAZE MYSELF AND, EVEN MORE, ALL WHO JUDGE!

Thanks again everyone!

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Specializes in Orthosurgery, Rehab, Homecare.

You go girl, it can be done. Your situation is very similar to a friend of mine's except she finished highschool at the "alternative" highschool (after having the baby). She did it and so can you. No one is gonna tell you it will be easy, but I will tell you it's possible. Good Luck in this and everything to come. Keep on keepin' on.

~Jen

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Specializes in CVICU-ICU.

Im glad to hear that the father is in the picture.....as long as he is a good father he has the potential to be a great help to you by providing the emotional and physical needs of your daughter however a word of advice........insist he do his best to help out fiancinally also. There is absolutely no reason he should not pull his weight fiancinally also. I would not support him and I know every situation is different and people might not agree with my logic however I do not believe any woman should support a man (or vice versa). Its one thing if a husband or wife is supporting the other because they are going to school or staying home and raising the children but to have it be only because they refuse to work in order to pull their weight is totally different. I know I have major issues when it comes to people using other people for their own gains.

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Specializes in Tele, Med-Surg, MICU.

Too many people fail out of nursing school by working too much.

Single moms I know who suceeded lived with their parents (free or reduced rent). Their parents helped with day care and some got a state subsidy for daycare while working part time. I took out a private loan for living expenses so I could focus on my studies and my kids.

Married / partnered moms the same, their husbands helped out with childcare and provided most of the living expenses, these moms needed loans too.

People I knew who graduated working full time had NO KIDS, and they had a hard time keeping up and staying sane.

If nursing means a lot to you my advice is to figure out a way to be able to work less than 20 hours a week. You need the time to study. You need the time to be a parent to your beautiful daughter.

Best of luck to you!

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Many, many people have walked this road before you and have achieved their goals. You can, too.

I will advise this: line up at least one back-up babysitter. 2 or 3 would be better.

Make peace with having a semi-dirty house. Your sleep, your studies, your dtr - all of these come first.

If your parents, siblings, friends, neighbors are availabe and willing to help, graciously accept their help. You will need it and can always return the favor.

I hope you have applied for scholarships to help ease your load as much as possible. If not, do it now.

You don't have to get A's. Your employer in the future will care only that you pass NCLEX, not that you had a certain GPA. Scholarships might care but employers won't.

Best wishes to you. Try to enjoy the process and be sure to have some fun along the way.

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Thank you guys so much for the positive feedback. My daughter's father is in her life, physically and emotionally a good father. Don't get me wrong he has strayed and I have had some tough times on my own but without him I have strived to keep a steady job, start my education, and move out of my mom's house when I was 17. He's currently here now and doing good but I wish he was a little more help financially. I have basically supported him and my daughter for a combined total of probably one year. It's not easy and sometimes I wonder if we're only together because of our daughter - we both have mentioned it - but you have to take life as it comes. Whatever happens happens - I plan to be thankful for the good and try to better the worse. Through the support of my family I've been able to accomplish alot so far and will continue to do so - I BELIEVE I WILL AMAZE MYSELF AND, EVEN MORE, ALL WHO JUDGE!

Thanks again everyone!

Why are you supporting him? This is not right, unless he is sick and can't work. What does he do?

I don't think you should drive him from your life if he refuses to work because your dtr does need her Dad. However, if he is not helping support her and, old-fashioned me, also you, he needs to be Mr. Mom and be the homemaker. He must cook, clean, shop, take her to her appointments, wash clothes, and do the child care -plus the millions of other things it takes to stay alive - everything you would do if you were home full-time. This is no joke. Try not to fight with him and learn early to just gently ask that he do stuff and I hope he develops the habit of doing it on his own once he knows it needs doing.

P.S. You might want to move back with your Mom if she is willing and able to have you and baby. If she can help you over these next few years, it will save you money and stress, aggravation, worry, etc. re: child care.

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