I have two job offers: one is at a world-reknowned hospital in the ED and the other at a nice university hospital in medical telemetry. I worked for 2 years in telemetry as a new grad, but I always knew I wanted something more exciting and challenging, like ED or ICU. Eventually I'd like to go back to school for Acute Care NP.
Although the ED job is a dream come true, it will directly affect my family in a hard way. I have a young infant and a sweet though clueless husband (let's face it, he needs me). It will be very difficult for us because the job is for evening/nights rotating shifts, not to mention every other weekend and on-call. Much of the baby responsibilities will fall on my husband. If I take this job, I will be making it hard for him, my baby, and even my mom who has been outspoken against it from the beginning. *However*, I will have immense personal fulfillment in knowing that I am working in an area I've always wanted to and at one of the best hospitals in the world.
Or, I can work day shift in telemetry, and make everyone happy but me. Ok, that's not entirely true---if my family is happy then I'm happy, and also I hated working nights. But it's just a so-so job. It's not a wow-zer on my resume for when I want to go back to school. It pays a lot less too.
Specializes in LTC, Disease Management, smoking Cessati.
Make your family Happy now as the child grows up you can then move your career forward. They are only little once, you chose family, now be a family. The baby will be in school before you know it and you can then climb that ladder with less concern.
My advice is that you should do what will bring YOU the most happiness. Everyone elses happiness is not your responsibility.....
Have to disagree with you on this one, friend...once you decide to have a baby your needs/wants/desires become secondary to that of the child's.
OP:
Sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the sake of the family as a whole. If it falls on you to make the sacrifice at this time you can choose to be resentful of it or you can choose to look at it as a season in your life that will end sooner than you think. It's highly unlikely that you will never have an opportunity to work in the ER again. Believe me, those jobs come up quite frequently. While I completely agree that child-rearing is a shared responsibility your husband is currently undertaking an extremely difficult and time-consuming educational path. He may not be the best choice as primary care-giver at this time although he can certainly pull his own weight.
I have a similar situation with yours but my babies are now 2 and 3, I put my faith in my husband who wanted me to take a day job even though my heart was in another. I took the other job and left my children in the care of their father. He did a fantastic job and the bond my kids have with their daddy is amazing. When they are sick instead of mommy they want daddy (makes me a bit jeleous) but hey I make all the money and thus bring home suprises and get delighted squeels when I walk in the door after a ****** day making everything better!
My advice go for the one you really want your baby will be fine with hubby!
So what kind of a job is this that your husband would be responsible for all of that 7 days a week?? Surely you have some time off in there. Are you sure this isn't about you feeling guilty about not being there to do this for you child?
When people with high career aspirations (medical school/NP school) choose to have a child before those aspirations are met, then you face hard decisions. Sometimes your goals are delayed. Sometimes time with children is sacrificed. Do what is best for your family right now (whichever answer that may be) and then proceed with that choice without guilt.
We don't know your family dynamic. If it is really passive-aggressive, as in they tell you one thing then lay guilt trips after you make that decision, then consider that. If they are truly supportive and willing to make it work, consider that too.
Depending on the hours, you can do morning baby care and he can do evenings I work 2nd shift and it works well for the kids since they have both parents. They do have a 2 hour "lay over" at a sitter's house, but they love the other kids and like visiting them.
Spouse-time? That's a little harder, but not impossible.
I think this little detail changes the picture dramatically. I think you should do what you can to support your husband successfully completing med school. If you didn't have an infant, I'd say do what you want, but I think that sometimes we do have to set aside our own personal desires when we have children to raise.
I don't subscribe to outmoded thinking about gender roles and parenting, but I do think that it's often unrealistic to split responsibilities 50/50, and this causes tension and strain in relationships. I also believe that it's the level of attachment and stability in the first few years of life that impact the person for the rest of their life, forming their lifelong emotional and behavioral patterns.
What if you looked at where you are now as a temporary chapter in your overall life? Maybe taking that less exciting, less fulfilling but more practical job is just where you need to be right now, but not forever. Someday, your husband will be out of med school and your child will be older.
As others mentioned, there will be other opportunities to work in the ED.
Ultimately it's your decision, I can only tell you what I think. Whatever you decide, best wishes.
I think that you should put your family first and not yourself at this point in your life and take the telemetry job. Remember, i think others come first then yourself. Just my 2 cents. You can always do it later.
Well, with the whole med-school thing, what year is he? MD/DO? Does he actually go to class (M1/M2)? Is he close to residency? There's a lot of questions here that could influence the decision.
If he's willing to go for it, I'd give it a "trial run". Give him the responsibilities he would have and see how well he can handle it with school. :)
roser13, ASN, RN
6,504 Posts
Oh wow - I just saw that your husband's in medical school. That really complicates the issue, doesn't it?