Accepted into program...needing advice.

SycamoreGuy · Nov 14, 2012

Would it be possible for you to rent a small apartment or maybe a room so that your husband wouldn't have to move (the gas money alone might be enough to offset the cost of renting a room) and you could go home on the weekends.

Bouncyball · Nov 14, 2012

If I was in your situation I would go for it. It makes more sense to go the direct route and get your bsn, especially because you we're already accepted.

Does your husband work 3 days in a row? If so he will be able to be home 4 days a week, which is not bad. A girl in my class lives in different state than her husband because of a work school situation.

Nursing school is going to be stressful regardless of your living situation. If your husband is supportive and willing to commute you should take advantage of the offer.

klynn81 · Nov 14, 2012

@SycamoreStudent - I suggested that we keep the place we are renting now (we both like this town and would probably move back afterwards and buy a place) however he said and I agree it would make no sense to keep this place when a) I'd never be here, b) we have one vehicle and it's the one he'd be using to commute (I'll take public transit) so coming out on weekends would be pointless, and c) i'd need to be there for school 5 days a week vs. him only needing to be here 3 days a week at max, and last d) his job isn't a m-f job so his schedule is something of the sorts 2 on, 3 off, 2 on, 2 off, 3 on, 4 off...etc. so just because I would have weekends off school doesn't mean he'd be off work.

@blacksunflower - In my mind it definitely makes more sense to just go the direct route and get it done with, then I wouldn't have to worry about trying to get into another school later to get my BN, and also wouldn't have to worry about going through schooling once we have kids. As it is I'd be 35 when I finished mid 2016 so the clocks ticking but I'm choosing to put my career before having kids so as not to have the added stress of little ones (not to say it's not doable however I just know from plenty I've talked to (i work as a CNA/HCA in a hospital now) say do it before you have kids if you can).

And that's what I brought up that regardless of where we live, or which route I decide to go nursing school is going to be hard, it's going to be stressful, it's not gonna be all fun and games, and that if we both really wanted this for me, and for us, then we'll have to just stay focused, prioritize and manage our time well, and remember to make the most of our time together.

While he says that he supports me, I fear that after time he might get upset or resentful about having to make the commute and the time spent apart.

I've never felt more torn in my entire life.

zoe92 · Nov 14, 2012

I would just go for the BSN. Yes, it will be a long 3 years but you won't have to continue on with school after that.

ms_sgr, BSN, NP · Nov 14, 2012

You can always commute. I commuted 1.5 hrs for two years. It wasn't that bad

crittytn · Nov 14, 2012

I would take the sure bet now. It's a definite three years and you're done. It just seems the more simple route to me. I think since you and your husband are so worried about the effect on your marriage that you'll be just fine. You're already communicating, seem aware of the possible issues and, as long as you both continue to talk about things as they come and make sure to carve out time together, you'll weather it fine. I think it would be more concerning if you both thought everything would be hunky dory, don't need to talk about it, nothing to worry about here. But since you're both on board with the plans and you're both talking already about the difficulties and how to overcome them, that puts you ahead of the game.

Congratulations and good luck!!!!

Exhaustipated, ADN, BSN · Nov 14, 2012

I agree with the others others. Go for the BSN. Besides, in the grand scheme of things, 3 years is a mere drop in the bucket. Maybe, since you'll both have full schedules, you should make a concerted effort for together time. Like weekly, bi-weekly, or at whatever interval he gets his schedule, you sit down and plan date nights. Not just "sit home and veg because you're both finally off and too tired to do anyting else" nights, but real honest-to-goodness date nights where you're out together and enjoying each other's company. Also, a regular "clear the air" session probably wouldn't hurt either -- a time with honest discourse between the two of you so resentment or hurt feelings don't have the chance to stay bottled up and fester.

It may take a little extra effort to keep resentment at bay (especially with the stress of nursing school), but if you both keep your eyes on the prize and on the light at the end of the tunnel, knowing the situation is finite my help with making sure things stay good in the interim.

jetsy62 · Nov 14, 2012

I would go for the BSN. Marriages have withstood much longer separations (think of our military that is deployed) and you have the support of your husband which is huge! And who knows, maybe the time apart will make the days you are together that much more wonderful.

Saysfaa · Nov 14, 2012

In your shoes, I would take the seat.

Before I did, I would do a lot of talking and planning with your (hm, my?, lol) husband.... which is sounds like you've done. Mine would not say he supported this unless he really did support it - as in thought is was the best choice for us and therefore worth doing whatever needed to be done to make it work. That he had concerns would be kind of a separate thing... either that we needed to think some more before making the decision or that we had areas that would need to handle differently that we'd been handling them. For example, with less time together, we might schedule time for each other instead of letting it happen or spend our time together in a different form than it had been - phone, skype, or letters perhaps, or picking out books on tape for him. Or deliberately choosing what we do with the time we have together. The "Love Languages" book could help with that by letting you both pick forms of expression that are the most meaningful.

I would try to be as clear as possible about what is involved - how much time you have off (between semesters, for example), and as realistic schedule as possible during semesters - it will probably vary from semester to semester and won't be set until you get to it but you should be able to find out what usually happens from the student handbook for current students and the course descriptions and such for current students. You might have a fair amount of flexibility in your study/prep time some of the time and not much at all at other times. How much is which is less important than having expectations in line with reality.

I would try to map out some alternatives. For example, you might have a back-up plan of buying a cheap (ugly but mechanically sound) car so you can live somewhat closer to his job if he has never commuted very far before and it is worse than he expects. Sometimes, just knowing there is an alternative lets one can handle the less than ideal aspects better.

Sorry about the mixed pronouns but not sorry enough to figure out how to rewrite this without them ) .

Bouncyball · Nov 15, 2012

Kylnn,

It is definitely easier said than done. I understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend (that I have lived with for 6 years) almost got transferred 350 miles away and I still had a year of school left. He did not end up having to go. When I thought he was going to have to move I was having the same doubts. He swears its no big deal but what if it changes later? What if it hurts our relationship?

If you are concerned about resentment or your relationship you can turn the offer down and just apply to adn programs in your new area. You can always do a online Rn-bsn programs later. School will always be there, you can always wait a few years and pop a kid out on the meantime.

klynn81 · Nov 15, 2012

Thank you everyone for your feedback. It is much appreciated!!!

In your shoes, I would take the seat.
The "Love Languages" book could help with that by letting you both pick forms of expression that are the most meaningful.

I just had a good chuckle because I was actually at the library today and checked out this exact book. "The 5 Love Languages" and I was just reading it too before I came on to check for any new responses. We both had taken the little assessment on their website to get an idea of which language each of us is, and now are going to read the book to discover more.

Kylnn,
It is definitely easier said than done. I understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend (that I have lived with for 6 years) almost got transferred 350 miles away and I still had a year of school left. He did not end up having to go. When I thought he was going to have to move I was having the same doubts. He swears its no big deal but what if it changes later? What if it hurts our relationship?
If you are concerned about resentment or your relationship you can turn the offer down and just apply to adn programs in your new area. You can always do a online Rn-bsn programs later. School will always be there, you can always wait a few years and pop a kid out on the meantime.

We had a long talk today about this...heck we've had TONS, especially over the past week. While we do believe that we are strong enough to get through the 3 years, I think it's accurate to say that neither of us are really looking forward to the challenges it will bring. As of right now I paid the deposit to hold my seat, but I'm also applying for the LPN program locally. I understand some think that it's just 3 years in the grand scheme of things, and I get that, and I partially think that myself, but my marriage is #1 to me so I'm just trying to think about this from all angles.