i don't know what elese to do. my school...my alma mater...says there is no tuition assistance for me there, the ads on the computer for goverment grants all cost money to find out if you can get money, and by the time 2 more years roll by i am sure most of my classes will be too old to be of any use to me anyway. the only option i think i will end up with is to start over at a jr. college, and if that means taking all the science classes again...i don't think can do that.
a friend of mine told me that god has a plan for us all, and if we try for years and years to accomplish something...to no avail...that maybe it was not meant to be. i am a cna and maybe that is what was meant for me.
i even tried to be a phlebotomist...in the fall of 2000. i took the 16 week course, did really well...got a "b". a few weeks after finals i had our son in jan 2001. i could not do the clinicals right away because of that and could not later because my husband did not pay the tuition until 2004 so that class too was too old also.
i will have to renew my cna license and i will do that when i am ready to go back to work. i think it is time that i either choose another way to use my b.a or just be happy as a cna. after all, it is a noble profession and very necessary. it was just not my dream.
before i make any final decisions, i would like to ask...would any of you do it all again?. i mean would you really take all the classes again and re-do nursing school like you had never been there before?...or do you think i should just chalk it up to a dream that got away. i am 36 and my kids are 15, 8 and 4. i thougth i would never give up, but now i'm not sure.
i should also add that another reason i am beginning to think this is true is; because, in the course of dealing with some issues in my past, i have found christian science to be helpful to me. i am still however a catholic. btw, c.s is not scientology...they are not the same at all. i suppose it is logical if i am coming to believe in c.s that a nursing career would no longer make sense and i should continue to be a cna in a setting where i would not take part in the medical aspects of care. this is a quote from mbe that the same friend sent to me...
"suffer no claim of sin or of sickness to grow upon the thought. dismiss it with an abiding conviction that it is illegitimate, because you know that god is no more the author of sickness than he is of sin."
-from science and health
by mary baker eddy
390:20-23
i guess to sum it all up i am sad and confused and i would love to hear your thoughts if you could give me just a few minutes of your time. thanks.
Yes, there are lots of means of tuition assistance out there (you just have to look for it). I went to a two year college for my nursing degree. I was denied entry at first based on a speech impediment. It was bad at that time but the Texas Rehabilitation Committee went to bat for me and, not only gained my admittance, but paid for my school as well. I never imagined that having a handicap of sorts would be to my benefit.
I have since gone back for a BS in Biology that I decided to do after my divorce when the girls were 2 yr and 3 mo. My family (expecially my parents) was a big help, I worked and went to school full time. My job was 60 miles from where I lived and I worked evenings (in an ICU) to be able to go to school all day. My youngest didn't sleep through the night until she was 18 months old. Both girls had some serious asthma problems when they were young. I had to charge much of their medical care. They are now 18 and 16 and I am still paying off the bills that I acquired when they were young and I was in school. What's worth having is worth working for. I you're dedicated to the cause, you'll find a way to make it happen.
I, too, was in a nasty (abusive) marriage which is why I was divorced when the youngest was only a few months old. I would have been divorced a year sooner but once I filed, I found out that I was pregnant and the court wouldn't allow my divorce until the baby was born. My ex died when the girls were 8 & 7.
I have been in a great relationship the last 5+ years that has resulted in a third child (now 4). My partner is very emotionally supportive and has been wonderful with all 3 kids.
There is more to the story but I won't bore you all with it here. I am thankful every day that I am alive and have the ability to make choices no matter how bad things seem at the time.
Specializes in ICU, HOME HEALTH, NURSING EDUC, CASE MGT.
thanks...yes, he says it is my bill and he won't pay it. we are going to take a second mortage for home improvement and such. his dad is even buying him a new camper because ours is 25 years old and falling apart. but unfortunately my tuition is my problem. my name is on nothing, not the house, the car or the main bank account. i am not lying when i say i don't have access to any money. i have $4.11 in the bank and if i want groceries i need to wait till he can go with me to shop. once in a while he writes a check to jewel for groceries but there is little left over at the end of the list.
i still really want to be a nurse...i read echo heron every chance i get.
i took 2 masters classes in clinical psychology and that is where the tuition is from. i had to sit out a semester before i could repeat peds so i took them as a student at large pending admission to the psych program. i did this to keep my loan from coming due and i wanted to be a psych nurse anyway so i thought i was killing two birds with one stone. i found out that because i took the classes in the "student at large status" and not as a psych student the bill was mine and i was not ellegible for fianacial aid. i could not register for either program until the bill was paid. so then i went to phlebotomy school and i said what happened in another thread. the same thing, he did not pay that tuition till last year and then it was too late for that too.
laurel
dear laurel,
when i read your situation i was outraged about the "support" that you recieve from your husband! god bless you for wanting to follow your heart and your dreams! i realize that i am not in your shoes, but i thought marriage was a a partnership. the attitude of "it's your bill"! and when you do graduate from rn school, who's paycheck will it be then? certainly not his, since you are the one who attended school, and busted your butt to get there. it seems like he is willing to get a second mortgage for home improvements, but he is not willing to invest in your future. and actually, it is the future for both of you and your family. i do not claim to be a psychologist
or family therapist, but this appears to be an abusive relationship. in which he has to control every move you make. right down to going grocery shopping. people will do to us only what we allow them to do! maybe it is time to reconsider what is important to laurel. and if he wants to be part of your journey, then he should support you emotionally/financially/spiritually,
etc. if not, there may be some tough choices you may have to think about.
easier said than done, since i am not you. this is just my own opinion. best of luck and may the good lord bless you in whatever decision you make. :) take care.....91c_armylpn
only you can decide if giving up is right for you. i was a cna for eight years, then got my lpn. i did that with two small children, and it was definitely one of the hardest things i have ever done. after raising my children i got my rn and then my bsn. i am in debt for student loans, nurses are not paid what we deserve, and certainly not always treated as the professionals we are. but was it worth it??? i would answer with a resounding yes! i love what i do. if this is really your dream, it is worth going after. if not, maybe you should redefine your dream and go from there. would i do it all over again? yes, i would.
i don't know what elese to do. my school...my alma mater...says there is no tuition assistance for me there, the ads on the computer for goverment grants all cost money to find out if you can get money, and by the time 2 more years roll by i am sure most of my classes will be too old to be of any use to me anyway. the only option i think i will end up with is to start over at a jr. college, and if that means taking all the science classes again...i don't think can do that.
a friend of mine told me that god has a plan for us all, and if we try for years and years to accomplish something...to no avail...that maybe it was not meant to be. i am a cna and maybe that is what was meant for me.
i even tried to be a phlebotomist...in the fall of 2000. i took the 16 week course, did really well...got a "b". a few weeks after finals i had our son in jan 2001. i could not do the clinicals right away because of that and could not later because my husband did not pay the tuition until 2004 so that class too was too old also.
i will have to renew my cna license and i will do that when i am ready to go back to work. i think it is time that i either choose another way to use my b.a or just be happy as a cna. after all, it is a noble profession and very necessary. it was just not my dream.
before i make any final decisions, i would like to ask...would any of you do it all again?. i mean would you really take all the classes again and re-do nursing school like you had never been there before?...or do you think i should just chalk it up to a dream that got away. i am 36 and my kids are 15, 8 and 4. i thougth i would never give up, but now i'm not sure.
i should also add that another reason i am beginning to think this is true is; because, in the course of dealing with some issues in my past, i have found christian science to be helpful to me. i am still however a catholic. btw, c.s is not scientology...they are not the same at all. i suppose it is logical if i am coming to believe in c.s that a nursing career would no longer make sense and i should continue to be a cna in a setting where i would not take part in the medical aspects of care. this is a quote from mbe that the same friend sent to me...
"suffer no claim of sin or of sickness to grow upon the thought. dismiss it with an abiding conviction that it is illegitimate, because you know that god is no more the author of sickness than he is of sin."
-from science and health
by mary baker eddy
390:20-23
i guess to sum it all up i am sad and confused and i would love to hear your thoughts if you could give me just a few minutes of your time. thanks.
I really enjoy reading the few threads about the husbands that dont/didnt support the wives when they decided to go to school. Well I guess enjoy isnt the correct word but it puts things in perspective. Im going to be 21 and starting nursing school next month, luckily I have a fiance who would sell his car to help me pay for school! OK so he wouldnt sell his car cuz hes a car fanatic but he'd move the oceans. I told him after I had our daughter in Aug 2003 that I was going to school for nursing and if he didnt like it or culdnt support/encourage me I was going to take my baby and to hell with him. Im not sure if my speech did it or it its genuine, but he asks about every test result and makes sure I have time to study. :) In return I take a day off here and there to go to car shows with him or to go down the shore with him and the baby. Hes been great. I hope it lasts until I graduate. If not he can leave. Im making life better for us and if he cant support that than screw em.
Stitcher, I'm not sure how the hospitals in your area work, but you might want to check into what I'm going to tell you. Some of our hospitals will pay
for school providing you sign a contract to work for them after you graduate.
For example, they pay for 2 years and you work 2 years for them. Call each of the hospitals in your surrounding area and ask for the Human Resource or
Education Dept. and they should be able to tell you. Another resource is to
look under scholarships for your state on the internet ( or call the school of
Nursing), There are many available for, say a nurse in a certain area, county,
city, etc. or for Baptist entering nursing, etc. Is what I'm saying making any
sense? I just got through working last night. I've been a nurse for 27 years,
it was tough making ends meet, but I have never regreted it. One other
thing to check into, based on your income you might qualify for a Pell Grant,
you don't have to pay that one back. Don't give up until you have totally
exhausted all your resources, including the people on this list serve. Go under the Student Nurse section and talk to some of the students and get their
Specializes in med/surg/tele/neuro/rehab/corrections.
I think Gods' plan for you is to be a devoted mom to those little ones.
There is a Chinese proverb,
""I overlooked an orchid while searching for a rose."
Use care and caution.........that you do not overlook the roses in your life while chasing after rainbows and orchids.
I just don't understand how one person can know what God's plan is for another person. I'm not a mind reader so let me know if I'm wrong but I think you hold firm to the idea of putting your family first and that might be good for you and work out well for your family if that is your life, but everyone has a different path to walk so what is right for one person may not be right for another. And in this situation the OP's youngest child is 4 and could go to pre-school or daycare if she can't find a relative to sit or if the husband was unable. I was a pre-school teacher and I saw many younglings that didn't do well but 4 year olds were not among those. They tend to do pretty good in this environment. Especially if the pre-school is just for 4 year olds. It is not destructive to their nature if the institution or home is a good one. I've seen many college child care centers and they are well staffed and the parent has to participate too as well as all the wanna be pre-school teachers. Sometimes there was a 1:1 ratio! The Child Development students I met in college were very caring by nature, that's why they went into that field.
Many parents find it a blessing to send thier youngster to school. And then we are there for them when they come out. And if we go to school too the child often finds that amazing and stimulating all at once and usually is very proud of the parent. When my own mother went back to college I was so proud of her. When she began to complain that is was too hard and there was too much reading I learned that college was "too hard". Children learn thru the role models they have in their lives--their parents. If nothing can stand in the way of your dream then that is a schema the children will set in their minds early on and they will go out into the world unafraid and be able to accomplish their dreams too.
thanks...yes, he says it is my bill and he won't pay it. we are going to take a second mortage for home improvement and such. his dad is even buying him a new camper because ours is 25 years old and falling apart. but unfortunately my tuition is my problem. my name is on nothing, not the house, the car or the main bank account. i am not lying when i say i don't have access to any money. i have $4.11 in the bank and if i want groceries i need to wait till he can go with me to shop. once in a while he writes a check to jewel for groceries but there is little left over at the end of the list.
i
laurel
hold on a sec here lorel,
your husband is claiming you as a dependant on his taxes isn't he? well, he is benefitting from your distress, (as well as isolating you and emotionally abusing you but, that is a different story).
if you took financial aid to pay for those classes and you are unable to work and pay them back then you can contact your lenders and file some type of deferrment due to not working.
meanwhile, due to your husband claiming you as a dependant you are nipping yourself from taking further loans, (have you looked into master's entry programs at all?) i am also near chicago and am starting this sept at depaul for their master's entry into nursing program. they also start the winter quarter and while it is very expensive we are allowed money to borrow since it is a masters degree. thank goodness for that because i reached my aggregate amount for my undergrad.
best wishes lorel!!
gen
p.s. i found this thread because i did a search on abusive husbands...turns out that just weeks before my masters program and i realize that my new hubby is indeed emotionally and physically abusive, bummer but, it is not going to stop me!!
thanks...i can't work right now as i have already explained and my issue was never with western medicine, rather it was with discerning what i was intended for and if i was really receiving a sign of some sort. i only have 3 classes left to go and i am already $52,000 in debt, so i know what i am in for but i appreciate your taking the time to try and help me.
laurel
lorel,
if you are looking for an excuse to quit, then, your posts are full of them, while the respondants posts are filled with reasons not to.
so, why do you want to quit so badly? its easy you know, just rationalize all the excuses to yourself and you can quit.
however, i think the real problem you are in such distress is because deep down you know that quitting is not the intended outcome. yet, all this anxst you have is because you are trying to rationalize a good reason to stop.
if i am wrong, please beg my apologies. i do not want to insult, truly only help to point out what to me, seems obvious.
i am in debt for my ba already too, about $46,000. i am going to add another $80,000 to that, (yes, on top of that) to earn my msn/fnp. i truly figure that the ends of becoming and msn/fnp justifies the means of all these student loans. i will pay them off little by little and will not live the luxurious lifestyle that i have never been accostomed to. however, i will feel that i tried, that i succeeded and that my work is meaningful. that will be priceless.
find what is priceless to yourself and go for it, do not try to justify and rationalize what you do not believe. that is called adopting a 'false consciousness'.
live your life and your beliefs, not those of another.
And I went to school, the second year he made me move out...I did, I wanted to anyhow but let him think he was "kicking" me out....that way he moved me back home.
Nancy K
:rotfl:
Hello Nancy,
I agree tht Feaeriewand's post is loaded with empowering encouragement!1
In regards to your situation, this is the main reason I searched abuse today, because yesterday my husband became that class A jerk, kicked me out. I packed within minutes was loading my car but, then he said, stay.
So, here I am today, writing and reading, (with my stuff still packed because I am so sure that I will indeed be heading out).
Specializes in Lactation Ed, Pp, MS, Hospice, Agency.
Keep posting. We are all rooting for you!
FW
Great Post! WOOHHOO!!!! Why to impower us all!
My DH told me I could go to school as long as I found the $$ to go. I waited a yr then applied for FAFSA. DH found out really fast that I could get grants & loans.. and GUESS who helped me to decide how to best "help us" as I have been making my way thru school? He is getting better about money, but still has issues. Nonetheless. I have learned how to "sneak" the ckbook & NOT tell him I spent money feeding our children! Pissed him off at first, but now he only asks how much money I spent (& I usually wait a day or 2 b4 he asks me how much I spent. His paycheck is our paycheck! Took me a long time to realize that. And GUESS WHAT? He is now talking about how he can be supportive as I go thru my program this yr. (Lg growth 4 him there!) This is a tip I have learned: once u get the money to go back, sit & have a chat w/everyone that u need to be supportive. Start w/your biggest supporter & wk your way down. *BTW: I found a quick loan website if u need it. I myself have to have a co-signer. But my DH is willing to sign it if need be! I have applied for FAFSA again (& late). I graduated 5/05 w/my BS in Public Health. To date: I am 48000 in debt.
Go for it GF! U can do this! Worry about the $$ loans later. Get your degree while u have the passion! Let us all know how this comes out!
~MJ
**** still wondering r u in a program or just finishing your program?
Im going to be 21 and starting nursing school next month, luckily I have a fiance who would sell his car to help me pay for school! OK so he wouldnt sell his car cuz hes a car fanatic but he'd move the oceans. I told him after I had our daughter in Aug 2003 that I was going to school for nursing and if he didnt like it or culdnt support/encourage me I was going to take my baby and to hell with him. Im not sure if my speech did it or it its genuine, but he asks about every test result and makes sure I have time to study. :) In return I take a day off here and there to go to car shows with him or to go down the shore with him and the baby. Hes been great. I hope it lasts until I graduate. If not he can leave. Im making life better for us and if he cant support that than screw em. 
PCloudy
25 Posts
Yes, there are lots of means of tuition assistance out there (you just have to look for it). I went to a two year college for my nursing degree. I was denied entry at first based on a speech impediment. It was bad at that time but the Texas Rehabilitation Committee went to bat for me and, not only gained my admittance, but paid for my school as well. I never imagined that having a handicap of sorts would be to my benefit.
I have since gone back for a BS in Biology that I decided to do after my divorce when the girls were 2 yr and 3 mo. My family (expecially my parents) was a big help, I worked and went to school full time. My job was 60 miles from where I lived and I worked evenings (in an ICU) to be able to go to school all day. My youngest didn't sleep through the night until she was 18 months old. Both girls had some serious asthma problems when they were young. I had to charge much of their medical care. They are now 18 and 16 and I am still paying off the bills that I acquired when they were young and I was in school. What's worth having is worth working for. I you're dedicated to the cause, you'll find a way to make it happen.
I, too, was in a nasty (abusive) marriage which is why I was divorced when the youngest was only a few months old. I would have been divorced a year sooner but once I filed, I found out that I was pregnant and the court wouldn't allow my divorce until the baby was born. My ex died when the girls were 8 & 7.
I have been in a great relationship the last 5+ years that has resulted in a third child (now 4). My partner is very emotionally supportive and has been wonderful with all 3 kids.
There is more to the story but I won't bore you all with it here. I am thankful every day that I am alive and have the ability to make choices no matter how bad things seem at the time.
Best wishes to all.....PC