i don't know what elese to do. my school...my alma mater...says there is no tuition assistance for me there, the ads on the computer for goverment grants all cost money to find out if you can get money, and by the time 2 more years roll by i am sure most of my classes will be too old to be of any use to me anyway. the only option i think i will end up with is to start over at a jr. college, and if that means taking all the science classes again...i don't think can do that.
a friend of mine told me that god has a plan for us all, and if we try for years and years to accomplish something...to no avail...that maybe it was not meant to be. i am a cna and maybe that is what was meant for me.
i even tried to be a phlebotomist...in the fall of 2000. i took the 16 week course, did really well...got a "b". a few weeks after finals i had our son in jan 2001. i could not do the clinicals right away because of that and could not later because my husband did not pay the tuition until 2004 so that class too was too old also.
i will have to renew my cna license and i will do that when i am ready to go back to work. i think it is time that i either choose another way to use my b.a or just be happy as a cna. after all, it is a noble profession and very necessary. it was just not my dream.
before i make any final decisions, i would like to ask...would any of you do it all again?. i mean would you really take all the classes again and re-do nursing school like you had never been there before?...or do you think i should just chalk it up to a dream that got away. i am 36 and my kids are 15, 8 and 4. i thougth i would never give up, but now i'm not sure.
i should also add that another reason i am beginning to think this is true is; because, in the course of dealing with some issues in my past, i have found christian science to be helpful to me. i am still however a catholic. btw, c.s is not scientology...they are not the same at all. i suppose it is logical if i am coming to believe in c.s that a nursing career would no longer make sense and i should continue to be a cna in a setting where i would not take part in the medical aspects of care. this is a quote from mbe that the same friend sent to me...
"suffer no claim of sin or of sickness to grow upon the thought. dismiss it with an abiding conviction that it is illegitimate, because you know that god is no more the author of sickness than he is of sin."
-from science and health
by mary baker eddy
390:20-23
i guess to sum it all up i am sad and confused and i would love to hear your thoughts if you could give me just a few minutes of your time. thanks.
thanks but i don't think so...i have a b.a so i think i am not elligible. thanks for the idea though.
can you take out stafford loans? i had to take out my first loan two weeks ago after being accepted for fall '05 three weeks ago and being told i need many thousands of $$ within four weeks. i filled out a few papers and within 20 minutes i was told all tuition would be covered. all i had to pay for was books and uniforms. i dont know what the elgibility is for the loan but you should look into it. repayment doesnt start until 6 months after you graduate.
thanks...i am saying this not defensively, just factually...
what is holding me back is money. i cannot transfer credits until tuition is paid...i can't finish 3 classes till it is paid...i can't get a loan because i don't work and can't becaue we can't afford child care and i have already had bad experiences with neighbors. and even a hiring a neighbor is out of the question. i don't think i deserve it, but i feel i can earn the priveledge of getting it if given the chance. if i won the lottery i would still finish school and be a nurse because i know i can make a difference. i've known this since they asked us in 6th grade what we will be when we grow up. i got some more money advice here today and i will check it out. i would have thought though with the nursing shortage my school, my alma matter would have tried harder to help me.
btw...or are you really meant to do something else....this is the part that is driving me nuts!
thanks for your input!
certainly with the nursing shortage...you can get a loan or hospital to sponsor you...isuggest applying to several lpn programs...test those waters...then you can easily get into a transistional program, and even work a little and bring in some cash, and get experience, to boot, or just go straight into transitional...isuggest you take a few days...and just be quiet with yourself and do some self housecleaning....what is holding you back....is it fear....do you feel you don't deserve it....or are you really meant to do something else....the world is your oyster...and you are worth the pearl waitng for you.....just relax, take a break...pray, contemplate...and you will find it.....best of luck.......
do a quick web search...here is what i found. this organization is connected with monster.com. they help people find educational money. grants, loans and scholarships. just fill out the questionaires, and they will give you a list of programs you are eligible for. you are also eligible for some programs as a student, depending on the income coming into your home. pell grants are the first ones. talk to the financial aid office at your college. they will help guide you.
don't give up...if the desire is there, god is willing. i just don't see god holding someone back.
depression and add are all i know of. i've only been to counseling a couple of times. btw, this was not asked before now. thanks!
i've not had time to read the other responses, sorry if i'm repeating anything.
do you by chance have any mental illness problems? major depression, major and consistent anxiety, ocd, bi-polar, ect....? do you have any serious health problems?
if so, you can get a referral from your treating doctor and call your state's vocational rehabilitation office. they have programs to help "rehabilitate" people with barriers that prevent them from suceeding in school or the workplace.
my friend has some of the above and vocational rehabilitation pays her tuition.
i am the type that goes on a cna interview in a buisness suit. the last job i interviewed for i was mistaken for a doctor on rounds. what a compliment. anyway, preparedness is not an issue for me. i know what to say and what not to in most situations. nobodys perfect although i do try as much as i can.
correct me if i am wrong, but i don't think i can get a grant with a b.a so that option i believe is out for me. i can't go to any other school either because i can't get my transcripts without paying them, and if i could do that i would simply finish there.
i think i misspoke because you are the second person that thought i had a baby, but my youngest is 4 and i had a tubal shorlty after. i think i misspoke or something...i don't remember what i said on that topic.
i had a 3.468 gpa. not tops, but acceptable anyway.
i don't have child care besides me. i am sure if i died, his family would help somehow...but in reality no one on either side is in a position to help us.
like i told someone elese a couple of posts ago, as far as religion goes, i am simply trying to explore all options to try to figure out where all these obstacles are coming from, if i am getting signs that i am ignoring, if i am on the right path regardless of what i want. if god does not want this for me, he can surely make it not happen. that is not an excuse...it is a reaction to finding "dead ends" everywhere i turn. it was just something i was considering. otherwise i am still cathoilc.
thanks for all your input.
laurel,
i think you are very confused. first of all is there another school you can try to get into? second of all how are you presnting yourself to the school. are you dressed for success, do you speak well, preent yourslef like the professional that you want to become?
money is an issue i know but there are ways, i guess you don't have a good backup system. have a plan, that includes the money to go to school and then go for it. schools do financial aid with you for free. don't you know about that? you can apply for grants before you even get accepted to a school, go to the financial aid office and aske, again present yourself as a successful person.
have a little speech written out if you have to do that to stay focused. keep your religion out of it...no one wants to hear that, sorry if that is offensive.keep that for your religious group or friends. stick to a few simple ideas and only talk about that...you seem like you might get off track easily.
the fact that you had a baby, they don't want to hear that either...i know how important that is on a personal level but they want students that are going to be successful "no matter what" comes in thier way...they want success stories, not " i would have done this but this or that happened". i am not trying to be harsh but realistic.
my credits were very old but i worked in a profession and kept updated, i talked them into accepting my credits that were old. my grades were excellent the first time i went to school and i had good references.
you should not have to take all the sciences over. i don't understand that. there is nothing wrong with getting just your rn at a two year school. if that is what you meant. make sure you are set up for success, you need at least b's on your subjects to have a nusing school even look at you seriously.get all your prereq's done first with good grades. it is very competitive now, a lot of students begging at the door...they take the best out of the beggers. do you have a back up plan for a babysitter, someone to watch him if he gets sick...all your ducks have to be in a row. it is not easy.
there are a lot of politics involved. you have to plan, then stick to your plan. you want to be a nurse...then you can be a nurse...it is that simple. if you want fate to control you,then it will if that is what you believe. thoughts become words, words become deeds, deeds become actions.
i have a feeling you do not present yourself as self assured and professional.
work on some of thse things and good luck! although it isn't luck that will get you in. nancy
thanks for that. i can't go through the financial aid office because i have a b.a. i would take out more loans if i could. i will check with h.r as you said and maybe there is hope there...keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer too please.
i do not believe in scientology either. scientology and christian science are entirely different. but that is another discussion. i too say..."free katie"!.
like trinity...i am answering the call, but the line seems to be cut and i am stuck here in the matrix.
wow, laurel. i hate to even hear that we may lose another sister nurse to grant issues, etc. i don't know if yo can, but i borrowed the money for school through the financial aid office. i didn't have a choice and don't regret it. you can also receive money from hospitals! many hospitals will pay for you to go to school as long as you agree to work for them for 2 years afterwards. check with human resources or the education dept where you work. i cannot tell you what to do about religion, or where you get your guidance. i will tell you that god is the only thing that got me through nursing school. i don't know much about scientology, don't really care to know. i just know what god has done for me and know that i won't abandon him as a result. i think that scientology is a fad because of tom cruise and him being so outspoken about it. i don't want to be in a religion or base what i do with my life on a fad. keep your chin up, pray for god's presence in your life. nursing is a calling and if you heard that calling, you probably should answer....best of luck laurel...
i'm willing to do anything within reason, but it doesn't mean much if i can't get back in classes.
thanks for your support!
hello laurel,
i'm so sorry to hear about your situation. there is an answer, it just depends on what you're willing to do.
being 36 is not too old. i am 45 and i am about to start nursing school in 2 weeks. i'm not saying you should wait until you're my age to start again because that might mean repeating some of your classes, but it is something to think about. if you waited until your children were older (mine are in their 20s now and it's so much easier) it might be easier for you.
i know you have a lot to figure out and no one can help you but you, but i just wanted to say that it's never too late to fulfill your dreams. so if now, there are too many obstacles to get past, perhaps it's not the right time. but then again, if it's your passion to become an rn then nothing will stop you.
good luck! i wish you happiness and hope that your husband finds it in his heart to give you all the support you need.
that is why i left nursing school in 1998 and got a b.a in 99. i took 2 easy classes and got my degree because at the time i had a 1 year old and a 8 1/2 yr old who was just put into special ed becuase she would not do her work. she is almost 16 now and the baby...now 8 gets almost straight a's and my 4 year old will be in pre-k soon. my oldest babysits and that is a big help especially if i need to study. so you see, i have already done what you have and i am ready to go back...but i can't get there no matter what i do. i am still trying, and i owe that to the encouragement i have gotten here, but none of the options are panning out. i need to win the lottery...or inherit big...or some other miracle. i know how hard nursing school is, i only have 3 classes left. i need to repeat peds. then community and rehab then i'm done.
i don't mind waiting...especially if i know there is hope.
thanks for your support!
i can relate to what you are feeling and thinking when it comes to fulfilling something that you want, however, after reading all the replies and reading your concerns i would have to agree that nursing school is very demanding and will literally drain you with having the small children that you have. the emphasis on having to study for long hours and trying to be a wife and a mother at the same time can really pull you over and beyond your limitations. if your partner is not willing to help you in every aspect of house chores and caring for the children you will be over whelmed. i have been in school for nursing for two years, and my youngest just graduated this year, before his graduation i had to make a choice of letting one semester go, granted on was on an even keel of getting my work done and so forth but, the pressures can rreally get to you. now that he has graduated i am all about me and can focus more on my studies and getting this done. you cannot and i cannot emphasize this more than this cannot have any kinds of interference when it comes to this schooling cause if you do then you can easily lose focus on what the real point in your schooling is all about and fall back in you learning. i just turned 40 years of age this year, i do not regret in waiting this long, because i know that everyone i cared for was taken care of before i became selfish and did something for me, it is called sacrifice and sometimes as parents when we really do not want to we end up having to do this. i think god if no one else will god will definitely understand if you hold off till the kids are older. best of luck. lm
yeah, i have heard..."oh really? who's going to pay for it?" too. i don't think i have the guts to claim the single parent thing and i know if i embarassed him publicly like that it would destroy out marriage. i know this may sound stupid to some, but i am still catholic and as such divorce is out of the question so i would not want to make my situation any worse. i appreciate you taking the time to tell me that though.
oh, i almost forgot...the cs friend is the only friend i had and she was such a kind person and so easy to talk to. she had been helping me deal with some issues that have been unresolved for a long time. something happened though and we are out of touch. i think she has her own issues to deal with and she needs her space. i had been on a couple other discussion boards trying to deal with my issue, then i found christian science. i felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders and i could go on to try to follow my dream. i was only reflecting on my own inner-confilct that went along with her ways of spiritual healing; that maybe god did not intend for me to be a nurse, but rather to heal in other ways like a c.s practitioner or something. however, that would mean becomming a christian scientist and i don't know if i could do that. that is not my religion...as i said i am still catholic and my love for mary is keeping me there, as they don't pray to her and i could never give her up. i just threw that in to get others feedback from the religious aspect. i am trying to understand why all these things are always in the way.
i did get some other ideas from your post though about how to get some financial help, and for that and everything you said...i thank you very much. i wish i had a friend like you. your terriffic!.
thanks!
laurel, i feel for you because i had a similar situation. my husband is a class a jerk. the house is in his name only and he controls all the money. as a housewife i have no income. i suffered from depression and that went on for years and my self esteem plumeted. (actually a common occurance in housewives) i had a bill to pay off too that my husband said was mine and he wouln't touch it even tho it was under $3,000 and he had just refinanced the house and took out $50,000. my oldest son is now 18 and just starting college and my husband won't pay for that either, but when he was 4 years old and i wanted to go back to school i had to say i was a single parent to get him into the college child care center for free because my husband wouldn't pay for it. i had to go around the obstacles set for me even if it meant doing something like that. i had to find a way. my husband never had my back as another poster said about her wonderful husband. whenever i wanted to do something with my life my husband would look at me and say, "oh really? who's going to pay for it?" i was treated as a maid and a child. and then something happened....
i turned 40! and the power came on me! :chuckle i told my husband off whenever he acted like a total jerk. when he said something like who is going to pay for it. i yelled and came on like a banshee! :chuckle he is a parent too and he knows i don't have any money so quit talking to me like that! i shouldn't have to feel like a single parent when i'm not. :angryfire when i confronted him he shut up. i still have to do that occasionally like last month when i got fed up when he said he did all the work around the house. (he's a loafer who orders the children to do housework) we still have many issues to resolve but most things have changed for the better. and just to clarify, i don't attack him directly. i use "i" messages even if i am screaming them. lol!
ok so maybe the power hasn't come on you yet but that doesn't mean your completely stuck. you are too close to stop in your tracks. i too had to sit home with all of my children to raise them, my yongest is 10 now, so i understand what you are going thru, but i still found out ways to get back in school. the more you get out of the house the more connections you will make with the outside world and with that comes new ideas that will change you and how you will deal with your situation. i'm sure that doesn't set well with your husband so understand that where he is coming from he doesn't want to see his wife get any power or control. it's fun for him to be master and commander. that's why he doesn't help you go back to school. he knows you are unable to pay back such a huge debt. plain and simple-- if you fail he wins. just understand that.
if i were your next door neighbor i would come over and take you to the nearest college for a session with a counselor and tell him/her everything and see how they could help. then i would make a big sign that says something like hi my name is laurel, i'm smart and want to be a nurse, i've only got three more classes to go but no money.......(something like that) and with you and your two youngest children we would stand out on a busy street to see if you could get a businessman to front you a loan (or hospital administrator) that takes some moxy. (some of you may remember seeing this as a segment on television. hey it worked didn't it? ) make up some index cards that state your name, phone number, your dream, and your situation and pass them out to everyone you know. pass them out at church. keep telling your story because the more networking you do the more likely you are to have a positive outcome. they might even be able to pass your card on to someone who can help you. and while your attending church with your husband, open up to people and tell them what he is like, then watch their reactions. (people will want to know why you have no money to finish your rn so tell them) it will give you more strength as to how wrong the whole situation is. self empowerment is what you need.
keep reading echo heron and don't give up. remember she had a little boy too who was too young for school but she still did it.
lastly, drop your so-called friend. as a cs her agenda is anti-medicine. that is why she is trying to get you to give up your dream. she is too negative and is just trying to dissuade you from what you know deep down inside is your path. (again this goes back to getting out and meeting more people. different people will give you different viewpoints to weigh in your decison) your here for a reason. you know you want to be a nurse. and you are so close so don't give up!
i guess some of that moxy comes with age or with getting fed up with people going against your desire to reach your goals. i married my best friend a few years ago. we made promises to back each other in our passions, his was race cars and he had one. well that was fine until i said i wanted to go to nursing school. he said i couldn't, i am not a spring chicken and i really did not want to get a divorce but i went to nursing school. he yelled and screamed and swore. he ended up being a class a jerk. he screamed 1" from my face and told me i did not know how crazy he could get....i put the fear of god in him and told him he did not know how crazy i could get! and then i acted a little crazy to back up my statement. and i went to school, the second year he made me move out...i did, i wanted to anyhow but let him think he was "kicking" me out....that way he moved me back home.
i had a wing and a prayer to live on financially. i have had a lot of friends come out of the woodwork to help. i helped a girl over 40 yrs. ago in high school, she sent me 500.00 to pay for boards and my permit and just for the heck of it. my cousin sent me some money to help me bridge the money gap. my dad who never ever helped me financially without making me cry....bought me a new car for my birthday in feb. mine was okay but might not have made it. i graduated with a lot of hard work, a few tears, a lot of worrying, a little bit of sleep, and a lot of moxy and i got behind on some bills but i am still standing. i just got my first job and i am going through orientation. i am signing my divorce papers and happily. he can kiss my a--. i loved him, but i don't need bs at this point in my life. i really think he wanted me to support his race car habit. i could have if he would have supported me first. i think i saw the true reason he asked me to marry him when i decided to go to school....live and learn! i only want people around me that make a positive difference in my life, by example, encouragement, etc. i don't need someone ruining my desires, my dreams, my goals. those are not bad things.
maybe it takes age....i am not sure. all i know if i was 20 yrs. old...oh boy would i do things differently!!! i am not young but i still keep myself pointed in the direction i am going in. a step forwad, sometimes one backward. i did not lose and am not losing focus. i want to be a good nurse...a babystep at a time.
people will help when they see your honest effort. then you can pay the world back by being the best nurse or whatever, you can be.
i think you gave laurel excellent advice. we need to have her living in our neighborhood so we could help her through.
i don't want to be a christian scientist, but i had been really confused after all the help i had recieved as a result of reading science and health. i was beginning to think that a religion that could help me that much must have some valid points, but when it comes down to it i take my kids to the doctor when they are sick and i would not expect them to be healed because as c.s teaches, disease is the result of a lie and once the lie is identified and eliminated, so would be the illness. i know god can and does heal people, but it is not because he reveals any given illness to be a lie but because he chooses to work a miracle.
other than not paying for my tuition, we are ok...no...that's a lie we are not ok. we fight often, mainly about the kids and money, but as i said to someone elese, i am catholic and divorce is not an option. i am pushing my girls to get an education so they can be independant and teaching my son compassion so he will be kind and gentle with his wife if marriage is his choice.
the only yeah buts are that everywhere i turn for help, i am turned down and i can't help that; so if you are angry with me just line up because for one reason or another his whole family is mad at me too.
i know nursing is what i want and the reverse psychology is insulting if that is what you are trying to do. i may be in a difficlut situation, but i am not ignorant. my role as a wife does not reflect the role i would take as a nurse.
i am not a doormat. i married him for better or worse and now i am trying to find other ways to help myself as he has chosen not to pay for this debt. the situation is unfair and i wish it were different, but i can't force him to pay and i don't want to cause any more conflict than is already there so i am here looking for advice on how to get where i need to go and on the side i asked if anyone had an opinion on the spiritual advice i recieved from a friend.
what is it you want me to change?
i think you need to sit down and decide what you really want from life laurel, and what you want to teach your children.
if you are serious about christian scientist, then pursuing nursing is asinine. they do not believe in medical interventions. that is a huge conflict. you need to settle that in your heart and mind before you continue.
secondly, do you want your daughters to be treated like this? your sons to treat their wives like your husband treats you?
all i'm hearing so far is a bunch of "yeah buts," along with a huge dose of codependance.
perhaps nursing isn't for you. i know i want a nurse who is going to advocate for my care, and you can't even advocate for your own.
present your husband with an itemized bill for the past however many years, including housekeeping, childcare and whatever else you do. if he wants to be that big of a jerk about money, charge him for sex.
you are a doormat and don't seem inclined to change it and that drives me up a wall.
i read your post and i found myself wanting to say the same things i just said so i will spare you the headache of reading it again. i see i have made you angry too so i will only say i know my marriage needs work, but in the meantimne i need to go back to school and i need to find a way to get there without him and without leaving him.
i really do appreciate the time you took to respond to this issue. thanks!
i know what you mean with your advice to laurel. i am a really nice and flexible person. however, people have misunderstood that for me being a doormat, only to get their foot bit off when they go to wipe their feet on me.
i agree, everyone will respect you more if you pursue your goals and are goal driven....even if they complain the whole time. kids learn what they see from what you do. kids don't know what is best, that is why they have parents to make adult decisions and guide them. if you tell them...i was gonna be a nurse but i needed to stay home and take care of you....guess what...no respect! but if you show them you can struggle, you can study and take care of them it will make them stronger, respect you more, and be more self sufficient if anything happens to you someday.
i have a friend that came over the other night, sat in the same chair she did last year, said the same things about her abusive husband, and has done not one thing towards a resolution or solution to her problem. then go talk to the wall....i have no pitty you have to be real, do what you believe in and hope to god it all falls into place for you someday. if it doesn't...you know you gave it your all. if you do nothing then you are a "do nothing" ...nothing to be poud of.
why in gods name people lay down and let others, sometimes men, treat them poorly...i just don't know. we are all equal...no one is god that walks the earth as far as i know. the controlling abusive scenario......i lived through it...but i had a plan and i followed through.
sure i don't have anyone right now to eat dinner with, to go to bed with but i am busy, i am getting somewhere, i just graduated for the second time from college...on my own. i think women make unusual strides when they are single.
men feel threatened by a women's success sometimes. but if you do what you know is right...they will treat you better and respect you. that is if you still want to hang on to the jerk while you are working at something.
i want to reach my goal and then i will pick someone i think will be a good mate for me, not the other way around...sit and wait to be chosen by some goon who tells me what goals i can accomplish today and which ones he thinks i should not pursue. i thought slavery was abolished.
laurel....maybe she needs a kick in the butt, maybe she needs motherly advice, maybe she needs to stick her neck out and do what she needs to do to get what she wants...maybe she doesn't want anything at all and just wants to be a "i could have" i should have" person.
you need action to get results....words just don't cut it. religion should not need to enter in on it. that is something else....another topic, it is used to take your attention away from the real issue, it is manipulative. the facts are the facts.
hey, i am not relilgious but spiritual. i believe i made it because i had "faith" in what i did not see....that was me getting pinned as an rn. that is putting your faith to the test!
Lorel
62 Posts
thanks but i don't think so...i have a b.a so i think i am not elligible. thanks for the idea though.