i don't know what elese to do. my school...my alma mater...says there is no tuition assistance for me there, the ads on the computer for goverment grants all cost money to find out if you can get money, and by the time 2 more years roll by i am sure most of my classes will be too old to be of any use to me anyway. the only option i think i will end up with is to start over at a jr. college, and if that means taking all the science classes again...i don't think can do that.
a friend of mine told me that god has a plan for us all, and if we try for years and years to accomplish something...to no avail...that maybe it was not meant to be. i am a cna and maybe that is what was meant for me.
i even tried to be a phlebotomist...in the fall of 2000. i took the 16 week course, did really well...got a "b". a few weeks after finals i had our son in jan 2001. i could not do the clinicals right away because of that and could not later because my husband did not pay the tuition until 2004 so that class too was too old also.
i will have to renew my cna license and i will do that when i am ready to go back to work. i think it is time that i either choose another way to use my b.a or just be happy as a cna. after all, it is a noble profession and very necessary. it was just not my dream.
before i make any final decisions, i would like to ask...would any of you do it all again?. i mean would you really take all the classes again and re-do nursing school like you had never been there before?...or do you think i should just chalk it up to a dream that got away. i am 36 and my kids are 15, 8 and 4. i thougth i would never give up, but now i'm not sure.
i should also add that another reason i am beginning to think this is true is; because, in the course of dealing with some issues in my past, i have found christian science to be helpful to me. i am still however a catholic. btw, c.s is not scientology...they are not the same at all. i suppose it is logical if i am coming to believe in c.s that a nursing career would no longer make sense and i should continue to be a cna in a setting where i would not take part in the medical aspects of care. this is a quote from mbe that the same friend sent to me...
"suffer no claim of sin or of sickness to grow upon the thought. dismiss it with an abiding conviction that it is illegitimate, because you know that god is no more the author of sickness than he is of sin."
-from science and health
by mary baker eddy
390:20-23
i guess to sum it all up i am sad and confused and i would love to hear your thoughts if you could give me just a few minutes of your time. thanks.
Specializes in med/surg/tele/neuro/rehab/corrections.
Unfortunautly I think the OP has lost this thread and didn't get all our messages of encouragement. But this thread did generate a lot of discussion and showed how much people here care.
Unfortunautly I think the OP has lost this thread and didn't get all our messages of encouragement. But this thread did generate a lot of discussion and showed how much people here care.
FW
Hello Faeriewand,
This is more off topic but, this thead helped me much.
I told my husband about it and that I posted. He wanted to read it. I let him, he saw that I said I thought he was emotionally and physicaly abusive.
This opened up some conversation where I ascerted that shelter is high up there on the hierachy of needs and him throwing me out, (and in any way touching me while doing so) is indeed abuse.
He asked about my actions that angered him in the first place. I mentioned that it is too hard for me to recognize his actions as merely acting out when they border on such big-time threats, that those are emotional abuse. There is a difference from a disagreement or argument and emotional/physical abuse, that is about power. I said that 'kicking-me' out is all about power and control.
I also shared with him that this thread and this forum has good advice for women with regards to the changes thier husbands may go through while the wives are going to nursing school or graduate school. I shared that none of the advice had been working in our situation because they only seemed to make him more angry and frustrated.
Well, all of this together really helped. I don't think I would have been able to communicate so clearly that I was feeling he was abusive and not just argumentative, (without this thread and the words I wrote to you all about how I was feeling).
It was obvious that he had never considered it from this perspective, I could see while he read that these statements registered deeply.
Thank you,
Gen
p.s. we did agree that I am going to stay on campus too, we had talked about it before but, both agree this is wise choice, especially now, he is encouraging about this, nice
Specializes in Case Mgmt; Mat/Child, Critical Care.
Unfortunautly I think the OP has lost this thread and didn't get all our messages of encouragement. But this thread did generate a lot of discussion and showed how much people here care.
FW
Yes, I agree, I was a little worried for her thinking maybe the husband saw this thread....hopefully she'll come back, at least let us know that she is OK. Maybe she wasn't expecting such a huge amount of encouragement and ways/means for her not to quit.
i don't know what elese to do. my school...my alma mater...says there is no tuition assistance for me there, the ads on the computer for goverment grants all cost money to find out if you can get money, and by the time 2 more years roll by i am sure most of my classes will be too old to be of any use to me anyway. the only option i think i will end up with is to start over at a jr. college, and if that means taking all the science classes again...i don't think can do that.
a friend of mine told me that god has a plan for us all, and if we try for years and years to accomplish something...to no avail...that maybe it was not meant to be. i am a cna and maybe that is what was meant for me.
i even tried to be a phlebotomist...in the fall of 2000. i took the 16 week course, did really well...got a "b". a few weeks after finals i had our son in jan 2001. i could not do the clinicals right away because of that and could not later because my husband did not pay the tuition until 2004 so that class too was too old also.
i will have to renew my cna license and i will do that when i am ready to go back to work. i think it is time that i either choose another way to use my b.a or just be happy as a cna. after all, it is a noble profession and very necessary. it was just not my dream.
before i make any final decisions, i would like to ask...would any of you do it all again?. i mean would you really take all the classes again and re-do nursing school like you had never been there before?...or do you think i should just chalk it up to a dream that got away. i am 36 and my kids are 15, 8 and 4. i thougth i would never give up, but now i'm not sure.
i should also add that another reason i am beginning to think this is true is; because, in the course of dealing with some issues in my past, i have found christian science to be helpful to me. i am still however a catholic. btw, c.s is not scientology...they are not the same at all. i suppose it is logical if i am coming to believe in c.s that a nursing career would no longer make sense and i should continue to be a cna in a setting where i would not take part in the medical aspects of care. this is a quote from mbe that the same friend sent to me...
"suffer no claim of sin or of sickness to grow upon the thought. dismiss it with an abiding conviction that it is illegitimate, because you know that god is no more the author of sickness than he is of sin."
-from science and health
by mary baker eddy
390:20-23
i guess to sum it all up i am sad and confused and i would love to hear your thoughts if you could give me just a few minutes of your time. thanks.
laurel
i've been trying to get my asn for almost three years now, wow that's a long time for an asn. now, i've transfered colleges and have to take all of the science over again. like you i felt i couldn't take all that science again. it wore me out the first time. i was really exhausted from my anatomy classes alone. but, i'm forty-two i've raised two children and have one to go. i'm divorced which means i'm a single parent. i take care of my ill mother by myself. work and go to school full time. in addition, i'm hard of hearing which makes matters worse. but, there is nothing going to stop my from getting my rn. i guess what i'm trying to say is, you've got to decide how much it means to you. to me, it means the world and that's why nothing will stop me from finishing this. i wish you the best and hope you find sucess and happieness in whatever you decide. :)
Specializes in med/surg/tele/neuro/rehab/corrections.
Hello Faeriewand,
This is more off topic but, this thead helped me much.
I told my husband about it and that I posted. He wanted to read it. I let him, he saw that I said I thought he was emotionally and physicaly abusive.
This opened up some conversation where I ascerted that shelter is high up there on the hierachy of needs and him throwing me out, (and in any way touching me while doing so) is indeed abuse.
He asked about my actions that angered him in the first place. I mentioned that it is too hard for me to recognize his actions as merely acting out when they border on such big-time threats, that those are emotional abuse. There is a difference from a disagreement or argument and emotional/physical abuse, that is about power. I said that 'kicking-me' out is all about power and control.
I also shared with him that this thread and this forum has good advice for women with regards to the changes thier husbands may go through while the wives are going to nursing school or graduate school. I shared that none of the advice had been working in our situation because they only seemed to make him more angry and frustrated.
Well, all of this together really helped. I don't think I would have been able to communicate so clearly that I was feeling he was abusive and not just argumentative, (without this thread and the words I wrote to you all about how I was feeling).
It was obvious that he had never considered it from this perspective, I could see while he read that these statements registered deeply.
Thank you,
Gen
p.s. we did agree that I am going to stay on campus too, we had talked about it before but, both agree this is wise choice, especially now, he is encouraging about this, nice
Gen, I'm glad to see that this thread helped you to make positive changes in your relationship. I've tried to tell my husband that his yelling is much worse than mine becuase he is a man and it's scarier. He's bigger and has a louder, deeper voice. There's just a big difference if he yells and if I yell. If I yell everyone knows it's just blowing off pent up steam and I'm not out to hurt anyone. If I tried to do anything physical it would be a big laugh, not so with a man who is a lot stronger and can put more power into his punch.
Anyway, its good to see that all this talk did do someone a bit (or a whole lot) of good. :)
I wonder.............. how supportive is your husband??
And, you have 3 children, 2 of which are rather small. If you do not have to work, I think you should be there for the 4 and 8 year old for at least another five years.
Nursing school would remove you from your family, mentally and physically.
You have to study for many many hours every week.
Why deprive your young children of their mother unless it is a neccessity that you work?
the kids have always been my priority.
school takes priority over kids and family.
is that what you want?
i agree. i am 35 and just got my lvn license a couple of months ago. i waited until my children were in highschool and could do alot for themselves....of course they had to train daddy.. that way when i had to disappear for a couple of days or a few hours to study...i knew they were ok. plus, they're only little once. you can't get that time back. good luck to you in whatever u decide.
thanks...but i don't seem to have any bootstraps to pull anymore. i don't have any money to save. i can't go deliver pizzas...for one it is too dangerous for a woman...at least around here...and i would have to have my 15yr old babysit all the time and she is not that responsible. she is in an alternative school and she has her own issues to deal with. i can't go back to work until our son starts first grade and he is getting ready for pre-k now.
i have a checking account but i rarely get money to put in it and when i do it is no more than $10 just for little expences. at the rate of $10/month $3,200 or so dollars is a long way away.
i know about rough living...i have lived in cars...abandoned apartments and even under a viaduct near the canal.
i know that obstacles can be overcame...but i just can't get the money for this by saving up my spare change.
my mom has no money to give, niether does my brother and i don't speak to my other brother and my father for reasons that i do not care to get into. my husband will not pay my tuition and that is it for my family. this is why i am so disheartened.
i have no delusions of grandeur about nursing. i know that is can be a thankless, exhausting, frustrating carreer that is ever changing and cannot be done without passion because lives are at stake. being a cna is a little like that...we are often called glorified b*tt wipers and even sometimes the nurses think of us that way too. i have seen family members of people i have taken care of at a nursing home i worked at for years, bring presents and candy for the nurses and give away some possessions of their family member and the cnas' were not included. for over a year i took care of these people and somehow it was not as important. no glory there...i am usted to that. i just want to be a good nurse and learn from what i have seen already and what others will show me but i don't seem to be able to do that.
i only have to re-do peds and then do community and rehab...i can't believe the situation i have gotten myself into.
someone elese gave me a financial aid tip so i will try that and let you all know how it goes.
laurel
it sounds as though u would qualify for pell grant. alson here in texas, the workforce commission has a program that will pay for you to attend college. you might want to check your unemployment office about this. i used them to pay for school and used my pell grant to pay my expenses through out the sememster. also, i bet the college has a huge list of nrsg scholarships you can apply for. i received one of $400 for writing an essay. there are numerous links on financial aid and scholarships. just takesn time and research. good luck to you...hope this helped some
OK off on another tack entirely here. What do you MEAN your husband refuses to pay your tuition? In my household ALL money is OUR money. Your caring for the house and the children surely is more than equivalent to what ever job your spouse has. Is the money there and he just won't give it up?
It took me 12 years from start to finish. I had 3 jobs simultaneously the whole time. My husband changed shifts so we didn't need child care.
I busted my backside and made A's the whole time. My school had a 7 year limit on course ages IF there was a gap. As long as the schooling was continuous there was no penalty.
If you truly feel that CS is leading you away from the nursing mode what about changing majors to religion or counseling. You could probably get a Master's based on having the BA.
But if my HUSBAND refused to pay, I'd be taking a serious look at who this guy was, cause MY hubby had my back the whole way.
amen sister. mine too. i repaid him for all his support by getting him a new truck. he drove a hoopty while i drove the good car back and forth to school
I've not had time to read the other responses, sorry if I'm repeating anything.
Do you by chance have any mental illness problems? Major depression, major and consistent anxiety, OCD, bi-polar, ect....? Do you have any serious health problems?
If so, you can get a referral from your treating doctor and call your state's vocational rehabilitation office. They have programs to help "rehabilitate" people with barriers that prevent them from suceeding in school or the workplace.
My friend has some of the above and vocational rehabilitation pays her tuition.
Just a thought.
YOURE RIGHT!!!! i forgot about that. Texas Rehab also paid for costs and gave me mileage to pay for gas since I am bipolar.
thanks. i have been offline for a while becuase the power source on my computer was broken and it was not fixed tilll now. i will ckeck into these optopns...thanks for this. he was going to pay the tuition with some bonus money he might have gotten, but it turns out he didn't get it so i am still trying.
hi laurel,
you certainly have a tough row to hoe here. there are a few things you might consider doing:
1. do a web search on unusual scholarships, grants, and loans. there are gobs of scholarship money out there if you dig around enough- sometimes, they have odd requirements (like maybe you have to be a red-haired daughter of a retired police chief or something) or are given by corporations you wouldn't think of- i know that tylenol has a nursing scholarship available, and i'm sure there are others out there.
2. look into every possible healthcare institution in your area to see if any will underwrite your tuition. make sure you talk to the people with all the information- too often, people are turned away by gatekeepers (admin assistants, receptionists, etc.) who may not know that there are funds available. write letters explaining your situation to the powers that be, and follow up.
3. check into stafford loans. i have several friends who utilized this option, and they are all happy they did. yes, you'll be more in debt...but, like another poster said, it'll be a million times faster to pay off loans on an rn salary than that of a cna.
4. if you are active in a church, ask other members for any leads they may have on loans and/or scholarships available. it may be uncomfortable, but things pop up in unexpected places. i just found out that the mother of a friend is on the board of directors at my hospital. you really never know who might be around the corner who could help you out.
5. i'm a big believer in exceptions to the rules. just because there isn't officially money available for you to take classes, there may be someone in a position of power who would be willing to let the institution (either your hospital or your school) foot the bill for your tuition. maybe you could work out a payment plan? even if there's a published policy that prohibits it, ask. the worst answer you can get is no, and since you already anticipate that, there will be nothing lost.
6. i'm sure many people will disagree with me on this, but you might want to consider getting credit cards to help defray some expenses. since you have little credit history, it seems, it might take a while to build up a credit line, but it could benefit you in the long run.
7. it seems you have a lot of cna experience. is there agency cna work available in your area? typically, private-duty assignments pay far more than hospital or nursing home work.
8. think of any possible way you could make money, no matter how far-fetched, and investigate it. i know a woman who buys small stuffed bears in bulk, then dips them in melted candlewax, poses them, then dries them and decorates them with ribbons...she sells them on e-bay, at festivals, fairs, and the like. i think she has a cost of about $2 per bear, and sells them for $15 apiece. i know another who makes low-carb snack foods and sells them in a booth at the farmer's market each week. there are non-traditional ways to make the money you need; i even know one woman who worked as an exotic dancer for a year before enrolling in classes, and she made enough in those 12 months to cover all her tuition and expenses throughout college. perhaps not the path for everyone, but it's a creative solution nonetheless.
one final thought...if you've been to the bank to apply for loans, are you including your house as a financial asset? i don't know if you live in a community property state, but here in nc, spouses automatically share ownership of anything acquired after the marriage, regardless of whether your name is on the title.
i agree, though, that you need to think long and hard about your spiritual conflict before embarking on this. perhaps a resolution to that issue will open the door to resolving some of the others. no matter what you decide, i wish you the best of luck!
i do want to survive it...i want the chance to go back and do just that!. thanks for your suport.
quote=pcloudy]that is so true. you can't make excuses - you just have to want to survive the bootcamp called nursing school. i started with 56 in my class and we graduated 12. if i had it to do all over again, i'm not sure that i would. that's difficult to say since i started at age 17 and am now 45. i did take a short break from full time nursing to teach high school. i prefer bedpans over that without a doubt. i am trying to decide right now if i should continue in nursing - risking another spinal fusion or worse - or retraining to do something else. nursing is an interesting profession but there is no glamour in it. i suppose, as a cna, you are well aware of that. there is some truth in the saying "where there's a will, there's a way" but you have to decide if the battle is worth the fight for you. there are some posts here that give you some ideas on financial aid and so on. some facilities provide tuition reimbursement to further your education. depending on where you work, they may pay for your school if you commit to a certain number of years after graduation. i wish you well.
thanks for sharing that...really. i can empathise with your suffering. i have been through some myself, but it was long ago and not things that people want to talk about. i do know that things can be overcome and i really want this more than anyone knows, but the more i try and the more time that passes the more that doors are slamming in my face.
i have not made my comments about christian science clear. i am catholic but since reading science and health and thinking about all the obstacles that seem to arise keeping me from my dream, i was considering the idea that maybe god did not have this planned for me, no matter how badly i wanted it. healing is not against my religion, it is just that my head is getting bloody from beating it against this brick wall and i want to know why it has to be so da*ned hard to be given another chance to help others.
albert schweitzer said so well, "sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light." during those difficult times they rekindled one another's light.
i can thank you all here for that. i never expected this large of a reaction to my post.
thank you especially...i will pray for you. my kids are my life. without them...i don't know where i would be or what i would be doing.
i will read that book you suggested too. god knows i need something...and only he knows what it is. i just wish he would tell me because i am getting really confused. we should talk offline too...your post really moved me. [email protected] if that is allowed to say here.
thanks again and i hope that anyone who wants to talk offline will e-mail me.
god bless you and everyone here.
laurel
4eeeek-
don't lose your dream of becoming a nurse, your only 36, you have kids ro raise for years, and they need money. these days it doesnt seem to make sense to claim any denomination, just believe in christ, what he did for us.thank god its not a science fiction based belief like scientology, thats all screwey. but, you'll work for the way it makes you feel in helping other. kindness , only kindness matters. i only had time to school so far (15 yrs now)as an lpn.do that first, it will open so many doors.don't let satan,the poor bastard angel that fell, suck you into defeat.,by overwhelming you into thinking you must only get a ba. or if you can an rn hosp.degree, then it'll be
even easier to get your bsn from there. i eneded up getting divorced because that evil side led me astray, then was caught up in the most (1) xxx(!) debilitating car accident, coma,trach,ileostomy,icu neuropathy--etc etc. i couldnt even breathe on my own, i had foot drop almost irriversible, christ healed me through a saint of a doctor dr. william charash of boston medical, to start with then, spots of people along the way of a 2 yr recovery who were filled with his love and may not have even known it, cuz i am, and didnt know it. i feel bad for t cruise, because he's supposed to be so loving and sincere, i hope he is just led back to believe in christ and what he did for us, thats all you need to hold on to. read the purpose driven life,and listen to dr.wayne dyer. i know nursing, and taking care of people, mostly the elderly, and i can't wait to start again, i have taken my first baby steps, i've already worked. but my corrective surgery, to anastamos the intestines back, then give me a stomach muscle wall, took 6 months to heal from a 12 hour surgery(what a man! christ! and dr charash!)and me! for making it! my saint of a mother!jane!! who stayed with me for 365 days, and healed me enough to wait on my own for my corrective surgery. its been a long lonely hard road.............but i"m back! back in the saddle again.......i'm only 4 yrs older than you., come on youngie, dont give up on being a nurse.
you may wake up, bleary eyed, coffee in hand and read this, and get goose bumps cuz its sometimes the small things(we think they're small,but god 's put them out there for you) that can make the difference,suddenly its 10 yrs later, and you think"what if i'd never read that, or believed it,where would i be".........now, i turn my life back to my baby, my poor sweet little boy, who was but 7 when my accident happened, he turned 8, his father stole him(and really thank god he loves him and wants to take care of him,although i want him with me ,living with me as he always has),turned 10 as i healed, is now turning 11, as i go back to being a nurse,so i can provide for him however i can.one thing his father does not know, the bond the umbilical cord provides,men can never experience that pain of giving birth thank god. ok, i am now wiped out this morning, i have turned my guts inside out like a washed t-shirt your folding.,turned my life out really. :balloons: congratulations on your baby......i hope i've convinced you. say a prayer for me(i am always with my son too , btw)that i take the best care of everyone at my new work and in my personal like and every aspect of every other person i come in contact with. sorry for spilling my guts.... always trying to lookup...
that way when i had to disappear for a couple of days or a few hours to study...i knew they were ok. plus, they're only little once. you can't get that time back. good luck to you in whatever u decide.
always trying to lookup...
Faeriewand, ASN, RN
1,800 Posts
Unfortunautly I think the OP has lost this thread and didn't get all our messages of encouragement. But this thread did generate a lot of discussion and showed how much people here care.
FW