i don't know what elese to do. my school...my alma mater...says there is no tuition assistance for me there, the ads on the computer for goverment grants all cost money to find out if you can get money, and by the time 2 more years roll by i am sure most of my classes will be too old to be of any use to me anyway. the only option i think i will end up with is to start over at a jr. college, and if that means taking all the science classes again...i don't think can do that.
a friend of mine told me that god has a plan for us all, and if we try for years and years to accomplish something...to no avail...that maybe it was not meant to be. i am a cna and maybe that is what was meant for me.
i even tried to be a phlebotomist...in the fall of 2000. i took the 16 week course, did really well...got a "b". a few weeks after finals i had our son in jan 2001. i could not do the clinicals right away because of that and could not later because my husband did not pay the tuition until 2004 so that class too was too old also.
i will have to renew my cna license and i will do that when i am ready to go back to work. i think it is time that i either choose another way to use my b.a or just be happy as a cna. after all, it is a noble profession and very necessary. it was just not my dream.
before i make any final decisions, i would like to ask...would any of you do it all again?. i mean would you really take all the classes again and re-do nursing school like you had never been there before?...or do you think i should just chalk it up to a dream that got away. i am 36 and my kids are 15, 8 and 4. i thougth i would never give up, but now i'm not sure.
i should also add that another reason i am beginning to think this is true is; because, in the course of dealing with some issues in my past, i have found christian science to be helpful to me. i am still however a catholic. btw, c.s is not scientology...they are not the same at all. i suppose it is logical if i am coming to believe in c.s that a nursing career would no longer make sense and i should continue to be a cna in a setting where i would not take part in the medical aspects of care. this is a quote from mbe that the same friend sent to me...
"suffer no claim of sin or of sickness to grow upon the thought. dismiss it with an abiding conviction that it is illegitimate, because you know that god is no more the author of sickness than he is of sin."
-from science and health
by mary baker eddy
390:20-23
i guess to sum it all up i am sad and confused and i would love to hear your thoughts if you could give me just a few minutes of your time. thanks.
I think you need to sit down and decide what you really want from life Laurel, and what you want to teach your children.
If you are serious about Christian Scientist, then pursuing nursing is asinine. They do not believe in medical interventions. That is a huge conflict. You need to settle that in your heart and mind before you continue.
Secondly, do you want your daughters to be treated like this? Your sons to treat their wives like your husband treats you?
All I'm hearing so far is a bunch of "Yeah buts," along with a huge dose of codependance.
Perhaps nursing isn't for you. I know I want a nurse who is going to advocate for my care, and you can't even advocate for your own.
Present your husband with an itemized bill for the past however many years, including housekeeping, childcare and whatever else you do. If he wants to be that big of a jerk about money, charge him for sex.
You are a doormat and don't seem inclined to change it and that drives me up a wall.
I know what you mean with your advice to Laurel. I am a really nice and flexible person. However, people have misunderstood that for me being a doormat, only to get their foot bit off when they go to wipe their feet on me.
I agree, everyone will respect you more if you pursue your goals and are goal driven....even if they complain the whole time. Kids learn what they see from what you do. Kids don't know what is best, that is why they have parents to make adult decisions and guide them. If you tell them...I was gonna be a nurse but I needed to stay home and take care of you....guess what...no respect! But if you show them you can struggle, you can study and take care of them it will make them stronger, respect you more, and be more self sufficient if anything happens to you someday.
I have a friend that came over the other night, sat in the same chair she did last year, said the same things about her abusive husband, and has done not one thing towards a resolution or solution to her problem. Then go talk to the wall....I have no pitty You have to be real, do what you believe in and hope to God it all falls into place for you someday. If it doesn't...you know you gave it your all. If you do nothing then you are a "do nothing" ...nothing to be poud of.
Why in Gods name people lay down and let others, sometimes men, treat them poorly...I just don't know. We are all equal...no one is god that walks the earth as far as I know. The controlling abusive scenario......I lived through it...but I had a plan and I followed through.
Sure I don't have anyone right now to eat dinner with, to go to bed with but I am busy, I am getting somewhere, I just graduated for the second time from college...on my own. I think women make unusual strides when they are single.
Men feel threatened by a women's success sometimes. But if you do what you know is right...they will treat you better and respect you. That is if you still want to hang on to the jerk while you are working at something.
I want to reach my goal and then I will pick someone I think will be a good mate for me, not the other way around...sit and wait to be chosen by some goon who tells me what goals I can accomplish today and which ones he thinks I should not pursue. I thought slavery was abolished.
Laurel....maybe she needs a kick in the butt, maybe she needs motherly advice, maybe she needs to stick her neck out and do what she needs to do to get what she wants...maybe she doesn't want anything at all and just wants to be a "I could have" I should have" person.
You need action to get results....words just don't cut it. Religion should not need to enter in on it. That is something else....another topic, it is used to take your attention away from the real issue, it is manipulative. The facts are the facts.
Hey, I am not relilgious but spiritual. I believe I made it because I had "faith" in what I did not see....that was me getting pinned as an RN. That is putting your faith to the test!
Thanks for yur comments...they were excellent.
Nancy K
I think you need to sit down and decide what you really want from life Laurel, and what you want to teach your children.
If you are serious about Christian Scientist, then pursuing nursing is asinine. They do not believe in medical interventions. That is a huge conflict. You need to settle that in your heart and mind before you continue.
Secondly, do you want your daughters to be treated like this? Your sons to treat their wives like your husband treats you?
All I'm hearing so far is a bunch of "Yeah buts," along with a huge dose of codependance.
Perhaps nursing isn't for you. I know I want a nurse who is going to advocate for my care, and you can't even advocate for your own.
Present your husband with an itemized bill for the past however many years, including housekeeping, childcare and whatever else you do. If he wants to be that big of a jerk about money, charge him for sex.
You are a doormat and don't seem inclined to change it and that drives me up a wall.
I'd go with what passing thru said stay home with the kids if you can they are little still. wait till they go to school.then go to a vocational school and you can be a lvn in 1 year.
Although she needs to be there for her children, if something were to happen to her husband, would a CNA's pay cover her needs?
It's all a catch 22. I think children will appreciate the dedication when they look back on it and realize that mom loved them so much, she wanted to make sure they were taken care of while making something of herself...
Just MHO....
People say think of your children first, do what is best for them by staying out of school right now and just be there for them.
Well, I am a mother of three children (ages 4, 6 and 8) who went to school because I thought that one of the most important ways I could show I cared for them was to see they were provided for, and that wasn't going to happen on a CNA salary or working at the convenience store. I know CNA's with small children and I feel so bad for them, because as hard as they work they still can't make it. They consistently have car trouble or some other thing they need but are having to do without because $9.00/hr doesn't feed, clothe and shelter a family of four or five.
I'm not talking about making sure your children are provided with Gameboys and a new bicycle every year.
While I regret I was put in a position to have to go to school and then work and I missed time with my children, I would feel even worse now if I hadn't gone to school and gotten a decent job. Life is easier now in a lot of ways simply by having a decent check coming in.
People tell you money doesn't matter but it makes all the difference. Most spousal fights and divorces occur over money or lack of money, and people are living up to the eyeballs with debt.
A big part of showing your children you care is making sure you can provide for them.
I had so many obstacles when I applied for admission to the local college. I had to wait a year, missed the deadline by 3 days for that year. My kids were one and four. My husband was making little above minimum wage. I had dropped out of college 10 years prior. I was blessed with family and friends who babysat for me and a husband who supported my decision. I couldn't have done it without them. Other issues came up during my schooling-hospitalization for my son, many nights up with him. I just knew that I wanted to be a nurse. Again, my saving grace was the support I had, my graduation was a team effort. I have been a nurse for seven years and couldn't imagine doing anything else. My college offered some scholarships, and there are loans etc. Have you sat down with a college advisor. If not, I would recommend it. There was even tuition assistance for daycare at the program I attended.
I know what you mean with your advice to Laurel. I am a really nice and flexible person. However, people have misunderstood that for me being a doormat, only to get their foot bit off when they go to wipe their feet on me.
I agree, everyone will respect you more if you pursue your goals and are goal driven....even if they complain the whole time. Kids learn what they see from what you do. Kids don't know what is best, that is why they have parents to make adult decisions and guide them. If you tell them...I was gonna be a nurse but I needed to stay home and take care of you....guess what...no respect! But if you show them you can struggle, you can study and take care of them it will make them stronger, respect you more, and be more self sufficient if anything happens to you someday.
I have a friend that came over the other night, sat in the same chair she did last year, said the same things about her abusive husband, and has done not one thing towards a resolution or solution to her problem. Then go talk to the wall....I have no pitty You have to be real, do what you believe in and hope to God it all falls into place for you someday. If it doesn't...you know you gave it your all. If you do nothing then you are a "do nothing" ...nothing to be poud of.
Why in Gods name people lay down and let others, sometimes men, treat them poorly...I just don't know. We are all equal...no one is god that walks the earth as far as I know. The controlling abusive scenario......I lived through it...but I had a plan and I followed through.
Sure I don't have anyone right now to eat dinner with, to go to bed with but I am busy, I am getting somewhere, I just graduated for the second time from college...on my own. I think women make unusual strides when they are single.
Men feel threatened by a women's success sometimes. But if you do what you know is right...they will treat you better and respect you. That is if you still want to hang on to the jerk while you are working at something.
I want to reach my goal and then I will pick someone I think will be a good mate for me, not the other way around...sit and wait to be chosen by some goon who tells me what goals I can accomplish today and which ones he thinks I should not pursue. I thought slavery was abolished.
Laurel....maybe she needs a kick in the butt, maybe she needs motherly advice, maybe she needs to stick her neck out and do what she needs to do to get what she wants...maybe she doesn't want anything at all and just wants to be a "I could have" I should have" person.
You need action to get results....words just don't cut it. Religion should not need to enter in on it. That is something else....another topic, it is used to take your attention away from the real issue, it is manipulative. The facts are the facts.
Hey, I am not relilgious but spiritual. I believe I made it because I had "faith" in what I did not see....that was me getting pinned as an RN. That is putting your faith to the test!
Thanks for yur comments...they were excellent.
Nancy K
Nancy K. and Lil Peanut, you have given Laurel some wise words. Laurel, I worry about you because YOU have put the obstacles between you and your goal. First, you made bad choice in marrying the man you did. Then you made your situation even more desperate by having three children . So there is a big discrepancy between what you are saying and what you are doing.
And what does having a B.A. degree have anything to do with getting a loan?
There's something fishy going on in Chicago if you haven't been paid by someone to finish up three courses! You sound so desperately unhappy and confused that therapy might be more important for you now than finishing school. You've had some great advice from this board but I think you need more than loving advice. Therapy will help you make a realistic plan for the future and give you the esteem to stick with it. Anyone who has lived in a car, under a bridge, married a jerk and had three children with him has a lot of emotional baggage (probably more like trauma). And, of course, it may be easier to concentrate on these three courses than on your own serious problems.
Please find a therapist with whom you "click" and take a year off from your "dream" and try to figure out why Laurel is making such terrible choices and get your head in a better place.
i don't know what elese to do. my school...my alma mater...says there is no tuition assistance for me there, the ads on the computer for goverment grants all cost money to find out if you can get money, and by the time 2 more years roll by i am sure most of my classes will be too old to be of any use to me anyway. the only option i think i will end up with is to start over at a jr. college, and if that means taking all the science classes again...i don't think can do that.
a friend of mine told me that god has a plan for us all, and if we try for years and years to accomplish something...to no avail...that maybe it was not meant to be. i am a cna and maybe that is what was meant for me.
i even tried to be a phlebotomist...in the fall of 2000. i took the 16 week course, did really well...got a "b". a few weeks after finals i had our son in jan 2001. i could not do the clinicals right away because of that and could not later because my husband did not pay the tuition until 2004 so that class too was too old also.
i will have to renew my cna license and i will do that when i am ready to go back to work. i think it is time that i either choose another way to use my b.a or just be happy as a cna. after all, it is a noble profession and very necessary. it was just not my dream.
before i make any final decisions, i would like to ask...would any of you do it all again?. i mean would you really take all the classes again and re-do nursing school like you had never been there before?...or do you think i should just chalk it up to a dream that got away. i am 36 and my kids are 15, 8 and 4. i thougth i would never give up, but now i'm not sure.
i should also add that another reason i am beginning to think this is true is; because, in the course of dealing with some issues in my past, i have found christian science to be helpful to me. i am still however a catholic. btw, c.s is not scientology...they are not the same at all. i suppose it is logical if i am coming to believe in c.s that a nursing career would no longer make sense and i should continue to be a cna in a setting where i would not take part in the medical aspects of care. this is a quote from mbe that the same friend sent to me...
"suffer no claim of sin or of sickness to grow upon the thought. dismiss it with an abiding conviction that it is illegitimate, because you know that god is no more the author of sickness than he is of sin."
-from science and health
by mary baker eddy
390:20-23
i guess to sum it all up i am sad and confused and i would love to hear your thoughts if you could give me just a few minutes of your time. thanks.
laurel
laurel,i must tell you this with all the caring and understanding of what you are going through,bull s#*!, if this is your dream,dont give up,keep at it,you can,and will do it,if that is what you really want.but you do have to want it.i am attempting to enter nursing school at the age of 45,it has been the second hardest thing in my life to do,next to learning how to walk again after an accedent and doctors said "you will always need a walker",well,they were wrong!,i cycle and back pack and out do guys half my age. the point is,only you can decide if you are defeated,no one else,so i say,go after youir dream,there are ways you can pay for school,and at worst,pay as you go with a second job,it will be hard,but nothing worth having,is had easy.james
Specializes in Case Mgmt; Mat/Child, Critical Care.
Faeriewand....YOU Rock!!!!
Laurel, I feel for you because I had a similar situation. My husband is a class A Jerk. The house is in his name only and he controls all the money. As a housewife I have no income. I suffered from depression and that went on for years and my self esteem plumeted. (actually a common occurance in housewives) I had a bill to pay off too that my husband said was mine and he wouln't touch it even tho it was under $3,000 and he had just refinanced the house and took out $50,000. My oldest son is now 18 and just starting college and my husband won't pay for that either, but when he was 4 years old and I wanted to go back to school I had to say I was a single parent to get him into the college child care center for free because my husband wouldn't pay for it. I had to go around the obstacles set for me even if it meant doing something like that. I had to find a way. My husband never had my back as another poster said about her wonderful husband. Whenever I wanted to do something with my life my husband would look at me and say, "Oh really? Who's going to pay for it?" I was treated as a maid and a child. And then something happened....
I turned 40! and the POWER came on me! :chuckle I told my husband off whenever he acted like a total jerk. When he said something like who is going to pay for it. I yelled and came on like a banshee! :chuckle He is a parent too and he knows I don't have any money so quit talking to me like that! I shouldn't have to feel like a single parent when I'm not. :angryfire When I confronted him he shut up. I still have to do that occasionally like last month when I got fed up when he said he did all the work around the house. (He's a loafer who orders the children to do housework) We still have many issues to resolve but most things have changed for the better. And just to clarify, I don't attack him directly. I use "I" messages even if I am screaming them. LOL!
Ok so maybe the power hasn't come on you yet but that doesn't mean your completely stuck. You are too close to stop in your tracks. I too had to sit home with all of my children to raise them, my yongest is 10 now, so I understand what you are going thru, but I still found out ways to get back in school. The more you get out of the house the more connections you will make with the outside world and with that comes new ideas that will change you and how you will deal with your situation. I'm sure that doesn't set well with your husband so understand that where he is coming from he doesn't want to see his wife get any power or control. It's fun for him to be master and commander. That's why he doesn't help you go back to school. He knows you are unable to pay back such a huge debt. Plain and simple-- If you fail he wins. Just understand that.
If I were your next door neighbor I would come over and take you to the nearest college for a session with a counselor and tell him/her everything and see how they could help. Then I would make a big sign that says something like Hi My name is Laurel, I'm smart and want to be a Nurse, I've only got three more classes to go but no money.......(something like that) and with you and your two youngest children we would stand out on a busy street to see if you could get a businessman to front you a loan (or hospital administrator) That takes some moxy. (Some of you may remember seeing this as a segment on television. Hey it worked didn't it? ) Make up some index cards that state your name, phone number, your dream, and your situation and pass them out to everyone you know. Pass them out at church. Keep telling your story because the more networking you do the more likely you are to have a positive outcome. They might even be able to pass your card on to someone who can help you. And while your attending church with your husband, open up to people and tell them what he is like, then watch their reactions. (People will want to know why you have no money to finish your RN so tell them) It will give you more strength as to how wrong the whole situation is. Self empowerment is what you need.
Keep reading Echo Heron and don't give up. Remember she had a little boy too who was too young for school but she still did it.
Lastly, drop your so-called friend. As a CS her agenda is anti-medicine. That is why she is trying to get you to give up your dream. She is too negative and is just trying to dissuade you from what you know deep down inside is your path. (again this goes back to getting out and meeting more people. different people will give you different viewpoints to weigh in your decison) Your here for a reason. You know you want to be a nurse. And you are so close so don't give up!
Specializes in Case Mgmt; Mat/Child, Critical Care.
Nanncy, You too! Awesome, awesome and so true, the posts from you two posters!
Faeriewand, you are awesome.
I guess some of that moxy comes with age or with getting fed up with people going against your desire to reach your goals. I married my best friend a few years ago. We made promises to back each other in our passions, his was race cars and he had one. Well that was fine until I said I wanted to go to nursing school. He said I couldn't, I am not a spring chicken and I really did not want to get a divorce but I went to nursing school. He yelled and screamed and swore. He ended up being a class A jerk. He screamed 1" from my face and told me I did not know how crazy he could get....I put the fear of God in him and told him he did not know how crazy I could get! And then I acted a little crazy to back up my statement. And I went to school, the second year he made me move out...I did, I wanted to anyhow but let him think he was "kicking" me out....that way he moved me back home.
I had a wing and a prayer to live on financially. I have had a lot of friends come out of the woodwork to help. I helped a girl over 40 yrs. ago in high school, she sent me 500.00 to pay for boards and my permit and just for the heck of it. My cousin sent me some money to help me bridge the money gap. My dad who never ever helped me financially without making me cry....bought me a new car for my birthday in Feb. Mine was okay but might not have made it. I graduated with a lot of hard work, a few tears, a lot of worrying, a little bit of sleep, and a lot of moxy and I got behind on some bills but I am still standing. I just got my first job and I am going through orientation. I am signing my divorce papers and happily. He can kiss my A--. I loved him, but I don't need BS at this point in my life. I really think he wanted me to support his race car habit. I could have if he would have supported me first. I think I saw the true reason he asked me to marry him when I decided to go to school....live and learn! I only want people around me that make a positive difference in my life, by example, encouragement, etc. I don't need someone ruining my desires, my dreams, my goals. Those are not bad things.
Maybe it takes age....I am not sure. All I know if I was 20 yrs. old...oh boy would I do things differently!!! I am not young but I still keep myself pointed in the direction I am going in. A step forwad, sometimes one backward. I did not lose and am not losing focus. I want to be a good nurse...a babystep at a time.
People will help when they see your honest effort. Then you can pay the world back by being the best nurse or whatever, you can be.
I think you gave Laurel excellent advice. We need to have her living in our neighborhood so we could help her through.
Specializes in Case Mgmt; Mat/Child, Critical Care.
I think you need to sit down and decide what you really want from life Laurel, and what you want to teach your children.
If you are serious about Christian Scientist, then pursuing nursing is asinine. They do not believe in medical interventions. That is a huge conflict. You need to settle that in your heart and mind before you continue.
Secondly, do you want your daughters to be treated like this? Your sons to treat their wives like your husband treats you?
All I'm hearing so far is a bunch of "Yeah buts," along with a huge dose of codependance.
Perhaps nursing isn't for you. I know I want a nurse who is going to advocate for my care, and you can't even advocate for your own.
Present your husband with an itemized bill for the past however many years, including housekeeping, childcare and whatever else you do. If he wants to be that big of a jerk about money, charge him for sex.
You are a doormat and don't seem inclined to change it and that drives me up a wall.
Specializes in Case Mgmt; Mat/Child, Critical Care.
Lorel, I just read this whole thread and I have some questions for you...
1st, I really think you need to read and re-read the posts by faeriewand and nancy and lilpeanut. That is all good and true info there.
OK, you say you are only 3 classes from graduating w/a BSN??? Is this for real, I mean that's what, 9 credits? You complete these 3 classes,you have no clinicals or your Sr yr internship...all of that is done, just 3 classes? What does your college charge per credit hour? Have you figured out what it would cost to take 3 classes, 1 per semester...I mean that's 3 semesters and your graduating!
Have you actually gone in and sat down w/a college advisor? You seem confused as to when your credits are going to expire. You need to know exactly what you need to graduate. You need to initiate a plan of action, say starting Jan 2006.
If you really are that close to graduating w/a BSN, I think it would be ludicrous for you to pursue an LPN program...it won't be any easier or less time consuming.
What these last people are saying is true...if I had come as far as being 3 classes shy of graduating....I wouldliterally[/i] be asking strangers in church for money, having bakesales, topless dancing if need be to get that money together,even if it's 1 class at a time!
I know you have kids, little ones, too, but girl, I have been in your shoes! I, at the age of 19 was married to the biggest jerk on the face of the earth. He no more wanted me continuing w/college than he wanted to jump off a bridge. No, his plan was "keep her barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, serving me, so I can go out running around doing what I want..." you know that type of BS! Well, that lasted a couple of yrs, 4 to be exact and I gave him the boot...after he destroyed my self esteem, constantly told me how worthless I was, that I would never finish school, I was nothing w/out him....blah, blah, blah....Yeah whatever...you shoulda seen the look on his face the day he got served w/divorce papers! :rotfl:
Basically honey, you gotta grow a pair! Really! You are letting this man walk all over you! He is supposed to be your partner, not your master!
And what is Mr HighNMighty gonna do when you graduate and start working...you'll be making somewhere between $20-30/hr...I'm sure he'll have a use for that now won't he????
Make a plan...start generating some income, soley for your tuition, borrow the money, use his name and your house, hell half of it's yours, even if your 4yo goes to part time pre-school. And hubby can pay the tuition for him! You need to really come down on hubby an dlet him know that you can and you will leave his sorry a** if he does not become an active participant in your life, immediately. You know what, I did it...I had 2 young children, 2 and 3 yo. I delayed my dream of finishing college while raising them those 1st few yrs, but then I went back part time,then full time. It was the long way around but I did it!
I'm sorry if this is offensive to you, but Lorel, no one is gonna stick up for you, but you! You may love your husband and if he loves you,that is wonderful , once you put your foot down, he will see that he does not want to lose you and he will value your happiness.
LilPeanut, MSN, RN, NP
898 Posts
I think you need to sit down and decide what you really want from life Laurel, and what you want to teach your children.
If you are serious about Christian Scientist, then pursuing nursing is asinine. They do not believe in medical interventions. That is a huge conflict. You need to settle that in your heart and mind before you continue.
Secondly, do you want your daughters to be treated like this? Your sons to treat their wives like your husband treats you?
All I'm hearing so far is a bunch of "Yeah buts," along with a huge dose of codependance.
Perhaps nursing isn't for you. I know I want a nurse who is going to advocate for my care, and you can't even advocate for your own.
Present your husband with an itemized bill for the past however many years, including housekeeping, childcare and whatever else you do. If he wants to be that big of a jerk about money, charge him for sex.
You are a doormat and don't seem inclined to change it and that drives me up a wall.