aaaaand I'm done!

Nurses Recovery

Published

I have been due to be completed with my contract with PNAP sometime since the beginning of May, and I have been in contact with my case manager who told me that all of my paperwork is up to date, and the BON is reviewing my file, but I basically need to continue doing everything that is required of me in my contract until I can lo longer log into FirstLab's system to determine whether I've been selected for drug testing on that particular day.

Well, I attempted to log on today and it says my account is inactive!!!!!!! So, after 3+ years of witnessed drug screens, meeting lists, and progress reports from my therapist and supervisors, I am DONE!!! DONE DONE DONE!!!!

As frustrating as this has been, and as much of a burden, time and money sink, and as stressed out as this program made me, I do owe a great deal of my recovery (especially my early recovery) to them. I might not have been able to do it without them "looking over my shoulder" in the early stages. I don't post here very often, but I do read the forums regularly, so I hope that this can offer some encouragement to people who are having a difficult time dealing with their own recovery.

I know the sobriety is a lifelong process, and there were many says were I felt like giving up, but I'm sure glad I didn't.

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Specializes in Na.

Congratulations!!

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Do you feel a weight lifted from your shoulders at this point? I wonder how it will feel to be done- I was surprised when I took a vacation exemption that I didn't feel a relief from anything- The program is more of an annoyance at this point.

Anyway- Very happy for you! Thanks for sharing as I hope to be there soon (2 more years)

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I definitely feel like there is a weight off of my shoulders, and I understand where you're coming from when you say it is a bit of an annoyance. Towards the end, I felt like it was ridiculous that, as someone with 4 years sober, I still had to get meeting lists signed and fill out progress reports.

I've been in PNAP pretty much the entire time I've been sober, so I am a little apprehensive about going forward at this point. I have a great deal of support in AA, and I started seeing my old therapist again just to make sure I can identify and deal with any triggers that will inevitably pop up.

Right now I'm just trying to enjoy the 'freedom' of not being monitored anymore :-)

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Congrats to you!

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Congratulations! And here's a celebration song for you: you are done, la la la la, done, done, done, so happy for you! I can't wait til I'm done too! (Chorus). Seriously though, I'm so very happy for you, and that you plan to continue with your recovery and going to meetings, because you're right, it is a life-long process. And I soooo relate that even though it feels like an annoyance in the end, I know IPN saved my life and I'm eternally grateful for it. Best wishes.

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Specializes in long-term-care, LTAC, PCU.

CONGRATULATIONS! I just finished with PHMP this past November. I know that I wouldn't have been able to stay clean if it wasn't for phmp but it's awesome to not have to call in every day and worry about getting my slips signed. Keep up the good work!

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Specializes in kids.

Yay for you!! keep up the good work!

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Specializes in critical care, ER,ICU, CVSURG, CCU.

hipp hipp hurray, i am very proud for you, keep up the great work

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Congratulations!

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So I'm here to give an update, because as nice and peaceful as everything has been, recovery at this point has continued to be the roller coaster that is has been since I first got sober. It has certainly been nice not having to call in to Firstlab everyday, and nurses that I have spoken to, who have completed PNAP, say that they have habitually called in just out of habit...that hasn't been the case with me. I've deleted all history of that site from my web browser and haven't thought about it.

Although I haven't drank or used, temptation has certainly reared its ugly head since I've been done. My substance abuse has been exclusively involved with alcohol, and its been very tempting for me to go back out and 'do some research' as my friends like to say. I'm doing 90 in 90 again, and I've started seeing my therapist again every week, at her recommendation. Thankfully I have a great sponsor and support group, but I just want to let people know that even though it is great to be done with all the BON ********, staying sober is most important. And, for me, is a whole new world of difficulty after being done with my monitoring program.

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Thank you for posting this! I love that you mentioned that the monitoring helped you in uour early sobriety. So much of this journey is about reframing our minds. When I first got to AA I would think to myself "how can I do this for the rest of y life...go to meetings...this is horrible" then I truely adopted the "one day at a time mentality" and now I am happier than I've ever been- simply because I have tools to deal with life now. I am so proud of you. You sound like you have a solid foundation and know what to do. When our legs begin to faulter we lean on others. Wonderful job!

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