Vehn

So I'm here to give an update, because as nice and peaceful as everything has been, recovery at this point has continued to be the roller coaster that is has been since I first got sober. It has certainly been nice not having to call in to Firstlab everyday, and nurses that I have spoken to, who have completed PNAP, say that they have habitually called in just out of habit...that hasn't been the case with me. I've deleted all history of that site from my web browser and haven't thought about it. Although I haven't drank or used, temptation has certainly reared its ugly head since I've been done. My substance abuse has been exclusively involved with alcohol, and its been very tempting for me to go back out and 'do some research' as my friends like to say. I'm doing 90 in 90 again, and I've started seeing my therapist again every week, at her recommendation. Thankfully I have a great sponsor and support group, but I just want to let people know that even though it is great to be done with all the BON ********, staying sober is most important. And, for me, is a whole new world of difficulty after being done with my monitoring program.

I definitely feel like there is a weight off of my shoulders, and I understand where you're coming from when you say it is a bit of an annoyance. Towards the end, I felt like it was ridiculous that, as someone with 4 years sober, I still had to get meeting lists signed and fill out progress reports. I've been in PNAP pretty much the entire time I've been sober, so I am a little apprehensive about going forward at this point. I have a great deal of support in AA, and I started seeing my old therapist again just to make sure I can identify and deal with any triggers that will inevitably pop up. Right now I'm just trying to enjoy the 'freedom' of not being monitored anymore :-)

I have been due to be completed with my contract with PNAP sometime since the beginning of May, and I have been in contact with my case manager who told me that all of my paperwork is up to date, and the BON is reviewing my file, but I basically need to continue doing everything that is required of me in my contract until I can lo longer log into FirstLab's system to determine whether I've been selected for drug testing on that particular day. Well, I attempted to log on today and it says my account is inactive!!!!!!! So, after 3+ years of witnessed drug screens, meeting lists, and progress reports from my therapist and supervisors, I am DONE!!! DONE DONE DONE!!!! As frustrating as this has been, and as much of a burden, time and money sink, and as stressed out as this program made me, I do owe a great deal of my recovery (especially my early recovery) to them. I might not have been able to do it without them "looking over my shoulder" in the early stages. I don't post here very often, but I do read the forums regularly, so I hope that this can offer some encouragement to people who are having a difficult time dealing with their own recovery. I know the sobriety is a lifelong process, and there were many says were I felt like giving up, but I'm sure glad I didn't.

I have been in PNAP since last summer as the result of a DUI I got back in 2009 while I was still in nursing school. Its odd that you wouldn't get the 'ok' to go back to work yet. Perhaps you should talk to your case manager from PNAP? Mine has been an excellent advocate for me and I was given the OK to look for work right after I passed my boards. They also dropped the majority of my restrictions which made the process a whole lot easier for me. If you are only in the program as the result of a DUI, I don't see why it would be any different for you, but remember that you have to ask, and it wouldn't hurt to get a therapist/counselor to write a letter to them for you as well. Thats what I did. I definitely think you should try to open a dialogue with your CM-- thats what they're there for after all. I can't give much advice on the legal aspects of it, unfortunately, but I do not see how the state could take legal action if you left the program, seeing as how you are not in PNAP as the result of a diversion, but for a DUI which I assume you are already facing legal action for. You will probably lose your license though, but I cannot say how long you will lose it for. I can definitely relate to the stress, anxiety, and frustration of the program, but I really think you should talk to your CM and your counselor before you make any decisions. I was about to give it all up too early on, but within a few days of being proactive and advocating for myself, I managed to get the OK to begin looking for work, and got a bunch of my restrictions dropped. I was employed shortly after, and believe me, if newly graduated, recovering alcoholic, with 2 DUIs, and involved in the VPR can get a job...anyone can.

What state are you in? In PA, you are certainly able to take those meds if they are prescribed by your primary physician. Although your primary is the only one who can prescribe meds for you (except in emergencies), and he/she must know about your involvement in the States' program.

Sunset, Its good to hear from another PNAPer. I started the program back in May of this year, and I havent been selected more than twice per month. My contract says 'a minimum of twice, monthly' but it hasnt been more than that since Ive started. I think it depends on your case manager, and the situation that got you involved with PNAP in the first place, as I know some nurses who are regularly selected 3 times per month. Good luck with everything.