I have been due to be completed with my contract with PNAP sometime since the beginning of May, and I have been in contact with my case manager who told me that all of my paperwork is up to date, and the BON is reviewing my file, but I basically need to continue doing everything that is required of me in my contract until I can lo longer log into FirstLab's system to determine whether I've been selected for drug testing on that particular day.
Well, I attempted to log on today and it says my account is inactive!!!!!!! So, after 3+ years of witnessed drug screens, meeting lists, and progress reports from my therapist and supervisors, I am DONE!!! DONE DONE DONE!!!!
As frustrating as this has been, and as much of a burden, time and money sink, and as stressed out as this program made me, I do owe a great deal of my recovery (especially my early recovery) to them. I might not have been able to do it without them "looking over my shoulder" in the early stages. I don't post here very often, but I do read the forums regularly, so I hope that this can offer some encouragement to people who are having a difficult time dealing with their own recovery.
I know the sobriety is a lifelong process, and there were many says were I felt like giving up, but I'm sure glad I didn't.
I can relate. After many yrs of sobriety I thought alcohol wasnt a problem (not my poison of choice). I started drinking socially and within about 2 yrs was actively using daily. It will take you down when you arent looking. I know without a doubt I need daily asstance to stay clean and although peer assistance can be a "pia" I am greatful for the opportunity for another chance. I too fear the day I am "on my own" again! Thanks for the update, and keeping it real!
So I'm here to give an update, because as nice and peaceful as everything has been, recovery at this point has continued to be the roller coaster that is has been since I first got sober. It has certainly been nice not having to call in to Firstlab everyday, and nurses that I have spoken to, who have completed PNAP, say that they have habitually called in just out of habit...that hasn't been the case with me. I've deleted all history of that site from my web browser and haven't thought about it.
Although I haven't drank or used, temptation has certainly reared its ugly head since I've been done. My substance abuse has been exclusively involved with alcohol, and its been very tempting for me to go back out and 'do some research' as my friends like to say. I'm doing 90 in 90 again, and I've started seeing my therapist again every week, at her recommendation. Thankfully I have a great sponsor and support group, but I just want to let people know that even though it is great to be done with all the BON ********, staying sober is most important. And, for me, is a whole new world of difficulty after being done with my monitoring program.
Thank you for sharing this. Honesty open mindedness and willingness. Awesome you aree an inspiration!
So I'm here to give an update, because as nice and peaceful as everything has been, recovery at this point has continued to be the roller coaster that is has been since I first got sober. It has certainly been nice not having to call in to Firstlab everyday, and nurses that I have spoken to, who have completed PNAP, say that they have habitually called in just out of habit...that hasn't been the case with me. I've deleted all history of that site from my web browser and haven't thought about it.
Although I haven't drank or used, temptation has certainly reared its ugly head since I've been done. My substance abuse has been exclusively involved with alcohol, and its been very tempting for me to go back out and 'do some research' as my friends like to say. I'm doing 90 in 90 again, and I've started seeing my therapist again every week, at her recommendation. Thankfully I have a great sponsor and support group, but I just want to let people know that even though it is great to be done with all the BON ********, staying sober is most important. And, for me, is a whole new world of difficulty after being done with my monitoring program.
Very wise to share your feelings (I'm sure you're sharing this in meetings, too). Also very wise to do 90 in 90. As soon as we know no one is looking, we think we can get away with something and "do some research". Problem is, we know what happens when we do "research". I'm done with IPN very soon, and this was good for me to see. Thank you for sharing.
Big Blondie, ASN, BSN, MSN, APRN
500 Posts
I can relate. After many yrs of sobriety I thought alcohol wasnt a problem (not my poison of choice). I started drinking socially and within about 2 yrs was actively using daily. It will take you down when you arent looking. I know without a doubt I need daily asstance to stay clean and although peer assistance can be a "pia" I am greatful for the opportunity for another chance. I too fear the day I am "on my own" again! Thanks for the update, and keeping it real!