A New Way To Make Fruitcake


1 c. water

1 c. brown sugar

1 c. sugar

1 tsp. Baking soda

4 lg. Eggs

1 gal. Whiskey, most important

2 c. dried fruit



Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a fluffy bowl. Add 1teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the dried fruit gets stuck in there beaterers, pry loose wit a drewsdriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next sift 2 cups of salt orsomething, who cares. Check the whiskey . Now sift the lemon juice and strain the nuts. Add 1 tablespoon of sugar or something, whatever you can find. Grease oven. Turn the cake tin to 350°. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl ou the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the lell hikes cuifrakes anway.


46 Posts

Sounds very intoxicating.:D

sharann, BSN, RN

1,758 Posts

I have a question regarding substitution of ingredients:

Can I use Bourbon instead of Whiskey, or do I need to use Whiskey only?


Specializes in Inpatient Acute Rehab.

:D :D :D

Ithink I like that recipe!!!! Maybe I will try it tonight!!!

:p :p :p

warrior woman

285 Posts

My kinda recipe Franny!!! Feel the hangover yet???:chuckle


6,011 Posts

Specializes in ORTHOPAEDICS-CERTIFIED SINCE 89. Has 30 years experience.

This is an oldie but a goodie.

live4today, RN

5,099 Posts

Specializes in Community Health Nurse.

Oh Fran.......too funny! :rotfl:

I like fruitcake if it is moist. I've never made my own though. :)


181 Posts

:eek: Fruitcake comes in 'Moist'!

Learn sump'n new every day.:D

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide

VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

142 Articles; 9,982 Posts

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych. Has 26 years experience.

This is GREAT!! I printed it out and am taking it to work today to share with my co-workers.

I've long held a theory about fruitcake, of which only 1000 have ever been made since the beginning of time. They just keep circulating around the world, being passed along from family to family at holiday time......the rest of the year, they repose in freezers, or serve as doorstops. (The inventor of ice hockey tried using the smaller ones as pucks, but a little-known fact is, the puck as we know it today was developed because the fruitcakes were known to kill players who were unfortunate enough to be hit in the head during play.)

Fruitcakes also make good anchors, and they can be used to displace water in toilet tanks, thereby making this source of high water bills more environmentally friendly. One warning: do NOT try feeding fruitcake to small children or ducks, both of whom have been known to sink to the bottom of the shallowest pond after consuming it.


jnette, ASN, EMT-I

4,388 Posts

Specializes in Hemodialysis, Home Health. Has 10 years experience.
Originally posted by Frances LeMay

Throw the bowl ou the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the lell hikes cuifrakes anway.

Love it. Love that last line... dev3.gif


4,516 Posts

Thanks for the laugh all...read the fruitcake story years ago but had forgotten it...it's still a good one!:roll

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