A Fork in the Road: Relationship, Money, School

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Hello, all you amazing nurse people!! I am new to allnurses.com and I apologize if my question is absolutely redundant--your patience is very much appreciated! :) I was going through many threads that dealt with answering questions concerning relationships and nursing school and, well, I've got myself a little bit of an issue having to do with just that: a great 2-year (and going strong!) relationship with a fantastic guy and being accepted into an accelerated 15-month nursing program that's across the country! Oh dear. AND there is a financial factor, as well. Any input would be absolutely appreciated, so here goes my little dilemma:

I've applied to a few accelerated nursing programs: Denver College of Nursing in Colorado (that's where I live right now), the University of Southern Maine, and the University of Rochester. I've had my interview with Rochester already, but they do not let people know of their acceptance/rejection until November. Denver will not notify people until around March 2009. I HAVE been accepted (by the grace of God) into Southern Maine's program, which begins Fall 2008!

My lovely boyfriend will be attending college in New York this Fall for Accounting. Right now, a part of me wants to move out there with him and pass up the opportunity to attend Southern Maine, so that I can help him financially and we can be together. I would work and wait to hear back from Rochester, but that sounds awfully risky, doesn't it? Yet, at the same time, I'd have a chance to save some money and look for scholarships/grants. (I've missed a lot of the deadlines for funds being awarded for this Fall.) Does this option sound sensible? I can't decide.

The alternative: move to Maine, do the long-distance relationship thing, and ask my father for FINANCIAL help (as far as paying my rent goes). I've got a private loan and the Stafford loan waiting for me. However, I know my father will "hold this over my head" for awhile (that's the type of person he is, unfortunately). The private loan won't cover all my living costs, which is why I need his help. Of course, I would pay him back, but he HOLDS things against his own children and treats me like an idiot for asking if he'd be willing to help me out for the meantime. For some reason, that's just the way he is. I'm not sure I'll ever understand him. I know he would help, though. It's just the whole, "Julie, why can't you be more like you cousins and have a good job? Nursing is dirty," thing that's been annoying me for quite some time now. He's really not proud of me because I am not going to law school, med school, blah blah blah. Oh yeah, and because I'm not a boy.

Should i suck it up and put up with my dad complaining about how worthless he thinks I am and go to nursing school in Maine? Or would it make more sense to break away from my father, pass up Maine, and move to NY with my boyfriend, work, save, and risk not getting into Rochester? If I don't get into Rochester, I'd just have to start the application process all over again because, deep down, I know I want to be a kick-ass, hardworking nurse. At the same time, I know nursing school has become incredibly competitive and having just been accepted into Maine was a blessing.

any advice/input that I can get would be awesomely appreciated. Thanks. :wink2:

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Welcome to Allnurses!

Wow...that is quite a dilemma! But I don't think anyone can answer that but you...if you start next month, you'll be done in 15 months! If you wait, you may not get into the other programs and your letting time fly by. I don't know what to tell you...just search within yourself and you'll find the answer!

Best of luck!

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As far as the relationship goes, dont even stress it. If he really cares about you, he would want you to finish school. I know thats advice every mother gives their child, but take it from me 15 months goes by FAST. When youre finished you will have a fulfilling career under your belt, and hopefully your bf will be understanding of that.

If your father can afford to help you out, I would take it. Question though, wouldnt you qualify to get some kind of aid?

Trust me when I say, if you give up this opportunity it might not come around again and you will live in regret. You might even blame your bf for your unhappiness, its a short sacrifice ..15 months Vs your whooole life. Can I tell you how difficult a Nursing program in NY is? Think about how overcrowded most of NY is, (the city anyway) think of all those students who want to become Nurses and then think about how many seats are available. If you have an opportunity to do it and get in, do it. As for your father goes, I wouldnt care about what he thinks. if hes willing to help, suck it up and take it babe.

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Specializes in Chiropractic assistant, CNA in LTC, RN.

A good support system (not just financial) is essential to succeeding in nursing school. You may still succeed without one but having a good support system may mean you will graduate with your wits intact and some hair that isn't gray.

If you can handle being away from your boyfriend and not spend all your time thinking about him and missing him and actually focusing on school, then do the program close to home. If, however, being away from him will cause you more stress then I'd say go with him. Some people handle long distance romances just fine and others do not. You have to do some serious soul searching and have some long talks with your significant other before you make this decision.

Please let us know what you decide. You really have a lot to consider.

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I agree that the one you love should have your best interests at heart and encourage you to go to school.

Your boyfriend and your dad should love you that much.

You can't change your dad - don't even try. But if you can maturely deal with his comments, start making small payments to show good will, make darn sure you pay the entire amount back . .. .then I would try to get school over asap.

Good Luck!! You sound like you'd be a great nurse.

steph

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Specializes in Home Health, Case Management, OR.

In all honesty if I were you I would continue the relationship and wait for acceptance at another school. If you truly have a wonderful relationship and think he is your "lifer" don't risk losing that over the attempt at a long term relationship. The 2 of you need to really have a serious discussion about future plans and weight the options as well as see if he is on the same page as you are. I still think that finding a good man is harder than getting into nursing school haha!!

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Ive been with my fiance for 6 years. Prior to me going application crazy, I told him if I cant get in a school in NY I might go live with my mom in Vegas. Thinking its easier over there.

Do you know he realized it was going to be a tough decision but he was totally supportive. With the internet, text messages, and his benefit time at work he planned to see me at least once a month, to keep it going.

What if you guys stick together, then realize it doesnt work out. Its normal, I have lots of friends who were in LONG term relationships and it didnt work out. People change, who knows ...My own relationship might not work out. You would of given up this wonderful opportunity.

At least you have your career. Thats something that wont change. Boys will ALWAYS be there, and Im so sure if he cares about you he will be there too.

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Specializes in pediatrics.

Go to school. Your BF is in school and you can get your school out of the way, then when you can move in together and start planning a life together you will have one less thing to worry about. Regrets are hard to handle and if you two do get married and all that everytime you are short on cash or hating your job bc you didnt get into the next ns, you might hold that against him and that just doesnt sound like the way to start things off. Marriage is difficult. If you guys think you will take it to that level than any prep that you do now will only make things better. If he is not able to hold out for 15 months. Then he is not the one to try to hold onto for 50 years. Cheesy but true. Best of Luck!! PS Dad's are difficult. lol

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Goto School, do it now rather then later... You will have your whole life ahead of you after school. You never know what could happen in life to delay your schooling if you put it off now... You will both be a lot more mature after your finish school, plus you will be better off financially...

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

Go to school. You didn't say how old you are but you sound fairly young. There is no guarantee you are going to get accepted to another nursing program. Its going to get more competitive in the coming years, not less. There is also no guarantee things will work out forever with your boyfriend. If you don't go to school and the relationship doesn't work out, where will you be? Take care of YOU first. If the relationship is meant to be it will weather this just fine. And if not, sticking close to him isn't going to change that.

As far as your dad, again, take care of yourself. If you pay him back completely within a definitive amount of time he will have nothing to hold over your head. If it is still unappealing to you, resolve to get through school working a part time job.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

Hi and welcome,

I agree that postponing school just to be with your boyfriend while very attractive now might not be the best thing long term. You two will be so much better off in less than two years if you go to school and pursue your dream. As for your Dad I would borro'w the money and pay it back with a clear conscious. It sounds like he will find something to gripe about anyway and at least this is a very worthy cause. Please don't let his disapproval dampen your spirit. Good luck, Jules

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USM! For so many reasons:

1) Southern Maine is a spectacular place to live (this is my home).

2) Maine Med is a spectacular hospital (this is where I work and where I will stay when I'm finished school).

3) In terms of a lifetime, 15 months is just a blip on the radar. The time you invest in your career now will always be with you. It's your key to independence and self-reliance for the rest of your life. If you have support for your educational choice within your relationship, you can stay in touch almost constantly with phone/text/email/youtube, and monthly visits. Just think how much fun those visits will be after not seeing each other for a few weeks!

4) Borrow the money from Dad. Most parents of adult children are happy to have the opportunity to help out their adult children when they are making conscientious efforts in educational/career goals even if the words don't come out of the mouths. As for the grumpiness that goes with it, consider it the cost of doing business and ignore it. It will be there whether you let it bother you or not, so don't waste energy. It's simply a means to an end.

5) Did I mention that southern Maine is one of the most perfect places to be?

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