Suicide attempt while at school

[Cas1in72]

Ive been a school nurse for 3 years. Before this great adventure, I was hospital based and also did high risk outpatient OB case management. On Monday, I had the scariest nursing experience of my life. Im not handling it well and thought I might share it with other school nurses to help give me some insight.

Im a nurse at a middle school, have approx 740 6th, 7th and 8th graders. I was called to a classroom for an "emergency" I took off running, emergency bag in tow, arrived to the classroom to find one of my 8th graders on the floor convulsing and screaming about pain. Head to toe assessment, as fast as I could. She is well known to me, in fact had recently disclosed that she was pregnant ( long story short CPS referral, lots of visits with me in my office etc she is 13) At that point she screams out, "I just want to die." I ask, "did you take something" She responds, "yes when I got to school" We were in the process of a self inflicted drug overdose. My heart literally stopped. I instructed the teacher to call 911. Maintained airway, kept her conscious, kept her from hurting herself during convulsions. All the time I prayed that this child please not die!! Took paramedics 22 minutes to arrive. One of the most heart breaking moments was when the got her on the stretcher and she screamed "my name, please dont leave me!" I quickly hugged her, told her she was in good hands, that I had to stay to take care of the others. They wheeled her away and I lost it. I cried, I shook and felt like I was going to faint. It was at that moment I realized just how "alone" I am in this job. I have an AED, no narcan (yet) no oxygen, no code team. She will be ok. She is getting the care she needs. We move on. Im having terrible nightmares. I keep dreaming that 3 of my kids do it at the same time, in different places and I cant get to them.

Has anyone else encountered anything like this? Have any of you ever been overwhelmed by the thought that you are the only nurse in your building and that your resources, both materially and in other medical support persons, is incredibly limited?

I have made an appt with a counselor for myself. The emotions of this are exhausting.

Any words of advice? Thank you in advance!!!

[Farawyn]

A reply to anyone questioning you or wedging their stupid opinion in about the event...repeat after me..."How about you suck rocks."

I'm stealing this.

[Flare, ASN, BSN]

I had a teacher come to my office the morning after and said" I hear you arent handling this very well" WTH!! She asked, "havent you seen a seizure before?" I said," Is that what you think happened?" When I explained that we had a child of ours try to end her life at our school and I fought to save her life for almost 40 minutes, she looked at me and said, "Oh my God, I didnt know. I would not be handling this very well either." (So maybe Im a little P.O'd too that people think my emotions about this are because I wasnt handling this very well. This makes me feel guilty for being shook, that as a nurse I should march on without being sad or angry or scared.

I just love love love all the monday morning quarter backs that like to come into the office after an incident to sniff out details and / or pick apart our performance. I think to myself "you were no where to be found" or were in the corner crapping yourself so shut the heck up. People have no idea what it's like to be the person tasked with keeping these kids safe. It isn't until we're hunched over a kid cranking on their chest that they remember that it's more than just bandaids and tummyaches.

Yes, we shake it off. But yes it affects us. We don't want to see a kid die anymore than any other person in the building. And in fact we would be MORE apt to beat ourselves up if something happened - even if it was something that we had no control over.

I am glad that you told that teacher what actually went on. You should have no guilt for being angry or shook. We're human beings. Contrary to teacher and student belief, we are not androids programmed to dispense bandages and ice packs and opinions on week old bruises. We care about our students. If something happens to them, we feel it.

[nmr79]

I'm angry on your behalf! I'm glad you set that staff member straight on what actually happened. I hope your administrators pull their heads out of their behinds and process this properly with the staff and with the students. Your student sounds like she's okay, at least physically, for now, but the next time it happens with her or someone else, it might not be okay.

[ruby_jane, BSN, RN]

Psych Nurse here who works with suicidal youths - Sound like you did everything right.

Thank you for this. Speaking only for myself, I will replay a stressful scenario a few times to make sure I did everything I could. It helps, you saying what you did.

[scuba nurse, BSN, MSN, RN]

WOW, I am so sorry, that is totally scary! And for people (administrators and teachers) to just blow it off, that is totally uncalled for! Clearly they cannot see what is happening in their own school and classrooms. So sad! No child should want to take their life! I am glad you were there for her! Great job!!

I totally understand how you are feeling, people don't realize that we as nurses have feelings and emotions as well, and are affected by things that happen, and in this environment it is completely different than in the hospital setting.

HUGS to you! Stay strong! We are here for you!!

[Cas1in72]

Again, thank you all for your support! We are unique group of nurses, we have each others backs, I feel so much support from you!!!!!

Thankfully, we are out of school today for fog. Funny, I think God had his hand in this, I needed a break!!!

So far, nothing from administration. I spoke to one of them to express my disappointment, fear and to be honest disgust at what has happened ( NOT HAPPENED) since the incident. If Im too be honest, that is what is bothering me the most. Looking back on what occurred Monday, I did everything I could. She is alive, she is where she needs to be and is getting help. BUT THIS... let me just say that I will not go quietly from this situation. Our students deserve better. I have had a lengthy conversation with our director of Heath Services, she knows how I feel and is aware that I "layed it all out "to one of our principals yesterday morning. I am lucky, she has my back. Now we wait and see what happens. I have counseling next week. Im taking it moment by moment.

As far as a cruise, IM IN. I always keep a toothbrush in my purse, I will meet you there!

Much love and support to all of you. Im grateful and blessed to be a part of this calling. THANK YOU ALL!!!

[brillohead, ADN, RN]

Not a school nurse, but I'm sending hugs too, and I'm also totally in for the cruise! (I'm actually taking one over my son's senior year spring break in six weeks!)

I think it would be a good idea to talk to the guidance office about doing some sort of assembly to talk about suicide in general and the need for students to SPEAK UP -- either get help for themselves if they need it, or for a friend that seems to need it.

I think every middle school and high school should provide this type of information... kids don't realize that people DO care about them and there ARE adults who will help them, even if their own parents won't listen.

I live in a state that doesn't have school nurses at all. God bless each and every one of you for what you do!

[Have Nurse, ADN, RN]

No one warns us in Nursing school what kind of situations we may fall into. When it happens, it literally takes our breath away. Shock, fear, anger and a feeling of betrayal by all who were in a position to give you warning.....

What you are feeling is normal for what you've been through and you must allow yourself permission to react physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Seeing a counselor is a wise decision. May I also suggest doing some "journaling" about what you've experienced? Getting it down on paper can also have a cleansing effect. Hold nothing back. Let your feelings come out of the pen. When it is spent, put it down overnight. Leave it alone.

When you are calmer and more like yourself, you can re-read where you have been and see the difference in how you feel after that.

Stress can be very hard on the body as you know. Are you able to get to a gym or a pool or do you perhaps own an exercise bike of some kind? You may sleep better if you can burn up some pent up emotions.

Not sure where you stand with The Lord, but it may help to pour it out before Him. He was there with you and still is. He loves you and this young gal who put herself in harms' way. Pray for her too.

You will come through, and hopefully by Gods' grace, she will too. It's hard to think that in this high speed, rough and tumble world that anyone can understand or care. He does and so do we.

[Cas1in72]

Thank you. At times my faith has not been the strongest. That is not the case right now. I know God was with us Monday morning. I know he had his hand on my shoulder to keep it together, to think clearly and keep this poor girl alive.

I did start a journal. I have to get these feelings out somewhere. I feel a little "CrAzY" right now. I fluctuate between feeling grateful, so very sad and Angry and frustrated. Im also terrified that it will happen again and that it wont turn out this well next time. I had never felt this way when I worked in the hospital. Makes me feel like maybe my skills are not the best, that if I doubt myself ,I am not the kind of nurse I thought I was. I never want to have another situation like that again. I do not want to be the only person responsible in that situation again. Does this make me a bad nurse? Does this mean Im not a good nurse? I feel weak. I have never felt any of these things in 25 years of being a nurse.

You all understand and I will be eternally grateful that I have had the opportunity to be supported by such a special group of humans!!

I normally go to the gym. I got pretty beat up on Monday. At one point I fell and knocked my knee up a bit. Just a contusion, the swelling and bruising looks much better today. I took a shower that lasted about a half hour last night. Im a single mom, have a 12 year old still at home. He was a student at the school. He knows way more about the situation than he should already. I dont want him to see me upset, dont want to make it worse for him. Im gonna keep breathing and praying. I have counseling on Monday. Only 2 more work days until I can see them.

[Have Nurse, ADN, RN]

You're doing the right thing, My Friend. Your son knows you love him. But you must protect him now by only sharing with an adult regarding this. Kids are resilient, but they have memory.

School is so different now than it was when we were kids. No surprise there.

Be kind to yourself though. Don't beat yourself up. You have assurance that you have done everything you can do. Now you need to step back and follow your counselors' advice, and lean on God. It's His burden now.

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14

[NurseB14]

I have rarely posted on AN, but I was so moved by this story I felt I had to. I am not a school nurse, I'm an LVN, but in Nov of 2015 my daughter handed me a suicide note she had written. She was 13. This wouldn't be the first, for the next year she would struggle with severe mental illness. I can't express how grateful I am that she handed me that note and that I didn't have to read it after she had attempted it, or even been successful. We knew something was wrong and we had been trying to get her to open up, until finally I yelled at her that I was badgering her because I loved her so much. She ended up hospitalized twice and wasn't able to go back to school. She tried, but it was too stressful, as that was where a lot of her troubles were most pronounced, and we couldn't get any support for her there, no counselor or administration offered us anything, and we went to each of her teachers and asked that they at least look out for her if she were to leave the room. But it was like we had two heads, no one wanted to talk about it, that my daughter might attempt suicide while at school. I asked them to please talk to the kids that they aren't alone, that there are other options, there is help out there. Again, nothing. I ended up leaving my job to stay with her 24-7, and we finally see a light at the end of the darkest year of our lives. She is doing better. You saved that girls life. You got her to help. You comforted her when she needed it most. As a mother I have to say to you Thank You. And thank you for telling the administration that the way they dealt with this is not ok. We should be talking about it everyday. Because it affects all of us either directly or indirectly.

[pixierose, BSN, RN]

I got teary eyed reading this. So many (((hugs))) -- you did great.

I'm working per diem as a psych nurse in a children's ED. I had a girl, about 13, arrive via EMS from her school on Monday and tell me that she "couldn't be alone because I'm afraid of what I'm going to do." She had a plan, one that she could implement fairly easily, even in the hospital.

I had to place her on continuous observation.

It was absolutely heartbreaking. NO KID should ever feel like that.

But we have a full house. Even kids lining up the halls waiting for inpatient placement. Some have been there for almost a week. It's mind blowing that's there's SO MANY.

We need to talk more, not less, about suicide.

Your school is doing a tremendous disservice to those students. You spoke up when that student couldn't (and countless others out there who may be feeling so but are so very quiet). You have shown you care. You aren't weak. This ED nurse thanks you.