Things patients have taught me NOT to do...

Maybe she was planning an anniversary? Ya know...that's common...returning to the place where it all started.

this is really educational!
some things I have learned:

never cut off all ten of your toes "for strictly artistic purposes"

never inject your own C-DIFF feces into your central line

never assume that the only other patient on the floor who speaks your language (but is unrelated) wants to see you naked

never attempt to go down six flights of stairs dragging an IV pole

never try to stop a riding lawnmower with your foot

never let your job as a male prostitute get in the way of giving yourself insulin shots

never drink random bottles of whatever from the dumpster behind a Walgreens, or at least dont act dumbfounded when you are then informed you need a new liver.

never, never OD on Tylenol just because you didn't get a date to the prom!!!!

whew, I'm going to bed, to much knowlege for one night

When your frat brother talks you into using cocaine for the first time and........"Dude, you were like, turning blue for like 20 minutes, Man and your heart was ..like doing really freaky s&*^ like John Bonham on the drums...Man"......it is highly inadvisable to try Cocaine again.

Especially if you have a artificial heart valve and your father died of a heart attack at age 38.

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When your dog dies after eating some weird plants in the yard, it is not a good idea to try and eat them yourself to see what will happen.

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Do not try to remove Norplant by yourself.

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Do not try to sandpaper off tattoos by yourself. Also do not use a sandblaster or scraper to do it with.

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IV drug user, admitted for endocarditis, "I'm on Vancomycin? Wow, my girlfriend was on that for 8 weeks for a septic bone infection, What a coincidence".

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When your father wakes up, unable to see out of one eye, and flaccid on the entire right side of his body, while on a beach vacation, do not insist on driving him 400 miles to a little podunk hospital (after passing several major stroke care hospitals in Atlanta) in the middle of nowhere that doesn't even have a CT machine.

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When deer hunting - while up in the deer stand - after drinking a bottle of Whiskey - with your best friend, Bob - with guns loaded - do not tell Bob about sleeping with his wife - and how good she was in bed. That gunshot wound in the shoulder really damaged a great tattoo.

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After you girlfriend shoots out your knee, it is best not to get back with her. (patient had been "accidentally" shot 3 times by girlfriend and stabbed once by his wife - when I left the facility - I wonder what the tally is now).

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If you are having an MRI done, we REALLY need to know about those "personal" piercings.

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I just thought of some more things I have learned...




Never try to stop a moving SUV with just your foot...

Never let the man who beat the snot out of you then push you over the balcony pull you up the stairs by the hair to do it again... and then let him call/visit you while you are in the hospital...

Never get high and then go rock climbing...

Never listen to the friend who convinces you to kill yourself with benadryl and excedrin because when you die you will be in heaven... (didn't work, and boy was he upset when he woke up)

Never let your 2 and 3 yr old children play on the train tracks while you are sleeping off your drug of choice...

Never pay for liposuction to be done in your home by a MD not licensed in the states...

Never shoot at your brother just to "see if it the gun really worked"

Never make your drug dealer angry with you - you might get stabbed.

Never douse yourself with paint thinner and set yourself on fire (very tragic).

Do not take your 9 year old to the ED for a healing shin bruise (still wonder what was really on that mom's mind that day)

Do not yell at the nurse for grabbing your six year old out of the way of a couple who are having a fist fight. She is only trying to prevent injury.

Do not have your kids bring you in your private stock of percocet, vicodin and ativan to "help me sleep".

Don't get up and walk to the bathroom after delivering one twin in the bed and don't seem shocked when we are frantically trying to get you back in bed!

True story, 24 weekers, a nurse heard a baby crying and went in the room, knowing this was a Pre-term pt, the pt was carrying the first twin cord still attached and walked to the bathroom "to get a towel to clean the baby off" DUH??? did NOT THINK OF CALLING SOMEONE???

Everything turned out fine for 24 weekers, but it was an interesting story!

-Don't ever let your BF go out for one last romp at the strip clubs, 2 days BEFORE your due date, another true story, pt came in, and her bf couldn't make it cuz he was out partying, fortunately she didn't deliver until the next day and he made it.

-We really mean it when we say DONT HAVE INTERCOURSE, numerous stories there!

-Don't ever pierce your netherlands when you're of child-bearing age, then yell at the staff when it was ripped out during labor and now you need plastic surgery??

I am curious about the Mexico comment. I got my lupron in Mexico and saved 200 dollars a dose. In the US it costs 300.00 a dose. It saved me from agony with endometosis.