Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Rapheal · Dec 29, 2003

Never douse yourself with paint thinner and set yourself on fire (very tragic).

Do not take your 9 year old to the ED for a healing shin bruise (still wonder what was really on that mom's mind that day)

Do not yell at the nurse for grabbing your six year old out of the way of a couple who are having a fist fight. She is only trying to prevent injury.

Do not have your kids bring you in your private stock of percocet, vicodin and ativan to "help me sleep".

OBNurseShelley · Dec 29, 2003

Don't get up and walk to the bathroom after delivering one twin in the bed and don't seem shocked when we are frantically trying to get you back in bed!

True story, 24 weekers, a nurse heard a baby crying and went in the room, knowing this was a Pre-term pt, the pt was carrying the first twin cord still attached and walked to the bathroom "to get a towel to clean the baby off" DUH??? did NOT THINK OF CALLING SOMEONE???

Everything turned out fine for 24 weekers, but it was an interesting story!

-Don't ever let your BF go out for one last romp at the strip clubs, 2 days BEFORE your due date, another true story, pt came in, and her bf couldn't make it cuz he was out partying, fortunately she didn't deliver until the next day and he made it.

-We really mean it when we say DONT HAVE INTERCOURSE, numerous stories there!

-Don't ever pierce your netherlands when you're of child-bearing age, then yell at the staff when it was ripped out during labor and now you need plastic surgery??

BarbPick · Dec 29, 2003

I am curious about the Mexico comment. I got my lupron in Mexico and saved 200 dollars a dose. In the US it costs 300.00 a dose. It saved me from agony with endometosis.

Trixxy, LPN · Dec 29, 2003

Just thought of one more...

Never...NEVER...get in a scrap with someone in an electric wheelchair! You will undoubtedly get run over!

Erin RN · Dec 29, 2003

Aren't we all just a plethora of good advice?? We should all collaborate and either write a book:

" Regular People, Dumb Choices"

or perhaps a daily desk calendar :

"DAILY SAFETY TIPS"

A daily guide to help you make the right decision when faced with everyday dilemas

Of course only nurses and other health care professionals would find it appropriate!! LOL:chuckle

Trixxy, LPN · Dec 29, 2003

:chuckle

hogan4736, BSN, RN · Dec 29, 2003

Originally posted by Rapheal
...Do not take your 9 year old to the ED for a healing shin bruise (still wonder what was really on that mom's mind that day)...

...Do not have your kids bring you in your private stock of percocet, vicodin and ativan to "help me sleep".

One reason our ERs are so full, are because of the first example. At least here in Phx, it seems a third of all moms rush any briuse or scrape to the ER...

And the second example is almost just as common...

Oh, don't take a bottle of pills WHILE calling 911 for the 3rd time this month...

And don't live 55 miles from a small clinic (with xray only), get thrown off your horse 10 feet in the air, land on your back, be short of breath, with excruciating belly pain, and drive past 3 hospitals, then go to said SMALL clinic, because "This is where my doctor is"

Can you say pneumo, lacerated spleen, and fractured vertebrea?

Please

a_crftyldy · Dec 29, 2003

This thread makes me think of two sayings:

"Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here"

and

"Too bad common sense isn't more common"

One I learned as a child from a neighbor:

Never put your two year old son into a wobbly shopping cart with bottles of wine, then push said cart over a very bumpy sidewalk while you are falling down drunk. The cart fell over, the bottles broke and the little boy sustained numerous lacerations to his face.

bagladyrn, RN · Dec 29, 2003

One I learned from a patient many years ago: If you are male - don't try to repair the vacuum cleaner in the nude - especially if it is equipped with a "beater brush"! :eek:

flashpoint · Dec 29, 2003

Don't use Cinnamon Schnapps for a douche.

Don't scrape the dirt off your boots on a moving auger.

Don't shoot at the paramedic...it will delay your treatment.

Don't take a callus off your finger with a plunge router.

Don't wait to see if your girlfriend warms up before calling 911.

Happy Monday, everyone...off to work!

StreetRN · Dec 29, 2003

Never, never toss your lit cigarette into the commode after spraying your member and scrotum with a jock itch medicine. (he actually blew himself off the commode, suffering 2nd degree burns to member scrotum and singned his eyebrows) True Story:D

NICU_Nurse, BSN, RN · Dec 29, 2003

Do not decide that your IV is a snake trying to eat its way into your arm and then pull out a lighter to burn it off. Do not sit there in bed after your IV tubing has caught fire and melted onto you, watching the flames spread over your linens and to the curtains hanging over the window. This is a bad idea.

Do not use your shared heroin needles to inject your diabetic body with insulin when you are homeless and living on the street. When you develop a boil that spans the entire upper side of your body and armpit, do not let your "hot" homeless stripper girlfriend lance it with the same needle. Do not let this open wound fester and rot for three weeks before going to the ER, unless you think having a tunneling wound that is deep enough for the MD to put his forearm into is "cool". Especially do not do this if you don't wish to have your arm amputated secondary to gross necrosis and infection.

And a few from the nursery (and you thought all we did was cuddle babies!):

Do not get two women pregnant at the same time. Especially do not let these two women be sisters. When they both go into pre-term labor, do not bring them both to the same hospital. At said hospital, do not leave and allow them to meet up in the nursery to cuddle your babies and discover that they share more than genetics in common. When you return, and they start slapping each other with a baby in their arms, do not cheer one over the other, or encourage ANYONE to "beat her ****ing fat ***", especially if the "her" you are referring to is the one who you are presently living with. Do not laugh when one of them hits the nurse and gives her a bloody lip as she tries to break up the fight.

Do not get HIV from your current partner and then get impregnated by your former partner without telling him that having sex with you is going to kill him. Do not have a baby then forget to tell the doctors that you have a deadly disease, allowing them to discover this in four months when it is too late to treat the baby effectively. Do not then let your former partner impregnate his CURRENT girlfriend, thus forming a sick quadrangle of HIV infection that only two people know about.

Do not wait until your NICU nurse has left the room so that you can whip out a rusty knife and begin sawing into your new baby's Morphine drip before she returns. Do not place your mouth anywhere near the newly-sawed IV tubing and begin drinking the Morphine. Do not, under any circumstances, pretend that you weren't doing this when the nurse returns, and absolutely do not claim that "that sh** was like that" when you came in.

Do not get so pissed off at the nurses that you decide to unhook your two pound preemie from his/her leads and put him/her inside your coat pocket and attempt to take him/her home with you.

Do not decide that your baby is hungry when he/she is on NEC precautions and, upset that we aren't feeding your baby, decide to sneak a Coca-Cola onto the unit and feed it to your child with a syringe you found on a supply cart.

When your baby has had open heart surgery and has his/her chest still open, do not put your finger "in there" because you wanted to "feel it".

Do not visit the nursery with a friend and, when friend begins to change her new baby's diaper, say one of the following phrases REALLY loud:

"Ooh, girl, your baby's cat is FAT!"

"How come your baby 'aint got no nuts?"

"Where the ***k is his ***k?"