Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Never take your goldfish out of the bowl and play with it on your tummy because it my "accidently" swim up your lady parts.

I Hate it when that happens..LOL...:roll

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here are some ob things I have learned:

Never get your Depo-Provera in Mexico.

Never assume you are sterile just because you didn't get pregnant with your last 3 lovers.

Never take your goldfish out of the bowl and play with it on your tummy because it my "accidently" swim up your lady parts.

Never assume that cute little fish tattoo on your abdomen will stay cute when stretched by 9 months of pregnancy.

Never stay with a man you can't get to leave the bar long enough to come to your baby's delivery, even if he makes frequent calls saying he will be there in just a minute.

Never bring your husband and your current boyfriend to the same delivery.

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I repeat...Why not buy your Depo-Provera in Mexico?

That must be how little Ricky came to be!!!! :eek: :eek:

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

Never attempt to hurdle the bedrails.

Make sure that the PCA button is in your hand BEFORE you sit back down on the bed. Those things wind up 8 inches up the lady parts SO easily!

Do not have sex in a rocking chair post-op.

Vases are uncomfortable in the rectum.

Crisco, believe it or no, is not a good cure for lady partsl dryness.

Vaporub is not a good thing to use to prolong an erection (more like KILL the mood).

A small rose tattoo on the breast will eventually be a long- stemmer.

Someone other than your husband will eventually see the "*ss, grass, or gas, no one rides free" tattoo that you had to shave your pubic hair off to receive.

Backing out the garage before the garage door is up won't get ou on the road anytime soon.

Spraying an alcohol-based facial toner WHILE the cigarette is in your mouth is evidently a bad thing (that woman was beyond lucky).

If i think of anymore, i'll post again.

(BTW this is what i've seen as an AIDE, i still have till June before i'm a NURSE!! lol)

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A pt taught me not to believe a fortune teller/healer when she tells me you your diabetes is cured, because you slept with "special enchanted" leaves that she sold you taped to your forehead , just like she instructed you to.

You might end up going to the ED w/ blurred vision and a bs >700 from drinking cokes and eating candy bars all day.

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Specializes in Case Management, Acute Care, Missions.

Trixxy....

I had just come from a sweet small community hopsital to a major trauma/county hospital when I learned most of these lessons.... Talk about being shocked, I think I had the pt with the T-packs my first week and couldn't believe that this was actually happening.....:eek:

Lori

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Man was not meant to fly...

He probably will never stop trying tho....

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

An umbrella is no substitute for a parachute.

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OOOh maaaan!

I learned not to do this last night..............Never pick up a hitch hiker, bring him to you home so he can use your bathroom, then shoot you in the neck with a bee-bee gun, rob you then spray you with mase..........I am so glad that this pt taught me not to do this:eek:

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Never threaten the nurse who is going to start your IV- See how their hands shake when you do this?

When your baby's mother drops your 2 month old off for a day visit- do not give the baby "purple medicine" so stop him from crying. (very sad outcome).

Serrated butter knives should not be used as back scratchers while in the hospital.

Insulin needles should not be shared by family members, especially for weeks at a time.

When your wife has collapsed at 11 pm, do not go out drinking and wait until the bar closes to check on her (another bad outcome).

Do not tell your nurse that your sister is a nurse and has a typical nurse @#%* attitude. This may come off as unfriendly.

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YIKES Happystudent!! Hope you are ok!?

Never...NEVER...let your mom lay on the floor for 4 days before you call the paramedics for help!

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Originally posted by LPN2Be2004

A small rose tattoo on the breast will eventually be a long- stemmer.

:roll

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