Giving the license up - page 2

After much thought, I have decided to send my license back. I will call the Executive Director on Monday and my case manager to see about future options, if I were to ever want to get my license... Read More

  1. by   wish_me_luck
    Thanks, Meriwhen. I shall hang on to for now. I still have 4 years and about 8 months left (out of a 5 year contract). Ever heard of anyone in VA getting released early from contract?

    I love nursing, but sometimes I feel like we are a field that impedes progress. Maybe I can contribute to change. I hope so.

    I am slowly mowing over my set backs. First with the pharmacy board, now with the TN BON...I guess this is teaching me to be persistent and keep trying if I really want it. But, it can be exhausting and some days are full of tears. Then, you get the one day when a break through (hopefully) is made and it gives you that little glimmer of hope to hang on to.
  2. by   Esme12
    Things are always darkest before the dawn.......don't surrender your license. Seek legal advice first. Don't give it worked so hard for it!

    I know about a chronic illness, I have an inflammatory neuro-musclar disorder, and the days it takes it's toll so that even opening your eyes is an overwhelming effort.

    It is just one small step at a time......first you open one eye and then the foot then the next......
    That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
    Friedrich Nietzsche
  3. by   CherylRNBSN
    Dear Wish Me Luck,

    STOP! Don't do any such thing as surrender your license! You are clearly weary and depressed, and therefore not thinking with absolute clarity! I know, I've been there myself. Do not make such a big decision in this state.

    Trust me on this one: things have a way of working themselves out if you can put one foot in front of the other (baby steps) as previous poster stated, and go with the FLOW.

    The hardest battle is with YOURSELF, not the BON. Focus on the biggest battle, if you can win that one, all other issues will work themselves out. Without you surrendering your license.

    Love and best wishes,
  4. by   subee
    I'm with Cheryl. You are in very EARLY recovery. 7 months is not far out but the early period is the worst because you're still short on coping skills and long on shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, etc.
    You've heard the advice often given to widows? Don't make major life or financial decisions during the first year - you're still not over your grief enough to be rational re: your self interests. I can guarantee that the Commissioner of Nursing does not have a vendetta of hate against you. I highly doubt that this person even knows your name. The Board is not there to pave the road with rose petals - their first consideration is public safety and they don't really give a hoot about your feelings. However, the people who have designated themselves to help you through the process are totally empathetic to the rigors of recovery - they've seen it 100's of times; nurses who come in depressed and crying, unable to make a living, worrying about what their colleagues think of them, etc. The reward is seeing them a year later - able to smile and feeling grateful to have a sane life. YOU are responsible for your future happiness; the Board is NOT. Now I know that you're not spending 8 or 10 hours a day wrangling with the Board; if you think about it, very little time is devoted to going to urine screens, meetings, etc. There's plenty of time think negative thoughts about yourself and others. The large majority of nurses manage to get a job again while they are still being monitored. It may be helpful to you at this point if you just stop thinking so much (and doing more). Just let life happen - most of what happens is totally out of your control anyway. Electronic hug to you.
  5. by   GA_RN2006
    Wish me luck,I wish you all the best with your difficult situation. I agree with the other posts, "Don't give up". You worked very hard so you could be a nurse so don't give up without a fight, I know I'm not. I understand how hard it is dealing with addiction & a mental illness. After my diversion I was diagnosed with Bi polar disorder. I also suffered from postpartum depression. To many we will have a label on our back but that's only if we allow it to be there. With Gods help we can overcome all things. And in our darkest moments we have to trust in him that he will bring us through it. I wish you only the best in your endeavors.
  6. by   wish_me_luck
    I wouldn't have a problem with it, subee, if I did not live on the state line. I know they don't know me and don't have a vendetta, but I don't know how to explain to people who don't live on a state line. Our community hospital is in TN. I just happened to live in the part of the city that is VA. I have a VA license, but the further into the area of VA I am in, there's not many hospitals for the next couple of hours.

    Okay, called the lady regarding the endorsement. She told me that was wrong info because she has it stuck in her mind that I am wanting to move to TN. She is putting me on the list for the committee appeals, I guess that's what it is called (TN's version of an informal conference) in January. So, I just have to wait for the letter to be sent.

    Until then, I am going to see what I can find in VA. It would be lovely if I can find something in VA, but based on the health care facilities in the area, that's slim to none, especially being a new grad and having a board order. If I do find something in VA, I'll let TN know, but I don't foresee it happening. I'll try though. In addition, I am going to continue volunteering and study for the GRE. The plan is to take it in February and have my application packet sent in by the deadline in March and start Fall 2013.

    I am just trying so hard to get my life back on track, but stay here to do it. My parents told me the same thing, just hang on to my license and relax. Apparently, I am trying too hard???
  7. by   BostonTerrierLoverRN
    It's called OBSESSING, and every addict and alcoholic is guilty of it.

    We get something on our mind and it takes away 95% of our thoughts and energy away from enjoying life on life's terms.

    God, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
  8. by   amygarside
    I just wish you luck in everything that you will do. I know it will be a hard decision but you got to do what you need to do.
  9. by   Meriwhen
    Quote from subee
    I'm with Cheryl. You are in very EARLY recovery. 7 months is not far out but the early period is the worst because you're still short on coping skills and long on shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, etc.
    You've heard the advice often given to widows? Don't make major life or financial decisions during the first year - you're still not over your grief enough to be rational re: your self interests.
    I have to agree with that: the first year should be spent focusing on you and your recovery.

    Plus, many employers will not touch an applicant with "only" months in recovery...that may be why they are hesitating when you apply. One of my former facilities would hire people in recovery but they had to have at least one solid year under their belt. If you apply with a year or more of proven clean time, you may find employers to be more open.
  10. by   mcat45
    you need to hang in there; I am veterinarian turned paramedic/RN (pending short preceptorship completion); I have seen professionals from vets to mds to RNs go thru hell in getting license issues resolved; you seem very "grounded" and wise, and think you have genuinely corrected a problem (who among us lives in glass houses? we all do-none are perfect!) you have a career, don't "shrink away"! Fight for it! again, no one is perfect! You have a right to your profession, and do not grow weary!
  11. by   catmom1
    Quote from wish_me_luck
    I mean, it's wonderful that people don't want people relapsing and using again or trying to commit suicide, etc. but if you cannot integrate these people back into society in a productive way, then all that work just does not matter because they will be back into that same position a short time later.
    I have to strongly disagree. Being clean and sober is not about external circumstances. Everyone on this earth will, sooner or later, face challenges beyond what they think they can handle. This is no excuse for relapse.

    I also wanted to respond to the part of your post that refers to suicide.

    Besides believing that my recovery is in spite of, not because of, the punishments meted out by my BON and the nursing world in general, my impression of the board was that it was no skin off their noses if I had committed suicide. I would be just one less pile of paperwork to file and one less life to scrutinize to the nth degree. Being treated like a criminal when I had several years of sobriety was painful and humiliating, epitomized by the observed urine drug screens and the disgust shown me by some (not all) hiring managers.

    I hope someday to get a nursing job where I can help other addicts. In the meantime, I am in recovery for myself and will continue to enjoy good health (hopefully).

    Yours in bitterness,

  12. by   BostonTerrierLoverRN
    I still believe in spite of everything, the only person capable of standing in between me and my wildest dreams, wrote this.
  13. by   jackstem

    I know exactly how you feel...the peaceful feeling thing. I'm a recovering opioid addict and former CRNA. After my last relapse I knew in my bones I could never return to anesthesia, and if I couldn't do that, I didn't want to return to nursing. I've been clean for 17 years and 8 months and 7 small coincidence in my case. I have numerous friends in a similar situation who have been able to return and remain clean and sober. I think it's awesome they can do that. We need to do what's best for us and our recovery. I've been lucky in that I have begun working as a drug counselor a little over 5 weeks ago. It's the only job other than anesthesia that I truly love and that I look forward to clocking in every day. I encourage you to seek out your own path and pursue other possibilities. Your experiences can help others dealing with many of the things you've been through.

    GOOD LUCK IN YOUR ENDEAVORS!! Keep us posted as you proceed on your journey.