Almost 4 years, no luck finding nursing job, life destroyed?!

Nurses Recovery

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I am not really quite sure why I am writing this. I've wrote on here before right after this happened almost 4 years ago. Here I go...

I went to a 4 year nursing school right out of high-school. Graduated with honors in 4 years and started working immediately. 2 years after being at my first job I switched jobs to a hospital that was closer to my home (because I was working 12 hour midnight shifts and had an hour drive home). Everything was great, always had positive evaluations, got along great with my coworkers and supervisors and never got into any kind of trouble.

Everything changed when I became extremely depressed and stressed out due to physical abuse I endured as a child and the current stressors that had popped up at the time (husband with chronic, debilitating illness,,,miscarriage, etc).. I started seeing a psychiatrist and he prescribed me an antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication and I also started seeing a therapist once a week. I thought I was doing the right thing......

Well one night at work, 5 hours into my shift, my supervisor came and took me out of a patient's room and had a security guard with her. They searched all my possessions and took me down to ER to drug test me. They didn't find anything on me and my drug test came back NEGATIVE. They claimed that coworkers reported to them that I was acting "strangely" and that I had behaved inappropriately in front of a patient. (NO patient complaints ever came up through all of this). Well I was put on a week suspension and had a scheduled date to come back to work.

In the meantime, they reported this to the Board of Nursing.... When the Board of Nursing called me, I was young, naive and thought I had done nothing wrong so I told them about going the the psychiatrist and seeing a therapist.. Well the BON ordered me to see one of their psychiatrists who diagnosed me with depression (DUH?) and Immature personality. The Board ordered psychiatrist recommeded that I be placed on 2 year probation and have a restriction of not being able to work home health care??

I then HIRED an Attorney but unfortunately it was too late! The attorney told me that she could have gotten me out of all of this if I had NEVER agreed to talk to the B.O.N and lawyered up immediately.....

I did something really stupid... I took too many of my anti-anxiety meds because I felt like my world was crashing down around me, how was I going to support my husband when he was ill? How would I pay our mortgage? How would I pay my student loans?

I was desperate and I should have never done it.

I spent three days in a psych unit because they considered it a suicide attempt. The B.O.N and employer found out about this and so of course I was immediately fired for being "mentally unstable" and the fact that "I would cause too much rumor and drama if I came back to work"...

So here I am, almost 4 years later, haven't been able to find an RN job, had a car repossessed, filed bankruptcy and now we are facing foreclosure on our house....... I am working an Aide job for 1/3 of my previous salary and it's just not enough, I work 60 hours a week, no benefits.

I don't know why I am posting this, I guess I need some advice, I know I have read people on here who have found work while being on probation and I even worked with nurses at the hospital who had diverted drug (I know totally different than what I did but just sayin'.)

I just want someone to give me hope because I really feel like giving up on my job search. I had so much pride, overcoming the obstacles of my youth and being the first person in my family to graduate college and now I feel like the lowest of the low and that my life has no value. I guess I put all my identity and self-worth into being a Registered Nurse.

Sometimes I deal with this okay and keep putting applications in and feel hopeful, but today I am feeling really down, could use some advice or someone to talk to, God knows I can't talk to my family (other than my husband).... My own mother told me yesterday how "dissapointed she is in my and that I am the equivalent of a High school drop-out"...

Sorry for writing a book here but I really need some input or someone to talk to through e-mail or PM to help give me my "fight" back.....

Thanks so much.

I hope you get a job soon. Keep on fighting.

have you tried Dr. office/clinics or possible admissions coordinator in LTC or case management?

Dear fellow RN,

Your story breaks my heart. However, you are competent. You would not have made it through nursing school so soon and done so well if you weren't. Tell yourself that. I know what it feels like to be lower than low and on top of that, you own mother puts you down. I wouldn't be writing this if it didn't feel like there is hope for you. Another user said that you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. This is very ture. Here is my advice, take it or leave it. 1). Place yourself first. Continue with the counseling if you can so you have an outlet with someone who can help you. Find a hobby or something small that gives you personal joy. I realize you work a lot. This may be reading, going for a walk or jog now and then, getting a pet (a nice, low-maintenance one) or joining some sort of club. You need to feel good and believe in yourself again. 2). Ask yourself, "Did I go through the hell of nursing school and all that involves to give up?" I don't know you, but I am pretty sure that answer is no. I hear that things are hard and you are down, but for your own good, stop letting all the negative self-talk and the nay-sayers take up rent in your mind for free. Yes, easier said than done, but each day replace one negative thought with something positive. 3). Try applying to states that don't have a lot of nursing schools or states that aren't possibly the most desirable for nursing. Remember, this isn't forever. It's just till you can get your feet back under you. 4) Find something that makes you laugh everyday. Find something funny on you tube. Rent a comedy. Act immature. Whatever it may be, you need to laugh. Instant feel-good which is what you need. And last, please don't give up on yourself and your dreams. You are all you have, and if you give up on yourself, ain't nobody gonna come by and scrape you off the ground. You have a functional brain and depsite all the hardship you are goung through, most people don't even have that. I believe in you and hope you get everything you want. You and your husband will be in my thoughts.

Specializes in Neuro ICU/Trauma/Emergency.

Who disclosed your inpatient status to the board of nursing? There is a major loop hole in this story, and depending on your answer could be grounds for a HIPPA violation lawsuit. If you weren't inpatient at your place of employment, had not disclosed your need for psychiatric treatment to your D.O.N., but instead had taken a personal leave of absence someone obviously disclosed your private treatment to your employer. Either someone or you disclosed this information.

Now, with your present situation I would try to schedule a committee review with the BON in your states, disclose your traumas, concerns, and that you are now in good mental health. I think the miscarriage(baby-blues) will work out in your favor, if you have the documentation to prove this to the B.O.N.. I would also attest any Dx made by the B.O.N. employed psychiatrist.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Oncology, Neurology, Rehab.

Dear GOTOGIRLRN:

My heart really goes out to you!! WOW. I agree with another post if you did not tell your employer that you were in the psych ward, someone has violated HIPAA!! Your employer did not need to know that you were in a psych ward just that you were out sick, but now that is all "water under the bridge". The attorney was correct you should have contacted her first before even going to the BON. Remember one thing IT IS NEVER HOPELESS!! Remember the story when Lazarus died and everyone thought it was all over. Here Jesus comes on the scene and raise him from the dead!! When Jesus says it is over it is over!! and for you it is NOT over!!!

As someone said earlier you must take care of yourself first!!. Continue to see your therapist if possible, since money may be a problem have her refer you to some other counselor who can see you free of charge, there are many places available for mental health services that can assist. After that maybe try working as a jail nurse. All you are doing there as new inmates are brought in they are seen by a nurse to be sure they are ok,if they are on medication you give meds. I did that in a small town, right out of nursing school and I was not afraid. Actually once the inmates know you are a kind person they will treat you that way, that was my experience, others may be different. If it is a violent inmate you are never left alone with them not even for a second. LTC, Doctor offices, small clinics, may be places to check out. I know of several nurses who take anti-depressants and still work, and I am sure there are hundreds more out there who do.

For me The best thing I can do for you is PRAY!! GOD BLESS:hug:!!

Specializes in ped/adult medsurg, specialty infusion.

Wow I honestly feel inspired, encouraged and so loved after reading your comment. I mean, I appreciate all the advice but something about your comment really hit me!! Thanks!

Specializes in Rehab.

keep ur head up and i agree leave ur mom alone u need only positive energy at this time, its okay to love her from a distance. good luck ill pray for you

Specializes in LTC, Psych, Med/Surg.

Dear GotoGirlRN-

My heart goes out to you for what you have been through. I, too, have had to take a non-nursing job to be able to barely survive because nursing employers won't give a nurse on probation the time of day where I live.

Anyway, my two ideas for you are: 1) Can you do volunteer work to fulifill the nursing work requirement of your probation? and 2) STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHER!!! Unfortunately, she reminds me of my own mother, dead now for many years. Don't keep going back to try to get the loving kindness from your mother that she is simply incapable of giving.

***HUGS*** & well wishes coming your way in your journey.

Catmom :paw:

Specializes in Long term care.

"I had so much pride, overcoming the obstacles of my youth and being the first person in my family to graduate college and now I feel like the lowest of the low and that my life has no value. I guess I put all my identity and self-worth into being a Registered Nurse. "......

Your current situation doesn't take away any of your accomplishments. It doesn't matter if you have the title RN or not, you are still that person. Nothing can change that.

I understand where you're coming from. I recently surrendered my license. As I let go of the letter, I burst into tears. The last piece of my identity was gone. I have no idea who the hell I am. Later I realized that a nursing license is similar to a marriage license. It's a piece of paper that means nothing. Surrendering my license didn't change anything about me. I'm still that person that is determined and faught like hell to GET that license in the first place.

don't give up. like someone said there are always other people that are in worse situations. i know its tough, we all have different dilemmas in life that affect us. as for me i have turned to prayers and meditation when i am down and out. when i feel alone and that feeling of isolation from the world. i realized if all else fails ( therapy, medicine, etc.) you can only turn to one person. being a catholic i believe in the healing from the lord above. i am not a devoted catholic nor go to church every sunday but i do believe in my god and in prayers. i have seen him bring good things to people that have faith. i pray not to have good luck in life but to bring me peace. a peaceful mind can bring in serenity, calmness and alleviate any mental stress or anxiety. which leads to a happier you, regardless of the situation. here is a serenity prayer that i go by. i hope this could be of use to you as it has for me.

god, give us grace to accept with serenitythe things that cannot be changed,courage to change the thingswhich should be changed,and the wisdom to distinguishthe one from the other. living one day at a time,enjoying one moment at a time,accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,taking, as jesus did,this sinful world as it is,not as i would have it,trusting that you will make all things right,if i surrender to your will,so that i may be reasonably happy in this life,and supremely happy with you forever in the next. amen.

Don't feel bad if you have to give up. There are many people who aren't nurses and they're perfectly happy. My feeling as of late is if they don't want me, I can do without them. I got one degree with no problem. I can get another (and I am doing that now) with no issues.

If you always want to deal with stigma and discrimination in order to be a nurse, go for it! I admire you. If you are tired of the bureaucracy and can't cope with the red tape, don't feel bad. You have options.

Stay clean and sober for yourself and your family and you will find your way. I am five years clean and working on another degree. I was so unhappy as a nurse that I had to be stoned on opiates to go to work everyday, so there was something really wrong with that whole scenario. I can help people in so may other ways and I have come to peace with it now.

Dtermine your priorities, set your goals, and work your behind off to accomplish them.

A Nursing career can provide you and your family with a good life, but there are other routes to happiness. Don't give up if this career is really what your want, but be realistic and spend time thinking about what is best for your heart and soul.

All the positive vibes I can send to another person!!!

All Over Again

Rebel Without a Clue and a $10 an hour job

Specializes in Critical Care.

Thank you for sharing your experience with the hospital and board of nursing. I've always been skeptical of the BON and when I'd get the seasonal newsletter it seemed to me just to be a scarlet letter. All it really had was a list of people who been disciplined for a various reasons, seemed really punitive in nature.

You are not a failure and definetely not a high school dropout! Remember not to listen to family members that have been abusive in the past and critical now. They are not your friend and aren't helping you such as your mom criticizing you. You are not alone with nurses dealing with effects of abuse, it seems to be a classic background for nurses and other helping professions! Also anxiety and depression are rampant among nurses, as many take or know others who take meds to deal with this.

I wonder why your lawyer didn't suggest you file a complaint for the hospital firing you in violation of federal disability laws as others have questioned? Don't know if that's still a possibility after 4 years.

It sounds like you were targeted by someone who had it in for you and it started a downward spiral. But you can move forward. As I always say happiness is the best revenge.

There was a recent posting about how someone got her dream job on all nurses. It amounted to finding out about the nursing officers, hiring manangers and making contact with them bypassing human resources. Do you have any friends, coworkers, old classmates or old teachers clinical instructors that could be a reference and connect you to any openings?

Regardless if you work as a nurse again or not you can still move forward and put this behind you. Consider an alternate career as a medical coder perhaps, you could get training thru a community tech school for instance.

Good luck to you and again thank you for sharing because by sharing we help each other and can warn each other about traps and pitfalls in the nursing field, which unfortunately, there are so many!

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