Almost 4 years, no luck finding nursing job, life destroyed?!

[GotoGirlRN]

I am not really quite sure why I am writing this. I've wrote on here before right after this happened almost 4 years ago. Here I go...

I went to a 4 year nursing school right out of high-school. Graduated with honors in 4 years and started working immediately. 2 years after being at my first job I switched jobs to a hospital that was closer to my home (because I was working 12 hour midnight shifts and had an hour drive home). Everything was great, always had positive evaluations, got along great with my coworkers and supervisors and never got into any kind of trouble.

Everything changed when I became extremely depressed and stressed out due to physical abuse I endured as a child and the current stressors that had popped up at the time (husband with chronic, debilitating illness,,,miscarriage, etc).. I started seeing a psychiatrist and he prescribed me an antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication and I also started seeing a therapist once a week. I thought I was doing the right thing......

Well one night at work, 5 hours into my shift, my supervisor came and took me out of a patient's room and had a security guard with her. They searched all my possessions and took me down to ER to drug test me. They didn't find anything on me and my drug test came back NEGATIVE. They claimed that coworkers reported to them that I was acting "strangely" and that I had behaved inappropriately in front of a patient. (NO patient complaints ever came up through all of this). Well I was put on a week suspension and had a scheduled date to come back to work.

In the meantime, they reported this to the Board of Nursing.... When the Board of Nursing called me, I was young, naive and thought I had done nothing wrong so I told them about going the the psychiatrist and seeing a therapist.. Well the BON ordered me to see one of their psychiatrists who diagnosed me with depression (DUH?) and Immature personality. The Board ordered psychiatrist recommeded that I be placed on 2 year probation and have a restriction of not being able to work home health care??

I then HIRED an Attorney but unfortunately it was too late! The attorney told me that she could have gotten me out of all of this if I had NEVER agreed to talk to the B.O.N and lawyered up immediately.....

I did something really stupid... I took too many of my anti-anxiety meds because I felt like my world was crashing down around me, how was I going to support my husband when he was ill? How would I pay our mortgage? How would I pay my student loans?

I was desperate and I should have never done it.

I spent three days in a psych unit because they considered it a suicide attempt. The B.O.N and employer found out about this and so of course I was immediately fired for being "mentally unstable" and the fact that "I would cause too much rumor and drama if I came back to work"...

So here I am, almost 4 years later, haven't been able to find an RN job, had a car repossessed, filed bankruptcy and now we are facing foreclosure on our house....... I am working an Aide job for 1/3 of my previous salary and it's just not enough, I work 60 hours a week, no benefits.

I don't know why I am posting this, I guess I need some advice, I know I have read people on here who have found work while being on probation and I even worked with nurses at the hospital who had diverted drug (I know totally different than what I did but just sayin'.)

I just want someone to give me hope because I really feel like giving up on my job search. I had so much pride, overcoming the obstacles of my youth and being the first person in my family to graduate college and now I feel like the lowest of the low and that my life has no value. I guess I put all my identity and self-worth into being a Registered Nurse.

Sometimes I deal with this okay and keep putting applications in and feel hopeful, but today I am feeling really down, could use some advice or someone to talk to, God knows I can't talk to my family (other than my husband).... My own mother told me yesterday how "dissapointed she is in my and that I am the equivalent of a High school drop-out"...

Sorry for writing a book here but I really need some input or someone to talk to through e-mail or PM to help give me my "fight" back.....

Thanks so much.

[Gold_SJ]

Reading this brought so much sadness, to have had such things happen sounds horrific to me. The workplace appeared to become viscious, over supporting a person going through a hard period of their life like depression. I won't even go into someone reporting a person for going to a psche ward to attack their license, when does stigma end?

However now I can only encourage you that the past is the past, it's unchangable and if you have regrets you can only tell yourself you'll try harder next time, that you'll do better. I say this as like everyone I have experienced down times and have regrets and sometimes thats the only way you can see it.

It's not worth the pain nor guilt of dwelling on that time. Think afresh and anew and have hope and faith that better times shall come. Like the sunlight after a storm, things will get better. Although sometimes it can be hard to visualize.

I hope you're feeling better than you did back than and I truly do believe you'll find another job. If you want to remain a nurse keep applying, try different nursing areas, areas maybe less desirable to the general community of your area for nursing due to it's heaviness. Surely doing this and working less hours than that 60 a week would be better in the long run.

Maybe even try some volunteering/or alternative once a week job to make connections and friends at a health care facility nearby, when people find how nice and helpful you are it will be seen more favourably for a position if one comes up.

Also remember eventually that restriction will lift on your license and you'll be seen as no different than any other nurse out there, that this is just a temporary time.

Wishing you and your family all the best and sending prayers your way

[fayet]

I understand your frustration but also feel that there are some holes in your story especially when it comes to your psychiatric disorder being disclosed to the board and elsewhere. I agree with much that has been said and will not duplicate that. I have been a recovering addict for 2 1/2 yrs but only have my daily reprive from picking up again. I pray each day that God takes the obsession away and He does. My daily walk with my Higher Power is what keeps me clean and sober. I went away for 3 months to an inpatient facility and then did 5 weeks of Outpatient Rehab. I make at least 2 AA/NA meetings a week and a Nurse Support Group a week. My sponsor and I have a close relationship in recovery and I seek her advice sometimes daily. I talk with other addicts/alcoholics and pray and meditate on my devotional reading and read recovery literature. I also work with my sponsor in assisting with others on their first three stepwork.

God chose to give me an RN job in October of '10 after looking for work since that March. My job came in God's time and not my own. That was the hardest thing for me to accept next to the unmanageability of my life and that I was powerless over my disease. I am a true believer that God knows when we are ready to accept things in our recovery and in my case that was so true.

I work in a rural hospital in a small town in TN working 12-hr night shift on a Med-Surg floor. I have been an RN for 37 years. The director who hired me looked inside of me and gave me a chance and she has been my biggest cheerleader beside my husband and sponsor. It definitely was a God moment for me.

Hang in there. Have you tried dialysis clinics, same day surgery clinics and even immunization clinics? Will keep you in my prayers. Don't give up and take care of you first. Faye

[strawberryfields]

Your story made me tear up, my heart caved when I read about the heavy weight you have on your shoulders (student loans, mortgage, etc.). I can't give you any legal advice but my heart goes out to you. The economy is rough. Good luck to you.

[KristelRN]

Hi, I know how hard it is. I too am on probation with drug restrictions but by the grace of God I was able to find a job in teaching which still allowed me to stay in healthcare and it pays about 22/hr. You are going to have to totally turn your life over to Christ and find a good church home so u can be properly taught and healed and mended of those things which happened to you a a child otherwise they will continue to surface. Stay encouraged you can do it.

[all_over_again]

Have you considered inpatient hospice. I have found luck there.

Hospice for someone struggling with depression and anxiety? I don't think so.

[backtowork]

..another upbeat, supportive post from all_over_again. much like another of her many helpful posts... and i quote:

"screw nursing. if the people and the boards want perfect nurses who will work under oppressive conditions, let them find some."

[all_over_again]

Sorry that you want a pat on the back. The truth is difficult and ugly.So be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. I prefer to fight with my eyes open .Regards.

[onepowerfullady, LPN]

Baby, get a lawyer and fight. My heart goes out to you! Keep getting therapy as well because we can't take care of others without taking care of ourselves first. Good luck and hugs!

[tothepointeLVN, LVN]

Hospice for someone struggling with depression and anxiety? I don't think so.

Actually having suffered from depression on and off I have found I have been least depressed during the time I have been working hospice. It's not depressing it's uplifting. Something about it says that even in the worst time things will be ok and even if they are not they'll still be ok. We are all on the same set of railroad tracks in the end.

[all_over_again]

I'm glad that it worked out for you. My first job was in hospite respite care and oncology and I think I suffered something akin to PTSD as a result. I know we're all headed there, and I am grateful that there are people who are able to be supportive to patients and families who are dealing with the anticipated loss.

I think I would have done better in community health nursing but its water under the bridge now. I'm doing medical records reviews for law firms and its a good fit so far.

Good luck to you anyway. I don't go out of my way to be abrasive. I'm just a "glass half empty" person and I work really hard to avoid the stressors that drove me over the edge 5 years ago. I'd do whatever I could to spare someone else the same misery. Besides, for people who have struggled with addiction, hospice care could bring on a "kid in a candy store" effect. No thanks!

Regards.

[wish_me_luck, BSN, RN]

All_over_again, that's you. If you choose to look at the glass half full, then hospice can be a very comforting, noble experience. :)

[all_over_again]

I'm glad you are comforted by caring for dying people. I must be weird like that.