Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 129

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   jazziphat
    OMG!!!
    1. I had a lady tell me that the EMERGENCY ROOM was her primary care doctor
    2. A 28 year old comes in with his dramatic girlfriend believing he is having a heart attack. I ask for his i.d and in his extreme panic and discomfort while pulling out his wallet, he calmly says to his GF, "OMG I don't have my debit card" ARE U KIDDING ME Mr. I- am- having- a- heart- attack- at- age- 28
    3. NO SIR we cannot provide a way home for you. No we don't have bus passes and NO we will not pay for a cab
    4. O......K..... lemme get this straight you just brought a family member here to the ED and since you are already here you want to be seen for your clogged ears?
    Last edit by jazziphat on Jun 6, '10 : Reason: edited for mistakes
  2. by   Bill E. Rubin
    to the 32 yo stoner melodromatic dude who, in spite of his normal vital signs will say that he is going to lose it, then proceeds to weep because nobody will prescribe him the pain medication he needs for his vague complaints of excruciating pain while walking around the unit:

    if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it must be a duck, and you are a melodromatic narcotic abusing drug addict; your acting skills, however, are better than most, i'll give you a b- for acting. you see, as a matter of fact, we really have seen it all. and you've got to really be a whole lot better than that to fool us.

    and by the way. it is the middle of the night, and we only have diet ginger ale in our refrigerator. no, i am not going to go down to the caf and get you an odwalla drink. i really don't care if you don't like diet ginger ale. drink the tap water then. and if you call the unit secretary one more time and scream at her at the top of your lungs about your displeasure regarding the diet ginger ale, i will come down here and whup your a$$ until you shut your exceedingly annoying pie hole.
  3. by   Hygiene Queen
    "If you do not stop hovering your nosy butt over the top of this nurses' station and eavesdropping while 'requesting a pain pill', I am going to have maintenance plant land mines all along its perimeter. POOF! Your pain is GONE... and so is mine!"
  4. by   MikeyBSN
    One of our nurses told a woman who requested a made-to-order meal that the emergency room was not McDonalds. She got in trouble.
  5. by   SoundofMusic
    Um, due to your extreme obesity, you went into DKA and arrived at the hospital almost dead. Now that you're recovering, you will NOT stop asking for food, even though your'e on a tube feeding and are at least getting enough nutrition to stay alive. I mean, seriously -- are you really just trying to kill yourself?
  6. by   Poi Dog
    Stop telling me to "shut up". I have NEVER been rude to you and because you cannot see, I am telling you what I am going to do. I could send in another aid who will probably assist you silently. Is that what you want? I don't get you - your moods change like the wind.

    Peace out, grumpy face mcgrump frump.
  7. by   shoegalRN
    *sigh*

    After a long 12 hour shift sitting on inpatients waiting for beds:

    -Don't come to the hospital if you are just gonna refuse every damn thing. You are here for SOA due to your COPD and your CHF then have the nerves to cock an attitude with me because I won't let you drown in your own fluids by going over the 1500ml restriction you are on?

    Well, guess what? I don't give a damn! Drink yourself into a slow death. Why are you even a full code in the first place since your statement to me was "I want my heart to fail so I can leave this miserable place". Do us all a favor and just leave AMA like you always do.

    To the patient who refused all the BP meds but want the pain meds:

    -I am NOT gonna snow you! I don't care what the day nurse did, but I'm more concerned about your BP than your 8/10 pain in your right toe. Right now, you are in stroke arena. If you stroke out and die, you won't have to worry about being in pain.

    To the melodrama queen:

    -I don't give a damn you are not cared for at home. Do not try to play the "incontinence" card with me because you are told you are being discharged in the AM. Your legs worked just fine while you were getting up going to the bathroom urinating, but since you know once you have a bowel movement you are being discharged, you want to poop in the bed. Then you want to "cry" about it being so "embarrassing", although you had no problem what so ever getting up to the bathroom to urinate. Then you want to pretend you can't wipe yourself, although your hands have been working just fine. When you are threatened with being put on a bedpan, you want to cry like somebody died. And guess what? Your fat behind was STILL discharged, dispite your little attempt at winning the Oscar.

    To the pt who thinks the ER is his PCP:

    -No, we don't do "follow up visits" in the ER. That is what the clinic is for. Sorry you missed your follow up visit in the clinic because you were 20 minutes late for your appointment and the next available appointment is not until August. Sorry you been out of your "water pills" since last week and can't get into the clinic now because you missed your appointment in order to get your refills on your water pills. No, we can not give you a refill on your water pills. Why is this even an emergency at 0100? I really don't care you have been sitting in the waiting room for 12 hours since the clinic told you to go to the ER for your water pills refill. This is NOT an emergency! Next time be on time to your appointment and you won't have this problem! And no, we don't give cab vouchers!
  8. by   RNTwin
    Quote from MikeyBSN
    One of our nurses told a woman who requested a made-to-order meal that the emergency room was not McDonalds. She got in trouble.
    that is why our professions sucks!!!! basket-BALLS!!!!!!!! we get written up or in "trouble" for telling idiots the truth
  9. by   Redhead28
    When I give you the 1-10 pain scale do not answer 12. It is not funny, it's not even orginal.

    No I don't think your children are cute. They are brats and irritating me and and your room mate.

    I cannot take away all of the pain and keep you breathing, what is your choice?

    No I don't need to learn to speak Spanish. You are in America and our national langauge is English. If I go to your country I will learn the langauge.

    No I don't know how much this is going to cost you.

    Your doctor will get here when he gets here.

    If you didn't want help, why did you come to the hospital?

    If you go down to smoke we will give your room to someone else.

    I'm not here to wait on you. I'm here to help you become independant again.

    Believe me when I say you are not the only person to ever have a baby, SO SUCK IT UP!!!!!
  10. by   kool-aide, RN
    To the pt who wanted a sprite every time I helped her ambulate to the BR. (which was quite frequently.)
    "I would love to know who gets you a sprite at home every time you go to the BR in the middle of the night??? It's 0300 and you need to be asleep!":grn:
  11. by   whichone'spink
    Ma'am, giving me an angry stare is not going to get you narcs, okay?
  12. by   tainted1972
    " If you can feed yourself the mcdonalds your husband smuggled in then you can wipe your own ass or have him do it for you"

    " No I will not shave your legs, crotch, underarms, or chin... this is a hospital not a spa.

    No I will not put a do not disturb sign on the door so your mother can sleep all day.

    I will not convince your 95 year old grandmother to get chemo to save her life... she is 95 she will NOT live forever!

    If you have the energy to walk downstairs to smoke.. you can give yourself a bath.

    Who wipes your ass at home?

    You had surgery it is supposed to hurt.

    If you can sit through hours of tatoos then you can deal with an IV without screaming.

    Do not complain about the type of care i am giving your 600lb mother who has a decub the size of a basketball on her ass that she developed under YOUR care!!

    Stop letting your baby crawl all over the floor where your mothers bowel exploded a few hours earlier.

    No I will not call the "maid" to come clean your room and make your bed.
  13. by   sk8rn
    I like teasing the elderly ladies about being pregnant, It always gets them going.

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