Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.
I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.
Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.
Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.
Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.
I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.
No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.
No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".
No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.
NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).
No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).
No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.
No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.
I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!
How about "You again? my nursing diagnosis for you sir: altered mobility related to stupidity!" That felt good.............I'm not evil and mean, just had a looooooooong weekend.
"no, you may not. you went over your allotted question quota for the entire day by noon! now either shut up or i'll give you an ativan the size of a manhole cover!!"
Do not yell at me because the c-section on your barn cat cost $600. A spay would have been much, much cheaper. In fact there is a vet in the area that charges onlt $50 for one.
Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.
"may i ask you another quick question?"
"no, you may not. you went over your allotted question quota for the entire day by noon! now either shut up or i'll give you an ativan the size of a manhole cover!!"
ps -- i worked psych.
kathy
shar pei mom :paw::paw:
may i have one while you're passing them out, please? pretty please? cherries on top? flambe'?
"Yes, you have an ABI, and I appreciate that's difficult. But you can manage to moderate your language when the staff looking after you are male, or doctors, or if security arrives. So shut your $%^^!@* filthy mouth or I'll happily shut it for you."
may i have one while you're passing them out, please? pretty please? cherries on top? flambe'?
sure! how'z'bout one for now plus a spare? a two gallon ziplock bag makes a great carrying case and contains the crumbs but it is transparent... maybe one of those canvas bags like our library sends the books home in as a pillbox?
Specializes in Geriatrics, Cath Lab, Cardiology,Neuro.
No I am NOT your DRUG DEALER and nor is YOUR PRESCRIBING DOCTOR....here are the directions to the nearest dealer on the street corner! Also proper language is required to get a refill...We have pts asking to refill their "Vic's" or "Oxy's" and our Nurse Practitioner does NOT find that to be acceptable language!
Many years ago we had a heroin addict (a frequent flier) in for c/o a specific pain. He was receiving meds to prevent heroin withdrawel as well as pain medication. He would not co-operate with any aspect of his care (refused to go for any sort of imaging for his pain, nor would he allow a bedside PT eval), was disgustingly rude and verbally abusive to staff, he would holler in his room for assistance and had his visitors find us and they were just as bad, he was also doing very vulgar things, and was felt to also be using heroin in his room. So essentially, he was laying in bed being a PIA and getting very high. His Dr. attempted to discharge him, but the pt. complained that he was unable to walk or care for himself, and essentially refused to be discharged until he was better. The next day at change of shift I hear the clickity clickety of the DON's high heels as she comes prancing down the hall in her fancy suit (the 1st and only time I saw her on our floor during 2nd shift), she is followed by several large EMTs with a gurney. She went to the pt. and said "Mr. X you are discharged.", To the EMT's she said,
"Take him to another hospital, take him to his home, take him wherever he wants, anywhere but here!" Then she went clickity clickity back to her office.
"no, you may not. you went over your allotted question quota for the entire day by noon! now either shut up or i'll give you an ativan the size of a manhole cover!!"
ps -- i worked psych.
kathy
shar pei mom :paw::paw:
i would love to be able to say that...but alas, ativan doesn't live on the detox unit. the best i can do is tell them to suck it up and go to the group meeting. i could get them some phenobarb, but they'll have to have a seizure first
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
many years ago we had a heroin addict (a frequent flier) in for c/o a specific pain. he was receiving meds to prevent heroin withdrawel as well as pain medication. he would not co-operate with any aspect of his care (refused to go for any sort of imaging for his pain, nor would he allow a bedside pt eval), was disgustingly rude and verbally abusive to staff, he would holler in his room for assistance and had his visitors find us and they were just as bad, he was also doing very vulgar things, and was felt to also be using heroin in his room. so essentially, he was laying in bed being a pia and getting very high. his dr. attempted to discharge him, but the pt. complained that he was unable to walk or care for himself, and essentially refused to be discharged until he was better. the next day at change of shift i hear the clickity clickety of the don's high heels as she comes prancing down the hall in her fancy suit (the 1st and only time i saw her on our floor during 2nd shift), she is followed by several large emts with a gurney. she went to the pt. and said "mr. x you are discharged.", to the emt's she said,
"take him to another hospital, take him to his home, take him wherever he wants, anywhere but here!" then she went clickity clickity back to her office.
priceless! and i hope she left word in the er not to let him come back!
Specializes in Geriatrics, Cath Lab, Cardiology,Neuro.
There are some PIA pts, as sad and sick as they are, need to have their picture on file at ER's and pharmacies and have a notice IF YOU SEE THIS PT DON'T SERVE THEM! but sadly it doesnt work that way!
pca_85
424 Posts
How about "You again? my nursing diagnosis for you sir: altered mobility related to stupidity!" That felt good.............I'm not evil and mean, just had a looooooooong weekend.