Sad & Angry

PurpleLover · Apr 28, 2014

What is CNS?

tarotale · Apr 28, 2014

did you mean CNA?

Anna Flaxis, BSN, RN · Apr 28, 2014

CNS=Clinical Nurse Specialist.

Those are pretty general statements. I know you're just venting, but without more context for your observations, it's hard to give meaningful feedback.

roser13, ASN, RN · Apr 28, 2014

Are you the "someone who deserves a chance"? Or is it a friend of yours?

Did you or the 'someone else' apply for the same position?

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Apr 28, 2014

Sounds like you just plain don't like her. If you're going to take any actions, like one-to-one discussion with the CNS to iron out differences, I would advise you to be objective as possible. Point out specific behaviors and 'own' your reaction.... you know the drill. Use "I" messages. "I felt disrespected when you said 'any idiot can take accurate vital signs' but you seem to be incapable".

Over my (many) decades I have discovered that a lot of truly noxious people are completely unaware of how others perceive their behavior. They are frequently very taken aback when someone points out that their actions/words were unacceptable or inappropriate. I'm not saying that the CNS will have an epiphany and turn into a charmer.... but providing constructive feedback is a moral imperative. The only alternative is to just lay down and become a doormat.

LisalaRN99, BSN, RN · Apr 28, 2014

It is one thing to criticize someone for not performing a job the way you believe it should be performed (not your business); it is another to criticize someone personally, i.e., attacking their manners and "class". Often times we stoop to this when we can't find anything else to criticize. Do yourself and your colleagues a favor and stay inside your own hula-hoop. I realize you are just venting, but putting it out here on an open forum invites commentary.

brenda1234 · Apr 28, 2014

Sounds like you just plain don't like her. If you're going to take any actions, like one-to-one discussion with the CNS to iron out differences, I would advise you to be objective as possible. Point out specific behaviors and 'own' your reaction.... you know the drill. Use "I" messages. "I felt disrespected when you said 'any idiot can take accurate vital signs' but you seem to be incapable".
Over my (many) decades I have discovered that a lot of truly noxious people are completely unaware of how others perceive their behavior. They are frequently very taken aback when someone points out that their actions/words were unacceptable or inappropriate. I'm not saying that the CNS will have an epiphany and turn into a charmer.... but providing constructive feedback is a moral imperative. The only alternative is to just lay down and become a doormat.

you are so right.

I used to work as a nurse assistant and I knew her when she was a regular staff RN. She gave me directions such as "move so I can sit" (when she wanted to use a computer I was using or sitting at)

she will say things such as "my baby daddy" when speaking about her son whom she had out of wedlock. She's married to someone else who's an attorney. After she got married to him, someone mentioned "her head couldn't fit through the door". When I give her report I will say the report and if I say "I am not sure what diagnosis this is" she will say in a very demeaning tone "it would be nice if you looked it up Brenda for your own information so you know"-

I work full time over night and in the morning I have no energy not desire to speak back to anyone.

I don't have to like everyone and I am sure everyone doesn't have to like me. But there is a way of talking to people so they can learn and grow. There is a way of talking to co-workers that is professional and less demeaning.

Simple things such as "please" and "thank you" go a long way.

Shes gotten in trouble for cursing at work. Thank God not at me because I would of gone straight to HR to report such behavior.

I like your advise because maybe she is blind to her behavior? ( I said that before to another co-worker -- and she said "no she knows who to talk down to and who to kiss up to).

But I think it's better to be honest and tell her what behavior of her towards me bothers me. I am much more confident as an RN in my skills, the way I treat my patients, and how I am as a person. So I definitely cannot let her be a doormat to her.

Ruas61, BSN, RN · Apr 28, 2014

What does a CNS do? Is this a charge or reference nurse or something?

toomuchbaloney · Apr 28, 2014

you are so right.
I used to work as a nurse assistant and I knew her when she was a regular staff RN. She gave me directions such as "move so I can sit" (when she wanted to use a computer I was using or sitting at)
she will say things such as "my baby daddy" when speaking about her son whom she had out of wedlock. She's married to someone else who's an attorney. After she got married to him, someone mentioned "her head couldn't fit through the door". When I give her report I will say the report and if I say "I am not sure what diagnosis this is" she will say in a very demeaning tone "it would be nice if you looked it up Brenda for your own information so you know"-
I work full time over night and in the morning I have no energy not desire to speak back to anyone.
I don't have to like everyone and I am sure everyone doesn't have to like me. But there is a way of talking to people so they can learn and grow. There is a way of talking to co-workers that is professional and less demeaning.
Simple things such as "please" and "thank you" go a long way.
Shes gotten in trouble for cursing at work. Thank God not at me because I would of gone straight to HR to report such behavior.
I like your advise because maybe she is blind to her behavior? ( I said that before to another co-worker -- and she said "no she knows who to talk down to and who to kiss up to).
But I think it's better to be honest and tell her what behavior of her towards me bothers me. I am much more confident as an RN in my skills, the way I treat my patients, and how I am as a person. So I definitely cannot let her be a doormat to her.

It sounds pretty clearly like you don't like this nurse much and are irritated by most everything she says and does. There seems to be some personal/professional history that is contributing to this dislike. It also sounds like you are tired when you must interact with her, which doesn't help.

The bottom line is that you should know the diagnosis of your patients, even if she didn't say it very nicely. Lots of women have children outside of marriage today. Many of them refer to the fathers of their children as 'the baby daddy', 'the ex', or (my personal favorite) 'sperm donor'.

From my perspective, I would make certain I was prepared to give her a brief report and would otherwise ignore any comments that seem intended to get under my skin. I would simply not waste my emotional energy on her.

Good luck.

brenda1234 · Apr 29, 2014

It sounds pretty clearly like you don't like this nurse much and are irritated by most everything she says and does. There seems to be some personal/professional history that is contributing to this dislike. It also sounds like you are tired when you must interact with her, which doesn't help.
***The lack of professionalism is what I do not appreciate.
When speaking to a staff member - whatever their title may be.... They deserve respect. To wrinkle their forehead or roll their eyes when one is giving report is not very professional. It shows lack of respect & lack of professionalism.
Yes, I work nights so when I interact with this individual it is after working a long night shift.
The bottom line is that you should know the diagnosis of your patients, even if she didn't say it very nicely. Lots of women have children outside of marriage today. Many of them refer to the fathers of their children as 'the baby daddy', 'the ex', or (my personal favorite) 'sperm donor'.
** I didn't mean to say "diagnosis". I have been a nurse for a long time. I know my patients diagnosis well. I meant to say the something like a genetic condition that has nothing to do why the patient is at the hospital. Ex. They are there for a broken leg but history wise they have chiary syndrome . Something of that sort. Sometimes I have time to look up and sometimes I don't.
** there's a respectful way to talk to a person. She could of said "this means this and that" and not act like I should be looking up everything.
** that is true that now it is common to have children outside of marriage. But why can't we just say things professionally and say "my ex, the father if my child" instead of "my baby daddy". It sounds so guetto and shows lack of class.
From my perspective, I would make certain I was prepared to give her a brief report and would otherwise ignore any comments that seem intended to get under my skin. I would simply not waste my emotional energy on her.
** I think you are so right. I am such a sensitive person. I went though a difficult and dark situation as a child. So it comes out sometimes as very sensitive. I am working on that with my psychologist. It's just that she doesn't understand nurse things since she is not a nurse. I like venting to other nurses and obviously not at work. I would hate for anyone to say "did you hear what Brenda was saying about you?"
Gossiping is something i do not do at work. And I am so proud of that. I feel that gossip is low class and unprofessional in the work setting. Which is something this new CNS does unfortunately.
Good luck
** thank you. I am not gonna waste emotional energy on this issue.

toomuchbaloney · Apr 29, 2014

** that is true that now it is common to have children outside of marriage. But why can't we just say things professionally and say "my ex, the father if my child" instead of "my baby daddy". It sounds so guetto and shows lack of class.
In your opinion it sounds ghetto and shows lack of class. In some areas of the country that terminology is very common place even amongst college educated professionals.
** I think you are so right. I am such a sensitive person. I went though a difficult and dark situation as a child. So it comes out sometimes as very sensitive. I am working on that with my psychologist. It's just that she doesn't understand nurse things since she is not a nurse. You describe this person as a CNS, what does that mean if not referencing a clinical nurse specialist? I like venting to other nurses and obviously not at work. I would hate for anyone to say "did you hear what Brenda was saying about you?"
Gossiping is something i do not do at work. And I am so proud of that. I feel that gossip is low class and unprofessional in the work setting. Are you preoccupied with 'class'? Which is something this new CNS does unfortunately.
Good luck
** thank you. I am not gonna waste emotional energy on this issue.

It is good to vent sometimes. It is not good to dwell upon things which make us unhappy.