Rude coworkers

caliotter3 · Jan 11, 2015

You now know what the common atmosphere of nursing is. You can go through the trouble of finding a better place to work (they do exist), or you can decide to put up with it for the rest of your nursing career, or you can leave nursing altogether. But if you leave, you must take into consideration that a lot of the negatives you have described can be found in one form or another, to one degree or another, in any other line of work, or workplace.

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Jan 11, 2015

How so you handle it all for so long?

By ignoring it.

First off, step back a bit and see how you took tone and a facial expression to MEAN SO MUCH, to mean this nurse thought you were an idiot. You supplied the details to this. The nurse's facial expression and tone may mean exactly what you think, or it may not. You'll never know for sure . . . so why use it as highly important INFORMATION with which to judge yourself and her? This is about managing your own thoughts, it can really take the pressure off of you when you realize how much you are 'reading into' what someone says or does. Everyone does it, but not everyone is aware they do it.

As for ignoring it, that's part experience and part me being responsible for my own work as a nurse.

A walkie talkie who tanks five minutes after I give report will naturally give you pause, hell, what did I miss?? THAT, not the nurse's tone of voice or eye rolling is your real issue. Trust yourself! You know the patient appeared fine, and that's it, that is the limit of your ability.

Another nurse who SEEMS to infer you are some kind of idiot needs to be ignored. Who the hell is she to judge your capability? You know your capability, right? Own it. People can have all kinds of ideas about you, but they don't MAKE you or force you.

We can't always have everyone around us liking us, admiring us, respecting us. That is beyond your control. People can think what they will, and sure, it does hurt, but isn't it really self centered of me to EXPECT everyone to always be positive with me? That's like me being the center of the universe, calling all the shots! Ridiculous, when you look closely :)

I did have a complete, alert and oriented walkie talkie DIE in his bathroom some time right before bedside report. The night nurse and I knocked and walked in, and saw the IV pole . . . and his white feet sticking out of the bathroom door way. I hadn't seen him for about 30 minutes, but another staff had brought him apple juice about ten minutes before report, and was as shocked as the rest of us. Unsuccessful code and all that .

Of course I questioned everything. I didn't need anyone to look at me funny. As far as I could honestly, possibly, professionally tell, he was FINE when I said goodnight. Once in a while, this stuff happens.

When another nurse 'communicates' they question your abilities, it doesn't automatically mean your abilities are questionable. Are they? Right there, you own it.

FPSRMF · Jan 12, 2015

She could have been stressed about what happened or had a bad day with all that going on as well. You know who you are and what skills you have. Don't let her get to you.

We do bedside hand off reports at our facility. One time I handed a patient off to the day nurse, two hours later they coded. He did survive but I can tell you the night I went back and found out about him, I had thoughts like "what did I miss?" These things happen unfortunately.

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Jan 12, 2015

By ignoring it.
First off, step back a bit and see how you took tone and a facial expression to MEAN SO MUCH, to mean this nurse thought you were an idiot. You supplied the details to this. The nurse's facial expression and tone may mean exactly what you think, or it may not. You'll never know for sure . . . so why use it as highly important INFORMATION with which to judge yourself and her? This is about managing your own thoughts, it can really take the pressure off of you when you realize how much you are 'reading into' what someone says or does. Everyone does it, but not everyone is aware they do it.
As for ignoring it, that's part experience and part me being responsible for my own work as a nurse.

This.

And this:

Another nurse who SEEMS to infer you are some kind of idiot needs to be ignored. Who the hell is she to judge your capability? You know your capability, right? Own it. People can have all kinds of ideas about you, but they don't MAKE you or force you.
We can't always have everyone around us liking us, admiring us, respecting us. That is beyond your control. People can think what they will, and sure, it does hurt, but isn't it really self centered of me to EXPECT everyone to always be positive with me? That's like me being the center of the universe, calling all the shots! Ridiculous, when you look closely :)

And THIS:

When another nurse 'communicates' they question your abilities, it doesn't automatically mean your abilities are questionable. Are they? Right there, you own it.

I don't let someone; a MERE MORTAL themselves rent space in my head. Sugar Honey Ice Tea happens. *shrugs*

I let my nursing practice directed what I do; as long as my judgement and my license is intact due to the integrity I show through my practice, I could care LESS what someone "thinks", hell, IF they are thinking that at ALL.

Libby1987 · Jan 12, 2015

Working with tired stressed negative people isn't a blast by any means but it sure wouldn't run me out of my career if I otherwise saw my place in it.

One way I cope is I have learned to not take others' attitudes or comments personally, well I'm a lot better at it but have had the occasional slip and allowed myself to be offended. Mostly though I have a private raised eyebrow and wonder why they're so negative, probably something in themselves or perhaps they have been treated rotten and this is their defense, either way I wouldn't trade places and I count my blessings sort of thing. I can run through those thoughts in a few seconds.

The other way is in my response. I can respond to coworkers and other people who I interact with in the same way I might respond to a anxious angry patient which is to build trust and credibility. It's amazing how trust and credibility affect relationships and naturally grow respect.

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Jan 12, 2015

The other way is in my response. I can respond to coworkers and other people who I interact with in the same way I might respond to a anxious angry patient which is to build trust and credibility. It's amazing how trust and credibility affect relationships and naturally grow respect.

What an excellent point. Co-workers are not a different breed than the patients, we're all human beings and if you are in a hospital -- you are in extremis (yes, being a nurse counts).

The people who appear to sail through it with optimism weren't born that way. They learned to BE that way. Some folks are naturally more laid back, not so quick to take offense or defense, but NO ONE can handle the nursing work environment without learning how to handle it in a way best for them.

The nurses I've witnessed have the roughest time are the ones who frequently feel 'attacked' or put down, be it by patients, doctors or other nurses. They react to the 'tone of voice' of the guy in the blood bank, they react to what they THINK someone meant (always about them!). I haven't done a longitudinal study but the nurses who are often considered rude or impatient are the same nurses who feel very victimized by everyone talking 'down' to them or ignoring them or whatever.

A nurse with that attitude is miserable most of the time. And I hate to say, it's self generated, from their own assumptions. When I was new, I was very sensitive to making mistakes, and read a lot into the comments or 'looks' I got. I was very unhappy with nursing and NURSES themselves for a long time. When it hit me that I couldn't not POSSIBLY know what another person was thinking -- nope, I'm not a psychic -- it let me off the hook a little. And then over time I realized I could trust myself as a nurse, from the inside. Commentary from the outside was important feedback but it was my responsibility to determine if it is useful or the commentator was stressed and afraid themselves.

dudette10, MSN, RN · Jan 12, 2015

Hello all,
Recently I swicthed job from working on a medsurg floor for 4 years, to now working in a progressive care unit, in my same hospital. The other day I asked a coworker what happened to a patient I gave her when we switched shifts, and she had an attitude and told me said patient was intubated, and made a few other comments, suggesting it was my fault?! The patient was AOx3, smiling, talking, and on all of the monitors when we gave report at bedside. All of his vitals were WNL, with the excetion of his O2, which was between 88-90, which was what the pulmonologist said to keep him as. Im not upset that someone has an attitude towards me, I am however, pretty ****** that a fellow coworker would question my competence as a nurse. Why are so many nurses quick to be rude, and think that they are smarter, better etc. than the next? I have considered leaving nursing in a few years because between the stress of taking care of sick and dying patients, you also have the families, management, doctors, and even rude coworkers. How so you handle it all for so long?

I'm going against the grain here. Unless you tell exactly what she said, and there is a video of her speaking to you, I'm not going to say she was rude or questioning your competence. Having had patients passed off to me that went to ICU during my shift, I have had nurses that handed off to me ask, "What happened?" I tell them what happened, and they fret, wondering what they missed. If a patient of mine goes off to ICU within 24 hours, I also search my brain for what I missed or should have discussed with the docs. Most of the time, it was a slow decline that just took a turn on my shift or a subsequent nurse's shift.

And sometimes, patients go bad in the blink of an eye.

Did she say to you, "You should have blah, blah, blah?" Or did she just say what happened, and you translated that into questioning your competence? We are all sensitive when a patient of ours goes bad so soon after our shift ends.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 12, 2015

Hello all,
Recently I swicthed job from working on a medsurg floor for 4 years, to now working in a progressive care unit, in my same hospital. The other day I asked a coworker what happened to a patient I gave her when we switched shifts, and she had an attitude and told me said patient was intubated, and made a few other comments, suggesting it was my fault?! The patient was AOx3, smiling, talking, and on all of the monitors when we gave report at bedside. All of his vitals were WNL, with the excetion of his O2, which was between 88-90, which was what the pulmonologist said to keep him as. Im not upset that someone has an attitude towards me, I am however, pretty ****** that a fellow coworker would question my competence as a nurse. Why are so many nurses quick to be rude, and think that they are smarter, better etc. than the next? I have considered leaving nursing in a few years because between the stress of taking care of sick and dying patients, you also have the families, management, doctors, and even rude coworkers. How so you handle it all for so long?

Really? You're going to question your career choices because a co-worker was rude to you? Let me know when you find a career that has all happy/happy people who are never rude, surly or otherwise less than completely sunshiney toward you.

VANurse2010 · Jan 12, 2015

Just as an example, I witnessed a patient in the ICU (not mine) that was about to be transferred out to the floor, when all of a sudden an enormous blast of red blood per rectum came out and he coded right there. Several rounds of CPR and emergent blood products later and he died. Change of condition happens; don't blame yourself.

As you gain more experience and become more confident, you will take things less personally (and recognize when the questioner is full of ****).

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Jan 12, 2015

Eh, if the MD wanted the O2 sat to be between 88 and 90 (which in fact, a number do for COPDers) there must have been an order for that.

Completely assuming here, but chances are that someone decided to bump up the O2 without checking the order? And perhaps messed up the breathing drive for this patient? Or justification for why the patient tanked (O2 sat in the toilet?) I have even seen patients tubed for staying at 88% and getting more and more distressed. The MD's call to make for the patient.

Again, assumptions--however, it is important to note that a patient can go bad in the blink of an eye for no reason at all except for their disease process.

Sorry this happened to you. Sometimes, in attempting to do the "right" thing nurses get it wrong. And then fly into defensive mode. And blame the one before them. Or just try to talk it out, and can come across as stressed, which can come across as being nasty--because we ALL question if we could have done something differently.

You did as you were asked by the MD. We can't predict when a patient is going to turn...for better or worse. If we could, we could put all of that energy in a magic wand, get out the magic 8 ball, and with a chiming bell, cure everyone.

Career Columnist / Author · Jan 12, 2015

That sounds uncalled for and hurtful, but more telling about her than your performance. It could be that she was annoyed that the patient's condition changed and caused her a lot of work, and she's wants to blame someone.

Hope you can let her pettiness roll off you.