Please help me with my temper

[AlphaPig]

I have been a nurse for 4 years. I am a great nurse, get good reviews, I get along well with my coworkers, etc.

BUT. . .

Every once in a while I just lose it at work. I work in a very frustrating environment, a med-surg unit in an inner city hospital with a very difficult patient population. The hospital just changed owners and there is just chaos. Some days are SOOOOOO frustrating and I try to take deep breathes, go to the breakroom for a few minutes, even leave the floor for a few min to get a grip (and steal a few puffs of e-cig in the stairwell)

Most days I can laugh it all off.

Every once in a while I can't and I end up swearing (not AT anyone just a random ****) or venting or snapping at someone or saying something inappropriate.

My coworkers are awesome and forgive me but I feel terrible afterwards. I watch them and while they get frustrated too they never seem to lose their cool like me.

How can I learn to control this? Please tell me what you do to control your temper at work when things get crazy.

Thank you.

Nurse Temper Tantrum

[jbecerra]

Watch the ones that never seem to lose their cool. I find that I come at people too aggressively because I want to be sure to be heard and understood, and that is seen as "she's mad" or " what's her problem?" I have been trying to remember to keep myself cool and not get caught up in everything. Leaving the floor is a good idea as well. Good luck!!! I feel your pain.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

This is a tough one. Med surg is not an easy unit, and chaos is sometimes the theme of the day. Just putting it out there, but sometimes a strong charge nurse is needed to be actively involved with the general tone of a unit. With that being said, it is never a good idea to personalize work to the point that you are saying inappropriate things nor losing your cool to the point of swearing and generally "losing it". If put in that situation, I would probably say to the charge nurse "look, I am behind, I can't take another admission now, could you get the patient settled until I catch up" or something to that effect. Because you state that you feel badly about your behavior, then you do realize it is inappropriate, that a co-worker could complain that your are bullying them, that you are aggressive.....a lot of things. And that is no where I would think you would want to be, as far fetched as that may seem. And depending on the day they are having, you do not want to be in a place where the "forgiveness" is not to be had by your co-workers.

This would be something that I would bring to the table at a staff meeting, when cool heads prevail. There could be a work stress managment group/talk/presentation. There are many employers who offer benefits regarding management of stress. You seem to have a couple of skills in place (taking a break, for one) and we all get to the point at one time or another where we need to vent. I would ask if there can be a process in place that one can "take 5", have a "vent buddy" and be assured that if you are feeling this way, chances are someone else on your unit is as well. It does need to be addressed as a unit issue if the stress level and managment is a concern.

You are seemingly an asset to your unit, in that you are getting good reviews, and are a good nurse. I wouldn't let yourself get into a position where this is overshadowed by your temper. You would have too much to lose.

[Davey Do]

This comes from someone who has a BAD temper: Check out Emotions Anonymous.

Like the other "Anonymous" Programs, EA is based on the 12 Steps. There are Meetings, Sponsors, Literature, Daily Meditations, Slogans, and all the other things that come with making a Major Life Change.

I could go on and on, but don't want to sound Preachy. The Program is there for the Taking. And, as is said in the Program, "Take what you need and leave the rest".

The very best to you, AlphaPig. (Great Username!)

Dave

[gcupid]

I agree with JadeLpn in regards to the charge nurse setting the tone for the whole environment but I feel that you should not single yourself out in a staff meeting by being inquisitive in that subject matter bc if u ever lose control at the wrong time with the wrong person, there will be evidence on record in front of everyone your weakness. Seek help outside of work if you desire to pursue counseling. The best thing to do is to notify the charge nurse that you are taking a break and leave the scene for a few minutes. Now if you stay mad for hours, that's a sign it is time to utilize vacation days....

[onetiredmomma]

When I find myself in that place I ask for help (if that is what is bringing my coping down), take deep breaths and while doing so say a prayer asking God for help and thanking Him for help He has already provided (usually this prayer is while punching the daylight out of the keys on the med pyxis!) I agree with getting away for a few minutes and that includes getting off the unit for my lunch break so I can recharge!

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

I agree with JadeLpn in regards to the charge nurse setting the tone for the whole environment but I feel that you should not single yourself out in a staff meeting by being inquisitive in that subject matter bc if u ever lose control at the wrong time with the wrong person, there will be evidence on record in front of everyone your weakness. Seek help outside of work if you desire to pursue counseling. The best thing to do is to notify the charge nurse that you are taking a break and leave the scene for a few minutes. Now if you stay mad for hours, that's a sign it is time to utilize vacation days....

The intent was not for the OP to single themselves out, rather to take on a pro-active approach to an issue that--on a floor that is usually chaotic--perhaps co-workers are feeling as well.

Davey Do is right on the money--EA is a brilliant choice for assistance!!

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

If you need a break take one, and go in the breakroom. Throw out all the expired and moldy items, container and all. Be ruthless. If you have to, throw out the dirty dishes that have been there more than two days. They obviously have no one that cares about them, so chuck those muthas. You'll feel a lot better. Then think for a few minutes...what are you going to say, and to whom, when you get back out there. What will you do if they oppose you- a strategic retreat, or call in reinforcements. Get it clear, then go back out there. Calm, and with a plan, and tell your charge nurse what's up so they know to support you when someone says you didn't bow to their every whim.

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

I never used to swear much. Now, I will be in the nurses' station mumbling under my breath when everything is cutting loose. I'm one of the mild ones so I think you're not doing too bad. Ecigs etc tells me you're aware and that is a start. I can't even imagine med surg. I work psych so that is a whole different type of stress.

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

some shifts I work with people who get very overwhelmed and swear and nearly cry. If I am not working with that group I will just go the bathroom for a few minutes and get a drink. Yeah, refusing an admission because you are overwhelmed won't go over well where I work.....charge has her own assognments and few people will take one more pt for you unless it is a nice nurse with an easy assignment.

[nursel56]

The few times I snapped at a coworker or said something I later regretted it came out of my mouth before I had an awareness that I had a choice not to say it, so to get at the root of it Davey's advice is really great.

I really hand it to you for writing this post. So many people with anger issues think everyone else is the problem.

[Clubsingr28, ASN, RN]

Taking a quick break, (if/when you're able; i.e.> getting some air, stepping off the unit, a cup of coffee (all GOOD ideas, BUT, those interventions will only take you so far. You'll gain "momentary peace" that will be short-lived until you get back onto the unit where shortly thereafter you know the chaos begins to seep back in and ALL the breaks in the world will not help..

In the long run if you don't learn how to cope with the chaos INTERNALLY, you will "lose it" or it will get "the best of you" again. You will begin to look like a "loose canon" or unapproachable to coworkers and/or family. DON'Y ALLOW IT, that's the bottom line. Maintain your composure. Its all about what I call "SELF-TALK"> putting things in perspective, thinking before acting or speaking, inner strength and just keeping things mentally in check. You obviously RECOGNIZE there is an issue, that is HUGE!! Congrats to you, you are MILES ahead of the rest. Most are so entrenched in their anger to recognize it, but you are intelligent and strong enough to know what you have to do. When those angry feelings start to creep up on me, I never let it show, instead I (self-talk) I either think of something funny, remind myself that in the big picture feeling like this is only hurting me, I tell myself "Self, it's going to be OK", "I'm doing the best that I can do". Then I smile at someone and they will smile back and I think, "ITS ALL GOOD!".