Hit rock bottom... ruined nursing career... life is a mess right now...

[NurseCard, ADN]

I can honestly say I have hit rock bottom.... feel so alone, feel like friends are tired of hearing me vent... thought this might be a good place to just vent (I've vented here before)...

Like so many on this board... I've never been crazy about being a nurse. I've been an RN for eight years and, not counting my current agency position... I've had five different nursing jobs. Every job, in one way or another, has made me unhappy, and I guess my motto has been "there's always a better nursing job out there".... so, I've job hopped.

I actually left a very good paying job with good benefits a little over a year ago... because I hated my job. I hated the hours I was working, I hated my clientele, and I was downright suicidal most nights. My most recent job... I was determined to stick it out as long as humanly possible, even though it wasn't the greatest job, it wasn't that bad... I was determined to stick around as long as I could....

..... and then I got fired.

Now, I haven't been able to find a full time job, and so I'm working agency. I've gotten cancelled every night for the past week. My car has been repossessed, my house is about to go into foreclosure, we have an electric and water bill due Monday that we aren't going to be able to pay. My husband doesn't make nearly enough money to support us. I feel really alone; feel like I have no friends.

Thanks for reading.. :redpinkhe

[caliotter3]

Well, I will dispense with the it could be worse comment, although you know it could be. If you can't pay your mortgage and can't pay the utilities, that is about as bad as it is going to get, until you are living in your car, and then lose the car. You should see another agency or two so that between two or three agencies, you can keep enough coming in to keep the wolf from the door. I know how you feel because I have felt that way myself. Things got better when I left the area, but not by much, so I can't offer you unicorns and rainbows, because some of us just don't get those in life. Know that you can come here when it gets bad.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

I do not have any advice for you. I simply wanted to let you know that I care. :hug:

[NurseCard, ADN]

Thanks for the kind words. Things are really a mess and I just feel like a horrible person... sometimes I wish I'd never even went to nursing school. Once I graduated and became a nurse, suddenly it was ALL ON ME to keep my family insured and keep us afloat. My husband... hasn't really been willing to take up the slack, and he's never been willing to step up and get a better job than what he has, so that maybe I can step back a bit. I've always disliked nursing, and he knows it. It gets irritating, the reversed roles in my house (yes, I'm somewhat of a traditionalist...), but my husband was raised by a "supermom" and a worthless piece of you-know-what father, and so he pretty well has it engraved into his brain, that that is how it should be; the woman takes care of the family.

I don't know... if we would have been better managing our money, I probably could have "stepped back" to part time nursing maybe, a long time ago, even with him in the job that he's in now.

[kaylynnd06]

My advice to you is to follow your heart... if nursing is not for you take a break for awhile (keep renewing your license though in case you want to come back to it someday). Nursing is a very difficult career because sometimes we put our patients before ourselves; and the reality is you come first. If you are unhappy they are unhappy. Talk to your husband. Explain how you are feeling. In order to care for your patients you need to first care for yourself. Don't ever forget that. Money will never buy happiness. I hope you feel better real soon :-)

[dani_robar]

I'm so sorry about everything you are going through. I don't have much advice for you... and I'm not trying to preach. But praying to Jesus always helps me. Be patient. His timing is not our timing as much as we want it to be. I'm not trying to force or push a religion on you, that is just my advice. I hope and pray things get better for you soon!

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Thanks for the kind words. Things are really a mess and I just feel like a horrible person... sometimes I wish I'd never even went to nursing school. Once I graduated and became a nurse, suddenly it was ALL ON ME to keep my family insured and keep us afloat. My husband... hasn't really been willing to take up the slack, and he's never been willing to step up and get a better job than what he has, so that maybe I can step back a bit. I've always disliked nursing, and he knows it. It gets irritating, the reversed roles in my house (yes, I'm somewhat of a traditionalist...), but my husband was raised by a "supermom" and a worthless piece of you-know-what father, and so he pretty well has it engraved into his brain, that that is how it should be; the woman takes care of the family.

I don't know... if we would have been better managing our money, I probably could have "stepped back" to part time nursing maybe, a long time ago, even with him in the job that he's in now.

You have my sympathies, NurseCard. :hug: I'm in kind of the same boat, although I don't dislike nursing the way you say you do (but I'd retire in a NY minute if I had the means). It sucks to feel like you're trapped, and even though I actually love my job, I also know that it's really a good thing that I do love it because I'm going to be doing it for quite awhile. Hubby is retired for health reasons and still over a year shy of being able to draw reduced SS benefits, and he's got an expensive hobby that is up to me to support because he isn't bringing in any money. Older sister who lives with me also doesn't contribute anything to the household financially as she receives only a meager SS check each month, but she does take care of most of her own needs, which are numerous and also expensive (weekly hair appointments and massage, neither of which I can afford). I earn good wages but am no longer a youngster myself, and these five-day, 50-plus hour weeks are harder on me than they used to be. So believe me, I hear you, and I feel your pain---I'm not on the verge of homelessness or having my utilities shut off, but I do know what it's like to be in that position, and I hope things get better for you soon! :redbeathe

[caliotter3]

In your second post you explain how your husband is a drain on you. Suggest you develop a mind set of "no husband". Start thinking and acting as if he was not in the picture. If you want to earn more money and not give it to him to waste, do so. If you want to spend your check on this instead of that, do so. Start a savings account in your name only, even if all you do is put $5 in it every two months. Make your decisions as if he were dead, or just plain gone. In other words, do what YOU need to do to survive and stop wasting energy on him. If you don't let him drag you down, that is one less thing to depress you and maybe you could handle things a little easier. Just a thought.

[TriciaJ, RN]

So, you have a job you hate and a useless husband and your world is falling apart at a brisk clip. Time for some major soul-searching. You have the wrong career and the wrong spouse. Does your current job have an employee assistance program? Find someone professional to talk to, help you clarify your values and goals and come up with a realistic game plan.

We nurses are notorious for getting latched onto by useless partners and relatives. Time to ditch the ballast and go into survival mode for yourself and your children. Good luck to you.

[nola1202]

I'm so sorry things are so crappy for you right now. I've done the job hopping thing too. I also have never been crazy happy to be a nurse.

I'm glad you vented here, we all deserve a safe place to talk about what's going on in our lives.

At risk of being obnoxious....the Jesus thing does really help me. Prayer is calming.

Just don't give up. I know what it is to hate a job to the point of being suicidal. No job is worth that. Another job is out there, just don't get sucked down the rabbit hole of inertia. Keep looking and know that you deserve a great job. (and that you are worthy of love and caring. Sending u lots of love n support...

[zcoq72mehs]

No words spoken hear are going to alleviate this stressful situation anytime soon.

Seeking professional help is strongly advised, and the fact that u dont have money to pay for it, limits your options, nonetheless they may exit in your community.

'venting' like you have done here is a step, but I understand the mountain before you

do not dwell on hindsight--you must move forward.

altho I am not religious, I have found the ppl in such holy places to be very good ppl, all in all.

it would be very nice if you could gather all ur support group together.

i would like to emphasize that this 'feeling' you are experiencing is very real, and now it is possibly become a biological process, affecting neurochemistry, and thus your mind/psyche itself may be quite limited and possibly 'narrowed' in its insight for yourself--it is much more deep than merely making a 'decision' as your ability to make decisions may be greatly affected by this possible biological process--and it can snowbal readily

i can not emphasize enough to get your support group together and consider allowing THEM to influence your decisions until you no longer 'feel' the way you have written it to be here.

[Wave Watcher]

YOU ARE WORTHY AND DESERVING OF ALL GOOD THINGS.

Hugs to you.

Have you tried looking into the companies that provide flu shot clinics? I signed up for one last year and they had tons of days open in my area. Have you looked into....school nursing, correctional nursing.....nursing that does not involve working on a floor for 12hrs stressed out?