Get Your Foot Off My Self Esteem!

You are not alone, even though you feel as though you are. This is my experience with one of my instructors that made me question everything. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

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Get Your Foot Off My Self Esteem!

She slapped my right hand just as I was about to inject the medicine. Startled, I looked back at her to see angry green eyes and thin lips pursed in disapproval. Knowing that the patient could see us, I kept my face unemotional."Aspirate," she hissed, giving me sharp hand signals that looked somewhat epileptic. After I aspirated and injected the shot we went out of the room into the hallway.

In a high pitched thin voice she said, "You are an unsafe nurse, you forgot to aspirate! You are being put on probation." Stunned, I walked away frustrated, scared and angry. I was ready to give up. For the entire semester she had found one thing or another to yell at me or put me down about. It had been my first injection. My first ever. I was frightened to begin with, now I felt like a failure. I had looked up the medication my patient was to receive, wrote down all the information on the medication and the reason my patient needed it, and finally had drawn it up in the syringe with painstaking care. Then I had talked myself into getting the nerve up to give the injection, only to be traumatized to paralysis. After clinical that day, I sat in post conference trying not to cry. Short blonde hair that stood up in most places framed her petite face. Behind her silver framed glasses eyes clouded with prejudice, hate, and some other things I couldn't put my finger on. Trying not to make eye contact I pretended to read my paper.

Afterwards I ran to my car, tears chasing me the entire way. I could hardly open the car door because my vision was blurred, once inside I let myself cry. I felt some relief but the nagging sense of self doubt hovered low over my head. I began to question myself, just like my instructor had. Is this the path God really wants me on? Had I gotten it wrong? Was I not smart enough? The questions rolled around my head until a migraine began creeping up my neck, cradling my head.

On my way home I passed my church. Pulling into the parking lot, I parked facing the steeple that held a cross. Praying and crying out to God, I asked Him all the questions I had asked myself. When the questions finally ceased, I was still. Wiping the tears from my face I took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. I felt at peace. I knew in my heart that God had directed me onto this path.

That night I told my husband about what had happened, I cried and reverted back to feeling sorry for myself. I even voiced that I was going to quit nursing school. He only said one sentence, but that is all I needed.

"You are better than that, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are not a quitter, show her how wrong she is."

I was shocked at his bluntness, but it was exactly what I needed. I had run out of excuses. I gleaned strength from my faith and family support that coupled with my inner resolve to finish what I had started. I became even more determined to be the best nurse I could be, in spite of an instructor who didn't like me.

A few clinicals passed and I worked hard and kept to myself. Then one day in the middle of a clinical, I was at a desk doing my careplan for my patient and the instructor came up to me.

"I've noticed something different about you."

"Thank you. I decided I wasn't going to let anything you said or did discourage me."

Her face got that familiar cloudy look and she stomped off and out of my self esteem. As I watched her walk away I felt a thrill start at my toes and make it's way to my head. I smiled to myself and knew in my heart I had done the right thing.

My experience with this instructor forced me to evaluate and question myself. Self reflection is a great tool in evaluating life choices and deciding the right path. In life we can grow from difficult experiences and I did in this one. I became stronger.

Nursing school is extremely hard all by itself, excluding life challenges that come along trying to knock us out of the game. With the exception of this one instructor, I respected my nursing instructors. They often worked two jobs, and they always pushed us to learn and be better.

Allow me to encourage nursing students who may be having a conflict with an instructor to prove them wrong. Be quietly strong, be fantastic and finish strong.

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Brenda F. Johnson

About Brenda F. Johnson, MSN

Gastrointestinal Columnist
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Specializes in hospice.

Frankly I think she would have deserved a needle stick had she gotten one by slapping your hand. What kind of children are these schools hiring?

Also I bet you were super pissed at your husband, but sometimes that blunt no nonsense guy thinking is just what we need. Make sure you give him a hug. ;)

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

Great article; reminded me of my own just deserts from a nursing instructor that has NO credit entails and was in a "who you know" status in my PN program that tried to interfere with my awards and accomplishments; but I passed and got honors amongst all that adversity.

As nurses are mere mortals, so are nursing instructors....

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Specializes in Gastrointestinal Nursing.

Lol, this was back in about 1990. However, they may have been desperate for teachers and hired her from that. Actually, at first I was stunned by my husband's comment, but it was exactly what I needed to kick start me out of that funk I had gotten into. He usually doesn't respond that way, but it is a "guy" type of thinking.

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Interestingly, there are many schools that no longer teach aspiration for injections. There are some EBP siting both to and not to.

In any event, you instructor obviously had some self esteem issues, not you. And slapping of the hand?! Seriously?! All very uncalled for, and in this day and age, reportable to the school. And the clinical site, as patients don't need to be a party to the foolishness.

I wonder where this person is now? I can guarantee it is not slapping and dressing down nursing students!!

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Specializes in Gastrointestinal Nursing.
jadelpn said:
Interestingly, there are many schools that no longer teach aspiration for injections. There are some EBP siting both to and not to.

In any event, you instructor obviously had some self esteem issues, not you. And slapping of the hand?! Seriously?! All very uncalled for, and in this day and age, reportable to the school. And the clinical site, as patients don't need to be a party to the foolishness.

I wonder where this person is now? I can guarantee it is not slapping and dressing down nursing students!!

Really? Not aspirating? I haven't heard that. I guess I feel that some medicines can be dangerous if injected into a vein. Yes, my instructor must have had issues but at the time I was naïve and didn't recognize that. Plus back then a student didn't have much recourse for an abusive instructor so we would suck it up. I have often wondered where she is......

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She should have ask you to review and the steps to I'm injections before entering the patients room.

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Wait, pause, rewind....since when are they allowed to HIT students in nursing school??? I understand the need for the instructor to correct a mistake, especially if it puts the patient at risk, but in my mind hitting someone is unacceptable and could be viewed as an assault. If it were the other way around the student could have been expelled. A similar incidence happened at the hospital were my mother worked and the person who did the slapping was fired. If I were her, I would have reported her! I'm not above being corrected, but don't put your hands on me!!!

OP, I'm glad that you found the strength to continue even after this horrible experience and thank you for sharing this to encourage others! I know that you will be a great nurse because you have the willpower to continue even after being emotionally and physically assaulted!

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Is this any different than the other daily reminders nurses get that they are less than deserving?

Patients freely treat us as dumping grounds, as soon as the doctor enters nothing but respect. Doctors socialize with other doctors, but condescend when interacting with a nurse. Management has the utmost respect for us when they are short staffed, but think we should work faster. Even nurses disrespect other nurses, without even a hint of professional courtesy.

You have to find your worth independent of any "team", then stand firm and know you are just as worthy of respect as any other person.

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One of the worst things a teacher can do when their student is taking their "baby's" first steps is to do what your teacher did. It's unfortunate how many people forgot what it's like to be a student and a beginner. Building you up and encouraging you is what you needed most. Most people are already filled-up with so much self-doubt in the beginning, so her increasing your self-doubt only made things worst.

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I too have had a nasty experience with a "preceptor". She took an instant dislike to me. I was an experienced EEN an was upgrading my qualifications to a full degree. She told me within the first 5 minutes that "don't think you know anything about nursing, your experience to date means nothing, we'll bash you into shape". She tried to set me up to fail and when I survived, she decided to character assassinate me. I complained to the uni and they arranged another placement for me so her negative comments were binned and not included in my portfolio....

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She should have allowed you to complete your task, then in private, discussed with you where you went wrong (if indeed you had forgotten that you needed to aspirate with an IM injection). Of course if there was risk to the patient, then she was right to stop you, but not to hit or intimidate you. Sorry you had this experience.

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