She slapped my right hand just as I was about to inject the medicine. Startled, I looked back at her to see angry green eyes and thin lips pursed in disapproval. Knowing that the patient could see us, I kept my face unemotional."Aspirate," she hissed, giving me sharp hand signals that looked somewhat epileptic. After I aspirated and injected the shot we went out of the room into the hallway.
In a high pitched thin voice she said, "You are an unsafe nurse, you forgot to aspirate! You are being put on probation." Stunned, I walked away frustrated, scared and angry. I was ready to give up. For the entire semester she had found one thing or another to yell at me or put me down about. It had been my first injection. My first ever. I was frightened to begin with, now I felt like a failure. I had looked up the medication my patient was to receive, wrote down all the information on the medication and the reason my patient needed it, and finally had drawn it up in the syringe with painstaking care. Then I had talked myself into getting the nerve up to give the injection, only to be traumatized to paralysis. After clinical that day, I sat in post conference trying not to cry. Short blonde hair that stood up in most places framed her petite face. Behind her silver framed glasses eyes clouded with prejudice, hate, and some other things I couldn't put my finger on. Trying not to make eye contact I pretended to read my paper.
Afterwards I ran to my car, tears chasing me the entire way. I could hardly open the car door because my vision was blurred, once inside I let myself cry. I felt some relief but the nagging sense of self doubt hovered low over my head. I began to question myself, just like my instructor had. Is this the path God really wants me on? Had I gotten it wrong? Was I not smart enough? The questions rolled around my head until a migraine began creeping up my neck, cradling my head.
On my way home I passed my church. Pulling into the parking lot, I parked facing the steeple that held a cross. Praying and crying out to God, I asked Him all the questions I had asked myself. When the questions finally ceased, I was still. Wiping the tears from my face I took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. I felt at peace. I knew in my heart that God had directed me onto this path.
That night I told my husband about what had happened, I cried and reverted back to feeling sorry for myself. I even voiced that I was going to quit nursing school. He only said one sentence, but that is all I needed.
"You are better than that, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are not a quitter, show her how wrong she is."
I was shocked at his bluntness, but it was exactly what I needed. I had run out of excuses. I gleaned strength from my faith and family support that coupled with my inner resolve to finish what I had started. I became even more determined to be the best nurse I could be, in spite of an instructor who didn't like me.
A few clinicals passed and I worked hard and kept to myself. Then one day in the middle of a clinical, I was at a desk doing my careplan for my patient and the instructor came up to me.
"I've noticed something different about you."
"Thank you. I decided I wasn't going to let anything you said or did discourage me."
Her face got that familiar cloudy look and she stomped off and out of my self esteem. As I watched her walk away I felt a thrill start at my toes and make it's way to my head. I smiled to myself and knew in my heart I had done the right thing.
My experience with this instructor forced me to evaluate and question myself. Self reflection is a great tool in evaluating life choices and deciding the right path. In life we can grow from difficult experiences and I did in this one. I became stronger.
Nursing school is extremely hard all by itself, excluding life challenges that come along trying to knock us out of the game. With the exception of this one instructor, I respected my nursing instructors. They often worked two jobs, and they always pushed us to learn and be better.
Allow me to encourage nursing students who may be having a conflict with an instructor to prove them wrong. Be quietly strong, be fantastic and finish strong.
For slapping a needle-loaded hand, she needed her prim little ass laid out on the floor, but I digress...
For being told you were "being put on probation", a good and deserving counter on your part to her might have been "and you are being put on report for assault and depraved indifference to the health and safety of a student and patient". And then a right stern look in your face while you whip out your phone right there and call the hospital/nh CEO, ombudsman and then the director of your school (btw, I hope all students have those numbers in their phones).
I too had a similar experience by a nursing instructor some 27 years ago who informed me quote "you will never make it as an acute care nurse." I vowed that day that I would be the best Acute Care Nurse, I studied hard, I look for opportunities to grow and I found in nursing where in the profession I fit in. I love nursing and love to teach others learning the profession. I have always thought "raise those up coming into the profession to feel success," show others that this profession is positive and that life is good and we don't have to treat each other with disrespect. Twenty-seven years later I am still in Acute Care Nursing, doing what I love to do, raising up other nurses and nursing students, still learning every day, and supporting this profession!
The worst part of that is actually aspirating a IM shot now is not best practice. The fact the teacher probably is wrong about the concept is shocking.
That's awful! I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully in this day and age instructors know better than to lay hands on students and can act professionally.
If it had been me, I probably would have been kicked out. I would have waited until we got out in the hall and then laid into her. Nobody is allowed to condescend to me or put their hands on me.
Interesting read. I do hope my instructors will at least tolerate me! Loved the post about blunt male logic. It's so true! I gotta watch myself and what I say sometimes ;P
I had an instructor that was just like that. Good nurse though. I never spoke to her with disrespect. I was thought not to when I was growing up. I has her for clinical. She too like to step on my self esteem. Well that semester I failed clinical. Not to mention that about 6 weeks prior , my grandfather had a stroke. I was driving grandma to to the hospital and back.He died after that semester finished. I did go back to school to finish that last semester. I got my LPN license and worked in a nursing home where my nursing supervisor took me under her wing. I later went back to school. The instructor gave me an attitude and a question " Are you ready to come back" I said "oh yes I am'' with an attitude.
She should have ask you to review and the steps to I'm injections before entering the patients room.
Yes she should have. Plus she should have reviewed it with you. My clinical instructor who was with me when I did my first shot was fantastic. She put me at ease even though I was still nervous. She made a little less nervous and I did well. When I have to precept new orientees, I tried to make them feel comfortable as much as possible. I had another RN who asked me about oral suctioning. She hasn't done it before. I said no problem I'll walk you through it. She too did fine.First time I took care of a vent patient I was nervous. My nurse manager asked if I ever did suction a vent patient before, I said no. She took me in the room and walked me through it step by step. The next day I did it by myself without any problems. I felt such an accomplishment. I was once a student nurse who was naive but willing to learn. I try to take care of my newbies so they can feel they can come to me.
I learned that if I don't know something, please ask. I will get over feeling stupid than trying to fix a mistake.
I too have had a nasty experience with a "preceptor". She took an instant dislike to me. I was an experienced EEN an was upgrading my qualifications to a full degree. She told me within the first 5 minutes that "don't think you know anything about nursing, your experience to date means nothing, we'll bash you into shape". She tried to set me up to fail and when I survived, she decided to character assassinate me. I complained to the uni and they arranged another placement for me so her negative comments were binned and not included in my portfolio....
This is a preceptor with an ego. There's one in every crowd.
I too had a similar experience by a nursing instructor some 27 years ago who informed me quote "you will never make it as an acute care nurse." I vowed that day that I would be the best Acute Care Nurse, I studied hard, I look for opportunities to grow and I found in nursing where in the profession I fit in. I love nursing and love to teach others learning the profession. I have always thought "raise those up coming into the profession to feel success," show others that this profession is positive and that life is good and we don't have to treat each other with disrespect. Twenty-seven years later I am still in Acute Care Nursing, doing what I love to do, raising up other nurses and nursing students, still learning every day, and supporting this profession!
For slapping a needle-loaded hand, she needed her prim little *** laid out on the floor, but I digress...
For being told you were "being put on probation", a good and deserving counter on your part to her might have been "and you are being put on report for assault and depraved indifference to the health and safety of a student and patient". And then a right stern look in your face while you whip out your phone right there and call the hospital/nh CEO, ombudsman and then the director of your school (btw, I hope all students have those numbers in their phones).
This was a long time ago, there was no cell phones. The nursing program back then did have a "do not complain" or you will be kicked out thing going on. It isn't like today where we are so aware of physical abuse. I wish I had been able to report her
Instructor hell I call it but you rose above it!!!!! I was having similar issues till one of my favorite instructors told me to simply, "keep your eyes on the prize!" That was my kick start I needed too. Sometimes blunt advice is good your husband saw what you did not realize you had. I will never understand why nursing school is not an environment of learning but this do or die mentality. It doesn't produce good nurses it only puts them in survival mode just to get through and that is not how it should be.
This was a long time ago, there was no cell phones. The nursing program back then did have a "do not complain" or you will be kicked out thing going on. It isn't like today where we are so aware of physical abuse. I wish I had been able to report her
ponymom
385 Posts
For slapping a needle-loaded hand, she needed her prim little ass laid out on the floor, but I digress...
For being told you were "being put on probation", a good and deserving counter on your part to her might have been "and you are being put on report for assault and depraved indifference to the health and safety of a student and patient". And then a right stern look in your face while you whip out your phone right there and call the hospital/nh CEO, ombudsman and then the director of your school (btw, I hope all students have those numbers in their phones).