Failing classes & discouraged..3rd year. Need honest advice

dudette10, MSN, RN · May 7, 2012

Here's my impression, and I'll tell you why:

You want the end result, but you don't want to do the work to get there. And, there are always excuses to the reasons why you can't get 'er done.

One of my friends has been in school--various schools--part time for the past six years and is still a sophomore. She could have written your post because your way of speaking (writing) about these setbacks is EXACTLY like hers. Examples in the similarities:

--You talk about your setbacks, but you intersperse it with self-evaluative statements like "I'm a perfectionist," and "I'm afraid of failure."

--You have failed or self-sabotaged more than once, but for different reasons. At least one time, it was due to being depressed. As I have said to my friend, "unmotivated" doesn't equal "depression."

--You seek the assistance and support of various other people (counselors, the boyfriend) to help you achieve your goals, but you still are unable to reach them.

--You respond with what seems like a lot of open-mindedness to criticism, but...well, I don't know what you will do in the future. My friend also takes criticism and advice about her path very well. So well, in fact, it's still taken her six years to be a sophomore.

All this is to say, I think it boils down to discipline and maturity, just like it does for her.

catebsn25 · May 7, 2012

I had a similar experience as you with school... what I did was take a year and a half off and got my head and priorities straight. I got into therapy and got my life back in order, then contacted the chairwoman of my nursing school and she let me back in. this time has been much better! I have more discipline and I appreciate my opportunity to be here much more, so I study all the time.

you CAN do this and you ARE smart enough. you just aren't putting in enough effort. maybe some time off is what you new to figure out if this is the right path for you... good luck!

dudette10, MSN, RN · May 7, 2012

Change your major to something easy like English, get a useless BA and then get a job as a receptionist or get your real estate license or something.

As a person who has a BA in English, this made me laugh so hard at the sheer ignorance.

catebsn25 · May 7, 2012

sorry for the spelling mistakes, I wrote this with my phone... hope you get the gist of what I was trying to say lol

Inori, BSN, RN · May 7, 2012

Also go to your doctor / counseling etc you want to rule out problems that are physical and psychological and get treated. We can't diagnose you. Having untreated psychological or physical problem, only compound the already difficult task of nursing school. You still have to ask yourself those hard questions that only you can answer. You can't apply yourself fully 100% if you don't believe and the rest is discipline. Now the rest is up to you so Good luck.

33762FL · May 7, 2012

My first BA was in English. It was easy and took no creative thought or effort whatsoever, at least at the school I attended (which was difficult to get into and prestigious) and the professors I happened to have. It was also worthless in the real world, I found out. I only dumped on a degree I personally had, which was kind of an inside joke.

The OP can't even get his/her tuckus out of bed to go to class or clinical. No way this person is going to cut it as an RN if they can't even get to school. I work as RN, and I find it more stressful than school, not less. The expectations of you only get higher as you progress from school to work.

Perhaps later in life the OP will be ready for the challenge of nursing school and being an RN, and there's nothing wrong with waiting a few years until you're ready to handle something serious. But the time isn't now, if going to class or clinical is a problem - she's wasting money and/or incurring debt for nothing.

caliotter3 · May 7, 2012

Inori says it well. When you decide to stop sabotaging yourself, things will turn around for you. Good luck.

allnurses Guide · May 7, 2012

I appreciate your response, but to say it is more than "hard work" is just a falsehood. If anything, it is LESS than hard work! Getting out of bed and going, doing the basics of your class work..that is the minimum requirement! Not hard work. You aren't failing because of a lack of hard work. You are failing because of a lack of basic work.

School, especially nursing school, must be the most important priority in your world while you are in it. Nothing more. You can self evaluate until the cows come home and it may help somewhat. But more likely it will become another distractor and more time will go by while you "evaluate" and you'll be standing in the middle of a rain storm and crying because you are all wet while you watch the world (and your classmates) pass you by.

Self evaluation has benefit, but only if you do it from a place of forward motion. Which right now it doesn't appear from your own words that you are. You can call it being a perfectionist if you want, but realize that rings false if you are not working on perfecting, but rather on avoiding.

I suspect if you devote as much energy into getting past the internal "But I don't wannnnnnaaaaaa!" as you are into "evaluating" your actions you will find your problems in this regard just go away. There comes a time you have to accept that you can find all the reasons why in the world and even if they are all true true true, they are still just excuses until you act. So why waste time with the why's? In the end they do not matter anywhere near as much as the decision to move past them. As someone who was very much like you at one point in my life, I can promise you that there is not a single "why" out there, waiting to be discovered, that is magically going to solve your self motivation issues and spurn you into action. The only thing that does that is the decision to not allow yourself the luxury of avoidance.

You know what you need to do. Just do it.

gottagetmyrn · May 8, 2012

OP, wow... I hope you can do some soul searching, and figure out what is best for you, and if this is really what you want. It looks as though you know exactly what your problem is, so you just need to buck up and fix it! LOL! You are too far into the program to give up now!! MAKE THIS HAPPEN! Stop worrying about everyone else, and failure etc...and stop making excuses for yourself. Dig deep and work your fannie off to finish. You just need to focus on one thing and a time, while in school and get yourself through that. Go see your PCP and make sure nothing else is going on. Talk to your teachers, counselors, etc...whatever it takes. You are taking up some poor soul's spot in the program, and it would be a shame for you to have given up, when someone else could be in your spot too, ya know?? I really hope you can find whatever motivation you are needing to accomplish this, if it is something you really want. I just hope you don't give up and look back at all the what ifs and such, with regrets. I wish you the very best of luck figuring all this out. Good luck in all you do :)

Nurse Maru · May 15, 2012

Now I am struggling in my classes for a different reason... My school has a 4yr BSN program where we start clinicals freshman yr. Lately I have been struggling with simply making it to clinicals either on time or at all. I sleep late and don't hear the alarm or turn it off and tell myself I have time to lay there for a minute- it's always something.

First of all, let me say it sounds like you already have some good insight. That's an excellent start because although you may be lacking the growth right now to follow through with your commitments, some never find the maturity to engage in honest self-examination.

Secondly, as a psych nurse about halfway into her certification, allow me to point out "struggling with simply making it to clinicals," "I sleep late," and "lay there for a minute- it's always something" . . . . You are not struggling with your classes for a different reason, at least not entirely. This has the very distinct, very LOUD ring of unmanaged depression to me. I would highly recommend seeing a Psych NP or a Psychiatrist, trying an adjustment in your medications (BE COMPLIANT, they can't help you unless you take them consistently) and start some therapy again.

Now back to that whole having the growth to follow through with your commitments thingy. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: Only one, but the lightbulb must want to change." What I'm saying is, although meds and therapy are important, you can't pill your way into suddenly becoming a good student of anything, let alone nursing. You have to want to make the changes in yourself that will make that happen. You can't change the curriculum of your program, or change how early your clinicals start. You can only change how you choose to look at things and how you choose to act. It sounds to me like you have an excellent start. Now get to work! :nurse:

Stephalump · May 15, 2012

Sounds like anxiety/depression to me. Especially in perfectionists, they come hand in hand quite often.

It's something I've always struggled with. I failed every class my very first semester of college because I just couldn't get myself to class often enough, and, in the end, I didn't get out of bed to go to finals. I couldn't exactly tell you why, at the time. But with age I've learned it's my response to anxiety. I'm a perfectionist, but not the kind that scrubs the floors with a toothbrush. I'm the kind that thinks I SHOULD scrub the floors with a toothbrush, but I'm not sure I can actually do that and get it done, so I won't bother cleaning the floors at all. And then, of course, I've failed, which only makes things worse

If that sounds at all like you, I encourage you to do some reading on it or talk to someone. It's not an uncommon problem, and there are resources and tricks that can help break a really destructive cycle.

Best of luck to ya.

lifelearningrn, BSN, RN · May 15, 2012

I haven't read through this whole thread but I think there is a couple of things going on here.

First, I think you're still having depression issues. If you can't get out of bed for events as important as CLINICALS, there is something seriously wrong. Rule out a physical issue first, and then revisit your depression.

Second, you're (be it conscience or sub-conscience) self-destructing. It's almost as if you want to be kicked out of school. You're not taking it seriously, for whatever reason. This may be a deep-seeded physiological issue or it could be pure laziness. It's worth getting to the bottom of.

Third, you are not ready for college and need to get a job, live a little, grow up a little, and then revisit the idea of college when you're ready to take it more seriously.

And last but certainly not least- you need to develop a work ethic. Showing up late and not showing up at all shows a complete lack of work ethic. It shows a complete lack of respect for your instructors, classmates and school. You will never make it in the world without a solid worth ethic. You will get no respect. You will not be able to hold down a job for more then a month or two, and eventually, you will not be able to get a job at all.

Honey- you need to do some serious soul searching and figure out what kind of person and what kind of contributions you want to make in the world.