Failing classes & discouraged..3rd year. Need honest advice

[Nurse_Sherlock]

Here's my story (it's not as long as it looks!!)- I'm a Junior student at Case Western's FPB nursing school; however I only have sophomore standing in the nursing school because I withdrew from classes the 2nd semester of my freshman year due to depression and had to wait a year to re-take the classes. Before withdrawing I'd started to skip full days/classes/meetings/exams because I cdnt handle the pressure. It was hard to concentrate whenever I didn't do as well as I wanted because I'm a perfectionist and was used to being able to do things well so I slipped into depression. It took a lot of self humbling and make-ups, but I took this setback, got counseling, and managed to make it to the end of the sophomore nursing year.

Now I am struggling in my classes for a different reason... My school has a 4yr BSN program where we start clinicals freshman yr. Lately I have been struggling with simply making it to clinicals either on time or at all. I sleep late and don't hear the alarm or turn it off and tell myself I have time to lay there for a minute- it's always something. Because of this I missed (and made up) 5 lab days in med-surg II, then missed a mandatory lab day and 1.5 days in Psych clinical which means instant failure. So I will have to make up both classes next year (putting me back by ANOTHER year :/ ). I feel soo bad because I've been given so many chances. I've talked to advisers, counselors, other nurses, instructors, other students, etc. and still struggled with this. My boyfriend even called me early most mornings to make sure I was up, but I would often still find some way to stop myself from making it to class.

The classes I missed were usually classes I didn't feel comfortable in or see a point to (psych clinical), or felt like a failure in so I think I just subconsciously avoided them. I think my problem is psychological or I just don't want to be a nurse as much as I thought. I really feel I want to be a nurse-midwife though.. I love natural birth, advocacy and babies :) It excites me. I'm going to spend the summer trying to shadow a midwife of NICU nurse to get a better idea and hopefully re-motivate myself to do what I need to in my classes. I need to figure out why I keep putting up roadblocks for myself and stop it, or find out what else I want to do with my life..

What I'm wondering from you guys is what impression you get about me from hearing my story? If you're a nurse do you think I can even get hired after all of these struggles? Have any of you had similar experiences or have any advice for me?? Please any advice can help! I'm really discouraged about this. thanks

[theantichick]

I know a lot of posters here have focused on the behavior as the problem.

But as Nurse Maru pointed out, this rings to me like poorly managed depression/anxiety. I'm not a mental health expert by any stretch of the imagination - I haven't even graduated from RN school yet.

However, I've dealt with varying levels of depression and/or anxiety for a great deal of my life. You may not want to share here what you have done/are doing to manage your depression. But I will share with you that for me it took finding the right meds (which I was able to wean off later) and finding a good CBT (cognitive behavioural therapist) to work with me.

I am incredibly lucky that I have always worked and had good insurance which covered this treatment, and am grateful for that. If you are not in that fortunate situation, contact your local mental health department and see what services might be available to you.

You may also have to put nursing school on hold until you get stable enough to deal with it. If you have faculty/advisors at this school who are sympathetic and helpful, they may also be able to guide you to appropriate services and possibly advise you on the best way to deal with yet another break in nursing school.

You may also be young and impatient and immature, but it's very difficult to mature when you're battling a mental illness.

Best of luck to you!

[ixchel]

OP, if it is nursing that you aren't interested in, but midwifery, look into how favorable the local laws are for direct entry midwifery. I do hope your get your depression evaluated first, though. It's amazing how inspiration and energy can appear suddenly with the right anti-depressant.

BTW, I would like to mention it is ironic you feel that way about psych clinicals, while you yourself are having psychological hardship. Psych clinicals might help prepare you in knowing how to recognize, respond to and help someone exactly like you better. Just an observation :)

[Nurse Maru]

BTW, I would like to mention it is ironic you feel that way about psych clinicals, while you yourself are having psychological hardship. Psych clinicals might help prepare you in knowing how to recognize, respond to and help someone exactly like you better. Just an observation :)

It may also be why the OP is avoiding psych. It's frightening to see up close and personal what can happen to a life with unmanaged mental illness on board. My 2₵

[crazytonurse]

I'm a perfectionist, but not the kind that scrubs the floors with a toothbrush. I'm the kind that thinks I SHOULD scrub the floors with a toothbrush, but I'm not sure I can actually do that and get it done, so I won't bother cleaning the floors at all. And then, of course, I've failed, which only makes things worse

Thank you very much for your response. This is exactly how I am. I have always had problems trying to explain it to no avail.

[Stephalump]

Thank you very much for your response. This is exactly how I am. I have always had problems trying to explain it to no avail.

:)

It's hard to understand, but once you do, it makes perfect sense. Plenty of people have anxiety about ridiculously high expectations they (or other people) put on themselves. Some people respond to the anxiety by overcompensating. Spending 3 hours getting ready in the morning. Obsessing over the cleanliness of their house. Studying for 10 hours a day. That's how they quiet the anxiety for a bit.

Other people's glasses are closer to half empty, and they feel overwhelmed and shut down. Put the anxiety away for another day. That day usually ends up being the day the consequences smack you in the face.

I'm a particularly bad case. I think it's because my skill set doesn't actually meet my expectations. I never developed study habits when I was in grade school. I was smart enough that I didn't have to. Enter college where I desperately needed them, and I just gave up. Once the panic of failing subsided I was able to pick myself back up, learn the habits I needed, sheaf succeed, but it'll always follow me.

I have a high need for organization, but I was never taught ant organizational skills growing up. A million consequences later, and I'm baby steps closer to being where I need to be .

One day at a time!

[Nurse_Sherlock]

Thank you very much for your response. This is exactly how I am. I have always had problems trying to explain it to no avail.

Same here.

[Nurse_Sherlock]

@theantichick, I'm glad you said this. I didn't think about it this way

[Nurse_Sherlock]

:)

It's hard to understand, but once you do, it makes perfect sense. Plenty of people have anxiety about ridiculously high expectations they (or other people) put on themselves. Some people respond to the anxiety by overcompensating. Spending 3 hours getting ready in the morning. Obsessing over the cleanliness of their house. Studying for 10 hours a day. That's how they quiet the anxiety for a bit.

Other people's glasses are closer to half empty, and they feel overwhelmed and shut down. Put the anxiety away for another day. That day usually ends up being the day the consequences smack you in the face.

I'm a particularly bad case. I think it's because my skill set doesn't actually meet my expectations. I never developed study habits when I was in grade school. I was smart enough that I didn't have to. Enter college where I desperately needed them, and I just gave up. Once the panic of failing subsided I was able to pick myself back up, learn the habits I needed, sheaf succeed, but it'll always follow me.

I have a high need for organization, but I was never taught ant organizational skills growing up. A million consequences later, and I'm baby steps closer to being where I need to be .

One day at a time!

This is EXACTLY how I feel. I feel I SHOULD be better in my classes. I feel I SHOULD know how to study just like everyone else. But I'm just not equipped that way yet, so I overwhelm myself by trying to act as if I am, then I self-destruct and shut down.

I got great grades in high school, but never had to study much for them so I also never learned good study habits. The organizational skills I was taught involved organizing everything so it seemed neat and put together, which I think is how I manage to do well enough to float by now. I talk with my psychologist and teachers because I know it will look good and even do some good, but ultimately inside there are still some things I haven't dealt with. I think this is also why it's been so confusing for me to feel like I was doing better with dealing with my anxiety, depression and studying... just to fail two classes. I didn't understand. Still don't to some degree. But I get that something is wrong with that picture.

I don't want to take time away from school.. It will mean taking classes with younger students for the second time, dipping out of a housing arrangement with a group of friends, and having to deal with looking like a failure to friends, family, old classmates & teachers, etc. I hate to say it but I feel like I have to prove to everyone that I can do well just as they always thought of me. I know this is too much pride, and I shouldn't care about what other people think, yet I still feel this way. I'm also afraid to get stuck in the job world and never go back to college. I will have to do something though if I'm not sure I have a handle on things before classes start again.

[firewifeRN]

my first impression is that you do not want it bad enough. It's sounds like you want to be a nurse but you don't want to work hard to get it. I've only completed first level going into second level and this is what I have wanted since I was a little girl. there were times I wanted to quit BUT I wanted it more than I didn't..ya know?? and I will do whatever it takes to become and RN! It sounds like you have no disicpline. May I ask how old you are? Because when I graduated high school I went straight to college when I was 18 and started taking my Pre Reqs for clinicals and acted like you are explaining but I was not depressed just young and didn't want to do it. So after I had my daughter I decided that the feeling of wanting to be a nurse never went away and I went back and started all over made straight As and got into the program first try. this is the only thing I want to be and I will get it. It sounds like you just don't have the heart and you are making excuses. It's not fair that the teachers keep giving you more chances and you keep doing the same thing. Somebody else who is more determined could be taking your spot but instead they are giving you more chances and you arent taking it seriously. Nursing school is very hard and you have to give up everything in life and sacrifice everything for it and that includes sleep! I think you should take a break and figure out if this is truly what you want and if you are willing to put everything on hold and make those sacrifices. Not being rude at all just saying how it seems. I wish the best of luck to you and hope you figure out what you want to do.

[HelpthisSN]

The discouragement is what i am feeling today. I took the ATI for leadership just two days ago and am feeling very distraught. I didn't pass it because of mulitple factors, one being that I was over confident about the material, another being that the exam was requiring more critical thinking than i had anticipated because none of the exam questions come directly from the book. I also took this course out of place, my school recommends med-surge II before leadership but i did not listen because i'm trying to force finish my degree. Anyway, I can relate to the feeling. I have a final tomorrow afternoon and its been really tough to get off my butt, wipe my tears, and from feeling like a failure to concentrate on studying. Honestly, today i could not do it. I slept in, and tried to study sometime this afternoon but i ended up getting into my car and driving around to relax my mind insted. I fell asleep in the evening before i even finished 2 pages out of the 15 chapters i had to review. YEAH- stupid! i know. BUt now i am waking up.

i washed my face, and ate food, drank tons of water and am no longer crying about something i cannot change. I keep telling myself ÉVERYONE GETS BACK UP ONCE THEYVE FALLEN" and thats exactly what i did. getting back up! I need to work real hard because nursing school is no joke. regardless of whether or not it will take me an extra semester! I thought i had studied enough, but apparently i did not. SO i just need to study alot harder and see where that takes me. Hopefully a passing grade and more knowledge for me to have when i become a real RN and is faced with real situations without a preceptor to cry to.

Keep your head up! be assertive with yourself and do not let your fears take over you. We as nursing students must got hrough all the struggle that every RN speaks about. IF it was easy, i think everyone will be nurses.

GOOD LUCK!!!:hug:

[Nurse_Sherlock]

Just as an update, I passed my Med-Surg 2 class and finished the semester in the Dean's Honor list!!

I just focused and made my classes more of a priority. It was more of a decision than anything else. I feel a lot more mature because of it. Sometimes you just have to bite down and do what you know needs to be done. It will pay off in the end!

Thanks for everyone's help and advice!