Nursing Students General Students
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Here's my story (it's not as long as it looks!!)- I'm a Junior student at Case Western's FPB nursing school; however I only have sophomore standing in the nursing school because I withdrew from classes the 2nd semester of my freshman year due to depression and had to wait a year to re-take the classes. Before withdrawing I'd started to skip full days/classes/meetings/exams because I cdnt handle the pressure. It was hard to concentrate whenever I didn't do as well as I wanted because I'm a perfectionist and was used to being able to do things well so I slipped into depression. It took a lot of self humbling and make-ups, but I took this setback, got counseling, and managed to make it to the end of the sophomore nursing year.
Now I am struggling in my classes for a different reason... My school has a 4yr BSN program where we start clinicals freshman yr. Lately I have been struggling with simply making it to clinicals either on time or at all. I sleep late and don't hear the alarm or turn it off and tell myself I have time to lay there for a minute- it's always something. Because of this I missed (and made up) 5 lab days in med-surg II, then missed a mandatory lab day and 1.5 days in Psych clinical which means instant failure. So I will have to make up both classes next year (putting me back by ANOTHER year :/ ). I feel soo bad because I've been given so many chances. I've talked to advisers, counselors, other nurses, instructors, other students, etc. and still struggled with this. My boyfriend even called me early most mornings to make sure I was up, but I would often still find some way to stop myself from making it to class.
The classes I missed were usually classes I didn't feel comfortable in or see a point to (psych clinical), or felt like a failure in so I think I just subconsciously avoided them. I think my problem is psychological or I just don't want to be a nurse as much as I thought. I really feel I want to be a nurse-midwife though.. I love natural birth, advocacy and babies :) It excites me. I'm going to spend the summer trying to shadow a midwife of NICU nurse to get a better idea and hopefully re-motivate myself to do what I need to in my classes. I need to figure out why I keep putting up roadblocks for myself and stop it, or find out what else I want to do with my life..
What I'm wondering from you guys is what impression you get about me from hearing my story? If you're a nurse do you think I can even get hired after all of these struggles? Have any of you had similar experiences or have any advice for me?? Please any advice can help! I'm really discouraged about this. thanks