"I Haven't Made Any Friends Yet!" - page 2

Countless first-semester and first-quarter nursing students worriedly exclaim, "I haven't made any friends in nursing school!" Over the years I've made a few curious observations about the nursing... Read More

  1. Visit  Skips profile page
    Quote from Jean Marie46514
    You make a good point, people raising children often do have different lifestyles than those who are not yet parents. My daughter is not yet a parent, but, in the area we live in now, most everyone her age has babies,
    and her complaint is reverse of yours, she wants pals who can go out and run around, go here or there,
    but, most of her pals are now raising babies, and want to talk about "yellow vegetables at what age?" etc, and she zones out.

    Maybe you can find other parents in your class to become friends with? It can be bonding thing in and of itself at times, for some people.
    There are very few parents that I have met in my classes (which is really unfortunate!). The average age of my class is about 21. It's a private school with mostly younger females. I am friends with a girl who has a child, but she has a very different lifestyle than I do. The other girls I've met aren't moms yet, let alone married or have boyfriends. I'm still hoping that this semester it changes, because I'd love to hang out with another nursing student that is a parent! (: I'm crossing my fingers. (2 semesters down, 5 more to go!)
    somenurse likes this.
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  3. Visit  Sadala profile page
    I'm a nontraditional student and I am not an extrovert. Still, I realize that to have a friend you have to be a friend. I also realized early into this program that although academically I do fairly well, its a stressful program. I need moral support from people who are experiencing the same issues as myself.

    There are people who need help in areas in which some of you may be strong. EVERYONE needs to practice skills. Just offer, and be there for others. Be supportive. The rest will take care of itself. I try to gravitate towards positive people who I feel I can trust and I'm there for them and they are there for me. Nursing school is challenging. It helps to be there for each other.
    somenurse likes this.
  4. Visit  TheCommuter profile page
    Quote from truckinusa
    My question is how does an older adult find a study partner especially when the majority of students are in the 25 and under range?
    You can always openly announce your desire for a study buddy.

    "I need a partner to study with at least once a week. Would anyone like to be my study partner?" What's the worst that could possibly happen by using this direct approach?
    somenurse and Puddin2day like this.
  5. Visit  x_factor profile page
    Quote from truckinusa
    My question is how does an older adult find a study partner especially when the majority of students are in the 25 and under range?
    Just ask them, and remember, age has nothing to do with who you study with. I'm a girl in my 20's, and one of the people I have studied with this semester was a man in his 50's who is married with children and grandchildren. Age doesn't matter, you're taking the same class(es) together. When we got together to study, age had nothing to do with it, we were there to study the material and prepare for exams.

    On that note, I'm in my late 20's, and one of the girls I got together to study with was only 17, who was an early graduate of her highschool, and literally fresh out of highschool. Age never played a role.

    And as far as finding someone to study with, it's as simple as, "hey, want to get together to study?"
    somenurse likes this.
  6. Visit  vintagemother profile page
    Quote from Jean Marie46514
    Many great points, but, i am not entirely convinced that having a "great sense of self identity" diminishes one's urge to connect with other humans, ...especially if the person really does love other humans, or love connecting with other humans....
    For some people,
    nursing school is stressful, and many humans, in times of stress, tend to want to find support and validation and comraderie....as well as the urge to have someone to confide to, "Could you believe what happened in clinicals today!" or whatever............
    no matter how old they are....
    RE: the older students, if one is married, raising families, and joining in with their siblings in caring for elderly parents, etc, that student's energy and time is probably being used up pretty much!! That student might also have some of their urge to share the sometimes overwhelming experience of being a nursing student, or need for support, or caring ear,
    I am a mother to 3. I am highly confident. I also love making friends at school. I reach out to others. I've passed notes around that say "Hi, I'm Vintagemother and I'm going to hold focused study groups either after class or at another convenient time. Here's my cell number and email address. If you are interested in attending, please write your name and number on the paper below." This usually results in the development of a close study group and makes me a few new friends each semester.

    I also just reach out to other moms like me. Some single, some married, some with kids my age, lol!

    I love the science of nursing but I also love the comraderie.
    somenurse likes this.
  7. Visit  vintagemother profile page
    Quote from TheCommuter

    I did not delve into the topic of personality types, but I feel that extroverted people of all ages have a greater need for friends than introverts from all age groups.
    Very interesting point, Commuter. I know that i am an extrovert, but didn't realize that this may affect my need to be social. Furthermore, I work well alone. As in all by myself independently self led. I don't function well in a large group in which I am still expected to function independently. Perhaps I'm weird for this.

    Good food for thought.
  8. Visit  chorkle profile page
    Another eloquent article from The Commuter!

    All this talk about friending, and its importance--ach!

    As a not especially sociable/socialized/socializing (all these senses) person, I learned a very long time ago to be self-sufficient in many ways. Maybe not as fulfilled, in the same way, or in the same sense, as the more socially-accomplished of you. Fulfilled, for me, is different; some of you might not understand.

    And, therefore, I've no apprehensions about nursing school. It will be, what it will be. I'll deal with it (=, I'll adjust, as needed). A need for friends, "friending," and such further fulminations, is not a factor in my foreseeing.

    Regards, all.
    anotherone and TheCommuter like this.
  9. Visit  Blue Felt Fedora profile page
    I'm not in my nursing program yet; I'm about to apply after completing 4 semesters of prerequisites. I'm definitely categorized as a non-traditional student -- I'm in my mid-40's and re-entering school 25 years after graduating high school. I actually embarked on this endeavor fully expecting to not make any friends. But my focus was not on friends; I merely wanted to get in, get my degree, and get a job.

    Before I started, I envisioned a situation where I would be in classrooms filled with young 20-somethings who would shun me for being too old. In many of my core classes, I was in fact the oldest person in the room. Older, in some cases, than even the instructor. But I was far from shunned. Upon entering my science pre-reqs, I found a world with more older students -- a couple even older than I am! Initially, I gravitated toward people in situations similar to mine. They were older with families and looking to make themselves more attractive when re-entering a hostile job market. However, as we got deeper into each course, I found myself studying with a few much younger people as well. I was again teased for my "life experience," but that same life experience is what brought us together. Maybe having a child of my own near their age helped.

    I guess the point of my rambling post is that making friends is often like that watched pot that won't boil until you look away. If you try too hard, friends are harder to come by. Make an effort without being too eager. Be yourself. At the same time, be strong and depend on yourself. Intense study in my A&P Open Lab actually brought me a few friends, because we knew we had something in common: we all wanted good grades, and by being in Open Lab we each knew the other was willing to work hard for those grades. We ended up gravitating toward each other and studying together. As a result, I have built foundations for mutually beneficial friendships that I believe will stand up to the stressors of an intense program. Mutually beneficial friendships take time, and those are the ones you want.

    Very often, I think the difference lays in the mindset of the student going in. Generally speaking, to younger students, college isn't just about education. Like high school, it's a forum for learning and for socializing. Their friendships are just as important as the education. In contrast, older students re-entering school are there for the education. Friends are an extra, secondary to studies, and nowhere near as important. Mind you, this isn't always the case; I'm speaking very generally. Everybody wants friends. Everybody enjoys cameraderie. It's just more important to some people than it is to others.
    Last edit by Blue Felt Fedora on Dec 19, '12 : Reason: Adding a thought
    chorkle likes this.
  10. Visit  rubato profile page
    Quote from vintagemother
    Very interesting point, Commuter. I know that i am an extrovert, but didn't realize that this may affect my need to be social. Furthermore, I work well alone. As in all by myself independently self led. I don't function well in a large group in which I am still expected to function independently. Perhaps I'm weird for this.
    No, you aren't weird. I'm this way as well. Total extrovert, but I like to study alone.

    Interesting article, Commuter. I'm an older student (okay, old), and I love making friends with all the students, regardless of age or child status, but I leave it at school for the most part. I don't have time or the energy to "hang out" with these people, and I love to study by myself because I know what works for me. But, at school, I'm the class clown and just love to have a good time with all my fellow students in between lectures and during lunch at clinicals. We text or email with questions or advice, but I have only gotten together off campus once and that was to have lunch with about 20 students after the final.
  11. Visit  Altra profile page
    There are those who, when asked to describe their school or workplace will immediately answer with a comment on the social scene as they perceive it. And there are those whose off-the-cuff answer would more likely relate to intellectual challenge or some other aspect. And in general, there probably is some correlation with age among those two groups. Older individuals are more likely to have already developed a more complete set of life commitments and interests: spouse/significant other, children, circle of friends/associates, employment, community involvement, etc.
  12. Visit  amygarside profile page
    Great advice!
  13. Visit  anotherone profile page
    I went to college from 17-21. I knew then it was going to be one of the last chances at socialization available on a big scale. Also most of the students my age also did not have children or big obligations outside of work. Also, most of my old high school friends had many friends they made in college. i went to a bsn program and the last 2 years were all nursi g classes and clinicals. so i only spent time with those classmates. There wasnt much interaction with students from other majors.
  14. Visit  Esme12 profile page
    Quote from TheCommuter
    I'm not necessarily implying that having a solid sense of self or being 'older' reduces a person's need to have friends. I'm also not implying that all young adults (18 to 25 age range) have unformed identities, because many have a strong sense of self.

    However, countless young adults do have identities that never quite took shape. I'm saying that the adult whose identity has not yet developed will still place the highest emphasis on one's peer group and circle of friends, just like many teens do.

    Most teens are very into their peer groups in their search for their identities. The handful of young adults who have identities that have not fully formed are also deeply into their peer groups as they search for their identities.

    I did not delve into the topic of personality types, but I feel that extroverted people of all ages have a greater need for friends than introverts from all age groups.
    I agree....and this is a generation of socil media of how many "friends" and "likes" you have and value self worth by how many "follow" them on twitter.....they place way too much value of being "liked" by complete strangers.

    They need to find it from within themselves.
    gummi bear, TheCommuter, and x_factor like this.

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