Worried about retirement

PBAJS · Jun 23, 2004

i will be working as long as i can. i have no pension and will probably end up in subsidized housing.

originally posted by chris_at_lucas

" ... he hasn't rewritten his will since his first wife died, and his ... sister ... will inherit everything, including this house. ... he believes he doesn't have to do anything, because in texas the wife inherits everything. he will not accept that if there is a will, and the wife isn't in it, and the husband dies, the wife doesn't get squat."

"it is also his opinion that i should be paying him some sort of rent for the privilege of living here, because he pays the taxes on the property from his investment income."

"i have considered divorce--not to live apart or because i don't love him, because i do, but because it is the only way i can actually benefit from my own efforts, and protect my own old age. it would be sad, wouldn't it, to have to go to those lengths? i'm hoping he wises up before then, but i am not holding my breath. on the other hand, that would be one way to solve my retirement crisis, wouldn't it?"

if his first wife died, could the will be considered invalid? i have heard of cases where a person was not named in a will, the will was contested, and the person did receive an inheritance.

this house was owned by my mil. when she died, my husband, his brother and sister became the owners. i have been told that the deed is written in such a way that if my husband dies, his share would go to the brother and sister.

at least he still has an investment income. my husband took 'early retirement' several years ago. he invested his pension. been spending, spending, spending, including pleasure trips without me. he didn't tell me when, where or how much he was spending, charging on credit cards or financing. i recently found out he is almost broke. he is trying to refinance his vehicle (that has all the bells and whistles you could imagine) so he won't lose it.

we have no life insurance (shouldn't that be called death insurance?) right now i am so concerned that if something happens to him, how would i pay for his funeral. perhaps i can let his brother and sister have him. :idea:

i finally learned or accepted that he will not change his ways. a leopard does not change its spots.

he is unpredictable. i don't know what to expect when he finds out that i am putting some money away. :roll

pat

chris_at_lucas_RN, RN · Jun 23, 2004

While it is an intriguing idea, I can't throw his old will away. It would still "exist." Even if I knew where it was. (Probably with the bank books. I don't know where they are either. Or what banks they are for.) (The more I think about this, the worse shape I think I may be in.)

I actually haven an IRA that my mother started for me a couple of years ago, so that's something. I will be putting everything I can into a retirement account, and also claiming enough deductions that I can have the minimum withheld from my check.

Since we have never had joint checking accounts (although for about 1-1/2 years I had him as a signor on mine--not any more), my check is protected. LIke you, though, Pat53, I'm not sure what he's going to do when he figures out that I am putting money away for myself.

My pastor is at least as appalled as I am at this situation. She has known him longer than I have (she was his first wife's pastor--and she also married us in our backyard). She has been encouraging me to take care of myself first.

I really don't want to leave him, although I like the idea of buying a house and moving into it, and inviting him to come if he wants to. But that's probably what it will be, just an idea.

Here's what I believe will happen: I will begin working in a couple of weeks. I will let him know how I intend to handle my money. He will moan and fume for a while, and make lots of phone calls to his accountant and search the web, and he will eventually realize that some changes will have to be made in order for him to get what he wants. And then the changes will be made.

I don't know what I would do if he were spending it all away (however much it is), or if he were taking vacations without me. I think at that point I would be thinking divorce, interviewing all the decent lawyers in the area so they could not represent him (conflict of interest), and selling what I could of the belongings and squirrelling away the money.

Short of that, finding a "forever roommate" of the platonic variety would probably be very attractive--kind of like the Golden Girls.

Thank you for your ideas and support. I've got to learn about money.

PBAJS · Jun 23, 2004

for many years i thought we good marriage and a good life. back then we enjoyed weekends and trips with the family. he worked and i took care of the house and family. i thought he had everything under control so i didn't ask questions. i did get a job so i wouldn't have to ask for $00 for (whatever).

he changed when he retired. perhaps he was bored staying around the house so he would shop, spend and take trips?

"i don't know what i would do if he were spending it all away (however much it is), or if he were taking vacations without me. i think at that point i would be thinking divorce, ... and selling what i could of the belongings and squirrelling away the money."

at one time i did think about divorcing, but decided against it. when he is away, i have the 'house' to myself, don't have to cook meals for him, can sleep in mornings or take a nap when desired. selling his belongings is not something i would do, he bought it, he can have it. if i was to leave there would be less money that i could squirrel away.

i expect him to say someday that it's my turn to pay the bills as he had always paid in the past. ok, i might pay half of the household expenses just to be fair, but i will not help to pay his vehicle loan. my two priorities right now are to save for another vehicle someday (my car is seven years old) and funeral expenses.

[color=white].

hypnotic_nurse · Jun 24, 2004

I know I'll be working till 70 at least -- another 20 years. No retirement savings prior to my divorce -- I can thank the ex for that ("you don't need any retirement because I'll take care of you"...yeah, right). I'd like to put away 10% of what I make but right now it's more like 5%. But it's a start.

warrior woman · Jun 24, 2004

Retirement?? What the hell is THAT??

Dixiecup · Jun 24, 2004

I have absolutely 0 retirement. I live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes not even that so I'll probably eat cheap catfood. I'm afraid there won't even be social security. I'm one of those people who never come out smelling like a rose.

Editorial Team / Admin · Jun 25, 2004

Please just decide to put something away, a little at a time. You can set this up so it comes out before taxes and your paycheck will hardly feel it. You MUST look out for yourself, as the later years roll around all too quickly. Any little amount you squirrel away (I like that term :)) WILL add up over time. Educate yourselves on simple investing so you can apply your money wisely. I personally don't trust Social Security. My mom, who worked hard all her life, raising four children by herself (and never put any money aside), is receiving the grand sum of $800 a month. PERIOD. Could you get by on that? Thank goodness she has Medical/Medicare, or her VERY NECESSARY medications would take all of her income. If you are young, heed this and DO start some kind of a savings plan with your next paycheck, after doing your research. Give up a fast food meal or that extra latte once or twice a week. Do it for YOU, you're worth every penny.

Thanks for listening. Nurses rock!

Havin' A Party!, ASN, RN · Jun 25, 2004

... I'm one of those people who never come out smelling like a rose.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

cannoli · Jun 25, 2004

How do you set something up so that it is before taxes, what type of plans are you referring to?

azgirl · Jun 25, 2004

Looks as if I will also be working until I'm 80. But I have seen that the people working longer seem to be doing better mentally and physically. The first six months after retirement do a lot and then become couch potatoes and start living in the past.

Editorial Team / Admin · Jun 26, 2004

Cannoli: Check to see what your employer offers, first. Ours (County) offered a Deferred Compensation; we could elect to have X amount removed from our paycheck before taxes. It was placed in a certain account (administered first by Aetna and now by ING) and we could designate where the funds would be deposited and accumulate interest (high, moderate or low risk, usually mutual funds).

However, I recently talked with a friend who also works for the County (in a different department entirely), who said she did some research and decided she could do "better" by discontinuing the Deferred Comp plan and depositing an amount every pay period, on her own. I believe she consulted a financial advisor/counselor type person.

Dh just pulled his $$ (what little was there!) from his employer-sponsored savings plan and deposited it in a real estate investment plan, suggested by a friend. He's dabbled a little in the stock market (in an area of his expertise) but doesn't care for it.

I'm sure there are a lot of investing books available for do-it-yourselfers, check out amazon or barnes and noble or your local bookstore. Do you know anyone 1)who would be knowledgeable of investing and 2) whose advice you would trust? I personally would need to purchase something along the lines of "Investing for Idiots," or "Investing for DUH-mmies." Really! lol! Hey, it's taken me this long to just be somewhat aware of some of the options/terms! Never too late to start, though. Good luck. :)

Trauma Columnist · Jun 26, 2004

I too plan to work until I'm 65 yrs old. However, that is because hubby was in the Air Force for many years and until 8 years ago - I hadn't been able to stay at a job longer than a couple of years. My hospital has a pension and 401k - guess I'm very lucky. Hubby wants to retire at 60 (in 9 years) but since I'm five years younger than him - I'll still be working. We'll see how things go. I feel so sorry for you ladies in such sad circumstances...judi