Old New Nurse W/ An Attitude

TazziRN, RN · Dec 5, 2007

But the fact that you're not the only one who doesn't want to help her will say volumes. I don't think you'll have anything to worry about. She obviously has never gotten over her case of RN-itis!

allnurses Guide · Dec 5, 2007

That's a hard one. There are a few in my ER that are very vocal and opinionated, that to me should still be keeping their mouths shut and learning. Somehow, I don't need someone I still think of as a new grad pointing out just how wrong I am. Especially if I'm not! On the other hand, role modeling is still the best teaching method.

So, I help out. I occasionally confront when I need to, but it doesn't really get through. But, since I want to be able to get help when I need it, I give it. I just consider that I'm doing it for the patient, rather than the boor.

When she criticizes, simply reply that its too bad she didn't like it, and if she doesn't want help she should say so BEFORE someone does her work for her. Alternatively, look her in the eye and say, "the words are THANK YOU" and walk away.

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Dec 5, 2007

I'd suggest developing a thicker skin. This doesn't sound like it's about you. No need to take it personally. Some people just handle stress by being crabby. Maybe she's a perfectly nice and reasonable person when she's not under stress. Have you ever talked with her in the break room, like just had a regular non-work related conversation, like "How's the family" or "How about the weather" type of thing? Some people warm up a bit when they feel like you give a little bit of a rip about them as a human being.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Dec 5, 2007

i never felt any obligation to bend over backwards to help people like this with that kind of attitude. stop helping her. deliberately stay out of her way, physically, so you aren't available to her to answer questions. if you get asked about it or criticized about your behavior toward her (which you shouldn't as what you are doing is just being passive) act dumb, "i don't know what are you talking about? i was busy myself." she deserves everything she doesn't get. she'll be out of nursing soon anyway.

EmmaG, RN · Dec 5, 2007

I work w/ this nurse w/ 2 yrs of experience, not too far out of nsg school to remember what it's like to be a newbie, right? So here's the skinny, I have been helping this nurse when emergencies arise, (like N-G tube stat) & when she's had an admission. She never says thank you & criticizes the way I do things. Why did I help her in the first place? We should all help each other out, right? My boss, strongly emphasizes helping your fellow co-worker, it's part of our review, in fact. But I do not want to help this woman because she's unappreciative. Another nurse, (1+ yrs of experience) says the last time she helped this nurse, she bit her head off, so she's through helping her out.
This oldie but newbie obviously has some issues: 1) she gets a lot of pressure from senior nurses because they think she's still a novice nurse, (technically, you still are at two yrs) 2) she's the youngest nurse on the floor 3) she doesn't seem to really like our boss 4) she works night shift & is not a night person
My dilemma: By not helping her, I risk not being a "team player" and if I tell her how I really feel, I'm afraid she's going to flip out on me, because she did so on the prior nurse who was helping her.
I'm sick of being treated like an imbecile by this lady, any advice?

She sounds like she is still quite unsure of herself (being the youngest and having senior nurses giving her an attitude doesn't help matters any). She may feel that by accepting help she is going to be seen as unable to do her job, carry her weight, prioritize, etc. and that it's just going to perpetuate the problems she has with older staff. She might be hypercritical of herself and questioning her abilities, especially if those offering to help her are newer nurses than she is; perhaps she's bought into that old 'one year' myth, feeling that after a year, she should be able to handle anything that's thrown at her. I'm sure the stresses of being on an off shift doesn't help matters, either. I've seen this happen before. Hell, I've done it to myself at times, resisting help because I felt I should be able to handle things on my own. That's just my gut feeling on this, that she is being harder on herself more than anyone else.

What would be really helpful is if an older experienced nurse would sit down and have a heart to heart with her, and explain to her that we ALL need help from time to time, and it's not a sign of any sort of 'weakness' to accept it.

StrwbryblndRN · Dec 5, 2007

I totally agree with NancyNurse08. But if she turns out to be a pain even at human level then consider helping her when pt care warrants help.

We have a nurse that will ask for help consistently when it is completely unnecessary. (not a mean nurse though) So each request is taken into consideration based on pt need. So I meet the teamwork expectation without being run over. This is evident to my manager too since many people take the same approach to this particular nurse.

NursingAgainstdaOdds · Dec 5, 2007

I'd suggest developing a thicker skin. This doesn't sound like it's about you. No need to take it personally. Some people just handle stress by being crabby. Maybe she's a perfectly nice and reasonable person when she's not under stress. Have you ever talked with her in the break room, like just had a regular non-work related conversation, like "How's the family" or "How about the weather" type of thing? Some people warm up a bit when they feel like you give a little bit of a rip about them as a human being.

Sorry, but I have to disagree.

Simply because an individual is under stress is not an excuse to treat one's co-workers like crap.

Yes, this person may be perfectly nice when not under stress - doesn't really matter though, if they're just going to snap at someone right at the time their teamwork needs to be at its best. The Jeckle & Hyde routine is the easiest way out.

I would discuss this with a nurse manager, present your concerns as you have above. "I want to help so-and-so when issues arise, but their demeanor during these situations is very abrasive" ...

madwife2002, BSN, RN · Dec 5, 2007

I agree with Daytonite I am one of the most helpful nurses on the floor yet we have somebody who treats me so badly when I offer to help and is so rude that I dont offer anymore. Last week she publically shouted at me because I had sat down for the first time on that shift at 6pm. I just ignored her, she has just about trod on my last nerve.

I spoke to the manager who said she really doesnt know how to deal with this persons problems and the way she speaks to staff Oh I do this RN is pool just DNR her.

caliotter3 · Dec 5, 2007

I would do what others have suggested. Stop helping her, avoid her, and speak to your nurse manager about her attitude. Her bad attitude can not be held against you. Just make sure you continue to be a team player with the other nurses on the team. It sounds as if others have caught on to her and are rightfully leaving her to her own work.

pengoo2008 · Dec 5, 2007

She'll be out of nursing soon anyway.

That is an insanely depressing way to look at things.

This nurse is not perfect just like anyone else. She has a poor attitude but this isn't something that CANNOT be changed. She probably is not even totally aware that she does this.

First, she needs to understand that she does this. Once she understands she is unappreciative of help, she will want to change. Unless she is narcisstic or has some other personality disorder...

Second, she probably needs help identifying what is causing her to do this. This may be beyond what you can do to her. Mainly she just needs support. Many of us act out our feelings in less than ideal ways simply because we cannot identify what is causing our actions. She is probably just STRESSED. This is not an excuse, but once she understands WHY she is the way she is she can work towards changing it.

I believe you should still help her when needed, especially for the sake of the patient but try to be direct when she makes snappy or rude comments.

My approach is to "call people out" in a polite, but direct manner. For instance, "I offered my assistance in doing this ____(dressing change etc)because you said you needed help. I completed it the same way I do for my own patients, if you find the way I am doing things unacceptable please ask someone else next time."

But what do I know, I'm just a lowly student. :lol2:

MAISY, RN-ER, BSN, RN · Dec 5, 2007

If your reviews are dependent on helping each other, why are the other "experienced" nurses bothering anyone?

I am all for being yourself, and helping all you can. I am an older newbie 2yrs...there have been some that were creepy, nasty, and just generally unpleasant to be around when I first began(nurses who believe new grads don't belong in ER). I just did my job, and helped when I could. I encourage other new grads not to take it personally, just do your job and be the best YOU, you can be. I am not responsible for anyone's behaviour but my own.

Perhaps she needs to be reminded that words are hurtful, and that any time afforded her by you or anyone else to help ease her assignment is a privilage not a right. However, if you feel helping is the right thing to do...you should. The patients will benefit, and you'll be true to yourself and your values.

Maisy;)