Nursing 3-11 and marriage

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Geriatrics, LTC.

Started a LTC 3-11 charge shift a few months ago. It is wreaking havoc on my marriage! Hubby leaves at 6 AM, I leave for work at 2PM. He gets home at 6PM, and in bed by 11. I get home at 12 and bed by 1AM. We talk on the phone, and try to have fun every other weekend, but it's not enough! How do any of you in a similar situation survive different schedules? Not to mention, I only see my teenage son occasionally now as well. I'm sad about this. Love my job and the shift is good for me personally, I love sleeping late, but it's bad for me physically as well. My eating is all off schedule, and when do I exercise? Everything's just so disorganized right now...any ideas? We need help!

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3-11 is a hard crappy shift for families!

It worked really well for me, but I only lived a block away from the hospital and my husband could bring our daughter over for supper with me every time I worked.

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice--but I am thinking of you.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

Personally I love 4-12 because I can sleep in, run errands if needed before work, its not so late that I can't get up early if I have to and I love the shift diff. In fact working opposite shifts from my DH is probably the reason we are still married after all these years, lol. Try to make the best of it and enjoy the positives until you can find another shift.

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I found that it was hard on marriage when I worked evenings full time but it was perfectly OK when I only worked 20 hours a week. I found working weekends and holidays to be more difficult than evening shift(when I was part time). I have noticed that some new marriages(doesn't mean everyone) really have a bad time with full time 3-11 but I think I noticed more established marriage can handle it better(once again a trend not a sure thing).

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Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.

My wife and I were in a similar situation once. I worked 12-hour days, she 12-hour nights (the employer wouldn't let us work the same shift because I was an RN and she an LPN - a chain of command issue). The employer graciously agreed to synchronize our work days and days off, which helped a bit. We used to joke about stealing a little quality time by the med cart.

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As some one said not great if you are working full time but I switched to evenings when I had kids but I only worked half time. My teens would have had a hard time having me gone so much, they might not admit it but they would. I was the one that would shuffle them off to the library or to Walmart to pick up stuff for a school project etc. Maybe if I worked full time my husband would have taken on more of that load.

How about meeting your hubby for lunch once a week?

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

I wish I had words of wisdom - been there done that.

Long ago - when I was experiencing the same sort of problems - a (male) house supervisor told me not to worry because 3-11 nurses make the best wives...

+ Cheap to dress -- always wearing either in pajamas or scrubs

+ Easyto entertain -- schedule doesn't allow for anything fancy

+ and the best of all -- always available to run errands or take the car in for maintenance

LOL - my hubby used to just nap on the couch until I got home so we had the same bedtime.

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Specializes in School Nursing.

i think you need to do what is best for your family/marriage. your family is the most important thing in the world and if it means getting another job, with better hours, then i would start looking for another job. you will be so much happier if your marriage is working out.

good luck to you,

praiser

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Specializes in ER/Geriatrics.

I didn't read what everyone else said....it sounds like a no brainer...this isn't working out...not only is it hard on your marriage...your kid needs you in the evening...more so as a teenager than they did as babies...in my opinion...you are putting a lot on the line so you can sleep in

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Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

I sometimes work 3-11, and it's been good since it gives my better half quality time with our son that he might not normally get. Then again, we're military so we're used to long seperations, wacky schedules and making the most of what scraps of time together that we do get. I love 3-11, but I won't work it full-time until he retires (then we'd get more time together before I leave for work), so I also work days.

But that lifestyle doesn't work for everyone...so if it's causing problems in your marriage, then perhaps you should either cut back to part-time or find a job with better hours.

Either that or find your husband a 3-11 job so his schedule syncs with yours ;)

Best of luck!

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consider going part time or ask to switch to nights or mornings.Other than that I really dont see any other solution to fixing your problem.

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Specializes in Corrections, Cardiac, Hospice.
Personally I love 4-12 because I can sleep in, run errands if needed before work, its not so late that I can't get up early if I have to and I love the shift diff. In fact working opposite shifts from my DH is probably the reason we are still married after all these years, lol. Try to make the best of it and enjoy the positives until you can find another shift.

I could have written this post, word for word! My husband and I have never in 18 years of marriage been on the same shift. When I was in college, he worked food and retail and I worked for a doctor. Now he is a mailman and I work second shift. I work 32 hours a week. One day of each is on the weekend. That leaves 3 days that I am not home during the school week. Take into account all the days off during the school year with vacations and the once a month the kids are off for teacher conferences, etc....Then account for summer vacation. I think I see my kids more than most working moms. Best part is that there is always, ALWAYS an adult in the home. My kids went to day care for 45 minutes once or twice a week when they were little. (My mom was willing to watch them once a week and we tried to schedule my days on with hubby's days off.) Now, my neighbor keeps an eye on them for the 10 minutes between me leaving for work and hubby coming home. My husband would have been an awesome daddy anyway, but with me working evenings he has always had to change diapers, cook dinners, do homework and put kids to bed. He also does the majority of the laundry. Works perfect for us. As a matter of fact, there have been dayturn postions open up and when I say I should apply, he says "why, this is working for us. Wait until the kids are older and we don't need to be home all the time." I say do what works for your family.

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