Is this normal?

netglow, ASN, RN · Jun 23, 2011

You're tracking right. It's a coupla things. You are young, maybe you have not yourself, or had family or friends go through a long and horrible, serious medical situation where you were emotionally and physically right there throughout it all. As you age, you tend to become aware of more situations like these. While, it doesn't get easier really, it is not often as shocking as it is now for you. Older people, and nurses who have been witness and have cared for really sick people find a place and a way to deal with these feelings or they would break down all the time and just not be able to work. Sure you are gonna still cry at times as you get older, but you also will find a way to deal. For me, I have had very ill parents and right now, a cousin. I am so tired of being so upset, do you know what I mean? It's like I've chosen a path to take and that is kind of a numb state of mind, simply, because it is too hard on a person to take such a hit everytime someone gets sick... soon, you will yourself come out on the other side of these things. Of course, this doesn't mean meltdowns aren't on the horizon, you know, it's just that I may be able to shut the hysteria down once I find myself getting really upset, just a little faster now.

mustlovepoodles, RN · Jun 23, 2011

Totally normal. I have been a nurse 34 years and i have cried many, many times. And I have cried with families sometimes--how could you not? There is no rule that says you have to be unfeeling; you're not a machine. But with time you will learn to compartmentalize your feelings. When a patient is crashing, that's not the time to sit in a corner and wail(which I'm sure you understand.) During a crisis, you will learn to rise to the occasion, focus, and get the job done. What you do in the linen closet later is your business. Sometimes you may even need to take a break and get some fresh air, and hopefully your co-workers will understand that and give you some space.

allnurses Guide · Jun 23, 2011

Yes, it is normal.

Over time, after you've seen enough of it, that you don't show your feelings on the surface and you cope much better. Instead of crying for the patient, you DO something about it. There is an old saying about not bleeding for the patient...... doesn't do any good for either of you.

Age and experience will show you that it often could be worse, or isn't as bad as it seems this minute. The shock of (whatever) loses it power, while things are still upsetting they aren't as shocking.

Does this mean never feeling bad for the patient (need a little compassion here!)? No, but it means getting done what needs to be done for the patient without falling apart.

Congrats on going for the BSN right out of school! I did the same thing, and was one of the most naive students out there. You'll do fine :hug:

morphed · Jun 24, 2011

Oh my god! You actually cry? Maybe this isn't the career for you. I would start looking at other options. You should be able to handle these situations without getting out of control like that!

Just kidding, lol. Hopefully no one will take that too seriously :) I didn't even wait to get home from clinicals to cry, I cried during clinicals lol. It does get better; I noticed a difference by the end of clinicals and I think with more experience it'll get even better. I think that the nurses that breeze through everything without getting phased are able to do that because they are so busy, the turn around is high, they have a lot to get accomplished, and they are looking at things in a "clinical" way. You on the other hand are probably with only a couple of patients all day so you have a lot of time to get into the emotional stuff. I'm sure you'll be fine with time! Wish you luck!

NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN · Jun 24, 2011

I think it is normal what you are feeling. I became a nurse at the tender age of 20 years old and thought that once I got older or seen more deaths those feelings will go away. Well, I'm 22 now ( I know, big deal !) and seen many deaths and I still cry with or for my patients at times. Some patients have bad news or pass and I don't shed a tear but then there are some that I developed a special bond with and I do cry.

Today I visited a patient of mine in the hospital. He is very young, has full blown AIDS, ESRD, and cancer. What can I say to him ? The only thing I could do was cry as he cried. There is no way I could sympathize with him but just by me crying with him I was able to console his spirit. Sometimes crying is the only way to express the joys and sorrows that come along with nursing. When I don't have the words sometimes the tears flow and that is ok with me. That doesn't make me over sensitive, it makes me human and makes my patients feel more humane.

mindlor · Jun 24, 2011

I think that in the right special moment, taking a patients hand or a family members hand and shedding a few tears with them can be extremely therapeutic and it will create a level of trust that cant be broken......

The right moment is the key....we cannot forsake our humanity and when we see clients as pieces of meat its time to find a diffferent career, nursing is a profession of caring....

my two cents

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jun 24, 2011

If I didn't maintain some professional distance from my patients, I would be too emotionally distraught to do my job. I would spend my days crying over the human suffering that I see every shift: the major CVA patient who will never walk or talk again, the knee replacement patient who is in grueling pain but her doctor only wants her to have Norco 5mg, the 50-year-old debility patient with a history of methamphetamine abuse who appears to be 75 years of age, the 43-year-old noncompliant diabetic mother who is on dialysis and had both feet amputated, the detoxing patient with a history of alcohol abuse who must stay zipped in a veil bed that looks like a cage because he is a danger to himself (and staff).

It is important to have a mentally healthy life away from the workplace. There must be some balance. Without the balance, nursing can chew up the spirit, suck it dry, and spit it out.

mindlor · Jun 24, 2011

I think it is normal what you are feeling. I became a nurse at the tender age of 20 years old and thought that once I got older or seen more deaths those feelings will go away. Well, I'm 22 now ( I know, big deal !) and seen many deaths and I still cry with or for my patients at times. Some patients have bad news or pass and I don't shed a tear but then there are some that I developed a special bond with and I do cry.
Today I visited a patient of mine in the hospital. He is very young, has full blown AIDS, ESRD, and cancer. What can I say to him ? The only thing I could do was cry as he cried. There is no way I could sympathize with him but just by me crying with him I was able to console his spirit. Sometimes crying is the only way to express the joys and sorrows that come along with nursing. When I don't have the words sometimes the tears flow and that is ok with me. That doesn't make me over sensitive, it makes me human and makes my patients feel more humane.

I have been tracking your posts and I think you are brilliant :)

Jenni811, RN · Jun 24, 2011

I think what gets me through things like that is all the good we do see. As nurses, we see a lot of not so good things, but on the flip side we see more good than we do bad.

I was had a patient who passed away, he was on palliative care. I was the one who was there through it all with this family. I was with them when they were doing everything they could for this patient, i was there when the family talked with the doctor about comfort cares, i was the one to remove everything, i was the one administering the medications that made him comfortable, i was the one who hugged the family when he died, i was the one who allowed them time with their father, i was the one who prepared the body.

....the whole process to the average person is depressing. Buut you have to keep in mind, while i had this patient, and this was all occuring, i had a patient who was preparing to go home after open heart surgery.

The feeling of good that you do outweighs the bad that happens. Its not like these nurses "don't care" because we do. I think it just how we see things. Its part of our job.

And usually when someone does die in the hospital, we are able to make them as comfortable as possible, and that is such a relief to families.

So...what im saying is, you will toughen up the more you see and the more experience you get with good and bad things. But it is good to know you care so much.

Jenni811, RN · Jun 24, 2011

Yes- and as a nurse it is OK to cry with the family as long as they are not the ones consoling you. Just don't act outrageous infront of the family. But as nurses, we CARE so therefore it is ok to show your emotions. Shed a tear, hug the family. It is also comforting to the family that you as the nurse cared for that patient and the family so much.

I one time went to my patients funeral (the one described above) It meant soooo much to that family.

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Jun 24, 2011

For me, as I age I have gotten far more sensitive. When I was a teen or even early 20's not much phased me. Now I see a sad storyline or watch Extreme home makeover and the tears are flooding. So far in the hospital I can hold it in in front of patients but the first patient that I lost I had to take a few moments. I am not much of a crier in the form of loud sobs but the tears just seem to flow.

I have never lost anyone close to me until 5 months ago and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him and start to cry. Usually when I am driving or when I listen to a song.

I worry how I will be as a nurse; I am not good with not getting involved or attached; but so far I have been OK.

I am hoping in a hospital it will be different because I have had mostly bad stuff happen my whole life and that hasn't made me less sensitive to being bothered by things. If anything all the bad stuff has made me more sensitive because I can not only empathize but sympathize. I have made a big effort to try to learn how to empathize more and not sympathize though. It's a hard concept to grasp when you had been through so much that you can understand from an insider point of view.

I think what you are feeling is normal.