I think my personality is keeping me from finding a job ...please help

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Mar 19, 2011

Firstly, doing mental health nursing, I have met quite a few patients with Aspergers who lead fairly, if not, normal lives. Secondly, if you tell people you have this condition, and they look at you blankly, briefly explain in general what it is. Many non-medical people don't know what it is or what it entails. Nobody really understands it well either, I think. Do you get OCD as well?

I think you should tell the interviewers up front, or even mention it in your application letter and say how well you are coping at your current employment. Also mention how you work with your condition, ie: do you have to accommodate it, take medication, etc. If the interviewers don't know re your condition, they can't assess you fairly. I would say don't try to force anything onto your face. People can always tell when u try too hard, even with a medical condition. Maybe try some relaxation b4 an interview, like yoga or pilates, and try interview techniques at home or get someone to videotape you even.

It sounds like ur appreciated very much at your current facility. Couldn't you try and push there for more hours or full time work? I'd be talking to the NUM or manager there as they understand you and can work with you.

Keep us posted on how you go.

Chin up · Mar 19, 2011

Im just so depressed over this. I graduated in Aug of 2010 with my BSN as Magna Cum Laude. I started working PRN at a PACU outpatient center. I had my DON approach me and tell me that if I need a reference she would be more than happy to speak to people on my behalf. She actually went on to tell me that Im doing much better than the "experienced" PRN nurse they hired at the same time and I. Even the FT PACU nurses will approach me and ask me for information regarding newer procedures and medications. Which I love the fact they can come to me.
However, my issue (I think) is my personality ...or lack of.
I have Asperger Syndrome. In reality my main real problems is that I often have a flat expression, have a hard time 'bonding', and have a VERY hard time with sarcasm.
I am much better with patients. I have to focus real hard on them and try to read them as well as I can. I honestly do try to be as caring as I can. Each patient at our center takes a feedback survey which we receive back. Ive never had a negative or even neutral feedback. They've always been positive. I love that job. I *may* not look like it but I really do. FYI, I had been the first new graduate for the facility and there was no real orientation. Pretty much given patients and another nurse (who also has patients) who I can ask questions.
My problem - Im pretty sure my affect and lack of personality has been the reason I havent been offered a job after my interviews. I try to force "personality" into my face, clothing, behavior, resume, ect. Im sure the falseness of my behavior can be readily detectable.
I dont know what to do. I need a FT job. There isnt a doubt I will be an excellent nurse. With the syndrome so personal I just dont know how to go about letting the interviewer know ...if I even should.
Can anyone provide me with any advice or tips?
Thanks, Stephanie

Hi Stephanie!

I admit, this post is complex, and after thinking about it for an hour, I have no words of wisdom to say. The first poster, I agreed with, except having trouble with telling an interviewer. This business can be brutal and I don't trust, they will do right by you. I hope I am wrong. Have you reached out to an Asperger support group? Maybe they could assist you with employment or rights under the disabilities act. Or maybe this is where you come in, to educate about this syndrome. I did not even realize it was a syndrome, but a disorder. I see more and more people with asperger and sadly, have not researched. But, don't give up. You have come this far, I know your place will come. Take care. Peace!

MedicalLPN, LPN · Mar 19, 2011

Im just so depressed over this. I graduated in Aug of 2010 with my BSN as Magna Cum Laude. I started working PRN at a PACU outpatient center. I had my DON approach me and tell me that if I need a reference she would be more than happy to speak to people on my behalf. She actually went on to tell me that Im doing much better than the "experienced" PRN nurse they hired at the same time and I. Even the FT PACU nurses will approach me and ask me for information regarding newer procedures and medications. Which I love the fact they can come to me.
However, my issue (I think) is my personality ...or lack of.
I have Asperger Syndrome. In reality my main real problems is that I often have a flat expression, have a hard time 'bonding', and have a VERY hard time with sarcasm.
I am much better with patients. I have to focus real hard on them and try to read them as well as I can. I honestly do try to be as caring as I can. Each patient at our center takes a feedback survey which we receive back. Ive never had a negative or even neutral feedback. They've always been positive. I love that job. I *may* not look like it but I really do. FYI, I had been the first new graduate for the facility and there was no real orientation. Pretty much given patients and another nurse (who also has patients) who I can ask questions.
My problem - Im pretty sure my affect and lack of personality has been the reason I havent been offered a job after my interviews. I try to force "personality" into my face, clothing, behavior, resume, ect. Im sure the falseness of my behavior can be readily detectable.
I dont know what to do. I need a FT job. There isnt a doubt I will be an excellent nurse. With the syndrome so personal I just dont know how to go about letting the interviewer know ...if I even should.
Can anyone provide me with any advice or tips?
Thanks, Stephanie

I would truly advise caution about letting your interviewers know that you have Asperger syndrome simply due to the fact that even in healthcare and even nurses have petty prejudices. This is a personal matter, and unless you feel comfortable telling them you shouldn't feel like you have to.

Please, do not beat yourself up and do not blame yourself if you interview for a position and do not get it, competition for jobs is fierce right now for everyone and it's all to easy to become discouraged. Realize too that you live with this condition day in and day out and as such are probably extremely self aware which can be a good thing but can also lead to excessive self criticism. More than likely your "lack of personality" was simply believed to be anxiety related to the interview by those that conducted it and nothing more. Keep your head high, and do not lose hope, you WILL find the job that you want!

Mulan · Mar 19, 2011

How many hours are you getting PRN?

Baubo516, RN · Mar 19, 2011

Stephanie,

Hi there! I am currently a music teacher who is thinking of becoming a nurse. As a teacher, I have taught some students who had Asperger Syndrome. They all had similar issues as the ones you describe, but with varying levels of seriousness.

I think it might be useful to tell the interviewers right at the beginning that you have Asperger. If you just prepared a short statement, like, "I just want to let you know I have Asperger Syndrome. This means I have trouble with ___, ___ and ____; it does not affect my knowledge or skills." Then perhaps ask if they have any questions about it, and then move on. If you think your "affect" is noticeably different in interviews than someone who does not have Asperger, it might help to quickly explain it, then get back to focusing on your strengths.

I have NOT interviewed for any nursing positions, so this is just an opinion. I DO know that understanding the symptoms of Asperger Syndrome helped me to understand my students better. Good luck and please let us know how it goes!

mazy · Mar 19, 2011

I would think twice about revealing you have Asperger's right off the bat. It's too competitive out there and however understanding they are they might decide to move on to someone else.

But what really made me sad is that you said you need to force yourself to have a personality. You have a personality, it is unique and special. You relate well to your patients, which shows you have compassion and empathy and an ability to establish rapport with people who are in the most vulnerable position in their lives.

Please take that understanding of your strengths into your interview. Rather than worrying about you lack of personality, or trying to force yourself to have one (I am very socially awkward and have tried that route-- it never works) just focus on the good things about yourself.

Best of luck!

KJStarling · Mar 19, 2011

Dear Stephanie,

I have a friend who is in a similar position as you. This lovely person, a cracker-jack nurse, had a brain tumor removed and as a result had trouble picking up social clues and queues from her patients and co-workers. She overcame these issues by reminding herself to slow down and assess social things just like we all do with the patients’ medical issues.

It might be easier for those of us who don't have this type of deficit, but please be assured that we are ALL socially awkward at some point, and none of us are perfect! Especially in a stressful situation like an interview!

There are so many things you have had to learn to be able to care for your patients that are not intuitive! I think if you approach this small problem with the same sprit you will be fine.

I wouldn't tell a prospective employer about your condition, unless you feel it truly could harm someone... Which it doesn't because you've garnered some high praise indeed!

I think you should practice letting your passion for nursing shine through in the interview process, and network with the people you are already working with, who understand how awesome you are, despite not always being warm & fuzzy!

Don't focus on you small deficits; focus on how much you have to offer!

An interview is a sales pitch, so show them why they need you on their team, and I agree with MedicalLPN that your slight awkwardness will be attributed to nerves!

You will find a great! Job! Until then, enjoy the position you have. It sounds like you're really good at it

Take care, and give yourself a break!

:)

nurse2033, MSN, RN · Mar 19, 2011

I disagree with a few posters, I think you are best to come right out and say it in the interview. You can then proceed to explain the same things you put in your post and how Aspergers actually helps you be a better nurse. Some employers might be put off, but an open and ethical one will listen and you will have a chance. Since not being open about it is getting you nowhere you don't have much to lose. I think most people will sense that there is something different about you, and not knowing the reason might make them uncomfortable. I have a coworker who is bipolar, and she came right out and said it soon after I met her. We all know if she is having an off day that is the reason why, so it doesn't bother us. And she is a great nurse. We all have different talents and strengths, make the most of what you have. Best of luck!

Nursejelly · Mar 19, 2011

My thought is that you volunteer in a hospital 2 hours or so a week in the area you want to be. Let them get to know you. It's not fair to have to do this , but once they get to know you and see you skills it may be a way in. good luck

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Mar 19, 2011

If you are making your patients happy, you can easily make co-workers and interviewers happy.

Practice in front of a mirror, until you feel your expressions look genuine.

Fake it til you make it!

Do NOT explain to an interviewer. They don't have knowledge of the disorder and will only see it as a negative.

Good Luck! I know you can do it.

caliotter3 · Mar 19, 2011

I would not mention it in an interview. People have a tendency to discriminate, no matter what the situation, and you do not want to put yourself in a position where it is easy for them to do so.