I left a patient's home crying today

  1. [font=book antiqua]i've been seeing an elderly lady with lung ca for about a month and a half. she finished her first round of chemo and was supposed to start the second round yesterday. earlier this week she told me she was giving up, she's tired and she doesn't want to fight anymore. the onc referred her to hospice so i went to discharge her from home health today. she looked so worn out and tiny sitting on her couch. we held hands and talked for a bit, then she whispered, "you're not coming back?"
    [font=book antiqua]
    [font=book antiqua]i lost it then and there, and i was still crying when i left. her last words to me are still in my head: "i love you."
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  2. 34 Comments

  3. by   DeLana_RN
    Tazzi,

    it wouldn't have affected you so much if you didn't care. In such a short time you have developed a lot of rapport with this pt. Of course, this makes it so much harder.

    Is there any way you can still keep in touch with her?

    DeLana :icon_hug:
  4. by   RN BSN 2009
    (((hugs)))
  5. by   TazziRN
    Quote from delana_rn
    tazzi,

    it wouldn't have affected you so much if you didn't care. in such a short time you have developed a lot of rapport with this pt. of course, this makes it so much harder.

    is there any way you can still keep in touch with her?

    delana :icon_hug:
    [font=book antiqua]i've thought about it, but while i don't want to lose my empathy, i also don't want to be drained. she's not the first one i've gotten close to, just the first that made me cry.
  6. by   caliotter3
    Oh, Tazzi!

    (((HUGS)))

  7. by   leslie :-D
    in my line of work (inpt hospice), i can't tell you it gets any easier.
    but doing this for all the yrs i have, the urge to cry has settled into a chronic lump in my throat and ache between my eyes.
    and the love goes both ways.

    leslie
  8. by   TazziRN
    Quote from earle58
    and the love goes both ways.

    leslie

    [font=book antiqua]absolutely, les. i really enjoyed seeing this lady, she's very sweet.
    [font=book antiqua]
    [font=book antiqua]people always ask me how i could have done er for so long, but to me that's nothing compared to what you do. i could not handle hospice.
  9. by   luvmy3kids
    :icon_hug: Take care Tazzi.
  10. by   suzy253
    (((Tazzi)))
  11. by   nuangel1
    take care tazzie.
  12. by   imenid37
    Wow. That's so sweet ansd so sad at the same time. How wonderful that these folks have someone like you who is so caring coming into their home. Some people are just in the right place to make a big difference. It sounds like maybe you are there. I hope your employer appreciates you.
  13. by   leslymill
    And now I am crying
    too
    All you can do is tremble and thank God.
    Some tears are better than medicine.
  14. by   Jo Dirt
    She sounds like a brave soul.

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