i've been seeing an elderly lady with lung ca for about a month and a half. she finished her first round of chemo and was supposed to start the second round yesterday. earlier this week she told me she was giving up, she's tired and she doesn't want to fight anymore. the onc referred her to hospice so i went to discharge her from home health today. she looked so worn out and tiny sitting on her couch. we held hands and talked for a bit, then she whispered, "you're not coming back?"
i lost it then and there, and i was still crying when i left. her last words to me are still in my head: "i love you."
yeah, i am, les. this hurts right now, but i'll pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going. this isn't the first time an experience has touched me, but it's the first in a long time. i didn't realize until i read the posts here today just how "tough" i'd gotten over the years working er. working hh has changed me. it's changed me for the better, i just have to learn all over again how to deal with things.
(((Tazzi))) It is such a privilege to be allowed into someone's life at such a difficult time, and if you can make an impact....well that's what it's all about! If you DIDN"T feel something I'd worry about you. Some of the patients get 'under' our skin, and as Leslie says, the love does indeed go both ways. I've cried with patients and their families at times. I've also driven away from patients' homes having heated 'discussions' with God, alternately praying and 'demanding' answers. It is difficult to see another human being suffer. As long as we can draw the line for ourselves and keep our boundaries, it's ok to cry sometimes.
i've been seeing an elderly lady with lung ca for about a month and a half. she finished her first round of chemo and was supposed to start the second round yesterday. earlier this week she told me she was giving up, she's tired and she doesn't want to fight anymore. the onc referred her to hospice so i went to discharge her from home health today. she looked so worn out and tiny sitting on her couch. we held hands and talked for a bit, then she whispered, "you're not coming back?"
i lost it then and there, and i was still crying when i left. her last words to me are still in my head: "i love you."
and some people ask, "why did you become a nurse?" you've touched someone's life. that's much more significant than treating their symptoms.
I feel you for you Tazzi. I've done home health for many years and have left quite a few homes crying the whole way back to the office. I still remember these patients so clearly. They will always be in my heart. The day I lose that empathy with my patients is the day I retire from nursing. God bless you for caring so much. Big hugs to you.
I am so thankful that there is such a variety of people in the nursing profession. This variety allows us to work together to meet the needs for each specialty. Thank you for filling a very special need.
TazziRN, RN
6,487 Posts
dammit les, you got me going again