Co-worker in "trouble."

  1. 1 I work with a woman who has mental health issues and is in a bad relationship. She had a one-night stand and is pregnant and can't get in touch with the father (she knows he is the father, says he is the only one she has been with in months.) She comes to me. As a nurse, I don't know what to tell her. She went and was tested for STDs, but she is very depressed and says she feels isolated and alone, not to mention the baby will be bi-racial and she can't hide the pregnancy from her husband. What a world, what a world...I'm at a loss as to how to help her.

    Any suggestions?
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  3. Visit  danceswithsnakes profile page

    About danceswithsnakes

    40 Years Old; Joined Mar '10; Posts: 37; Likes: 13.

    12 Comments so far...

  4. Visit  caliotter3 profile page
    6
    Only she can decide what will be best for her in the long run. I would tell her you are willing to listen to her when she needs to vent and also suggest that she seek professional counseling. Sounds like she needs it.
    Crux1024, canigraduate, PhoenixTech, and 3 others like this.
  5. Visit  JB2007 profile page
    1
    Just be a person that she can come and talk to is probably the best thing you can do for her. She is dealing with some very difficult issues at this time and might need someone who will just listen to her and not judge her.
    mesa1979 likes this.
  6. Visit  FlyingScot profile page
    0
    Get her the number for a crisis pregnancy center. Help her make an appointment then run like hell. This is not something you want to be embroiled in...words of wisdom from someone who's been in your shoes.
  7. Visit  cherrybreeze profile page
    4
    I don't think that I'd offer much in the way of advice to her; if she were to follow it and not have a desirable outcome, she may blame you (not that that's logical, but sometimes people need to shift the blame for their problems from themselves on to others, and offering advice is the quickest way to give her that opportunity). All you can do is listen and let her talk, if you are willing to do it. Let her know that you support her, whatever the outcome. I dont know how close you and this coworker are, since you say "coworker" and not "friend" it leads me to believe you're not that close, so only give as much support that YOU'RE comfortable with. Being there TOO much will drag you right down with her.

    I agree with suggesting counseling to help her through it, and if your facility has an EAP program, you might consider steering her in that direction (EAP is both confidential, and free).
    catshowlady, TDCHIM, PhoenixTech, and 1 other like this.
  8. Visit  mesa1979 profile page
    1
    I would be a listening ear for her as long as it doesn't burden me, but I would also refer her to her Pastor or crisis ministry if possible. Remember, don't take on her burdens, they can cause you to feel depressed because there is nothing you can do.
    JB2007 likes this.
  9. Visit  Jules A profile page
    1
    What a sad story. I'm not good with drama and would avoid this whole situation.
    JB2007 likes this.
  10. Visit  PostOpPrincess profile page
    2
    Help her find resources to help with her choices.

    Then honestly?

    Stay out of it.
    Crux1024 and Intern67 like this.
  11. Visit  danceswithsnakes profile page
    0
    It keeps me awake at night. That baby will be unwanted, for sure by her husband. She had said her husband told her if she was ever pregnant by another man she would have an abortion or he would drown the baby...I guess it's getting too real for her now. That will be an innocent baby who will still want its mother and will need to be loved. Pitiful. I guess it is time for crisis pregnancy intervention, though I was under the impression a lot of those places were run by religious organizations who try to discourage abortion for young mothers (she is in her 30's) in lieu of adoption. I don't know what other choice she has right now.
  12. Visit  Intern67 profile page
    0
    "She had said her husband told her if she was ever pregnant by another man she would have an abortion or he would drown the baby"

    So she decided to call his bluff?

    There is WAY too much going on in that relationship for you to take on. Why she would draw you into this situation anyone's guess. Refer her to whatever reputable organization (she can't think of any on her own?) and run. I can't imagine what she will be dumping on you next.
  13. Visit  rn4ever? profile page
    0
    Your friend is an adult so she should make her own decisions. When she had a one-night-stand, she certainly knew the consequences of it. If she is mentally unstable, she needs professional help-----don't try to solve everything for her in the best way that you know. Remember, she also has a husband and they too have a life together. As a friend, you can lend her an ear and comfort her. But tread cautiously.....you don't want to be really too involved in her issues.....and remember the saying, no good deed goes unpunished.
  14. Visit  Katie5 profile page
    0
    Quote from danceswithsnakes
    I work with a woman who has mental health issues and is in a bad relationship. She had a one-night stand and is pregnant and can't get in touch with the father (she knows he is the father, says he is the only one she has been with in months.) She comes to me. As a nurse, I don't know what to tell her. She went and was tested for STDs, but she is very depressed and says she feels isolated and alone, not to mention the baby will be bi-racial and she can't hide the pregnancy from her husband. What a world, what a world...I'm at a loss as to how to help her.

    Any suggestions?
    What are her mental health issues?
  15. Visit  Multicollinearity profile page
    0
    Quote from danceswithsnakes
    It keeps me awake at night. That baby will be unwanted, for sure by her husband. She had said her husband told her if she was ever pregnant by another man she would have an abortion or he would drown the baby...I guess it's getting too real for her now. That will be an innocent baby who will still want its mother and will need to be loved. Pitiful. I guess it is time for crisis pregnancy intervention, though I was under the impression a lot of those places were run by religious organizations who try to discourage abortion for young mothers (she is in her 30's) in lieu of adoption. I don't know what other choice she has right now.
    I find it strange that they had this conversation before she got pregnant by another man.

    Crisis pregnancy centers are typically run by religious organizations that attempt to steer women away from abortion. Often, they also provide limited amounts of diapers and baby clothing/supplies to new moms in need.

    In your shoes I'd probably listen to her for limited periods of time and offer referrals to various resources in your community. It's a shame for you to lose sleep at night over this.


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