Am I the only one to feel this way?

Nikki730 · Sep 25, 2004

ladymadonna,

please stop feeling bad! i don't have kids, and wonder if i ever will. it's not looking too likely either, since i haven't dated anyone seriously in years. i am also an rn student, struggling with my studies. so of course, even if mr. perfect came along, i wouldn't have enough time to get to know him or sustain any type of relationship. so, if i saw you in the grocery store, i would feel jealous of you, with your 3 year old, dirty faced child! :rotfl:

it seems that every one i know is married or dating happily. also, to top it off, i failed a skills check-off (the "medication pass") because i failed to write an allergy that was on the doctor's order onto the mar. it wouldn't have hurt my imaginery patient, but now i must wait 2 weeks to do it again, with the added complication of narcotics being among the 3 medicines i must pass.

i remember some "friends" i used to hang out with--all with at least a masters degree, most with a law degree of ph.d. made me feel very insecure about my biology bachelor's of arts. anyway, i'm not friends with most of them any more, and have lots of conflicted feelings about it still.

don't beat yourself up--you are a good mom, trying her hardest to improve her situation, for you and your baby. it takes brain power and courage to see that you need to change your education/occupation. you can't just snap your fingers; these things take time. and that guy you were with? oh honey, we've all made mistakes in love before, chosing the wrong, abusive, jerks that are out there. sounds like you won't pick one like that next time.

please feel better, okay?

Editorial Team / Admin · Sep 25, 2004

My heart goes out to you, Lady (and I use the term with the utmost respect). Sure, I'd like to be as slim as my one friend, as organized and "together" as my other friend, have the degrees of my other friend, etc, etc ad nauseum! I earned my ADN many years ago and chose not to continue my formal education. You are at least continuing yours. Many friends from my nursing class went on to obtain a BSN, one is manager of a Psych unit, the other has ALWAYS been supr or mgr of something/somewhere (she's just that kind of person). I have always been a staff nurse (well, except for short stints as a Team Leader, back in the days :)). I'm a GOOD nurse. Point is, we all have our different strengths. I could NEVER do admin. Wouldn't want to. I shine in other areas. I'm good one-on-one, even with the curmudgeons no one else wants to be around.

My kids know they're loved, they have clean clothes to wear, they have food for their tummies, we do fun things together . . . dh likes to stay home, so I take the kids and we go. We also do things with dh. I will never be like my other friends. I'm ME. And that's not a bad thing. :) You are not your former colleague. You're distinctly, particularly YOU. Be proud of your accomplishments, and the fact that you DO have goals and are working towards them. If you constantly belittle yourself because you're not like so-and-so --- it's a neverending put-down, and perpetually self-defeating, as there will ALWAYS be someone you perceive as "better."

We make our own beds, and lie in them. Go hug your precious little one, your gift. Do your best, and love yourself and her. I wish you peace and contentment.

hypnotic_nurse · Sep 25, 2004

If it helps...

My daughter got married yesterday and I spent that morning bawling my head off for a number of reasons...1. She decided that her dad and I TOGETHER would give her away (this is the guy I had to take a restraining order out on after I divorced him 7 years ago, who had numerous lovers while we were married and who only pays child support because his wages were garnished, and who constantly let me know in oh so many ways how inadequate I was as a wife -- the one person in the world I would rather never see again, much less stand next to)...2. I was on my period and had a major leak THAT moning at the grocery store where everyone knows me because I shop there all the time...and 3. I am single after 7 years, remarriage just doesn't look like it's in the cards for me, I'm overweight and old and they are SOOOOO happy.

Stress can make those feelings seem SOOOOO much bigger than they are. I think everyone (including your beautiful friend) has them; you know the grass always looks greener on the other side.

So, yes, you are not by any means the only one who ever feels this way. I know when I was married, many of my friends were jealous of MY marriage. Little did they know!

We have to be happy for what WE have and what WE are.

I'm MUCH better today and I hope you are, too. :)

angel337, MSN, RN · Sep 25, 2004

my grandmother always told me to never be jealous/envious of others because you never know what their lives are really like. instead, focus on the blessings you have before you such as: you do have a career, a healthy child, and you are healthy enough to go to work everyday and provide for your family. it is so easy to look at your life through others and make yourself feel inadequate, but the truth is everyone is always trying to improve something about their lives and wish they had something someone else has. your glass isn't half empty...its half full. write down all your blessings(no negativity at all)and i guarantee you you will feel better immediately. :)

GirlArcher · Sep 25, 2004

I saw one of my former contemporaries from the nursing home where I used to work as an aide at the grocery store today. She happens to be a BSN now and assistant DON of a nursing home. She is also very beautiful (something I have never been in my wildest dreams). So she was strolling down the isles with her child (from her adoring husband, he used to dote on her when we worked in the nursing home) in the buggy. There I was, 100 pounds overweight, dressed in frumpy clothes I have worn all week, my own 3 yr old daughter with nappy hair and a dirty face I had with a loser (who also happens to be a creep who I hardly ever got a kind word from) and my claim to fame is a pathetic LPN diploma. Just seeing her tonight has made me so depressed I can't even concentrate on my studies (studying to be a "diploma" RN....whoopie do *twirling finger in the air* :stone ) and struggling as hard as I can to keep my head above water in what I am taking...I feel like such a loser and so depressed I want to cry
Have any of you ever been in the situation I'm in? I'd like to feel I'm not alone.

I think all of us at one time or another have felt that way. Have you thought that some of it is the stress of school and work and everything you are taking on in your life right now? Instead of feeling so down and worthless, take pride in yourself for what you are doing with your life....you are a strong person who is doing what is best for your child and yourself. The next time you run into someone who makes you feel less than what you are, remember, it's your feelings, not theirs. They may think you are a wonderful person and be happy to see you doing so well. Walk up to them and say, "HI, how have you been, what have you been up to." Always hold your head up high and feel proud of what you are doing with your life right now.

I know of what I speak: I worked two jobs while going to school to get my RN. Started out as a CNA, then LPN.....had two children, survived a divorce after 12 years of marriage during all this. I had moments of doubt, but made it through and you will too.

miloisstinky · Sep 25, 2004

We have all been there. I have accomplished SOO much in my life and pretty much have the so-called perfect life....i have it all. BUT, i STILL feel the same quite frequently. I sort of get depressed, but it is what drives me to keep exceling (sp) in life AS YOU ARE DOING. As cheezy as it sounds, you need to take the negative energy and make it DRIVE you!!!!!! That is what will make you successful, use it to motivate yourself....dont waste that energy on depression.

rngreenhorn · Sep 25, 2004

I saw one of my former contemporaries from the nursing home where I used to work as an aide at the grocery store today. She happens to be a BSN now and assistant DON of a nursing home. She is also very beautiful (something I have never been in my wildest dreams). So she was strolling down the isles with her child (from her adoring husband, he used to dote on her when we worked in the nursing home) in the buggy. There I was, 100 pounds overweight, dressed in frumpy clothes I have worn all week, my own 3 yr old daughter with nappy hair and a dirty face I had with a loser (who also happens to be a creep who I hardly ever got a kind word from) and my claim to fame is a pathetic LPN diploma. Just seeing her tonight has made me so depressed I can't even concentrate on my studies (studying to be a "diploma" RN....whoopie do *twirling finger in the air* :stone ) and struggling as hard as I can to keep my head above water in what I am taking...I feel like such a loser and so depressed I want to cry
Have any of you ever been in the situation I'm in? I'd like to feel I'm not alone.

Holy cow...

Please don't ever compare yourself to other people... I don't know you or the beautiful DON RN... but, I know for a fact, both of you have something I admire... on the other hand, I'm sure there is something about both of you I hate. As i'm sure the same is true of you for me. It sounds totally cliche' ish, but all of us has something the other envies.

For example, how do you know she didn't see you and think. "I am so jealous. I wish I had the guts to go out in public without primping like a Barbie doll... I'm such a shallow beotch, I wish I was so self assured."

Stop watching TV... read a good book instead... there are only 10 super models in the world and 6 million people. Most of us are "beautifically challenged." Just spend some time at Wal-mart if you don't believe me.

And kick the looser out, life is to short to spend it with people you don't like.

Finally, this is advise from someone who has felt just like you, at one time or another.

Smiles and Hugs.

rosieseattle, RN · Sep 25, 2004

One thing you might learn first and foremost in nursing is that your value does not revolve around being overweight, unkept or with a child from a loser. That may be your circumstances at this time, but that is not WHO YOU ARE. Comparing yourself to another person is self-defeating. Program your mind with the positive things about yourself, and write your goals down to what your goals are. (example: lose weight by walking three times per week and cutting back to 1000 calories per day...or whatever) What I'm trying to say is: WRITE YOUR GOALS DOWN. WRITE WRITE WRITE. Once you continue writing your goals down, you will see your confidence rise and begin to build yourself up rather than tear yourself down. No matter how wonderful this other nurse is, there are still others out there that can do things better than she. This will always be the case. Your value also doesn't revolve around being an LPN or a Diploma RN. That is not WHO YOU ARE either. Look forward into your future with enthusiasm and excitement. Love that child no matter who the daddy is. Your life is a gift and you are probably most gifted in areas that you don't even realize. You will one day have an adoring husband, and you are already successful. Appreciate and be thankful at how far you have traveled and look forward to the future. Forget the past as much as you can by letting all the negative energy pass through you. Refuse to give in to mediocrity. You will accomplish your goals.

weetziebat · Sep 25, 2004

LadyMadonna, first of all, I'd like to give you a big (((((((HUG))))))).

I think all of us have felt that way at one time or another.There will always be those who seem to have it all - or at least a whole lot more than us. Of course, there will also always be others who think WE have it so much better than them.

I have a good friend who happens to be quite wealthy. And, at times (although I truly am happy for her) it can be a bit overwhelming to hear about her new Mercedes - paid for in cash. Or her new home, and the summer residence. That is when she is not in Europe, on vacation. I know she does not try to make others feel bad - this is just her life. But I also know how insecure she is. She keeps buying because she always has to have more. And then thats not enough either.

Even though others may have more than you, you never know what else they may have to put up with in their lives. Or, as my aunt used to say "Things are seldom what they seem, skim milk masquerades as cream."

Tweety, BSN, RN · Sep 25, 2004

Never judge your insides with someone elses outsides.

Good advice here already. The only way to feel different about yourself is acceptance of yourself exactly as you are.

I'm not happy with a lot of things about my life either. I'm 45 years old and still in school. I'm broke. I'm bald. I'm grey. I could loose a couple of pounds.

I have to watch the conversations I have with myself. Don't judge yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You are not a loser. God don't make no junk. We are all equal. :)

SmilingBluEyes · Sep 25, 2004

Anyone who knows me here knows I have had those moments VERY recently. I have wanted to curl up and die a lot lately. I have hated going even out of my house to do errands. I have had a rough year and suffered a lot of self-loathing and feelings of inadequacy.

My best advice to you is to start really changing how you think. If you hate what you see in the mirror, only YOU can do something about it. You can wear attractive clothing, even if you are 100lb over weight. There are plenty of Big Beautiful Women out there to model after, believe me. Look around. So, go get some new clothes. You can style your hair in a new and different way that takes years off your appearance; you can do your make-up. It does not have to take a lot of time. I can do my hair and makeup in about 10 minutes and it's worth the effort, believe me.

Also, You can dress your child and wipe her face before you go out. Keep baby wipes in your purse, along with a brush. Kids get dirty, people know that. Don't feel too badly if she has "dirty moments", that is what being a kid is all about!

Don't let others make you feel inadequate or unworthy. Stop comparing yourself to others, this is deadly, believe me. If you can't see your way clear to making these small improvements in your life, it's time for professional help. Trust me, I have done it, and it's worth the time and money it takes to gain new perspective and learn to process situations and others' actions differently. But it's hard work. You have to be willing to DO what it takes to get better.

Also, I would suggest you be evaluated for depression. You sound like you are in the thick of it. It's hell, that inertia. blueness and sadness that envelopes you each day you draw breath. Some days, I can barely function out of bed. Oh, yes, I have been there, still battling my way out now. One day at a time. But START NOW. Get yourself a new outfit (even if you feel "fat") DO IT! Get a new hair cut or process. Go to the beach or to the woods. Get outside and commune with nature. Just take Baby steps. The better you treat yourself, the better you will feel, slowly but surely. Eat better. Don't use alcohol, if you do. Don't self-medicate with any drug or food. Sleep properly. Love yourself, cause you are worth it, believe me! ((((HUGS)))) from someone who understands totally how you feel. If you need to chat, Please PM me. I am here to help.

deb