Sorry this is long, and kind of a rant of panicking thoughts.
I just started as a new nurse and haven't even gotten my own patients yet, but I am starting to have second thoughts about being a nurse. My RN orientation is so overwhelming, and I don't remember anything
from nursing school
. I came from a background of absolutely NO healthcare experience and now I feel like I'm back at that level. I am in a new hospital in a new city- EVERYTHING is different from what I had experience with; the equipment, the policies, staff, roles, etc. I feel so stupid. It is petrifying.
I am a really introverted person, especially in new environments and roles, and I have high stress and high anxiety. I don't know how to communicate with people; I never know what to say and I usually say the wrong thing. My small talk is the worst, and I can never seem to phrase my responses, or say anything to a patient without putting my foot in my mouth. I feel like a I'm a failure as a human being. I keep thinking to myself, how am I going to do this? Was this a mistake? Nursing school felt fine, but I was just a student. Now since I have a new role as an RN, I have retreated into a turtle shell, and I fear I won't get out of it. I don't know what to do.
To top it all off, I am working bedside on the floor, which is where I am the least comfortable. I am trapped in a contract for at least a year or two, working in an environment that only makes me feel panic. I would have loved to be in a surgical center or somewhere else that is less like the floor, where my introverted self can be much better. I almost wish that I didn't find a job because I am so uncomfortable and feel so inadequate. I keep asking myself whether or not I should find a different career... I don't want to be a failure. I don't want to be a terrible nurse. What is wrong with me? Please help.