Your thoughts on denial

As nurses we learn to deal with reality - it is what it is. The rest of the world doesn't get that lesson.

My mom is driving me nuts right now. Dad is showing early signs of dementia and her attitude is that if she doesn't take him to the doctor she won't have to deal with it. She won't get her money into trust for my (schizophrenic) sister because "Your father and I won't die together." She won't do it in case he needs a nursing home, either, because, "We don't put people into homes."

*sigh*

It is what it is.

Denial is not BS, it's a coping mechanism. It's even part of the stages of grief, so it can't be too much BS.

it ain't a river in Egypt and my go-to defense mechanism is rationalizing; not so fond of denial although I know I've used it in a pinch, but I agree...in general, it is what it is

I think denial is a natural step in the grieving process. If you yourself are facing a difficult situation you may not even realize your in denial, yet those around you do.

I belive a huge part of nursing is education and honesty. We present the facts in a manner that can be easily understood and then we present them again because people in crisis have a hard time comprehending. We offer support and encouragement while the patient/family accept the reality.

We may get frustrated that people friends/family/patients etc are in denial, but it is human nature and we must learn to accept that is where they are right now in this moment in time and move on from there.

Denial sometimes can be a wonderful thing--for a moment of course. Sometimes reality is too terible to grasp and denial gives you the time to accept/ adjust.

Denial is not BS, it's a coping mechanism. It's even part of the stages of grief, so it can't be too much BS.

i'm from the camp that needs to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

yet there are many others whose only means of coping, is through denial.

for some, it's their only means of surviving, and i need to respect that.

leslie

But some people don't move through the stages of grief. Some get stuck in one of the stages for years before moving on, if they move on at all.

And like they say moving through the stages of grief is what we are stiving for so hanging there in long term denial wouldn't be the outcome I hope for.

i honestly don't think any of us (nurses) wish for this outcome.

but...

it is what it is.:)

leslie

I think of denial as putting your finger in a leaking dam holding back something so powerful, painful and life-changing that you want to protect every moment of your "old life" before reality comes either leaking through or crashing in on you.

I deal with families in ICU who spoke to their loved one earlier in the day and were fine, later they become deathly ill.

I understand the nurses frustration in dealing with the situation.

I imagine that denial may be a pain in the rump for some of you, but it was very necessary for me. Last April, I was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer. At the same time, my husband was diagnosed with ALS. It has been an absolutely overwhelming year. You may look down on me for using denial to cope, but there were times that it was all that I had to keep me sane. Thank God that none of my/his/our care-providers felt the need to take that away from me. Yes, I always knew down in my soul that "it is what it is". If fact, my oncologist uses those exact words. And yes, I know that I will soon lose my darling husband. Until you live the nitty gritty of these kind of life changes, I would ask you to have some mercy when someone is in denial. They will accept whatever "it" as the are able-----or not. And do you confuse denial with having hope? I am hoping for a cure for ALS. I am hoping God will choose to cure him. While I know that those things probably will not occur, I still have hope. Do you call that denial? And if so, is it necessarily a bad thing?

Robin

I imagine that denial may be a pain in the rump for some of you, but it was very necessary for me. Last April, I was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer. At the same time, my husband was diagnosed with ALS. It has been an absolutely overwhelming year. You may look down on me for using denial to cope, but there were times that it was all that I had to keep me sane. Thank God that none of my/his/our care-providers felt the need to take that away from me. Yes, I always knew down in my soul that "it is what it is". If fact, my oncologist uses those exact words. And yes, I know that I will soon lose my darling husband. Until you live the nitty gritty of these kind of life changes, I would ask you to have some mercy when someone is in denial. They will accept whatever "it" as the are able-----or not. And do you confuse denial with having hope? I am hoping for a cure for ALS. I am hoping God will choose to cure him. While I know that those things probably will not occur, I still have hope. Do you call that denial? And if so, is it necessarily a bad thing?

Robin

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