Yep. Nurses do "eat their young"

Soliloquy, MSN, APRN, NP · Sep 7, 2016

Some nurses do eat their young. I think that statement is true too. :) Sometimes people just don't like their job or don't like that newer nurses use the bedside more as a stepping stone than as the place they want to invest in for years to come and then retire. Sometimes people get tired of constantly training younger nurses who leave and contribute very little to reducing the shortage of bedside nurses in the hospital, etc. They feel under appreciated or exhausted from constantly having to teach teach teach and not getting the acknowledgement and the respect they feel they deserve from upper management, etc. Also, the younger generation is more brash, blunt, and horizontal and have experience less intimidation from the business-model hierarchy and all that can contribute to misunderstandings in the workplace.

Flip side, I think younger nurses can do a better job at checking their egos at the door.

AlwaysLearning247, BSN · Sep 7, 2016

You seem angry. Yeah some nurses aren't nice, as you'll find that in any career. Go in with a positive attitude, rather than acting like everyone is out to get you.

RNomad · Sep 7, 2016

When I started my first job as a RN I realized that I was the new guy. It takes time to fit and find your place in a new culture. I've always been the type to keep my eyes and ears wide open and keep my mouth shut. Over time my skills and knowledge were noticed through my patient care. I did not ask for or demand respect. It became noticeable with time and experience. The academic component of nurse education is just the tip of the iceberg. As far as "nurses eat their young," ignore it and keep learning. I hope that you have some veterans in your proximity that teach, encourage, and keep an open ear for you.

This is the most intellectual response yet.

gonzo1, ASN, RN · Sep 7, 2016

I was at a party recently and every nurse there had a tale to tell about other nurses being mean to them. However, I don't think being mean to each other is found only in nursing. I worked at an international company for two decades and it was a mostly female department, hundreds of employees and there were several that were horrible people. It's an universal problem.

It is possibly more evident in nursing because we rely on each other so much for help, as in changing patients, lifting patients, asking for guidance on how to take care of certain symptoms and so on.

I was once at a seminar where the speaker said his policy is to trust and respect everyone, until they do something to lose that respect. I have tried to incorporate that idea into my personal/professional life for years now, but find it hard to do at times because I was raised to trust no one.

I believe I have never bullied anyone and am a very helpful person, but who knows for sure. All I can say is that I have been bullied a couple of times and left jobs because of it. However, after I learned to use the coping skills and suggestions on AN I am now never in that position.

There are more than enough suggestions on how to deal with all these issues on this forum and having finally put them into practice I can say they do work, even for very timid people like me. Your world won't change until you make it change. As far as respect, I pretty much have always felt respected by the people that matter.

I do know some people who say they are never respected and the truth is they are respected, but they don't respect or like themselves and this is what they are really feeling. I feel so sorry for them because they actually are great nurses and good people.

Sometimes we have to heal ourselves before our world changes. It's something I have to work on very often.

neuron · Sep 7, 2016

Having started posting here after I graduated, I've seen it first hand. Its not just a "say". Its the truth.
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, to know what awaits us on the floor. But neverthelsss, extremely unprofessional of some, who think GNs or new floor nurses deserve "no respect" or that "the respect should be earned".
On edit: do patients need to "earn your respect" as well???
SMH!

That phrase 'eat their young' just gives these older nurses power (as implied by the word 'young'), as if they have importance (no disrespect, nurses are great). Experience is highly commendable. The nurses who do that just feel threatened. Don't worry.

TriciaJ, RN · Sep 7, 2016

As a new graduate, I was orienting in a trauma/neuro ICU. My preceptor and I took a stable patient to MRI. We were there about an hour. All I had to do was watch the patient through the window and pay attention to the monitor, which I did.Over the course of the hour I asked many question of the the MRI technician. Field strength, liquid helium cooling system, emergency shut down procedures and trying to learn a little something about interpreting MRI results. I had a science degree before nursing, so was interested. Scan completed without issue. Took patient back to unit and was sent to lunch. When I got back, I was called into my managers office and scolded for asking questions of the MRI tech. My preceptor complained it was not my job to know such things. I stood there silent for a moment and then just said "you must be kidding? Not my job to ask questions?" I turned around and walked out of the office. My questions where WAY over my preceptors head and she felt intimidated and proceeded to have me for her lunch, so to speak. Soon after, we came to an understanding and got along fine. Nurses eating their young is a real thing.

Insecure people in every field are a real thing. Managers who get sucked in by tattling are a real thing. None of this is nursing-specific. NETY is a generalization, just like any other form of bigotry.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 7, 2016

I wont worry about my "patients disrespecting" me . They're not there to respect anyone. They're in distress, and I wouldn't expect or demand that from them.
Now, nurses who should be our mentors should mentor" us instead of telling us how "little we know" and that "respect is earned".
PS: If you have a problem with what they say, address their threads. It's all out in the open.
Are you saying they will behave differently to GNs on a hospital floor?

By the same token, we Crusty Old Bats aren't here to respect anyone, either. Our patients get our care, our advocacy and the best knowledge and expertise we can bring to bear. Our teammates get our respect and our support. (And by teammates, I mean everyone from the attending physician to the housekeeper and CNAs who have our backs and work hard with us to promote good patient outcomes.). And newbies, who know very little when they start, get pretty much the respect that they've earned. Telling a COB that "you should mentor us" comes across as arrogant and entitled and isn't going to lead to you being "taken under wing" or mentored. It's probably going to lead to the modicum of respect you started with being slowly eroded as you alienate your preceptors, managers and colleagues. And that, my dear, will ultimate lead to one those "Fired for NO Reason" threads that we all enjoy so much.

Come down off your high horse. You will find that the way to GET respect is to start by GIVING it. And you're not doing that.

canigraduate · Sep 7, 2016

I think a large part of the problem is that most people don't know what the word "respect" means. Most people who are upset about not being respected want other people to be courteous and/or supportive, which are not quite the same thing.

Respect actually is earned. It is given to people because they have proven themselves, or have a trait that is admired, or because they belong to a privileged class.

From dictionary.com (bolding is mine):

RESPECT

noun 1. a particular, detail, or point (usually preceded by in): to differ in some respect.

2. relation or reference: inquiries with respect to a route.

3. esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

4. deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.

5. the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.

6. respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship: Give my respects to your parents.

7. favor or partiality.

verb (used with object) 9. to hold in esteem or honor: I cannot respect a cheat.

10. to show regard or consideration for: to respect someone's rights.

11. to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with: to respect a person's privacy.

12. to relate or have reference to.

Idioms 13. in respect of, in reference to; in regard to; concerning.

14. in respect that, Archaic. because of; since.

15. pay one's respects,

to visit in order to welcome, greet, etc.: We paid our respects to the new neighbors.
to express one's sympathy, especially to survivors following a death: We paid our respects to the family.

16. with respect to, referring to; concerning: with respect to your latest request.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 7, 2016

No it is not. It's a real situation. Why would mods close the topic?? Because you don't like it?
I want to feel respected and guided as a new GN, not told I know nothing, and shouldn't participate in certain topics , even though I've spent months hands on in clinicals and practicum

If you want to feel respected as a new nurse, you should start out by giving respect to your new colleagues, preceptors, charge nurses, bosses, and team members. That includes everyone you encounter. If you come across in person as you come across online, you will not be respected because you won't be deemed worth of respect. Maybe you don't think it's fair that you have to GIVE respect to get any, but you're the newbie. Everyone else there already knows everyone else there. You're the one who has to proved herself.

As a brand new nurse, you have a license to learn. You don't really know anything. Clinicals and practicum just give you a framework for learning and teach you how to learn. In the student nurse forums, you may be a rock star, but in the nursing forums you're here to learn. At least I hope you are. If you're just here to chastise the COBs for not treating you right, I doubt you'll learn much or be very popular.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 7, 2016

Not sure whether I should engage or not, but I do ageee that we should stop saying "respect is earned." I have seen it as a recurring theme, especially in critical care settings.
No, admiration is earned. Respect to fellow coworkers should be an expectation for professional behavior.

You get about as much respect as you give when you're brand new. When a new nurse starts on our unit, the default is respect. They graduated from a tough program, passed a difficult licensing exam and impressed our very astute manager enough to offer them the job. Along the way, you either prove that you deserve that respect or you lose it. Someone who comes across as disrespecting the senior staff probably won't have much. Someone who disrespects CNAs, housekeepers, other services, etc. will find themselves losing the respect of their peers. When you start, respect is yours until or unless you do something to lose it. Admiration is a different topic.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 7, 2016

I agree. Respect should be given unconditionally - although once lost it's hard to get back.
Treating one another like crap does nothing for the one central player: THE PATIENT.

If respect is given unconditionally, how would one lose it?

I still say that the default is to respect a new colleague. Many new colleagues set about destroying that respect immediately upon starting their job, and then they complain that they aren't respected because everyone around them is a bully.

If you start off with demanding respect that you have not "earned" by respecting others, you will find yourself being disrespected rather quickly. The original poster started off by demanding respect and mentor ship, but has not been respectful of the senior nurses she expects to mentor her.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 7, 2016

For me, the debate about whether respect is a given (a human right) or earned is a fruitless following. Semantics make constructive discussion on the topic almost impossible.
What I mean by respect is very likely nothing like what someone else means by it.......so on.......so forth.
To take it a step further, often I think we truly are not talking about respect at all anyway. Too many times people are wanting to be well liked, but they call it being respected because it sounds more ........welll......it sounds more respectable. No one is going to admit their frustration has to do with popularity so they infuse the term respect into it.
While many TCs won't say "No one seems to like me and I want it to stop", it's obvious from the start with many of them that is their complaint. It has nothing to do with respect.
I said it before, I will say it again: Not being well liked and not being popular ARE NOT being bullied or disrespected.

This is very well reasoned and food for thought. And it explains a lot of the difficulties we have in understanding each other.

To demand respect without being willing to give it has always come across to me as arrogant and entitled. But perhaps the poster really means "Nobody likes me." It is often plainly outlined in their post the reasons their colleagues might have for not liking them (and usually expressed as disrespect for the colleague).

As you say, not being liked, not being popular is not the same as bullying or being disrespected. But I wonder if we've managed to get through to any of these posters that the key to being well-thought of (liked/respected) is in respecting, being interested in and finding your colleagues likable. EVERYONE has something about them that is worth liking, admiring or respected. (At least everyone we work with, as few of our colleagues have been convicted of/sentenced for crimes against persons. I'll admit to not finding anything to admire in Ed Gein.). The new nurse who posts on the forum that nobody respects her, and her colleagues are all fat, ugly old mean bullies who ought to retire and get out of her way has left numerous clues as to why she finds that her colleagues neither like nor respect her.