Would you put your family member in a LTC facility?

[Cattitude]

What I'm learning about LTC facilities scare me. I know there must be some good ones out there somewhere????

But really, between staffing issues, cheap owners who shortchange on supplies, MD's who don't want to be bothered.

Is there anyone here who would put there family member in a nursing home? I think of the day when my mother will need care. She is ambulatory now but in the next several years may not be.

I have other options but what about people who don't?

Would you do it? I think I would be very nervous to do so. I know there are wonderful nurses and CNA's in LTC. But not enough to do the job safely. What's the solution?

[llg, PhD, RN]

It would depend if my parents WANTED me to take care of them and if I had the means to take care of them.

So far my parents seem like the type that wouldn't want me taking care of their personal cares. I also feel that the socialization they would get with their peers in a nursing home would be a good thing. What can they do in my home other that sit in front of the TV all day?

I think that there will be a lot of changes in long term care as the baby boomers keep getting older.

I hadn't thought of it that way, but what you say is true of my family. My parents would not want her personal needs taken care of by a family member. Our culture is kind'a private about bodily functions etc.

[Gromit]

i think it is a very hard decision for anyone to make. i personally would not want to do it, but sometimes you don't have a choice especially if you don't have the money for at home care. it doesn't pay to be old and poor in america.

This is not an "american" problem. Multi-family households are getting scarce no matter WHERE you go. People are also living longer (time was when folks were 'old' at 40 ) and there are many who simply do not have the skills to take care of a total-care patient -regardless of the fact that its dear old mom or dad, they will STILL get sores if they aren't kept clean, dry, and turned regularly (if they can't themselves) -and if they are demented, they will get into trouble (physically) if you turn your back on them.

I'm a little tired of the 'blame America' bit -human nature is to blame -the country has absolutely nothing to do with it.

I live in Florida -and it is very common to see a lot of the old folks who grew up in the northern reaches of the country, retire down here, get weak, and sick, and suddenly realize that there ISN'T any family around here to take care of them -their family isn't willing to pick up stakes and move down here, and THEY don't want to move back. Is that the fault of America? The kids? or was this a personal choice with consequences that they made when they decided to leave the rest of the family?

[herecomestrouble]

My Grandmother lived with my parents until my Father died and Grandmom could no longer stand by herself(she was 95 at the time)Mom needed knee replacement and couldn't lift and we all worked ft and couldn't be there to help her.So Grandmom goes into NH for rehab to get walking again,but when we talked about going home Grandmom says"do I have to?I like it here"She went to activities,sing alongs,coffee every morning with "the gang",she never wanted to do anything like this when she was at home.She is 97 now and very confused but still loves her"new house"It's not the fanciest place but she seems to be well cared for and happy.

[Gromit]

I know what you mean, herecomestrouble. Back when I was playing Paramedic for EMS in the county north of mine, the running joke was that (that) county was basically a waiting room for God. MOST of the population were retirees from up north, and it had more nursing homes per capita than any other county I knew of (grin). Many had grandiose sounding names. In fact, I put forth the theory that the "grander the name, the deeper the dive" -and this often rang true. Some of 'em looked really fancy on the outside, and even on the inside -but their patients got paltry care (when you end up picking them up so often, and with the signs of neglect -bed sores being the most obvious, and oftentimes well, there were signs). There was ONE place, that was actually county-run, it looked old and run-down, but it was ALWAYS clean, their patients were always well cared for, and it had a common name. It was a place that didn't look like much, but they really did an outstanding job.

Kind of proved my theory too (grin).

[papergirlRN]

Sometimes, realistically, you have no other choice. However, I will make frequent (daily) visits and try to come at different times of day. Sadly, it's the poor folks that just get dropped off at the front door that get the worst care. Visit often and voice your concerns. If you just dump them off, who's going to advocate for them?

[Simplepleasures]

I would try my hardest to avoid it.I have spoken to many nursing home reform groups all over the country and they are a great resource, a tough militant group of good folks. Also if you do need to put your loved one in a nursing home, belong to the family support/ advocate group and if your nursing home doesnt have one form one, although one of the nursing home advocates I spoke to, actually got sued by the nursing home and was barred from coming to visit, they did hash it out in court, but it cost that family alot of money and heartache. I would visit daily, know the phone numbers to the state oversight agency and the ombudsman.I would put pressure on the Administrator and the CEO of the facility, not the staff, they work so hard and are continually short staffed. This will not improve until we get a different administration in Washington, DC. The healthcare facilities owners lobby is still having undue influence on what gets done as far as nursing home reforms. I got this from nursing home reform advocates all over the counrty, all came to the same consensus. Sad isnt it?

[Dalzac, LPN, LVN, RN]

Depends I think, My granny was in a LTC and got excellent care but only because my Dad,Stepmother,me, my sisters, and granny's younger sisiter went to see her everyday. This LTC had a horrible reputation for neglect. But since the staff knew we came at all hours and so often they gave her very good care. My kids have said never would they put me in LTC. But sometimes you just have to. My advice would be to visit very often and never go at the same time.

[moonchild20002000]

I cared for my parents for the last 7 years they were alive. They never wanted to leave their home.Most of the time I was working full time,had 3 kids at home,trying to take care of them and the 2 houses.I don't feel like I did a good job anywhere during that time...I was so tired.There was a year I had to quit my job due to their health concerns. As it turns out they both died within a year of each other.My mom died in her bed as she wished. My dad had to go to the hospital,he was getting better but the night before he was to go home he died in his sleep.I miss them so much but I am happy I did not have to put them in LTC.Things were getting to the point of them needing to be in LTC before they died. Iwould have put them in and just tried to be the best advocate I could.

[Balder_LPN, LPN]

Balder- sure hope you are kidding. Might better leave everything to the kiddo that keeps you! Besides the Boy Scouts only help little old ladies to cross the street, not "cross-over".

no I was serious, not because i think BSA could help me at that point but as motivation for the kids NOT to do that. Thier mom worked in LTC for years as a CNA (now as a nurse) starting back in the 80's and things were certainly difffernt then. And when I wrote my first will (during desert storm) i did that to kind of make sure that never happened to me. I have more maturity now and after seeing first hand several places during clinicals I know there are good places out there. You could get worse care at home ( I HAVE SEEN THAT TOO)

[CaseManager1947]

As a Case Manager I assist not only with placement of clients but oversee hospitalized NH patients and coordinate returns to NH's. My mother had siginicant dementia, likely vascular type, and was not able to care for herself. I had 2 teenaged kids, worked full-time, single mom, no sibs. I had a 3 story condo (fx hip waiting to happen!). I was forced to get Guardianship and Conservatership, as she refused any placement. Yes, in the ideal world, we would all keep our folks at home. But for me there was no other soln. If I kept her at home, I'd still have been at square one, with nobody to watch this very confused and fall prone lady. Keys to success:

1.) Keep your medicare (DON'T under any circumstances go for the medicare replacements 2.) buy LTC insurance if you can afford it (know up front there is a deductible, usually 1-2 mos stay at a NH (Maybe they think you'll either die or get much better??) 3.) as with any major purchase or investment, do your homework... get online and find out who has the best surveys, ask to see their survey, they must show their results. 4.) Show up unannounced for a tour, that will get u a good feel for how things really are. 5.) if you do place your family member, be a visible force -visit often, attend team planning meetings, be involved . I didn't hate it that I had to put her there, but was glad that a facility was available to take good care of her. Just one nurse/daughter's perspective.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i know that this is an old thread, but it has some thoughtful responses on it.

i'm in the position now of "having to do something about" my parents from a distance of 1000 miles, and it's an uncomfortable position. already i can feel the "judgement" from my peers because i am indeed preparing to put my parents in some sort of assisted living or long term care facility -- i just don't know what my options are at this point. and hard as i try not to feel guilty for a choice that has been foisted upon me by my parents, some of the responses on this thread are indeed rather judgemental.

my mother has alzheimer's and cannot be left alone. she isn't safe around a stove, might get lost in the local grocery store and panics when my father isn't visible. my father has made the decision to care for her at home. that's been working ok for them for the past four years or so; but mom is getting worse and dad's physical health is deteriorating. furthermore, he's getting tired of looking after mom. he won't consider any options other than taking care of mom at home, but lately he's been forgetting doctor's appointments, neglecting to pay the bills, refilling prescriptions then losing the pills or neglecting to refill them at all and just not taking his pills or giving mom hers and this past week he hasn't been cooking. i called on christmas to wish them merry christmas, and dad hasn't cooked anything for three days (and meals on wheels won't come for two more). dad isn't hungry, but mother is. she's physically capable of putting a meal together but can't remember how and dad says (as he's ensconced in his comfortable recliner in the living room) that he doesn't feel well enough to sit in the kitchen and coach her as she prepares a can of soup for herself. mom says she'll figure something out, but she can't keep track of anything for more than a moment or two. it's breaking my heart, and i'm angry with my father.

i'll be flying back to the midwest to personally assess the situation and see what can be done, but i can't get there in time to feed my mother dinner. the nearest relatives just had a knee replacement and isn't mobile, and most of their friends and neighbors are already doing all they can. my folks have always said they aren't willing to leave the area they've lived in for nearly 80 years to move in with or closer to my sister (on the west coast) or me (on the other coast) and i have a family and responsibilities here as my sister has there. we cannot move back to care for my folks. my parents made some lifestyle choices in their youth that limit their financial resources now -- dad hasn't worked for anyone but himself since he was 30 and ran his business into the ground and retired by the time he was 50. even if i could afford to give them money or support them, we have my husband's daughter to support. it makes me angry to even contemplate delaying my retirement to bail my folks out financially when dad made the decision to stop working when he was younger than i am now. (and when i've been self-supporting since the day after i graduated from high school.)

yes, i'll put my family member in a ltc facility, and i'll do it just as soon as i can get them there. nor will i be a visible presence from 1000 miles away. i can call, and i'll visit as often as i can, but it won't be more than a few times a year. i'm angry about the whole situation and i'm feeling some guilt, too -- obviously. but sometimes there just aren't any other choices, and i'm grateful that there are ltc facilities that can look after my mother and ensure that she's clean, fed and has other elders to socialize with.

[sbyramRN]

They aren't stayning with me, so unless they have planned accordingly to have someone care for them in their home, then yes, they will go to LTC