Okay, so dont judge me on this...i just want some feedback. Back in october, a co-worker and I had a little bit of an "encounter" if you get my drift....ive worked there 1 year, hes worked there 25+ years, and apparently has a repuation of doing this with other nurses...

So long story short, word got around our floor what had happened, and he became furious...(thats an understatement...) So pretty much every day he goes into my directors office and tells her something i did wrong (which i didnt do) and she believes him! he is trying to get me fired.... its a daily occurance that i get pulled into her office and scolded for something i did ( really didnt do). he even went to the point to call a HIPPA compliance hotline on me and report me for talking about a patient in the lobby (which yet again i didnt do) and I ended up getting a FINAL WRITTEN WARNING for this. every day i am walking on eggshells at work and i cant get away from him. we both work same weekends, steady nights. I tried to transfer to another floor and i couldnt because of my final written warning. what do you guys think i should do about this? this is absolute harassment...and no dont tell me "you shouldnt sleep with a coworker because i already figured this one out..." & yes we do have a union but i dont know if i should get them involved... HELP!


562 Posts

Specializes in Psych, LTC/SNF, Rehab, Corrections.

The Director's on his side (is he banging her, too?), you and him are the subject of snickering gossip and this guy's calling "1-800 numbers' on you? I'd just leave while I was still able to pull a good reference. It's not worth a fight.

The closest I came to dating a coworker was dating the Paramedic who did transport at a facility. I was never "feet to Jesus" with that man but for those who have? There's a right and wrong way to go about things. My tips:

1. Sex him at YOUR house. Your professional rep matters. Don't allow tacky behavior to sully your good name.

2. No googly-eyes and kissy-faces in the workplace. That's tacky and, trust me, men are as bad as women when it comes to that.

3. Don't let your guard down even at dept function outside of work.

4. If anyone questions you about anything: Deny him like Peter denied the Messiah.

Them: "So, what's going on with you and ---?"

You: "Me and who?! Lies and fallacies! I've never met the man!" Deny.

5. Make sure whoever you're interested in is a 'clean', quiet man who doesn't share his business with everyone.

The guy that you had relations with is not. In fact, he is what's known in some circles as 'Community Penis'. If anything, I'm surprised that you could be employed at a place for a full year and not know the department h**. Yes, yes, I know. Everyone's clutching pearls at such a thought because that would entail gossip and no one on AllNurses has ever gossiped a day in their life, ever. LOL

You didn't hear anything, though? Nothing at all in passing about the freaky dude on 3-11 who humps all the new hires?

No one noticed that you were cute, he was giving you attention and pulled you to the side? No one said a word to you?

That's interesting.

Female nurses generally will say something to the new girls on the block. When I started county corrections, I was warned (within two weeks) by 3 nurses (my first day of orientation in the infirmary with one nurse.) that the deputies basically took bets on the nurses that they could get and to be careful about these nurse/CO gatherings.

Some staff members listen and others don't. A girl came on months after me who was more the latter. She didn't get that she was at work. Anyway, some "stuff" happened and word got around. Her fault, honestly.

She was in the vestibule practically soliciting. The CO called to the clinic just as I was arriving from medpass, "Don't put that weird nurse down here again." HA! Ive seen her be inappropriately flirty but never this "50 Shades" weirdness that he was talking about.

She was into that sort of thing. She told me and, I swear, I never asked.

Who knew that she'd be comfortable enough to expose her that side to people she hadn't known a full two months?


40 Posts

I would absolutely go to HR myself, or the union rep (I don't have a union so I'm not sure how it works) to preemptively explain my side of situation. Consult a lawyer if you need to. Try again to switch schedules or units, going as high up the chain of command that you can to get approval for this. Be realistic and prepared for the consequences. Brush up your resume and start looking for other jobs. If push comes to shove give your two weeks notice and leave while you can still remain eligible for rehire.

Specializes in ICU. Has 13 years experience.

Put in your notice and leave before you get fired over something you didn't do. It sounds like if you got a final warning it's only a matter of time before you're fired.

Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma. Has 18 years experience.

Get the union involved and resolve this...

Also, if you have proof of this individual harassing you, seek to press charges.

allnurses Guide

llg, PhD, RN

13,469 Posts

Specializes in Nursing Professional Development. Has 46 years experience.

Why do they keep believing him? Do you not present any evidence in support of yourself? Is he able to supply evidence/witnesses? Are other people agreeing with what he is saying? Assuming that you are totally innocent, and he is the only one who is "out to get you," his word alone (without any evidence or corroboration) shouldn't be that powerful. You should be able to defend yourself.

Go to HR and file a claim. Be prepared to tell the truth -- that you have slept with him. Then show the evidence that he is the only one making all these charges against you. That pattern alone should be sufficient to get HR's attention that he is a problem and that he is not a credible witness against you.

I would also talk to a lawyer before making any charges or filing any claim.

It will be messy and painful to pursue this with your current employer. Only you can decide whether or not it is worth it to you. If it is not worth it to you, then admit to yourself that you made a mistake by sleeping with him ... learn from it ... and move on by getting a new job ASAP, before you get fired.

Has 33 years experience.

Nothing to lose by getting the union involved.

What documentation has been given to the compliance line and the director? He said: she said is NOT enough to develop into a final warning.

The HIPAA compliance hotline will answer for you AND a couple of your friends.

Specializes in ICU. Has 20 years experience.

This is a very bad situation. Get out before you are terminated.

Ruby Vee, BSN

67 Articles; 14,022 Posts

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching. Has 40 years experience.

By all means, get the union involved. That's one of the things they're there for.


3 Articles; 2,107 Posts

I don't know.. Sounds like an episode of a TV show.

If you are reporting him for harassment, they will do an investigation and see it's just his word. Unless, of course, there is evidence to support him.

If you believe your manager is biased, ask for an HR rep to be with you when you are called into the office.

Otherwise, your reputation with this company is ruined and you'll just have to get another job.


3 Articles; 2,107 Posts

Sorry, I meant Union Rep.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B

51 Articles; 4,800 Posts

Get your union involved. Call your . Usually, part of the union contract involves the right for a person to have a union rep present when getting disciplined. If they denied you that right, it could be grievable. AND it could wipe your final warning off the record for you to be able to transfer.

However, you may want to just get out of the place all together. Start fresh. But CYA first and have union present, etc. as you do NOT want your career in the pooper because of some sex gone bad.

The other stuff--he's married, you're married, either one of you has a s.o. people are gossiping.....has nothing to do with your work. But his dangerous behavior does regardless of the reason. And I agree with the pp--he is more than likely banging the boss, therefore her judgment is clouded, as hearsay without proof does not a written warning make.

Not to give legal advice per AN TOS, however, you could go the restraining order route. As it sounds to me like you are afraid of him (and who wouldn't be). And should you leave the facility, I would think seriously on that, as if he can't get to you at work, you don't want him to attempt other stuff at home.

Union (who has attorneys) your own attorney, and your malpractice insurance. You need to tell your whole story to someone who can assist you in keeping your license and livelihood.

Sorry this happened to you.