no win situation

caliotter3 · Jun 19, 2011

Have you ever heard the saying about one day at a time? Do not do anything until you have seen your doctor for a thorough checkup. You might be able to handle things better if you get your physical health in order. Are you practicing good health habits? Instead of quitting the job to relieve your distress, focus on doing positive things toward your health on a daily basis. Give this a try for a certain period of time, one to three months, before you throw in the towel. You do not want to ruin things for yourself, if this is something that can be fixed or alleviated to the point you can learn to work with it. Good luck.

Davey Do · Jun 19, 2011

Question is ...how do I explain this to my new employer that I want to quit after only 3 weeks when they have invested time and energy and giving me this opportunity to work for them???? I know I will burn my bridges and seem like a mental case ( hmm maybe not far from the thruth) but I know I wont be able to function in this position now or months ahead.
Sorry for the vent.

No apology necessary. Hey- I mean, after all, it is We who decide to read your post or not. And it is We who decide to comment.

Caliotta gave some great advice. However, it's probably not the Short Term Fix you're looking for. In fact, it sounds as though you've already made up your mind to deep six this position. To adequately deal with a situation such as yours requires a commitment to self-examination and some unpleasant hard work. That is the only road to a Higher Conscious that I'm aware of.

But, for the time being, I wouldn't worry too much about not accepting this position before a three month probationary period is up. I was orienting in Surgery at one particular Hospital when I decided that I didn't like them and I could tell that they didn't like me. I had a backup position on the line, so I merely informed my Preceptor, "This isn't working out." No hard feelings. We were glad to get rid of each other.

The best to you, ulmaulma.

Dave

Lucky724 · Jun 19, 2011

You mention anxiety multiple times through out your post...sounds anxiety is the biggest issue for you which feeds your lack of self esteem. Have you considered seeing someone for the anxiety issues? Regardless of what you decide with the job, it sounds like the anxiety is going to continue to be an issue and would need to be addressed at some point. Medication and/or therapy might benefit you - at least short term. As far as the job...if I were you and my anxiety was that high that I was already calling out - I'd do myself and the employer a favor and leave. Open the position for someone else and give yourself a chance to move onto something more suitable for you. If the bridge burns, its burns..it's not like you would go back there or need to place this job on your resume anyway. Good luck and feel better soon

TheMiss · Jun 19, 2011

I agree with both posts above.

If you do not want to burn any bridges you may just quote "personal reasons", thank your employer for the opportunity and investment in you and apologize for the situation. But do not give your real reasons. Thats unnecessary during probation and can only harm you later.

You should definitely see your MP regarding the anxiety though!

GHGoonette, BSN, RN · Jun 19, 2011

I think before you go ahead and quit, get yourself assessed by a psychologist to try to find out if the job is at the root of your feelings of low self-esteem and anxiety, or if there's something else you are barely aware of, but which is niggling at you. Feelings of inadequacy due to being "out of the loop" as far as bedside nursing is concerned, are easily addressed by refresher courses and shadowing one of the more experienced nurses.

Running from one place to the next will never cure anxiety and stress, rather it will cause you to get into the habit of fleeing the moment those feelings start to bite. Much better to tackle it now, before you find yourself in a vicious circle. If you feel you're not up to giving your new employer your best at present, speak to the NSM and see if she can arrange someone to mentor you until you've found your feet. Sorry, I'm not going to advise you to run away, or that it will be "all right" for you to resign. The employer will certainly weather it, but you may not.

Whispera, MSN, RN · Jun 19, 2011

It's pretty typical to feel at least kind of incompetent when a person switches jobs. Sometimes one will feel more incompetent than other times. It's normal. It doesn't matter if both jobs are as a nurse. Even changing locality can throw a person's belief in skills back to square one. It's said it takes about a year to feel competent in a new job, most days. Can you be kind to yourself and wait it out as you work toward feeling better?

Since it looks like you'd be unemployed if you quit the new job, is this a consequence you can afford, either financially or emotionally? If not, do your best to hang in there and deal with what's going on inside you. It probably wouldn't be better in any other nursing job, and then where would you be?

Are you still in orientation? If so, that's the time to work through the scarey feelings, not to say that some days or parts of days won't still be scarey along the way, forever after.

Can you cut back on how many days you work so you can recuperate and breathe between workdays? Do you do things for fun when you're off work?

I think some deep soul-searching is called for, in you, along with talking to someone in-person, who might be able to help you deal with your anxiety. That's what they're there for.

Tell you a secret...most days I go to work, I feel some anxiety, wondering what the day will throw at me. Somedays I feel extreme anxiety if I know a specific situation will be there when I arrive. I push through and go to work anyway, do the absolute best I can and accept that I'm human and emotions are human. Sometimes I still feel anxious at the end of the shift. I win more than I lose though. Usually I can see something that went right--sometimes lots of things go right!

Deep breathe (are you familar with LaMaze breathing? it helps!), feel the emotions and push through them. Eat healthily. Be sure to take your breaks and meal time at work, if at all possible. Enjoy nature and loved ones. Exercise. Talk it out. Listen to music. Take a bubble bath. Soak your feet. Get enough sleep. Read a book. Watch a happy movie or a scarey one to distract you from your real life anxiety.

Don't give up on yourself if being a nurse is what you deep-down want. If you truly feel this particular job is not for you, but maybe something else IS for you, start looking for it. Don't quit one job until you have another unless you can afford it. If the anxiety is so intolerable you can't push through it, that's a huge sign you need to see someone about it.

Take care of you. My heart goes out to you.

cancanRN · Jun 19, 2011

It happens and you know what sometimes a nurse does not find their "niche" for many years after doing many things. As far as being burned out thay happens to us all I don't care what anyone says. But don't stay in a job you hate it will just flow into your personal life and it is not worth that

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Jun 19, 2011

It's pretty typical to feel at least kind of incompetent when a person switches jobs. Sometimes one will feel more incompetent than other times. It's normal. It doesn't matter if both jobs are as a nurse. Even changing locality can throw a person's belief in skills back to square one. It's said it takes about a year to feel competent in a new job, most days. Can you be kind to yourself and wait it out as you work toward feeling better?
Since it looks like you'd be unemployed if you quit the new job, is this a consequence you can afford, either financially or emotionally? If not, do your best to hang in there and deal with what's going on inside you. It probably wouldn't be better in any other nursing job, and then where would you be?
Are you still in orientation? If so, that's the time to work through the scarey feelings, not to say that some days or parts of days won't still be scarey along the way, forever after.
Can you cut back on how many days you work so you can recuperate and breathe between workdays? Do you do things for fun when you're off work?
I think some deep soul-searching is called for, in you, along with talking to someone in-person, who might be able to help you deal with your anxiety. That's what they're there for.
Tell you a secret...most days I go to work, I feel some anxiety, wondering what the day will throw at me. Somedays I feel extreme anxiety if I know a specific situation will be there when I arrive. I push through and go to work anyway, do the absolute best I can and accept that I'm human and emotions are human. Sometimes I still feel anxious at the end of the shift. I win more than I lose though. Usually I can see something that went right--sometimes lots of things go right!
Deep breathe (are you familar with LaMaze breathing? it helps!), feel the emotions and push through them. Eat healthily. Be sure to take your breaks and meal time at work, if at all possible. Enjoy nature and loved ones. Exercise. Talk it out. Listen to music. Take a bubble bath. Soak your feet. Get enough sleep. Read a book. Watch a happy movie or a scarey one to distract you from your real life anxiety.
Don't give up on yourself if being a nurse is what you deep-down want. If you truly feel this particular job is not for you, but maybe something else IS for you, start looking for it. Don't quit one job until you have another unless you can afford it. If the anxiety is so intolerable you can't push through it, that's a huge sign you need to see someone about it.
Take care of you. My heart goes out to you.

Whispera, you are SO ON TARGET, my friend!

OP, I agree with Whispera 110%. Switching jobs is very stressful, no matter the field. If you suffer from anxiety in the first place, you will feel it moreso now than usual. I used to suffer from anxiety, and it took me a long time to feel comfortable when I made changes in my life. When you are the new kid on the block, you feel like a magnifying glass is over your head and that everyone is watching your every move to see if you "fit in". It is terribly stressful. You will get through this. It may not seem like it now, but once you get into the flow of things, you will start feeling better about yourself, your work and your co-workers. You haven't been there long enough to feel comfortable with the flow of work. You are short changing yourself, honey!

Couple of questions for you:

Are you married or in a strong relationship? If you can lean on your partner and explain to them that you need extra things from them right now like pep talks, extra time relaxing (meaning 'honey, can you make dinner/do the dishes/clean up, etc.) and generalized TLC, it makes an enormous difference. I knew myself well enough to ask my husband to 'mentally carry' me through the first couple of months of my new job. He was a godsend to me, and I thank my lucky stars daily that I have this incredible man in my life.

How have you dealt with your anxiety in the past? Have you noticed that it has gotten worse or better as you get older?

What are you doing for fun? What do you LOVE?

Please know that low self esteem is one of the worst types of 'soul death'. You must dissect the layers of your doubt and low self worth in order to cut the cancer out. Go back through your life and try to remember what event/events first prompted this feeling of low self esteem. Write down in a journal what happened and how it made you feel. Get out the anger, the hurt, the toxicity that has been poisoning your happiness. You deserve better. Use that anger to catapult yourself out of the mindset that you aren't worth it-because you are.

You are obviously a competent nurse, or you would never have survived school and the NCLEX. Now go back and remember all of your accomplishments in life. Try to remember the kind things that people have said about you. I bet you will find that people think highly of you. It may even surprise you.

I feel strongly that you should wait it out in your new job. Call one of the friends that told you that this was a golden opportunity and get some feedback from them. I suspect that you are RIGHT at the threshold of "getting it", but you are too focused on your own faults to see your progress. This is NOT a no-win situation. You are unknowingly letting your anxiety defeat you and rob you of this opportunity. I beg you to break the chain and LIVE again.

All my best to you. Have faith in yourself, because everyone else seems to. :redbeathe

ICUnurse1985 · Jun 19, 2011

"Problem is I almost hate every aspect nursing this point." Posted by ulmaulma previously. It is difficult to give you any help since I don"t know you. Previous posts had some helpful information. I don"t know if quitting is such a great idea. Running from anxiety will just make you more anxious unless you figure out what is making you so anxious. Stress and anxiety is our response due to our perception of certain conditions, not the condition itself. In this economy, jobs are hard to come by. I would not quit yet. Especially, if you have financial obligations which must be met as most of us do. Getting into financial difficultys will only add to your stress. Is is nursing just making you stressed or is it a much bigger problem? If it is only nursing, and just that, I would consider looking for another job. Don"t quit until you find one. I believe you are going to need some counseling to figure out what is going on. I feel stress everyday too. Sometimes I borrow trouble and worry about not accomplishing all of my responsibilities in a timely manner, sometimes I worry about the quality of my pt. care, or the relationships I have with coworkers/physicians/family members/patients. There are always bumps in the road, days we regret or want to forget. The bad shifts make you appreciate the good ones even more. Life is too short to be so miserable. What are the positives about your situation? Look for those everyday. THINK GRATITUDE! My gut tells me this is not just about nursing and looking for another job will not change anything. It usually is not that easy. I wish you well in your journey. Get some help please and try to make the most of what you have, lots of people would love to have your job or any job.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Jun 19, 2011

You have had anxiety in the past......don't give up. You have gotten a lot of great advice right here and I can add nothing.

See your MD and get this under control.....((HUGS))

leslie :-D · Jun 19, 2011

i agree with everyone that suggests you getting help for yourself.

i do suspect you will not be able to stay at this job...

your anxiety at this time, is absolutely paralyzing you, deeming you near non-functional.

if this isn't a crisis, it will be if you don't get some serious help.

fwiw, it can be a winning situation if you own it and try to turn it around.

i do understand how crippling negative energy can be on one's soul.

come here anytime, to get the support you need...

not the same as professional help, but support.

best of everything.:hug:

leslie