I had a whole different post in mind today, but then realized it needs to wait until next week. Oops!
So what does that leave me today? Very little!
What nursing related thing have I learned? I learn nothing when I'm not nursing. Well, this week, anyway. I have had some evolution as a person, and a patient. But nursing? Nada.
As a patient approaching 6 weeks post op from spinal fusion, I have learned...
...that the torso I see from the side in the mirror doesn't look like mine. My lordosis is gone.
...I am thankful to have cut my med list down so much.
...being really skinny means my hardware presses against my skin and incision site when I bend. I really hoped this would stop by now.
...I never knew how much I relied on pain to be the friend who cautioned me to hold back. I've felt anxiety over losing the pain.
...^^^^ that??? It's crazy.
...I CAN SLEEP ON MY BELLY!!!!!!!!
...I'm EXTREMELY bad at unknown. My post op appt this week will show whether I am fusing at all yet. I just want to know.
...the hardest lesson is this mountain of defeat I'm feeling after such a big few months. I'm seeing pics of graduation, celebrations of employment, and worthy bragging moments on my facebook historical posts. I felt like life was hard then, I celebrated something hopefully becoming easier. It didn't though.
I've lost my muchness, guys. Lots of it.
Bonus:
...it comforts me to know my LEO hubs and his coworkers have devised an apocalypse plan. I also just realized being nurses makes us all valuable (like, save the nurse, kill that guy instead, valuable).
So what have you learned? (And please, if you can, bring it back to nursey since I couldn't! (Sorry, mods!) We need to stay yellow.)
Maybe I'm just weird, but I still feel enormous satisfaction in those situations. I love taking care of the super sick patients regardless of the outcomes. Those are the days I know I worked hard, I was a real advocate that day, I was absolutely on top of my game, and I did everything I could. That's enough for me to have a good day and go home satisfied with myself - especially if the family doesn't come up to see the body until after shift change. That part always makes it a little less satisfying.
It's hard to describe that feeling that I get. It's not strictly negative nor is it strictly positive. Yes, you know you did a lot, and did everything you could right. Though sometimes this is a gray area too. I love the adrenaline of emergencies or traumas, but knowing it won't end well can be a downer. I'm a bit jaded, and struggled with the outcomes of several situations I've been in (had I ended up in counseling I may well have been diagnosed with PTSD).
My every day is caring for super sick patients. It's part of a team approach but rarely are my patients not super sick. There are definitely MORE sick patients than others, but nearly none are otherwise healthy (occassionally a trauma patient is otherwise healthy but that was before being in an MVC, breaking their back/spinal cord injury, broken ribs, possible head injury, probably several extremity injuries, liver lac, etc).
I feel much better when I do participate in emergency cases or critical cases where I see that the patient makes it to PACU or ICU. Even if we were coding and aborted to go to ICU. This gives them a chance their family will be with them. I have been in several situations where we don't even know who patients are (officially) when time of death is called. There is no family to see the deceased, and we pack them up for the morgue. Knowing that in all likelihood they will be transferred from the morgue to the medical examiners' office before positive identification? Driving home with the realization that any of the people in cars around you might be related to the patient you cared for and sent to the morgue - and still not know it? Knowing that families could be making dinner plans, unaware that a family member was in a severe car crash, transported to the hospital and died in the OR? Knowing that we have people flown in to our facility and their family is hours away - we're doing our best to keep them alive until family arrives? Knowing that someone you know nothing about, who might not have wanted what was done to them, died, in a pretty barbaric way with strangers surrounding them? On the flip side, they died with people busting their tails to keep them alive.
I guess my best way of describing it is that it's a double edged sword. Some of the things we can try are so cool, but some things are downright depressing.
I learned that scapegoating definitely happens and it's rough! Someone was nasty to our fellow, who was nasty to me, and then I was harsh with someone else who didn't do anything wrong. I felt so bad but thankfully she graciously accepted my apology.
I learned that it really sucks to send a kid home with crappy parents that CPS cleared multiple times for lack of evidence.
I learned that is awesome when your documentation of inappropriate parental behavior can help get a kid sent to a good foster care home rather than a very unsafe environment! I feel so relieved, especially after the situation right above.
I learned that some nurses are scary to work with in an ICU. When your patient's BPs are in the toilet, they keep desatting into the 40s, and are going apneic frequently, you may want to give the antibiotics and blood that's ordered rather than texting your husband...
I learned that that nothing feels better than finally getting an IV after missing on the previous 7 tries (multiple patients, not 7 tries on the same baby).
I think that our one attending may actually be Satan himself.
I learned that I need vacation. I am fried! í ¼í½³
I learned that scapegoating definitely happens and it's rough! Someone was nasty to our fellow, who was nasty to me, and then I was harsh with someone else who didn't do anything wrong. I felt so bad but thankfully she graciously accepted my apology.
I learned that it really sucks to send a kid home with crappy parents that CPS cleared multiple times for lack of evidence.
I learned that is awesome when your documentation of inappropriate parental behavior can help get a kid sent to a good foster care home rather than a very unsafe environment! I feel so relieved, especially after the situation right above.
I learned that some nurses are scary to work with in an ICU. When your patient's BPs are in the toilet, they keep desatting into the 40s, and are going apneic frequently, you may want to give the antibiotics and blood that's ordered rather than texting your husband...
I learned that that nothing feels better than finally getting an IV after missing on the previous 7 tries (multiple patients, not 7 tries on the same baby).
I think that our one attending may actually be Satan himself.
I learned that I need vacation. I am fried! ��
Glad you recognized and stopped the scapegoating cycle!
That it no longer bothers me one bit when a patient refuses to see me and wants the MD instead. I usually end up being thankful I didn't have to deal with said patient.
That there are many patients who won't even consider smoking cessation even if their O2 sats are in the 80s and they're on O2 24/7 and are recovering from their 3rd COPD exacerbation this year. It's even better when they won't take their controller inhalers cause they "don't want to get hooked" on them. Ay caramba!
That olopatadine eye drops are magic for itchy eyes.
I learned that I am really enjoying this per diem I am doing through a staffing agency.
I also learned that I don't like ERs that shut out family members when their loved one first arrives. They want to get them checked over first. This is the first time this has ever happened to me.
Still waiting on my husband to get into training for his job. I don't know why on earth it's taking so damn long! They said there are a lot of people ahead of him so he just has to wait for an email. Ugh. He's gonna apply for any kind of job he can get until he gets into training.
On another also depressing note, I found out a friend has cancer & has been in the hospital for 3 weeks. [emoji17] That's all the information I have. I don't know why she's been in the hospital for so long or what type of cancer she has. Hopefully I will get to visit her soon.
OC, I am sorry to hear about your friend. I hope that it was caught early and that things will go well for her (((hugs)))
I am so much more tolerant of other older folks starting down the road of dementia than I am of my mother. She has always been rather narcissistic and it is getting worse with age and the beginnings of the trip down an ugly road. It makes me sad that I cannot separate 55 years of her giving with the right hand and then pulling back with the left. I see friends who, a year after their mom's death, are still grieving deeply. I don't see me in the same spot a year later. That makes me sad.
I am so much more tolerant of other older folks starting down the road of dementia than I am of my mother. She has always been rather narcissistic and it is getting worse with age and the beginnings of the trip down an ugly road. It makes me sad that I cannot separate 55 years of her giving with the right hand and then pulling back with the left. I see friends who, a year after their mom's death, are still grieving deeply. I don't see me in the same spot a year later. That makes me sad.
Cystic Fibrosis sucks.
Don't be sad, Nutmegge. You can't measure your grief by comparing it with another's.
Family dynamics can really screw with people's emotions. I've learned over the years that everyone does it differently. And if your reactions aren't the same ones I think I would have, it's because I haven't had the life experiences within your family group that you have.
Maybe it's the Hospice atmosphere that helps me with this. We have a team meeting every 2 weeks and when family tensions have been identified, it really helps to know that while grandma is a sweet white haired demented LOL now, in her younger days she didn't worry overmuch about what she said, how she said it, or how much it hurt. Explains why no one visits or when they do, there's not a lot of interaction.
FurBabyMom, MSN, RN
1 Article; 814 Posts
It's hard to describe that feeling that I get. It's not strictly negative nor is it strictly positive. Yes, you know you did a lot, and did everything you could right. Though sometimes this is a gray area too. I love the adrenaline of emergencies or traumas, but knowing it won't end well can be a downer. I'm a bit jaded, and struggled with the outcomes of several situations I've been in (had I ended up in counseling I may well have been diagnosed with PTSD).
My every day is caring for super sick patients. It's part of a team approach but rarely are my patients not super sick. There are definitely MORE sick patients than others, but nearly none are otherwise healthy (occassionally a trauma patient is otherwise healthy but that was before being in an MVC, breaking their back/spinal cord injury, broken ribs, possible head injury, probably several extremity injuries, liver lac, etc).
I feel much better when I do participate in emergency cases or critical cases where I see that the patient makes it to PACU or ICU. Even if we were coding and aborted to go to ICU. This gives them a chance their family will be with them. I have been in several situations where we don't even know who patients are (officially) when time of death is called. There is no family to see the deceased, and we pack them up for the morgue. Knowing that in all likelihood they will be transferred from the morgue to the medical examiners' office before positive identification? Driving home with the realization that any of the people in cars around you might be related to the patient you cared for and sent to the morgue - and still not know it? Knowing that families could be making dinner plans, unaware that a family member was in a severe car crash, transported to the hospital and died in the OR? Knowing that we have people flown in to our facility and their family is hours away - we're doing our best to keep them alive until family arrives? Knowing that someone you know nothing about, who might not have wanted what was done to them, died, in a pretty barbaric way with strangers surrounding them? On the flip side, they died with people busting their tails to keep them alive.
I guess my best way of describing it is that it's a double edged sword. Some of the things we can try are so cool, but some things are downright depressing.